Chapter 42
Gavin sat slumped at the table in Varric's suite at the Hanged Man. It had been a very busy few weeks for him. Merrill had cooked up some scheme to fix her stupid mirror and managed to convince Varric to help her, which of course meant that he had to help Varric. It was only after they'd talked with Marethari that they learned the true source of Merrill's blood magic. After defeating that hideous Varterral, the Keeper had given him the tool they'd earned. He had refused to give it to the girl and thus she'd ended up hating him for it. Fortunately, even Varric had realized that keeping the item had been the right thing to do, so his friendship with the dwarf was still solid.
Then, after only being back in the city for a day, Varric had brought news of the return of his brother to Kirkwall. They'd quickly gone to confront the dwarf who'd betrayed them only to find that Bartrand had gone insane. Anders had been with them and had done something that made Bartrand more clear headed for long enough to get the truth out of him. Apparently the lyrium idol was bad news for anyone who held it, but where it was now, no one knew. As for Bartrand, Varric had taken him to the Gallows and had him put into a padded cell. The Circle would do what they could to try to restore Bartrand's sanity, but they'd made no promises. A sad day for the Tethras family.
Then as if that hadn't been enough, the Viscount had sent for him to ask his help in finding a Qunari emissary that had gone missing from his doorstep. Aveline had joined them and together they'd found and confronted the guardsmen who'd played a part in the disappearance. Fingers had been pointed towards the office of the Grand Cleric, incensing Sebastian and himself. He had doubted Elthina to be involved, and further investigation had revealed a rogue group of Chantry members, lead by Sister Petrice to be responsible. Unfortunately, they'd been unable to save the Qunari, but at least Varnell and Petrice were dead and the Arishok had been accepting of the loss of his soldiers.
"Still brooding about the whole Qunari problem, Hawke?" Varric suddenly disturbed the silence that had fallen on the room.
"I'm just trying to understand how anyone could hate someone or something that much," Gavin shook his head. "The Arishok made a good point. In all the years they have been here, they have done nothing to threaten anyone in the city."
"If you'd ever been part of the Circle, like me, you would understand," Anders said sourly. "People treat mages the same way. All because they fear what could be and not what is." He saw Fenris about to say something only to have Hawke stop him. "Yes, Fenris, we all know how you feel about mages," he sneered, correctly guessing what the elf was going to say.
"Please don't start this again," Gavin groaned. "There is fault on both sides. We've fought enough rogue blood mages to last me a lifetime. And despite getting rid of Alrik, I'm sure there are others amongst the Templars who will follow in his footsteps."
"So why don't you understand the Qunari situation?" Sebastian asked. "It's the same thing."
"Actually, it's not," Fenris disagreed. "The Qunari have not made any threats or done anything to hurt or subvert the people of this city. The mages and templars, however, have shown how destructive they can be. Thus, it is reasonable to be distrustful of them. There is no real reason for the prejudice against or fear of the Qunari."
"How is Elthina taking this?" Gavin looked at the prince.
"She's unsettled that it happened under her nose," Sebastian frowned down at the table. "There are dozens of priests, lay people, and templars who call the Chantry their home. She has many demands on her time and Petrice was very careful to present a friendly facade to her Grace. She couldn't have foreseen such happenings, yet she still feels responsible."
"That's because she's always preaching that the Maker will show people the way," Anders snorted derisively. "Like the Maker is going to come down and say 'By the way, people under your authority are abusing their position, and they're names are Petrice and Varnell'."
"Don't speak so of her!" Sebastian jumped to his feet, fists clenched at his sides.
"That's enough," Gavin said firmly as he also got to his feet. He turned to the prince, "Even though he could have phrased it more diplomatically, Anders makes a valid point."
"Hawke, you know Elthina and yet you take that abominations side?" Sebastian was aghast at the thought.
"It's because I do know her that I can understand his position," Gavin said firmly. "Please sit down and listen, with your head and not your heart." He waited until the prince had sat and then retook his seat. "As Grand Cleric, it is her job to uphold the tenants of the faith. But, in her case, she truly believes that the Maker works through us and will guide and protect us. She does seem to put more faith in him than in us mere mortals. That kind of faith can blind one to things going on under their noses."
"The Maker abandoned-"
"Anders, be quiet," Gavin interrupted firmly, glaring at the other mage. "I don't believe the Maker has abandoned us as some do, but I also don't believe he is as involved in our existance as Elthina believes. He gave us free will and rules to guide us and set us loose to do as we wish. But, it is up to those who lead and rule here on Thedas to see that his rules are followed. Elthina trusts those below her too much and thus is easily fooled. There is a time for prayer and a time for action, and Elthina seems unable to distinguish between the two."
"She's a good and kind woman," Sebastian protested.
"And she's been like a mother to you and thus you feel protective of her," Gavin said softly. "Unfortunately, there is a great deal of unrest in this city and it is demanding to be dealt with. Good and kind won't stop or advert the troubles facing the city."
"It's not her job to run the city," Sebastian retorted hotly.
"No, but it is her job to counsel the city's leaders," he snapped back. "If the Viscount, the Knight-Commander, and the First Enchanter can't get their heads out of their asses long enough to deal with the city's problems, then it's her job to knock their heads together until they do. She has the power but not the will to do so. And because of that, people are turning to outside help to fix their problems. Why else am I constantly being asked to intervene? Maybe I should take the same position and tell everyone to pray to the Maker to fix the problem. At least then I would be able to relax and get a good night's sleep."
Sebastian simply stared at Hawke, wanting to deny the truth of the mage's words, but unable to. He looked around at the others and saw that they seemed to agree with Hawke. "You're right," he sighed, shoulders slumping. "It is the responsiblity of the leaders, not the common man, to solve such problems. I guess I've been just as blind as the Grand Cleric in such matters."
"Faith is all well and good, but it doesn't put food on the table or clothes on the back," Gavin nodded. "That requires physical labor, as does fighting the forces threatening to bring Kirkwall to ruin."
"Enemies will not lay down their arms and surrender simply because you tell them the Maker wishes it," Fenris said wryly. "Even if that would make all our lives easier."
"If the Grand Cleric won't act, there are others who will," Anders muttered, scowling at his hands.
Gavin looked sharply at the other mage, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What do you mean by that?" he asked as nonchalantly as possible.
"Nothing much, except that Petrice thought action should be taken and felt the Grand Cleric was too blind to see it. A little less faith in the Maker and maybe Petrice gets sent away before hatching her schemes. And it won't be long before others decide the same," Anders met Hawke's gaze without flinching, willing the other man to accept what he said at face value. It was not yet time to reveal his and Justice's plans.
Gavin's gut told him there was more to it, but it was getting late and his mother had mentioned needing a few things from the Hightown Market. He stood up, "If I don't leave now, the market will be closed. Mom doesn't ask me for much these days, so the least I can do is get her what she needs when she asks me."
Fenris also stood and then moved to embrace him. He gave him a deep kiss that left the mage breathless. "I'll see you for dinner later then."
"Hopefully for more than just dinner," Gavin whispered and then turned away. He never noticed the hurt look that briefly crossed Anders' face, but Fenris did.
"What's your problem mage?" the elf growled as he turned to face him.
"Nothing that need concern you," Anders said stiffly as he got to his feet.
"If it's about Hawke, then it concerns me," Fenris snarled, all his protective instincts coming to the fore.
Anders looked up and said angrily, "It's not Hawke but you that's the problem."
"What nonsense are you spouting?" Fenris snorted.
"You won, I lost, I get it," Anders shouted at him. "You don't have to constantly throw the fact in my face. You're not the only one who loves him. It hurts to be reminded every single day that the only man I've loved since Karl belongs to someone else."
Fenris gaped silently as the mage stormed out of the room before turning back to face those who were still there. He saw similar looks of shock on their face. "I think the abomination is finally going insane."
"But, he has a point Broody," Varric said sharply. "You have been making a point of touching and kissing Hawke in front of him."
"So?" Fenris growled. "Am I supposed to refrain simply because it would make him happy?"
"You don't just do that, you make a point of looking at Anders when you do it," Varric argued. "And the look on your face is a gloating one."
"He's right, you do act that way, but only when Anders is around," Sebastian agreed. "Now that it's been mentioned, I can see how it looks. I don't like the abomination anymore than you, but there is such a thing as being gracious in victory."
"What?" the elf said in confusion.
"It means that you don't lord your victory over the loser," the prince elaborated. "Constantly throwing your victory in the loser's face only leads to feelings of resentment and hatred."
"Blondie is a nice guy," Varric interjected. "Confused and troubled, but a gentle soul none the less. More importantly, he's Hawke's friend and the man cares for him. If you continue to flaunt your relationship in front of Anders, it could lead to problems between you and Hawke down the road."
"He's right Fenris," Sebastian placed a hand on the elf's shoulder. "You and Hawke belong together, but your relationship is still fragile, as is the trust you're building. Don't do anything to jeopardize it."
"I think you're making too much of it, but I'll try to be more circumspect in my actions in the future," Fenris shrugged. He really hadn't been aware of what he was doing. And he really didn't care about the abominations feelings, but he cared what Gavin thought. For the sake of their relationship, he could play nice with the other mage.
Meanwhile, Anders had allowed his anger and resentment to cloud his thoughts and it wasn't until he was back in his tiny room in the back of the clinic that he became aware once more. Justice was telling him he was being foolish and stupid and to focus on their mission. Looking around at his tiny room he couldn't help but think of the big mansion that Hawke now had. If not for Fenris, the mansion could have been his and Hawke's. He knew the other mage cared for him, and in time might even have come to love him. He had never wanted anything more in his life and for one brief moment it had been within his reach.
He sank down on his cot, grimacing at the hardness of the mattress beneath him. If not for the elf, he could be sleeping in Hawke's bed, eating at Hawke's table and discussing plans to free the mages in Hawke's study. Fenris should have been long gone out of Hawke's life. Instead, he was there, touching and kissing and holding Hawke. He could have dealt with it if he never had to see it. But to be reminded over and over again, it was too much! He was still a human being, he still had feelings that could be hurt. And he was hurting, badly. Hurting too much to take it anymore.
That thought brought his head up to look at the clinic. He saw the other two mages who helped him on a regular basis. They even took over the full operation of the clinic when he was out with Hawke on some mission. They weren't talented healers like himself, but the skills they did have were sufficient. Despite being apostates, they didn't fear being hunted by Templars. The people of Darktown had made a point of discouraging any interest from the Order. More than one over eager templar had met a nasty end down here. They didn't need him there, and neither did Hawke.
Grabbing pen and paper, he wrote a note for Hawke. He would leave Kirkwall, head to the Deep Roads. Facing the Wardens would be easier than staying in the city and watching the man he loved with someone else. He could even go to Amaranthine. Mages were in need everywhere in Thedas, not just in Kirkwall. He could take his fight to other shores, perhaps even into Orlais. Once again, it was easier to run than face his pain and run he would. Justice wasn't pleased, but he didn't try to talk him out of it.