Kristin: I am putting an author's note at the beginning of this story. I never put author's notes at the beginnings of stories. That means that this author's note is IMPORTANT. This is technically the sequel/continuation of my oneshot Being Human, which is not included in this collection. If you haven't/don't want to read BH, then all you really need to know is that in it Carlton goes to a bar to get drunk and ends up making friends with the single mother who lives next door to him. That is all.

61. Fairy Tale

"Once upon a time…"

Carlton was a little confused by it all. Oh, sure he understood the how. It had started that night in the bar. Drinking had turned into breakfast, breakfast into coffee, coffee into a promise to stop by later that he'd actually kept. So he understood how it had started, but he was completely baffled by the why. He wasn't exactly the kind of man who inspired random women to just start hanging around. So...why?

"…a strange, exotic place…"

The house was older and starting to get a little run down. It didn't seem like a big deal to offer to help patch up the roof or tighten a leaky pipe. After all, what else was he going to do on his off days? And it didn't seem like a big deal to let her make him dinner as a thank you. And really, maybe that was how it had truly started. Not with drinks and coffees and promises, but with a few acts of unasked for kindness.

"…it was not his true name, but the people called him…"

At first, he was a little uncomfortable with how flippantly she used his first name. There just weren't many people who actually called him Carlton. Of course, then he'd realized that Wendy seemed to default to first name basis with everyone, up to and including their mailman; Carlton didn't think he'd ever even met their mailman, but she called him by his first name. It was both reassuring and annoying that he was on the same level as Basil the mailman, but it didn't last for long.

Once you stopped being an acquaintance, you were given an endearment. Her daughter–Connie-was 'angel'. Friends were 'dear'. Close friends were 'honey' or 'hun'. Her sister and two brothers were all 'sweetie'. In old home movies, her ex-husband was 'baby', but now he was nothing but Jim, except on those occasions when he forgot a birthday or a piano recital or a child support payment, when he became 'that rat bastard', and even then only when Connie couldn't hear.

After a few weeks, Carlton was shocked to realize that he'd skipped straight over 'dear' and had somehow ended up a 'honey'. He was even more shocked when he realized that he was completely okay with it.

"…the seasons changed and they took comfort…"

By the end of the first month, it was just understood that if he was home by seven, there would be an extra place set for him at their dinner table.

By month two, if his car was back by seven, but he didn't come over, Wendy would put Connie to bed and be on his front step by nine with a covered plate and a sympathetic ear.

In month five, Wendy introduced him to his first serious girlfriend since Victoria and Lucinda, and when it ended in month eight, she brought him a bottle of scotch and an old western.

In month ten, when her latest relationship ended with the scumbag stealing her identity to apply for five new credit cards, Carlton insisted on being the officer to make the arrest and then spent the evening letting her cry on his shoulder while they watched Meg Ryan movies.

She brought a pie to his mother's for Thanksgiving and Christmas morning found him in her living room with his very own small stack of presents.

"…the most beautiful princess…"

He liked Connie. She was sweet, innocent. When you spent as much time dealing with filth as he did, those qualities seemed all the more precious. If he was almost unnaturally good at dealing with her, it was only because he was too tightly wrapped around her little finger to do anything that would upset her. She liked horses, so the next time he had reenactment practice, he invited her to come and ride one. When she exclaimed that she would simply die if she didn't get to see some new cartoon in theaters, but Wendy was too busy trying to make a deadline to take her, Carlton volunteered. He was already planning how he'd put the fear of God into her first boyfriend.

"…the fairies came with gifts…"

Carlton hadn't been home at all for three days because of a case. He'd been taking naps at his desk, ordering takeout, and showering in the locker room. Vick was pissed at him, wanted him to go home, go to sleep, but he was so close he could taste it.

About halfway through the fourth day, Wendy walked into the station with enough food to feed practically the entire force and scolded him for the better part of an hour about taking proper care of himself while she supervised his lunch. Vick arched an eyebrow and suggested-ordered-that he take Wendy's advice. Juliet made surprised, pleased faces at him and mouthed 'She's pretty!' around a bite of yeast roll. Spencer started calling her 'Lassie's Special Lady Friend' and somehow managed to act like even more of an ass than normal. Carlton rolled his eyes and scowled, because he and Wendy just weren't like that.

"…a new home and a new family…"

And somewhere between reading bedtime stories to Connie and endless conversations with Wendy and his casual upgrade from 'Carlton' to 'honey' to 'sweetie', Carlton realized that she'd adopted him.

"…and they lived happily ever after."

Kristin: I'm not entirely certain what to say about this one, other than that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

4/100