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When time slows almost to a stop, the world was still in Merlin's hands.
The Lake was alive and sparkling, a film thinner than the membranes of a butterfly, stretched fluid yet taut between the mortal world and Avalon. It sang to Merlin, the voices drawing his very blood towards them and his wings glow, it tugs on his heartstrings like Arthur's smile sometimes does and calls to him like a mother calling to her child, a father's loving embrace:
Emrys…home, home, home, home, come closer child, come home…
Of course, he did not know it was Avalon then. Only knew that it looked bright and in comparison, the earth around him is a dull place where lives come and go as if they were nothing. He didn't belong here. He needed to go into the lake, into the lake, home home home home
Then Aulfric raised his staff, voice breaking through the spell and Merlin almost stumbles before tearing his eyes away.
*
「The land of eternal youth. Mortals are only supposed to glimpse it the moment before death.」
Gaius was studying him over the width of the table, and it was a scientific curiosity that was burning in the physician's eyes. Merlin wondered briefly whether that statement meant he was not immortal or was really, really close to death. He couldn't decide which he'd prefer.
「Well, I've seen it and I'm still here.」
「Extraordinary! What did it look like?」 pressed Gaius and Merlin lost his patience.
「Who cares? Does it matter? They're going to sacrifice Arthur!」
*
Merlin had never been the one to throw his heart out least it be trampled. Yes, he more often than not wore it on his sleeve, obvious in his smiles and sorrows and fancies; but he was always careful, allowing himself a taste but never anything more. He had loved Will at a distance, too scared to ruin the friendship between them, until he had had to leave for Camelot. The only person he loved without reserve and fear was his Mother…and perhaps he would love his father too, if he ever found him.
But Arthur was different. Merlin thought, in his quiet and private moments, that he might be destined to love Arthur forever; loyalty and adoration burning fierce in his heart until the day he died. He didn't know when things had shifted, but there he was, walking down a road that was barely wide enough for his feet to stand on. Because loving Arthur the Prat was loving Arthur the Prince and Arthur the Prince had to marry one day (even if he entertained Merlin's affections, which was about as likely as Will learning table manners. To say, not at all) and Merlin knew that Camelot was first and foremost…
But it didn't stop him. It couldn't stop him, and his wings grew and grew and grew.
「Get out,」 said Arthur. Merlin hovered by the bed, watching the prince pack.
「I thought the King was a bit harsh,」 he said.
「I don't need sympathy, Merlin, especially not from you.」
「But I did think he had a point,」 said Merlin.
Arthur turned to him then, face thunderous.
「I ordered you to get out. Now leave me!」
「Arthur, I know you think you know what you're doing and I know you think you're in love with Sophia, but-「
「Who are you to tell me what I'm thinking?」
「I'm your friend,」 said Merlin quietly.
「No, Merlin,」 snapped Arthur, 「You're my servant. Now get out.」
Merlin flinched, but plowed on bravely. 「You're enchanted – she's put a spell on you, you have to believe me, I followed them to the lake and I heard everything if you-」
「Don't listen to him, Arthur. Let's go. Let's leave tonight,」 Sophia's voice suddenly from behind him. Merlin didn't give up.
「She's going to kill you; she plans to sacrifice your life to-」
Aulfric never let him finish his sentence. There was a flash of light, the sensation of flying through the air before Merlin's head connected with the opposite wall and the world vanished from his eyes.
*
Merlin quickly learnt that fearing for Arthur's life was infinitely more terrifying than fearing his own. It blanked out his mind with white panic when he woke and found himself alone in Arthur's chambers, night quickly dawning by the looks of the rapidly darkening sky outside.
Standing up, he swayed alarmingly before steadying himself, his head pounding with both the sound of his heart and probably concussion. The back of his head felt like there was an axe embedded in it, but his wings had saved his back from the worst of the bruising. When he could determine where the door was, Merlin took a few stumbling steps into the corridor and began to run.
He is quickly out of the castle grounds and tearing through the forest. Branches scratched at his arms and his face, and more than once he trips on a protruding tree root, falling heavily on his hands and knees. They were cut and bloody by the time the trees thinned and he could make out the blue of the lake water and the silhouettes of Aulfric. He stopped, panting harshly. Sophia was in the water, golden cloak fanning out behind her.
There was no sign of Arthur anywhere.
There was a litany of no, no, no, no, no going through Merlin's head and on instinct he reached for the staff, lying abandoned on the ground, but Aulfric turns, sees him and gives a shout of anger-
There was no time, and with hand still outstretched, Merlin feels his magic and something else well up like a unstoppable tide, saw the man's eyes widen at the sight of his wings before he was blasted apart into a million fragments of magic and soul. There was a shriek from the river, as Sophia screamed 「Father!」 before Merlin turned to her and she too, disintegrated. Then, like water being sucked back into a bottle, his magic slammed back down his throat, driving Merlin to his knees. Staggering, he pushed himself back off the earth and ran towards the lake, splashing right into the water.
「Arthur!?」 he shouted, wading further and further out until his feet left the river bottom, 「Arthur!」
Taking a deep breath, he dived under the surface.
The water of the lake was dark and murky with mud, tinged sickly green and Merlin couldn't see Arthur anywhere. Desperately, he rose to the surface and gulped another breath of air before diving back down again, hands outstretched, frantic. How long had Arthur been in the water? Then, after another frantic gulp of air, Merlin saw a glint of gold to his right and kicked his feet, propelling himself forwards. It was the light reflecting off Arthur's hair, and Merlin looped one arm around Arthur's chest and started swimming for the surface.
Arthur was wearing armour and mail. He kept slipping through Merlin's fingers, so heavy that he was dragging them back down towards the bottom of the lake every time Merlin kicked his feet. His own wings were making it hard to swim upwards, feathers clogged with water, and Merlin's lungs burned, his vision growing dark around the edges as the light from the surface narrowed down to a small pinpoint of light. Bubbles streamed from his mouth as he screamed out a spell, water rushing down his throat as the magic propelled them up towards the surface and out, sweet fresh air like a blow to Merlin's lungs. He coughed, clutching Arthur tightly to his chest, the prince's bedraggled head lolling back onto Merlin's shoulder. Merlin kicked, his leg muscles screaming in protest, and he staggered onto the river bank at long last, his wings almost too heavy to lift, weighted down with water.
Arthur lay still and pale on the sand.
He wasn't breathing.
Still gasping from dragging Arthur out of the lake, Merlin crouched over his chest, trying to remember what Gaius had taught him. It seemed a lifetime ago, separated by an immeasurable amount of distance between Arthur telling him to muck out the stables and this moment where he was about to die.
Tilting Arthur's head back, Merlin took a breath and put his lips to Arthurs, hands thumping Arthur's chest and he took another breath, another breath, breathing for his prince. Just before Merlin almost passed out from lack of oxygen, Arthur choked – then jackknifed into a sitting position, throwing Merlin off balance as he coughed and retched onto the sand. Merlin's hands were framing Arthur's face, his hair, his chest, and his mouth was blabbering, 「Oh god, you're alive, you're alive, thank god, you're alive, Arthur, Arthur, Arthur-」 while he shivered and his wings trailed to either side of them. Arthur's ring was cold against his chest, pressing a perfect circle into his shirt which was soaked and clinging to him like a second skin.
「I thought you had drowned,」 confessed Merlin in a shaky voice. Arthur looked barely conscious, staring up into Merlin's face, pupils uneven. His lips and skin were tinged blue with cold and he coughed again.
「Merlin?」
And without thinking, Merlin closed the final inch between them and kissed him.
Around them, the autumn trees burst into summer bloom.
-
I know we can't be together,
But I just like to dream.
…It's so strange, the way our paths have crossed;
How we were brought together. It's written in the stars, it seems.
And I'm flying so high off the ground, when you're around
I'm flying so high off the ground.
- Flying High by Jem
-
*
The end of the 46th year of King Uther's rule marks the beginning of a time of peace between Camelot and her neighbours. The eastern border, which has been the subject of political skirmishes for the last decade, has been secured by a successful alliance with the Kingdom of Odin, and the Kingdome of Mercia, which in light of recent events, was most remarkable.
– Extract from the Annals of Camelot, G. O. Monmouth.
*
Will always said Merlin was a trusting sort of person. And he was. Merlin liked to trust people- he wanted to trust them.
He didn't trust Mordred. And perhaps that was because the Druid boy had spoken inside Merlin's head and that sort of invasion just did not inspire trust, even from the most naïve fools (e.g. Merlin,) but even as he helps the boy run across a guard-strewn courtyard, he doesn't trust him. He doesn't trust him when he helps Morgana hide the boy away behind curtained satin, and he doesn't trust him even as he persuades Arthur to help them escape. Because there is still a part of him that can't let himself stand still and watch a boy die.
「How does he know who I am? I've never even met any druids!」
The great dragon tilts its head at him.
「There is much written about you that you have yet to read. You should not protect this boy.」
「Why? He has magic. He's just like me.」
「You and the boy are as different as day and night,」 said the dragon, 「If the boy lives; you cannot fulfill your destiny.」
「What's he got to do with my destiny? You said its my destiny to protect Arthur!」
「Then you have the answer you seek.」
*
He contemplates just letting the boy die. He lies in his bed and tries to drown out his voice in his head shouting, 「EMRYS, EMRYS, EMRYS」 and in the end he goes, because he promised Arthur he would.
Autumn was a beautiful season, but for Merlin, he waited for winter. When he was older, winter was scarce food and worry. But in his earlier childhood, winter was snow and Will and warm broth. Merlin would wait eagerly for the snow to fall. And every first fall, Will would manage to ambush him, and stuff a freezing ball of snow down his shirt and they would stay outside until all the fresh snow in their sight had been turned into a war ground. The first winter Merlin had been allowed outside by himself was just shortly after his sixth birthday.
「You need to like down on your back properly, Muuurlin,」 admonished Will, still upright and nudging Merlin with the toe of his boots. Merlin glared up at his friend, squinting because the sun was in his eyes.
「You lie down. It's wet. What are we doing anyway?」
Will flopped down onto a clear patch of grass near Merlin so they were side by side, spreading out his arms and legs and making swiping motions in the snow. He turned his head towards Merlin, grinning.
「You do it, go on.」
Merlin mimicked, feeling the wet snow seep through his woolen sleeves and his trousers.
「When you stand up, the indents look like angels, see? I'scalled snow angels.」
「Snow angels,」 repeated Merlin, looking back at Will.
」Swear to me. Swear you'll never harm Arthur.」
There is a pause inside his own head, then Mordred's voice filters through their link.
「I swear, Emrys. If you help me, I will be in your debt. I know that someday, we will meet again.」
Then he was gone.
*
That night, Merlin dreams of Arthur, Mordred, destiny and snow.
*
The next morning, the castle was covered in white.
Merlin was sure his wings were large in enough for him to try flying already. It had almost doubled in size in the last few months, arching high, high over his head, tail feathers trailing the floor unless he unfolded his wings which proved (several times) to be extremely hazardous in doors. Even though people couldn't see the wings, it didn't stop Merlin from knocking them into the door frames or into people or into priceless vases or into Arthur.
「Ow!」 said the prince, 「Did you just poke me in the eye?」
Merlin turned around, guilty.
「What? Me?! No way!」
He was standing at least two arms-lengths away so Arthur only gave him a suspicious look before turning back to whatever he was doing and Merlin returned to pretending to be dusting the windowsill. It was just an excuse for him to stare longingly out of the window at the first snow, still fresh and untrodden in the castle courtyard. It looked very soft and sparkled invitingly in the early morning sun. Like sparkling cream. Or pie cream. Or-
「Merlin, are you even listening to me?」
Merlin turned around quickly, duster in hand. 「What? Yes, 『course.」
Arthur gave him a 『oh reeeaally' face, and said 「Oh really. What was I just saying?」
Merlin hazard a guess.
「Erm. You were just saying…what a nice day it is today…?」
Arthur rewarded his answer with a grin that Merlin privately thought looked a little manic. This grin usually signaled that Arthur was about to enjoy himself immensely and someone else was going to be very sad. That someone was usually Merlin. Nine times out of ten.
「That's right, Merlin! I was just saying what a nice day it was…to go hunting.」 He slapped the papers down in a pile at his right hand, standing up. 「Come on then! Hop to it, get my gear ready and prepare two horses. We leave in half an hour.」
「But Arthur!」 whined Merlin, who really just wanted to roll around in the snow and thought that wasn't too much to ask, 「It's winter! There aren't any bears or whatever. They're all sleeping!」 Like I want to be sleeping until I had to come up and serve you breakfast you lazy arse.
「We don't have bears here, Merlin, don't be an idiot. Now hurry up, you're the one who has been itching to go outside all week.」
Merlin tried again. 「Couldn't we just-」
「No!」
Merlin groaned, and slunk out of Arthur's chambers in the direction of the stables. It was always a hopeless argument when it was against hunting. Arthur was never deterred, by weather, season, famine and least of all his manservant. And that was all well and good, but if on that autumn day, Merlin had been able to persuade Arthur to roll around in the snow instead of going hunting; things would have turned out a lot better for the Prince.
*
Snow was a lot less fun when you had to trudge through it for over two hours, carrying Arthur's spare crossbow, food, dead rats and other assorted unmentionables. Merlin's boots sank deep into the icy snow and he had to pull it out and up before taking another step. Arthur, of course, only glared at him over his shoulder and motioned for him to be quiet. There was a moment of stillness before the thwack as the arrow hit something in the undergrowth. Arthur made a satisfied Arthur-noise before he retrieved the prey and tossed it at Merlin who nearly dropped it.
It was a rabbit.
「You can't eat that right now, Merlin,」 said Arthur, teasing, mistakening Merlin's stare for one of hunger.
Merlin scowled at him and slung the rabbit over his shoulder.
「Does this mean we can go back now?」 he asked, without much hope.
「I would have thought you'd want to make the most of this freak snow fall,」 said Arthur, 「And plus, we can't go back with just a hare.」 His eyebrows were almost crawling off his face, 「We need at least a brace to go back without shame. So you'd better hurry if you want to return before sun down.」
Then he strode off into the forest, walking easily through the snow (superior boots, damn him) and leaving Merlin to catch up. When began falling so far behind Arthur that the prince's figure no longer within sight, Merlin cursed and muttered a few words under his breath. Heat rushed from his hands and the magic melted the snow in front of him to allow him to walk through it more quickly without getting stuck.
「Arthur?」 he called, not caring that he would probably be told off for scaring off the bears. There was no reply. Merlin hurried up a sludgy slope, peering into the trees around him.
「This isn't funny, Arthur, wait up!」
Still no reply. Merlin walked onwards, trying to keep branches from being tangled into his feathers. Which still smelt like lake water, thanks to Arthur. He grew more and more frantic as time went on, and Arthur was still nowhere to be found. His voice grew hoarse with shouting. He had the strangest feeling that he was walking in circles… Eventually, he came within sight of a small clearing surrounded by…Merlin stopped short. Something shimmered at the edge of his peripheral vision; a movement.
「Arthur? You there?」
Someone laughed. Merlin jerked backwards in surprise.
「Who's there?」 he said, and was glad when his voice didn't waver. There was another tinkling peal of laughter, the sound coming as if from a different world, clear yet echoing with a haze of gold. Merlin's magic swirled beneath his skin, as if responding. If he concentrated, he could almost make out voices…
「Show yourself,」 he commanded, raising his right hand slowly.
Then the clearing was full of- Merlin blinked and stared. At first glance, they looked human. But he quickly realised they were far from that; skin tinged green, yellows and reds, ears elongated and pointed at the tip. Their eyes were the colour of the forest, all of them, hair so laced through with leaves that Merlin couldn't' tell where the thin vines ended and began. They were willowy and dressed in fine silk clothes that barely covered their limbs and Merlin couldn't the men apart from the women. And in the midst of them, beyond a faintly glowing circle of toadstools and flowers, was Arthur.
Merlin gasped and began walking forwards, but one of the creatures held up both arms to stop him.
「What are you? Let me pass!」
「The princeling trespassed on holy ground. All mortals who walk willingly into our circle must remain here for all eternity.」
Trust Arthur to bring them hunting in a patch of forest that had to be infested with…efly people, thought Merlin, annoyed. Of all the other patches of forest, they had to choose thisone.
「You can't keep him,」 said Merlin firmly. 「Let him go.」 And he stepped into the clearing. At once, the creatures converged upon him and Merlin, on instinct, snapped his wings out. They all froze, green green eyes staring. Taking advantage of their suddenly stillness to sprint across the clearing. They parted for him like a wave of ferns in the breeze.
「Arthur! Let's go!」 said Merlin urgently, tugging at his arm when Arthur made no move, staring rather vacantly at a point just beyond Merlin's shoulder.
Arthur turned slowly to look down at his face, eyes seeing but vaguely glazed. His golden hair glowed even though there was very little light in the late afternoon, and his eyes- his eyes had changed colour. Merlin shook him by the arm he was holding on to.
「Arthur. Arthur, snap out of it.」
「He would prefer our world and our company,」 said the creature who had spoken earlier, 「The fae can offer him much more than your dull, earthly kingdoms.」
Merlin turned to the creature – a Fae, it seemed- magic crowding behind his eyes, so that the world seemed gold.
「Let him go.」
「He is ours by right,」 said the Fae, and in the distance, more laughed in delight. Merlin clenched his teeth and drove their glamours out of his mind. 「We keep him. You, Emrys the Immortal, are free to pass through the ring.」
「No. He's coming with me.」
「No mortal can leave our realm once he enters it! He must willing choose to leave, your magic cannot force him, Nefalim.」
Merlin turned back to Arthur, who was smiling at him in a completely non-Arthur expression. Merlin shook him again. His skin sparked with gold when he reached up and placed a palm on Arthur's cheek. His heart thudded with the intimate contact, racing with daring, but Arthur just smiled in a way which told Merlin the real Arthur was not really present.
「Arthur. Arthur, wake up. Come on.」
He almost jumped when Arthur responded, hand coming up to cup Merlin's own. Then he said,
「Would you like to dance?」
「What?」 said Merlin, 「No! I don't want to dance! I want you to snap out of it!」
The not-Arthur tilted his head.
「You…don't want to dance?」
Merlin whirled around.
「What have you done to him?」
The Fae flittered about them in shining shades of green. It was like the forest itself was alive, dancing and breathing and moving.
「We can give him all that he has ever desired,」 intoned the Fae, 「Every dream and every wish. What can you give him?」
But Merlin had had enough. He pulled Arthur towards the center of the circle, pass the other-side and to the edge of the clearing. Arthur came, pliant and quiet, still smiling.
「Shall we dance?」 he asked, delighted.
「No. No, Arthur. I've saved your life so many times you are not throwing it away by playing with the fairies. You're going to wake up right now and remember you're the crown prince of Camelot and you don't dance and you- just, come back, come back right now, Arthur.」
And it was like an invisible bond between them snapped tight, golden and unbreakable and Merlin suddenly realised this was what destiny felt like. He could feel and see the magic of the forest, spreading out like a vast, vast lattice of gold and green and white, and its magic welled up into him and into Arthur and just as suddenly as it had come, the magic stilled, the gold and green glow from Arthur's eyes fading back to their normal blue.
「Merlin. What the hell?」
Merlin looked around. The light and the Fae people had vanished. He reached to tug Arthur out of the clearing circle, but Arthur whacked him upside the head hard enough to make Merlin's eyes water.
「What happened, Merlin?」 demanded the prince, eyes darting around the now dim clearing, 「Last thing I remember I told you to hurry up and then…」
「You got…kidnapped by fairies.」
「Fairies,」 said Arthur.
「You walked into their sacred circle of mushrooms and they were going to play with you for the rest of eternity. Because you're so stupid you couldn't see where you were going!」
「Mushroom circle,」 repeated Arthur, doubtfully.
Exhausted from magic and the scare Arthur had given him, Merlin deflated.
「I think you walked into a tree branch or something,」 Merlin improvised, 「Knocked yourself out.」
「This is sounding less and less likely by the minute.」
「There really is a fae circle back there,」 said Merlin, pointing wearily, 「Gaius has told me about them, once.」
Merlin paused, watching Arthur's expression carefully.
「What did you see…?」 he asked, tentatively.
「Well. If Gaius told you,」 said Arthur, deflecting his last question, 「We'd better mark this part of the forest on the map when we get back. Stop anyone else from wandering into a trap.」
Merlin nodded, letting the subject drop for now.
「You walked into one without knowing and they liked to keep mortals enchanted for their…amusement. I persuaded them to let you go.」
「With your crossbow?」
「No,」 said Merlin, grinning, 「I told them you were a prat and only liked talking about killing things. I guess they thought you were too boring then.」
Arthur pouted. (it was definitely a pout)
「I'll have you know, Merlin, Crown Princes are never 『boring'.」
「They cut their losses,」 teased Merlin, 「Lucky them.」
Arthur paused in his tracks up ahead and Merlin caught up with him.
「What are you do-argh!!」 Merlin let out a high pitch sound as a compact ball of snow hit him in the face and down his shirt, freezing against skin.
「Arthur!」
「Your face!」 Arthur gaffawed, slapping a thigh, 「Your-oh shit.」 He swore as Merlin came after him with vengeance, a handful of loose snow in one hand. He threw it at Arthur's head and missed, but was not deterred and sent another handful down the back of Arthur's shirt. Arthur pushed him into a snow drift and they ended up sprawled on the snow trodden ground, panting for breath. Arthur turned his head, which was damp and wet with snow, to face Merlin. The grin on Arthur's face made Merlin's magic sing; he made Arthur smile like that.
「Hey,」 said Merlin.
「What,」 said Arthur, still smiling.
「Have you ever made a snow angel?」
*