Chapter Twenty-Three

Charlie couldn't help returning Joey's kisses. Having her lips pressed against her felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was wonderful. It was perfect. Except that Joey was drunk and vulnerable. Gathering all her senses, Charlie forced herself to pull away. Joey gazed at her, looking sad and offended.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Charlie said awkwardly.

"Of course it's a good idea! We've been dancing around the issue for weeks!"

She leant in and kissed her again. Charlie melted against her for a moment before drawing away again and sitting a little further out of Joey's reach.

"I should have known you weren't being real," Joey said bitterly.

She turned away and busied herself with pouring more drinks but mostly succeeded in spilling. Charlie leant forward and took the bottle from her, holding her hands.

"What do you mean?" she asked worriedly.

"What do I mean?" Joey squeaked. "I mean, you come strolling back into my life, make me fall right back in love with you and then when I make a move, you reject me! That's what I mean!"

"I'm not rejecting you," Charlie told her.

"Could have fooled me."

Charlie moved so that they were facing each other, although Joey wouldn't meet her gaze. She saw tears forming in her mostly unfocussed eyes.

"You've been drinking," Charlie said. "A lot."

"So have you!"

"But I feel more sober than you," Charlie told her gently. "And if something were to happen now, I'd be taking advantage of you."

"That's okay!" Joey told her. "Take advantage! I hereby give you permission to take advantage."

She stole another kiss. Charlie forced herself not to give in. They'd worked too hard to get things back on track to ruin it now.

"Joey, please remember everything we've said," she begged.

"Why?" Joey asked. "We've been hanging around, wasting time for no reason. We should have just got on with it and..."

"We did the right thing," Charlie insisted. "You did the right thing."

"Because you don't want to be with me," Joey accused.

"I do," Charlie said. "I can't even begin to describe how much I do. It's taking every ounce of moral resolve not to just go for it. But you're drunk and you've had a really shitty, emotional week."

The tears crept out beneath Joey's lids and she felt suddenly overwhelmed with grief.

"I don't understand why I feel so sad," she admitted. "He's gone to jail. I should be happy. I should be ready to move on with my pathetic little life."

Compassion flowed from Charlie as she gathered her ex-girlfriend and best friend into her arms. She held her close and kissed the top of her head.

"This is the final chapter in the saddest story, Joey," she said. "Of course you're happy he's been found guilty but along with that, there must be so many other emotions flying around in your heart and mind. It's a confusing time for you right now. You've just got long awaited justice for what happened to you. You've broken up with your girlfriend, who, let's face it was yet another woman who didn't deserve you. And things with us... well, they don't really make sense in my head. I dread to think what they're like in yours."

Joey relaxed her body more comfortably against Charlie's and held her hand. She closed her eyes and breathed in Charlie's scent for a few moments.

"I love you," Joey said. "I've always loved you. And I want to be with you. But I feel scared. Things feel so perfect right now and I feel like I should just be able to go for it, forget my fears but... what if this doesn't work? I don't think I'd cope."

Charlie studied her face. She brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and kissed the tip of her nose.

"It would be stupid to promise that everything's going to be perfect," Charlie said honestly. "But what I can promise you is that I'd rather die than hurt you again. If I... if I was ever lucky enough to be with you again, then I'd do every single thing I could to make it work. All I want to do is make you happy."

They smiled lovingly at each other.

"But not tonight?" Joey asked with a hint of a smirk.

"We need to go into this with our eyes open," Charlie said. "No booze, no hormones, no grief. Just me and you... wanting to make a go of things."

Joey nodded. She looked down, feeling suddenly embarrassed at the clumsy pass she'd made at her. Mumbling an apology, she extracted herself from Charlie's embrace.

"There's nothing to apologise for," Charlie said.

"The tables have turned, hey?" Joey remarked.

Charlie laughed and nodded. She took Joey's hand again.

"How about this?" she suggested. "If you still feel the same tomorrow, that you want to try the dating thing, you let me know. We'll go out on a proper date. And if not, well, just don't say anything and we'll carry on as we are."

Joey smiled and hugged her.

"That sounds like the perfect plan," she said.

They hugged for a long time before Charlie caught sight of the clock and realised that she really ought to be going home.

"Stay," Joey requested.

Charlie looked startled.

"Not like that. Just... stay?"

Losing herself easily in Joey's eyes, Charlie nodded her agreement. She hoped that in the morning, Joey would tell her everything she wanted to hear.