Chapter 32

Gavin stood in front of the study's fireplace, watching the brightly burning flames. If asked, he would say today had been the worst day of his life. Feynriel was now tranquil, and he was the one who'd made him that way. Because he'd failed to save him from the demons. He himself, if given a choice, would rather die than be made tranquil. But he hadn't had that option with the boy. The boy had begged him to end it, but that didn't make him feel any better. He looked up when someone cleared their throat behind him.

"Fenris."

"Hawke, I-" the elf paused, swallowed and began again. "I'm sorry for failing you. I had not thought I would ever succomb to a demon's persuasion. Forgive me?"

Gavin sighed and walked to where the elf stood in the doorway. "Fenris, there's nothing to forgive," he said, laying a gentle hand against the elf's cheek. "Wryme was a Pride demon, one of the most powerful I've ever met. These demons have a way of finding your most vulnerable spot and exploiting it."

"You didn't give in."

"Because I've had years of experience dealing with them and have learned how to guard myself," Gavin smiled. Then he sighed heavily and turned away. "That's why young mages need to be guided and guarded."

"What you did with Feynriel was necessary," Fenris moved forward and placed a comforting hand on the mage's shoulder. "Regrettable, but necessary."

"I know in my head that it was the only thing I could do," Gavin swallowed hard. "But my heart cries out for the unfairness of it all."

Fenris struggled to think of something, anything, that would help Hawke feel better. Unfortunately, expressing himself was something he was still having trouble with. So he settled for just being there for the man.

"Excuse me messere, but you have a visitor," Bodahn said quietly.

Gavin turned to look at him, "It's rather late for visitors. Who is it?"

"He said his name was Cullen and that it was important he speak with you."

"Show him in then," Gavin sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Letting the Knight-Captain into your home doesn't seem very wise," Fenris said.

"Refusing to see him would be even less wise," he retorted. "I wouldn't want to give him a reason to change his mind about not throwing me into the Gallows." He turned and walked to the bar to ready some glasses. "Besides, I doubt he would be here if it wasn't important."

"Thank you for seeing me Hawke," Cullen said as he stood in the doorway.

Gavin studied the man, this being the first time he'd seen him in anything other than his armor. He looked like any man you'd pass on the street. I guess clothing, or armor, does make the man, he thought. "Have a seat Knight-Captain," he gestured to the comfortable chairs near the fire. "Something to drink?"

"I am off duty, so a glass of brandy would be welcome," the templar replied as he took one of the seats. He watched as Fenris moved to stand just behind the other chair. The meaning behind that was not lost on him as Hawke handed him a glass and sat in the other chair. He knew the elf was a formidabble warrior and, unlike Hawke, would be immune to his powers. The elf was playing bodyguard, interesting, he mused to himself. His eyebrows rose as he tasted the alcohol in his glass, "Antivan Brandy?"

"I've developed a taste for it," Gavin smiled and shrugged. "So, what brings you here?"

"The boy Feynriel," he answered. "I keep tabs on all new mages sent to the Circle here, and I know that he was having trouble. I also know that two days ago he went into a deep sleep from which he could not be woken. Then, just a few hours ago, Feynriel woke."

"I fail to see how this merits a nighttime visit to my home," Gavin said cautiously.

"The interesting part is that the boy woke up Tranquil," Cullen's voice took on a hard edge. "Orsino told me that the only way someone can be made Tranquil, without going through the actual Rite, is for them to be killed in the Fade. Only a mage can remain awake in the Fade, and so only a mage could have gone in there and killed him."

"So you think that someone in the Circle did it?" Fenris asked.

"Orsino told me that none of his mages would have done such a dreadful thing, and I believe him," the templar frowned. "That leaves us to speculate on the possibility of a rogue mage. As you know, we've had problems with them in the past."

"Again, what does this have to do with me?" Gavin asked softly.

"I asked around the Alienage and was told that the Dalish Keeper, Marethari, and you were seen going into Arianni's home this afternoon," Cullen fixed him with a steady gaze.

Gavin sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on hin knees. "Yes, I am the one who went into the Fade, with Fenris and a couple other companions. I tried to rescue Feynriel from the demons fighting over him but failed. I killed him in the Fade and that's why he woke up Tranquil."

Cullen stared at the mage for a long while. "Tell me everything that happened."

One hour and two drinks later, he had the whole story. At times he was horrified, amazed and even saddened. "We know so little about the abilities of the Dalish or the Tevinter Magisters. I had not even heard of such a thing as 'somniari' before."

"Neither had I, and I lived my whole life there," Fenris told him.

"It was very brave what you did," Cullen nodded, his voice sincere. "To enter the Fade and face two powerful demons and come back unscathed," he shook his head.

"So now that you know, what do you intend to do?" Gavin asked softly.

Cullen frowned and looked down at his almost empty glass. Draining it, he set it on the table and met Hawke's gaze. "Meredith is demanding answers that Orsino can't give her. But, she's become very suspicious of late of any outside help. So, I will not mention our conversation to her and hope that eventually she will forget about the whole thing."

Fenris felt himself relax a little, though he couldn't help asking, "Doesn't that go against your oaths?"

"A little, but as Knight-Captain I do have some leeway," Cullen nodded. "I must caution you about any such further actions, however. Your name has come up in a few reports Hawke. Meredith isn't stupid and she will eventually put two and two together. I owe you a debt for saving our recruits, but that won't help you if she decides that you're a possible threat. Titles and money don't carry any weight with her."

"Why haven't you told her about Hawke?" Fenris looked sharply Cullen.

"Let's just say that we don't always see eye to eye on things and leave it at that," he answered. He looked over at the man in question. "There is another matter that I feel you should be aware of."

"Oh?" Gavin looked up from his drink.

"A few years back, you helped us round up those Starkhaven apostates," Cullen reminded him.

"You don't know how many nights I stayed awake thinking about how it didn't seem right to turn them in while I walked free," Gavin frowned.

"They knowingly consorted with blood mages, whom we killed," Fenris placed a hand on his shoulder. "There was no way to tell if they had dabbled in blood magic themselves."

"We have watched them closely, and so far have seen no evidence of blood magic," Cullen told them. "However, freedom, like trust, is something that must be earned. You have earned my trust Hawke and that's why I've not told Meredith about you."

"Thank you," Gavin said sincerely. "What is this other matter you mentioned? I assume it has something to do with those apostates."

"There has been talk amongst them about seeking revenge on you," Cullen grimaced. "They have told anyone who would listen, mage and templar alike, that you are a mage yourself and should be locked up with them."

"If they've done that, then surely someone has told Meredith," Fenris felt his gut twist in alarm.

"The templar who brought them in, Ser Karras, stated that he saw nothing to indicate that you were a mage, and thus believes they are making these accusations out of spite," Cullen shook his head. "You don't dress like a mage and you don't carry a staff. The only reason I know you are a mage is because of the fight with Wilmod."

"My father taught me to hide my magic and to only use it as a last resort," Gavin smiled sadly. "He said that magic was a gift and not to be taken lightly. I learned how to fight without using my magic and I have the physical strength to go with it."

"Your father sounds like an exceptionally wise man," Cullen nodded. "At any rate, I felt you should know about Grace and her cronies. They are watched closely and are not allowed to leave the Gallows under any circumstances. However, many people that are not mages or templars come and go from the Gallows."

"So even if she herself can't strike out at me, she might be able to find someone on the outside who could," Gavin nodded.

"Exactly," Cullen agreed. He stood up and sighed. "Now, I should get back to the Gallows and try to get some work done. I have a huge pile of papers on my desk that requires my attention."

Gavin also stood, "I'll show you out."

Fenris watched them leave and then went to the bar and poured himself a drink. Then he went and sat in the chair Cullen had vacated and waited. When Gavin returned and sat opposite him, he studied the man closely. "That was certainly an enlightening visit."

"You know, I think it's time I took a vacation from this city," Gavin sighed. "Put some distance between me and this city and Meredith. Perhaps go camping up on Sundermount."

"That sounds like a good plan," Fenris nodded. "When do you want to leave?"

"How about the day after tomorrow?" he suggested. "We need to buy equpiment and supplies for at least two weeks. I know how to hunt and trap and there's plenty of game on that mountain. I think we should invite Sebastian and perhaps Varric as well. Maybe even Aveline would like to go with us."

"While we're not likely to run into too much trouble up there, it pays to be prepared for trouble," Fenris agreed.

After making their plans they fell silent, staring at the fire, each lost in their own thoughts. Fenris was still bothered by what happened in the Fade. He studied Gavin and could see the mage was still upset by what happened there, and disturbed by the visit from Cullen. A thought came to him. Tonight would be a good time to put Jethann's suggestion to use.

He stood up and held out his hand, "Come, let's go to bed."

"It's a little early still," Gavin said, but stood up anyway.

"I don't plan on going to sleep," he smiled slightly.

"Just what are you planning?"

"Something that will make you feel better," Fenris pulled him along behind him. "I think you'll enjoy it. We both will."

Gavin shook his head, but allowed the elf to drag him off. He'd never seen Fenris like this and was intrigued enough to not protest.