Hi there!
Long time no write. Season premiere meant inspiration for me. Also, writing is my escape during school so here I am!
This a one shot based on the premiere.
Enjoy!
Your worst fears may be becoming reality. It's not every day that your wife, the person you love and cherish the most, the one that you trust without limits, the one that you woke up next to this morning, may be hiding something from you. In fact, is hiding something from you. You know without even half the information that it's something huge. You know that whatever it is can't be good. You don't even know what it is. Because you're good at looking at the facts. You're good at putting two oddly shaped pieces of the puzzle together to make a clue. But these pieces just don't add up; there's no clear image of what comes next. No lead, no information, no Kate. You're good at feeling that ache in your gut that tells you when equilibrium is completely thrown off, spun one hundred eighty degrees in the wrong direction. This is what you live for. It's why you're so good at walking into the precinct and solving a case within hours. You take a chance, look at the puzzle in a different way, follow your intuition. Because you're savvy and quick and smart.
Funny part is, she's equally as savvy, quick and smart. Hell, she's even a little bit better. She's one of the biggest reasons you're so good at solving the puzzle. She incorporates so much of her skill into your storytelling that it weaves something so fantastic it just works. But that's only when she wants to. So much so that you had not one trace of a clue that she was going to kiss you, tell you she loves you, and then run out the door to some unknown man, get shot, meet up with you, and then disappear without a trace. One PP your ass. What a good lie. What a subtle delivery. You're good, but she's still ten times better.
And then that gets you thinking. How long had she been planning this? How long has she been answering phone calls in secret, responding to emails late at night, gathering information and watching behind her back? How long had she been working on a different puzzle? She does this for a living. She's good at hiding things. She knows when to lock the phone, close the email, and put a smile on her face. She knows how to live a double life. And sadly, she's damn good at it.
You are angry. And on top of that, you're mad at yourself for being angry. But your wife went completely awol and took off into the daylight. She's keeping you in the dark and you have no idea why. She's showing her old self, the one that kept every emotion locked tight. The one that didn't let you in. The one that you thought had been lost years ago. Did you really lose the old Kate, or had you just thought so? Because as of right now, you're not so sure. And that's a beyond terrifying thought to have.
You know all of these things, but God all you want is your wife back. You want to tell her how pissed you are and ask her what the hell is going on. But there's an even bigger part of you that wants to wrap her in your arms and kiss her and tell her you love her and never want to lose her again. Because your love for her is infinite, it's always. It's never ending no matter what. You loved her when she wouldn't let you in, when she did, and even know. You love her more than you love yourself and that's no matter what. No matter how angry or hurt or confused you are. Your undying passion for that woman is unlike anything you've ever felt in your entire existence. She is your puzzle. She's challenging, frustrating, and complicated at times, but at days end, she's beautiful and rewarding and fun. She completes you.
You hate thinking you've been in this place before. You hate knowing this feeling of helplessness. And you hate knowing that you actually do know how to handle it. You know exactly how you're going to feel and act and think. You know that grieving and risking your life and running through the streets of New York is normal. Because trying to find your wife under extremely dangerous circumstances is in no way, shape, or form normal. Even a somewhat normal day for you would have been kissing your wife goodbye, her actually going to One PP, her returning to the precinct, and you maybe solving a homicide or maybe not. God, how hard you wish that you could have a normal day.
But you take that deep breath, you close your eyes for a brief moment, and you gather yourself. You get ready for what comes next. And once that moment is over, you know that it's back to reality. You know that it's time to work. It's what you do best, besides write, that is. You're good at finishing the real life story. You just always hope and pray that it's a good ending.
You know Kate. You know that she has a reason for everything she does. She'll be back and she'll have a perfectly good explanation for why she took off. You'll be madder than a hornet, but nothing will feel as good as holding her in your arms again. You left her with "always". That's one thing to hold on to. It's time to brush off the morning and finish the puzzle.
Please review!
xoxo