Chapter 43

"Mother, you said he promised to join us for dinner tonight," Gavin protested. "I'm beginning to doubt the intentions of this suitor of yours."

"Darling, he's an extremely busy man, a merchant with duties and responsibilites," Leandra argued. "You've been very busy yourself, so you should be able to sympathize how duty sometimes must come before pleasure. I myself have only managed to see him a couple of times. He writes me letters and I do appreciate them, but I still wish we could see more of each other."

"Wait, I thought you said you've been seeing him for weeks," he couldn't hide his confusion.

"Well, yes, it's been weeks, but only a couple of times have we managed to actually meet," his mother explained. "I'm just as disappointed he can't make it tonight. I did so want you to meet him. He really is a sweet and considerate man. He's a bit old fashioned, wanting to properly court me and all, but I find that charming. It is an art that is lost these days. The younger generation is in such a hurry all the time."

"How much do you really know about this man mother?" Gavin locked eyes with her. "If he truly wished to court you, I would think he'd want to get to know your family better."

"He does, he just can't make it tonight," Leandra protested. "I don't think I like your tone either, young man. You make it sound like he has less than honorable intentions."

"You do realize that you haven't even told me his name," Gavin pointed out, gentling his tone so as to avoid annoying his mother further.

"Oh, well it's Quentin," Leandra informed him.

"His family name?" he asked patiently.

"I believe it was Panner, no Panert, that was it, I think," she frowned in confusion. "Honestly, we're on a first name basis now, so it's not really important unless we were to marry."

Gavin barely managed to hide his disquiet over that little tidbit. He would ask Varric to research the man in depth. His mother was a wealthy widow and a prime target for con artists and other disreputable men. He'd be damned if he let his mother get more deeply involved with someone like that, and this Quentin character sounded like such a person.

"Anyway, you're making a big deal over nothing," Leandra had continued talking. "Even though he couldn't make it tonight, he did say he would be more than happy to join us for dinner three days from now. He'll be back from his business trip then."

"Yeah, and I'll bet he finds another reason to not come by," Gavin muttered. His mother looked sharply at him and he opened his mouth to continue the argument, but was interrupted by running feet and angry voices.

"Shut up Fenris, he deserves to know," Varric was saying as he entered the study. "Hawke, Anders is gone, left a note for his helpers to carry on without him. Left a note for you too." Panting, he held it out.

Gavin took it and read it quickly. When he finished, he looked up at Fenris and pinned him with a glare. "Did you read this yet?" he asked sharply.

"I'm not in the habit of reading other people's letters," the elf snorted.

"He says that he can't stand to be around those who care nothing for his feelings," Gavin continued to glare at the elf. "He says watching you flaunt your relationship with me is too painful for him to endure on top of everything else. What did he mean?"

"Now Hawke, in Broody's defense, I don't think he was really aware of what he was doing," Varric said soothingly.

"I didn't realize that my touching and kissing you publicly would be construed, by him, as flaunting my relationship," Fenris scowled.

"That's why you always were more affectionate when Anders was around," Gavin sighed. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're going to have to let go of your prejudices and hatred one of these days Fenris. If you don't, it will eventually eat away at your soul and our relationship."

"You don't believe me?" the elf was shocked.

"I believe that you weren't intentionally trying to hurt Anders," Gavin moved forward and placed a hand along the elf's jaw, holding it firmly. "But, I think you were trying to send him a message." He shook his head and turned away. "I guess you can't be faulted for feeling you had to. Anders was rather persistant in his pursuit of me. I should have addressed the matter before it came to this."

"From what Blondie's told me of his past, running has always been his solution to his problems," Varric interrupted them. "Not only that, when he decides he wants something, he puts his whole heart into it, literally. From what he's told me, he's never been on the losing end of such things."

"He doesn't say where he's going, just mentions the Wardens and Amaranthine," Gavin reread the letter.

"Fuck Hawke, that's a great deal of ground to cover," Varric groaned. "Sorry Leandra."

"I should say so," she frowned. "There's no call for such language, under any circumstances."

"To get to Amaranthine, he'd have to take a ship," Varric continued. "I'll check around the Docks. If he didn't go there, then he could be anywhere by now."

"And he has maps of the area," Gavin pointed out. A sudden thought occurred to him and he shivered. "If he tries to find the Wardens in the Deep Roads.."

"Then he could very well meet his death down there, alone," Varric finished for him. "But how do we find him and stop him?"

"Excuse me Messere, but your hound can do that," Bodahn had been listening quietly from the study doorway. "Mabari are superb hunters and trackers."

"Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves here?" Fenris suddenly asked. "The mage is not a child and has been on his own for several years now. He can certainly look after himself. It was his free choice to leave. Why should you go after him?"

"That would just make you downright happy Broody, wouldn't it?" Varric snapped.

"Fenris, I know you have a problem with him and I respect that," Gavin said softly, shooting a warning glare at the dwarf. "But, he's my friend and he decided to leave because his feelings were hurt. That's not the decision of a rational man. A rational man dies quickly enough here in the Free Marches, an irrational one dies even faster. Besides that, he's a talented healer and I need him."

"You know how to heal," Fenris argued. "You'll just get more practice without him around."

"Listen elf-" Varric started but a hand on his shoulder shut him up.

"There's another reason I want to keep him near," Gavin told them. "Mother, Bodahn, could you excuse us for a moment?" He waited until they had closed the door behind them before continuing quietly. "Like you keep saying Fenris, Anders is posssessed by a spirit and neither of us are sure if he's a good one or not."

"If he dies in the Deep Roads, then there's nothing to worry about," Fenris said callously.

"We don't know how powerful Justice is," Gavin shook his head. "He may be strong enough to keep Anders alive or even resurrect him. I think that as long as Justice can make use of Anders, the spirit will prevent the mage's death."

"You're worried about how much influence Justice has over Anders now," Varric stated.

"Yes," Gavin nodded with a sigh. "Anders told me recently that my friendship has meant the world to him, that it was something he could hold on to in order to keep his sanity. And he's made some comments that I find disturbing. I think he's starting to lose the battle for control. If that should happen, I would rather it be here where we could intervene if necessary."

"Imagine it Broody," Varric glared at the elf. "Justice in control of Anders' powers and no one around to stop him from doing whatever he pleases. An abomination on the loose and out of control." The look of alarm that crossed the elf's face made him smile grimly. "Yeah, I thought you'd like that."

"Fenris, I pray to the Maker that one of these days we'll find a way to seperate Anders and Justice," Gavin laid a hand on his shoulder. "But, until that day, he's still a potential danger. And because he's my friend, and I his, I should be the one to help him if and when the time comes for him to need it."

"Fine, fine, we'll go after him," Fenris grumbled. He knew that Hawke's real reason for doing so was friendship, but the other argument made sense as well. Also, it was one he could soothe his own conscience with. "If we're going to do this, then we need to get started now."

"Right," Varric nodded. "I'll go down to the docks and check around." He hurried out of the study.

"I'll go to the clinic and get something of his for Fang to sniff," Fenris grumped and turned to go.

"Fenris wait, please," Gavin said softly.

"I've already agreed to abide by your decision," the elf said uncomfortably, expecting some kind of mushy thank you from the mage.

Gavin ignored him and instead cupped his face in his hands. "I love you Fenris," he said earnestly. "If you had walked out of my life for good all those weeks ago, I wouldn't have just jumped into bed with Anders. I don't make commitments lightly and I go out of my way to keep my promises. I've already failed with Bethany and Carver, I won't fail with you. Anders is my friend and I won't let him down either. If he loses his battle with Justice, then I want to be there to give him a peaceful death."

"He would be protected if he returned to the Wardens," Fenris said softly.

"Maybe, and maybe not," Gavin shook his head. "After all, it was a former templar who'd joined them who tried to turn him over to the Chantry. If the Templars get hold of him, they'll make him Tranquil, and that's a face worse than death."

Fenris closed his eyes with a sigh. When he opened them, he smiled slightly at his mage. "I will try my best to not alienate Anders if and when we find him."

"Thank you," Gavin leaned down and kissed him. "Now, you have that errand to run and I need to get some supplies together. With no way of knowing for sure when he left, we don't know how far he's gotten."

"Actually, we should at least wait for Varric to return before doing anything else," Fenris stated and saw puzzlement cross Hawke's face. "If he took ship for Amaranthine then there's no way to get him back other than booking passage ourselves."

"In which case we won't need anything," Gavin nodded agreement. He debated with himself for a moment and the sighed. "All right, we wait until Varric comes back."

They each took a seat in the study and sat down to wait. They sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts for a long time before a knock on the door disturbed them. Gavin got up to open it and saw his mother there with a tray.

"It's almost lunch time so I made you sandwiches," she smiled at them and moved to set the tray on the table in front of the sofa. Afterwards, she turned to go but was stopped by her son.

"Mother, I may be out of town for a while," Gavin said softly. "Promise me that you won't go alone to meet your suitor until I have had time to get to know him better."

"Even though I think you're overreacting, I'll respect your wishes," Leandra smiled and then left.

Gavin turned and sat on the sofa next to Fenris who had already started eating. He saw that the elf had opened a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass. "Probably not a good idea to have too much of this before we go."

"We might not be going anywhere, but I agree, one glass with lunch is enough," Fenris chuckled. He chewed thoughtfully for a while and then said, "I didn't know your mother had a suitor."

Gavin sighed and then told him the whole story. "Something about the situation my mother is in bothers me. I can't put my finger on it."

"When we get back, you'll be able to spend time finding answers," the elf reassured him. "Varric will probably be a good resource for you."

"I hope so," Gavin sighed. After that, they finished and then sat quietly waiting for Varric's return.