Chapter 44
Hawke, Varric, Sebastian and Fenris were pushing hard on the trail of Anders. The mage had apparently decided to run for the Deep Roads. Gavin was determined to stop him before he got that far. Glancing up at the sky, he noticed the sun was halfway down. They'd already been travelling for two days. If they didn't catch Anders soon, they would have to make camp again. "I can't believe we haven't caught him yet," he muttered.
Fenris heard him and snorted, "I guess the whole Grey Warden stamina thing wasn't just a myth after all."
"That won't help him if he finds himself fighting off a large group on his own," Hawke said shortly. "Stamina only gets you so far. He's a mage and relies on mana as well. That isn't enhanced by being a warden. We need to find him before that happens."
"Even if we do," Sebastian spoke up, "how much help will you be if you exhaust yourself before we get there?"
Gavin glared at him briefly, "I'll manage." He saw the prince about to protest more but Fang suddenly stopped and sniffed the air, then whined, halting all further discussion. "What is it boy?"
The mabari turned around in a circle a couple of times, sniffing the air constantly. Suddenly, with a loud howl, he took off into the trees to the side of the road they were on. Without hesitation, Gavin followed and the others followed him. The hound had been told to track Anders and it seemed they had finally caught up with him.
As he ran through the trees, Gavin reached into his pouch and withdrew a small vial of blue liquid. He had been using magic to supplement his and Sebastian's strength. As a dwarf, Varric had strength and stamina to spare, and Fenris could activate his markings at will to renew himself. After running for several minutes, he finally heard what Fang had: the sounds of battle. He suddenly exited the trees and found himself in a small clearing. He easily spotted Anders, back against a large boulder, using his staff to beat back a couple of darkspawn. But, the mage wasn't alone. A small group of fighters in Warden armor were with him.
Without hesitation, he jumped into the fight, using his Force magic to knock the entire group of darkspawn off their feet, making them easy pickings for Fenris' sword and the arrows and bolts of Sebastian and Varric. He himself took out a couple with the bladed end of his staff. It was over rather quickly after that.
"Hawke, what are you doing here?" Anders snapped angrily.
"Looking for you," Gavin stated the obvious.
"Well, you found me so now you can haul your ass back to Kirkwall," the mage growled back.
"Friends of yours Anders?" a young woman with black hair, blue eyes, and a noble bearing asked as she joined them. "Be so kind as to introduce us," she said softly, her tone indicating it was an order.
"Hawke, Fenris, Sebastian, and Varric," Anders pointed at each of them as he said their names, "this is Kendra Cousland Theirin, Hero and Queen of Ferelden, Warden Commander and Arlessa of Amaranthine, and my commanding officer."
"A pleasure to meet you," Kendra nodded.
Sebastian stared hard at her, "I remember you. You came with your parents to Starkhaven once shortly before I was shipped off to the Chantry. I was sorry to hear of the tragic demise of the Teryn and Teyrna of Highever. I understand that your brother now holds that title and that you made sure the man respsonsible was brought to justice."
"I killed the treacherous bastard myself," she said coolly and then glanced at the man to her left. "I'm sorry Nate. That was unkind of me," she flushed at her lack of tact.
"I forgave you for that long ago," the man replied. "Once I heard the whole story, I understood."
"Oh please, you only understood after she beat it into you," Anders rolled his eyes.
Nathan just glared at him, "Excuse me, I must retrieve my arrows."
Kendra sighed as he walked off and turned to Anders. "I think that we have a lot to discuss. I suggest we make camp for the night." She moved off to the far side of the clearing away from the darkspawn corpses.
"Your wish is our command," Anders taunted, earning a glare from her.
"Don't push your luck Anders," she warned. "I'm not in the mood for any of your jokes or foolishness. I have questions and you will answer them. Whether I execute you for desertion or not depends entirely on your answers and those of your friends." She waited only long enough to see that Anders was properly cowed before joining the other wardens as they set up camp.
Gavin gaped at her retreating back before turning to the others. "Apparently we don't know the whole story of how Anders ended up in Kirkwall. I suggest we play along for now. But, I didn't come all this way only to see my friend die."
"Hopefully the mage will be able to use his tongue to talk his way out of this," Fenris snorted. "I don't relish the thought of fighting a bunch of wardens."
They quickly set up camp after being introduced to the other member of the group, a dwarf named Sigrun. As soon as dinner was on the fire, the questions began. Anders was tempted, briefly, to skim over the events of his leaving, but Justice insisted that the full truth be known. As he told them about the betrayal of Roland, he saw anger, horror and pity cross his commander's face. He didn't have the guts to face his friends. "So, after that we came to Kirkwall to help a friend and ended up staying longer than planned."
"Why didn't you await my return and tell me this?" Kendra said softly. "Did you think I wouldn't believe you?"
"All my life I've been betrayed by those in power," Anders snapped. "And you never really gave me any reason to believe you would be different. You preferred to spend your time with Nate and Velanna."
"So you ran away, as you've always done," Nathan sneered, glancing at Hawke and the others. "Apparently, Justice hasn't managed to break you of that habit."
"Peace Nathanial," Kendra said sharply before turning back to Anders. "I'm sorry you felt you had to leave. I will report this to Weisshaupt and make it clear that I've absovled you of all wrong doing. That still leaves me with the problem of what to do with you."
"Anders, I want you to come back with me," Gavin broke in. "The poor of Darktown need their healer. The mages of Kirkwall need their advocate. And I need my friend."
"That's not up to him," Kendra shook her head. "He's still under my command and he's been absent without permission for almost seven years now. At the very least, he deserves punishment for that."
"Then send him back with us and place him under the elf's supervision," Varric snickered and then laughed loudly at the look of utter horror that crossed Anders' face.
"Forced with his company, I would no doubt end up killing him to stop his inane chatter," Fenris scowled.
"I'd rather face a horde of darkspawn by myself than be stuck in his company," Anders sulked.
Gavin couldn't repress a chuckle before turning to plead his case with Kendra. "Look, you have plenty of Wardens. Whatever you're out here to do can clearly be accomplished without Anders' help since you don't have another mage with you. I don't have many I can call true friends, but Anders is one of them."
She studied his face closely for a long while before nodding, "Very well. If he wishes, Anders may return with you to Kirkwall for the time being. You will be responsible for him. He is not to go running off on his own again."
"And I don't want to go back there," Anders glared at them both.
"Either you return to Kirkwall or you accompany me into the Deep Roads," Kendra told him. "I will not allow you to run hither and dither about the countryside. You'll just end up getting killed and that would be a waste of a valuable Warden resource. I would lose my command for that."
Gavin stood up and looked down at his fellow mage, "Can we talk privately?"
Anders looked at his commander and, after receiving a nod from her, got to his feet to follow Hawke. They walked far enough away from the fire so that they were cast in shadows. They were also downwind from the others so their conversation was not likely to be overheard. "What do you have to say that the others can't hear? Surely Fenris and them know why I left and Kendra wouldn't care."
"I didn't like the way that Nate guy treated you," Gavin frowned. "He's the type that would use what we say against us."
"You chose Fenris over me," Anders said, not bothering to hide his pain. "I'm used to rejection, or at least I thought I was. But being reminded of what I lost over and over again?"
"That's my fault," Gavin grasped his shoulders tightly. "I should have set things straight long before this."
"So, set me straight," Anders shrugged.
"You're my friend and I care about you," Gavin said softly. "If Fenris had left me, then maybe at some point we might have found ourselves in bed together. I was and still am, physically attracted to you. But, all that would have meant was that we both settled for less than what we wanted, or in your case, deserved."
"But Fenris is still in the picture and my dreams turned to ash," Anders looked away as his eyes filled with tears. "I have feelings, and hopes, and dreams and he doesn't care."
"I have his promise that he will be more considerate in the future," Gavin said reassuringly. "But, my point was that you deserve to have someone who loves you for who you are and is devoted to you. Even if Fenris wasn't physically there, he would still come between us because of the love I hold for him. I loved him almost from the day we met and that has not faded in all these years. His ghost would always come between us."
"Maybe so, but you're everything I've ever wanted in a partner," Anders told him. "Hansome, kind, thoughtful, generous.."
"And rich," Gavin teased. "We have so much in common, and I'm probably the first person to treat you with kindness and affection since you left Amaranthine. And I think that you've been hurt so much in the past that you refuse to allow yourself to feel anything towards anyone who hasn't shown you kindness."
"You think my feelings aren't real?" Anders gasped.
"No, they're real," Gavin shook his head. "But, the depth isn't there between us. Not the way it is between myself and Fenris. And even if we had ended up together, one day he would have come between us."
Anders knew Hawke was right. He'd had plenty of time the past couple of days to look closely at his feelings. It didn't make it any easier to accept or move on. "It hurt you know. Seeing you together and thinking that I meant so little to you."
"Like I told your commander, you're my friend and I don't have many of those," he reiterated. "And I promise, as your friend, that we will be more considerate of your feelings in the future."
"Okay," Anders sighed and rolled his eyes at the whoop of delight from Hawke. "Let's go ruin Kendra's day." And Fenris' day too, he thought sourly. He saw the elf watching them with narrowed eyes as they resumed sitting at the fire. It was also easy to see Nate's relief that he had decided to stay with Hawke.
Dinner converstation was carried on primarily between Kendra and Sebastian. Both being of noble birth, they had a lot in common and could talk about things the others knew nothing about, a rare opportunity for either of them. Afterwards, they decided to get to bed early so they could leave at first light.
As he set out his bedroll, Anders was startled to find Fenris had approached him. "Yes?" he asked warily, wondering what vituperative statements would spew forth from the elf's mouth.
"I wanted to apologize for my behavior," Fenris said reluctantly. "It is not easy to admit my insecurities. Having never had the freedom to express myself before, I felt it necessary to empahsize my position. Personally, I don't trust you or the spirit that possesses you. I would rather you stayed with your fellow wardens. However, as you are important to Hawke, and he is important to me, I will tolerate your presence and do nothing to cause you discomfort in the future."
Anders gaped at him. That had to be the most the elf had ever said to him, at least in one go. "I suppose you expect me to thank you."
"No," Fenris shook his head before reaching out and grabbing the mage's coat and dragging him forward so they were nose to nose. "I don't need your thanks. But, know this: if you cause Gavin any pain, in any way, shape or form, I will rip your heart out and throw your carcass to the dogs. He cares about you. Don't you dare abuse his trust." He dropped the mage and stalked over to the tent he shared with Hawke.
Anders scrambled to his feet and looked quickly around. At least no one else saw him tossed about like a rag doll. That would have been beyond embarassing. He briefly toyed with the idea of begging Kendra to change her mind and order him to accompany her. Justice chastised him for that, pointing out that he had agreed to go with Hawke and it was time he lived up to the trust the other mage placed in him. He would just have to make sure he never got on Hawke's or Fenris' bad side. Sighing, he fixed his bedroll and settled down to try and sleep.