Chapter 39

"Dear Maker, if you hadn't been there Hawke," Anders paced in agitation. "I almost killed an innocent girl, I lost control of Justice. It's all gone wrong!" He cried and slumped to his knees, pulling at his hair.

Fenris watched, his face a mask of revulsion and contempt for the mage in front of him. "You said you could control it. You're weak and pathetic," he sneered.

"You're not helping," Gavin glared at the elf and then turned and knelt next to Anders. "Listen, you heard me, even through all that. You would never kill an innocent person, it's not in your nature. Even if I wasn't there, you wouldn't have let Justice hurt her."

"You have too much faith in me," Anders looked up with tear filled eyes at his friend. He shook his head and looked away.

"I believe in you Anders, I always have," Gavin said confidently. Hearing a snort behind him, he turned to glare at Fenris. Getting to his feet, he motioned the elf to follow and stepped outside the clinic. "What's on your mind?" he growled.

"You can't trust anything he says," Fenris snarled. "He's dangerous and unpredictable. Get rid of him."

"He's my friend and I don't turn my back on my friends," Gavin shook his head. "It'll be alright, just trust me in this okay?"

"Trust mages to do the right thing?" he scoffed.

"Not mages, Fenris," Gavin's voice suddenly hardened. "Just one mage. Me." He turned away to head back in to the clinic. He stopped and without turning around said, "If you can't do that, then perhaps it's time for us to go our seperate ways."

Fenris stared mutely as Hawke went inside and knelt to take Anders into his arms. As the mage's words finally sank into his brain, he turned and practically ran back to Danarius' mansion. He slammed the door behind him and leaned back against it, eyes closed, as he replayed that last conversation in his head. He did trust Hawke. Why had he said what he did?

"You look like you just lost your best friend?"

Fenris' eyes snapped open at the familiar voice. Looking up, he saw Jethann standing at the top of the stairs. "What are you doing here?" he growled.

"I've come to solve your problems, Gavin's too," the other elf smiled back, ignoring the grumpy tone.

Fenris grunted and stomped up the stairs to his room. "What do you know of my problems?"

"Gavin has been miserable since you came back from Sundermount," Jethann followed him. "Don't tell me that you don't regret hurting him, I know you do." He chuckled at the scowl he got for that. "You love him, he loves you, and I know how to get you back together." He picked up the wrapped bundle and showed it to Fenris.

"He thinks I don't trust him," Fenris said glumly, looking at the fire. Without prompting, he recapped the prior events with Hawke and Anders. "I can't ever seem to say what I mean, and Hawke ends up hurt."

"Talking is the problem," Jethann said softly. "You need to prove to Gavin that you do indeed trust him and actions speak louder than words." He opened up the bundle and lifted out the items inside, spreading them on the table in front of him.

"What the-?" Fenris leaned forward, gawking at them.

"These were gifts from a particularly wealthy patron of mine," the red-head smiled fondly at the memory. "He was into bondage games, but he didn't want to mar my delicate skin. He was rather fond of it and Madame Lusine would have ripped him a new one if he damaged any of her property."

"I don't like the sound of that," he glanced up at the former prostitute.

"That is what I was, her property, as were all the whores at the Blooming Rose," Jethann shrugged. "We were provided with rooms, clothing, food and protection. And we all enjoyed the work," he snickered.

Fenris picked up the sheer pantaloons and peered skeptically at them, "You actually wore these?"

"Oh, yes, it helped the illusion of delicacy that my patron liked so much," he laughed. "Combined with my slight frame and fine bone structure, well, you get the idea."

With even more hesitation, Fenris picked up the silver chains. His experienced eye realized that, though delicate, they were made of silverite and therefore quite strong. He peered at the three loops of metal the chains attached to and saw they were lined with something. "This must have cost a fortune to make."

"I'm sure, but my patron felt I was worth the expense," Jethann agreed, amused at the expressions crossing the other elf's face.

"You did this for fun?" Fenris couldn't keep the puzzlement, or distaste, from his voice.

"I know that this is hard for you to grasp, given your past experiences, but yes," he answered softly.

"So what does this have to do with me and Hawke?" Fenris asked suspiciously.

"Being dressed in such scanty clothing and bound by the chains makes one feel delicate and helpless," Jethann replied. "To do so in front of a lover requires that one trust that lover to see to it that no harm comes to them. Submitting to someone in the bedchamber is the ultimate act of trust. The chains are symbolic, and could be easily broken by you, but they will get the point across."

"This is your big plan?" Fenris managed to choke out.

"I will help you get into the estate and Gavin's bedchamber," he leaned forward and held the dark green gaze. "You will wait in there dressed only in the pantaloons and bound in these chains. When he comes to bed, you will kneel before him and tell him that you trust him. He won't be able to resist you and will be utterly convinced of your trust. Then all will be right between the two of you once more."

"You're asking me to submit to a mage," Fenris' lip curled in distaste.

"Not a mage, but a man," Jethann argued. "A man who loves you, who would move heaven and earth to protect you. He would never, could never, hurt you." He could see that the other elf was not convinced this was the right way. "If you don't do this, then I can see no way for you to ever make Gavin believe you trust him."

"But, if I can't convince him that I do, then he won't want me around anymore," Fenris said glumly.

"You were the one who said that every time you try to express yourself it ends up coming out wrong," Jethann pointed out. "Words can be misconstrued, or taken out of context. But with my plan, there can be no mistake. You did say you trust him."

"To watch my back, sure, but this is different," he protested.

"No it isn't," Jethann argued. "You can't say you trust someone only some of the time. That's not trust. So the question you must ask yourself is if you truly do trust Gavin. If you do, then you'll have no problem submitting to him in the bedchamber."

Fenris turned to stare at the fire as he thought about what the other elf had said. He knew, deep down, that Hawke wouldn't hurt him. But to willingly put himself in chains, even decorative ones, was not something he was sure he could do. "I've been chained before," he said quietly.

"I figured as much," Jethann nodded. "But, you have known Gavin for several years now. Compare his behavior to that of your former master. Look beyond their magic to the men themselves."

Fenris closed his eyes and did as the other elf suggested. "They are different in appearance."

"Well, Danarius is more than twice the age of Gavin, of course they would be," was the snorted reply.

"Danarius always seemed to be sneering at everyone, like he felt nothing but contempt for them," Fenris frowned and opened his eyes. "In fact, the only time Danarius ever humbled himself was before the Archon."

"So, your former master was fawning and subservient to those more powerful than him, but contemptous of those weaker than him," Jethann clarified.

"Hawke treats everyone as equals," the lyrium elf said softly. "I see what you're getting at."

"Do you?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Hawke would never treat me as less than him, no matter what I was wearing, or despite any advantage he might have, implied or not."

"So, it would make sense that you would be safe in his hands, no matter what," Jethann pressed.

"Yes, I would be," Fenris finally smiled.

"So, are you willing to follow my plan?"

"As long as only Hawke will see me dressed in this stuff," he waived his hand at the items on the table.

"Don't, worry, I have no intention of parading you around in public," Jethann laughed. "You're going to look so stunning and irresistable in these things that you'd start a riot."

Fenris blushed at the praise, "You exaggerate."

"I wish," Jethann shook his head ruefully. "I know how I looked in these and you're even more good looking than me."

"So, out with it," Fenris leaned forward, folding his arms on the table. "How do you plan to get me into the estate without alerting Hawke to my presence."

"Well, I will have to enlist Leandra's help," the other elf hedged.

"You can't tell her, I'll never be able to look her in the eyes again," Fenris blushed at the idea of his lover's mother knowing about their plan.

"I'm not going to give her any details," Jethann hastened to reassure him. "But, she will be able to keep Gavin distracted so that you can get inside and up to his room."

"And she'll help you without knowing why?"

"Yes," Jethann nodded firmly. "She knows how much her son loves you and only wants him to be happy. She's been talking to him, trying to get him to patch things up with you. All she'll need to know to help us is that you and Gavin will be reconciled."

"You sound so sure that this will work," Fenris shook his head doubtfully.

"I know it will because I know that Gavin wants you back in his life," the other elf reassured him. "He just is hesitant about opening up again. Even though you didn't mean to do it, you did hurt him rather badly. In fact, it's only because he so deeply in love with you that he hasn't washed his hands of you completely."

"Then tell me what I need to do," Fenris sighed and sat back. After the other elf had finished, he sat silently for a while. It was a crazy idea, but he was so desperate to make things right with Hawke that he finally agreed to do it.

"This will work Fenris, have faith," Jethann assured him.

"If it doesn't, then-"

"It will work Fenris," Jethann repeated more firmly.

"I hope so," the lyrium elf sighed and stood up. He glanced out the window. "It's nearing dinner time. I guess we will have to wait until tomorrow to do this." He felt a little disappointed that he would have to wait, which surprised him as he hadn't realized until just then how much he missed being with Hawke.

"Yeah, it will," Jethann agreed, also standing up. "But it gives us more time to set things up. We'll need some scented candles and oil and-"

"Candles?" Fenris interrupted. "Why do we need candles?"

"Because it's romantic and can help set the mood," Jethann chuckled. "Certain scents are relaxing, others are stimulating, still others are arousing."

"Okay, I guess," Fenris couldn't hide his skepticism.

"Trust me, I know what I'm doing," Jethann smiled. "Now, I want you to get a good night's sleep. If all goes according to plan, you won't be getting much rest tomorrow night."

Fenris watched the other elf saunter out and then retook his seat by the fireplace. He reached for a new bottle of wine and had poured himself a half glass before he realized what he was doing. He sighed and replaced the cap. No getting soused tonight in an attempt to drown the memory of what happened earlier in the day. As the thought crossed his mind, he realized that he didn't feel the need as much as he had on other occasions. It was the knowledge that tomorrow he would be with the man he loved, it had to be.

He knew in his heart that he loved Hawke, he just hadn't been able to express those feelings. He certainly had frozen each time he thought about admitting it out loud. After some soul searching, he realized that it was his past losses that colored his actions. Everytime he'd found a measure of happiness, it had been taken away. Danarius' was still out there, and still looking for him in all likelihood. If he admitted to his love, that would be like daring his former master to taking it away from him, wouldn't it? Shaking his head, he sipped his wine and prayed that everything went as planned the next day. He would worry about making declarations another time.