Kristin: Another author's note at the beginning, which means I have something IMPORTANT to say. You'll notice that this chapter has two themes instead of one. That's because they are two different endings to 4. Dark, which, if you've already forgotten, was the first chapter.
10. Breathe Again
The only times he'd ever been more scared in his entire life were the times when he'd thought Gus was never going to walk back out of that bank and when he'd thought he was about to lose the most important women in his life.
The doctors said that the prognosis was good. They said a lot of things he didn't really understand. Things about alkali burns and oddly named prescriptions and what he'd later realized was actually the name of a surgeon, which had brought up questions about whether names were really proper words, and that train of thought made his head hurt worse than his injury had, so he had dropped it and made a list of Judd Nelson's movies in order of pure awesomeness instead. Besides, Gus seemed to have a pretty good handle on all the techno talk, so when his best friend told him to sign or consent to something, he did.
The bandages came off and it hurt. Even in the dark room, his eyes watered and it took minutes-minutes that felt like entire eternities-before he could open them properly. But that didn't matter, because when he opened his eyes, he would swear that his balding, pock faced ophthalmologist was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.
For the first time since the accident, Shawn exhaled.
59. No Way Out
At first, the doctors had been hopeful.
That was before the inflammation hadn't died down. Before the infection had spread.
They'd been less hopeful after that, but they'd still sung the praises of some new surgery.
That was before the surgery. Before the bandages came off. Before his body rejected the transplants.
Intellectually, he knew that this didn't end his life. But for the life of him, he couldn't bring himself to care about what was 'intellectually' true. He didn't care what options the doctors said he still had, what 'resources' were available to someone in his condition. He didn't care that his business, the only thing he'd ever really worked at, was gone. He didn't care that Gus had barely left his side since this all had started. That Vick wasn't pressing charges. That Juliet brought him pineapples every day. That when he spoke to Lassiter there was pity, god damned pity, in the other man's voice.
And he certainly didn't care that his dad was there yelling at him about running away. Running away from his problems. Running away from the truth. Running away from treatment. Running away from the entire world.
He didn't fucking care, because for the first time in his life, it felt like running wasn't an option. For the first time in his life, he felt really, truly stuck.
Kristin: These themes are for Millennialice, who made me sit back and think more than I'd ever planned to about what I was doing to Shawn by blinding him. I hope you enjoy them!
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