Title: Flames.
Continuity: 'Beach Games.' (Season Three's 22nd episode.)
Song: 'Losing my religion', by REM. (Fragment.)
Feedback: Of course, reviews are highly appreciated.
Warning/Comments: Slightly A/U. Drabble. Hey. I'm sorry about the delay on this chapter. I'll try to post the following two – which, by the way, will be the last chapters of this series – sometime this week. I don't even need to say this episode is great, and writing about it was so challenging. I hope this isn't disappointing.
Pam Beesly stood right in front of the burning coal path, apart from the small circle in which her coworkers had gathered. Her gaze was fixed on the reddish glow as her thoughts raced.
She had never actually been courageous. The words "shy", "mellow", "weak", "passive", even "invisible" had come to describe her. And she hated that. But her actions hadn't exactly helped making people think otherwise about her. She always sat around watching everybody else get what they wanted. She never fought for what she wanted. She always settled for less than she deserved. She didn't even understand why she acted that way, but she did.
And she was tired of it.
She wanted to change.
The coal walk was thrilling, exciting, and dangerous.
It seemed a good way to start.
She stepped forward, and then moved closer until she felt the heat on the tip of her toes.
She took one last deep breath and half walked, half ran her way through the coal path. Once she made it to the other side and her feet landed on the safe, cool surface of the sand, she started jumping around in excitement.
I did the coal walk! Of all people, I was the only one to make it.
She felt empowered, brave, strong, confident, alive.
"You gotta take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always?"
"Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices!"
"You are?"
"Yeah."
You were right, she thought as her gaze moved to the people reunited around in a circle. I should take a chance on something. In fact, I am going to do that.
Right now.
"Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day."
As the cold water refreshed her sore feet, the feelings of power, bravery and confidence seemed to fade away, replaced by the certainty of having done the right thing. She wondered which would be the consequences of her outburst. She wasn't sure, but she couldn't deny that it had felt good finally getting rid of all the lies, standing up and making people listen to what she had to say. It was a good change. A big first step towards honesty.
She'd gladly deal with the rest later.
Oh, no I said too much.
I haven't said enough.