November 29th, 2003

I think he's following me now. I know he's been in my house, and it's hard to feel more violated than that, but I somehow feel just as dirty knowing that his eyes might be on me without my knowledge.

The letter today was different. He was going on about how he wasn't worthy yet, and that he had prayed, and how happy he was that I had heard him, and that he had received my generous gift, and that he will use it well. This worries me. First of all, his delusions seem to be becoming more elaborate, if he thinks I've been answering his prayers and giving him gifts. Second, there's the whole matter of the gift in itself. The raving about the wonderful gift makes it sound like he's pounding off to something tangible. I checked the house, but nothing is missing. I haven't, to my knowledge, lost anything at school, either, but... he must have something. Finally, he's declaring his determination to use the gift to its fullest in order to make the world pure.

This, over all, is the most problematic. This inclination towards 'purifying' the world, along with his raving about my sense of justice, could make him potentially dangerous. Nothing good ever happens when someone says that they want to purify the world.

And, on the topic of purifying the world...

Yesterday I wrote about the odd death of Kurou Otoharada. He suffered a heart attack while he was holding eight hostages inside a school. This might be dismissed as coincidence under normal circumstances, but the pattern has continued. Dozens of criminals around the world have been suddenly collapsing, dead, from heart attacks. Many of the victims are quite healthy, some have not been convicted... it's all very confusing, but very captivating. Something on this scale should be impossible. It can't possibly be someone working alone- not with the massive scale of the murder. Still, the speed of the killings and the lack of apparent agenda, other than eliminating the world's criminals, seem like the workings of just one person. There may well be another, less "altruistic" pattern, hidden beneath the cover of vigilante justice, but it is too soon to tell.

I find it odd, however, that the police seem to be treating Otoharada as a separate incident. It's clear exactly what Otoharada was- an experiment.

November 30th, 2003

Today's letter is the first one that mentions that I haven't been answering his calls. Right after that, he seems to back-pedal a bit, sounding like he's rationalizing why I haven't answered my phone. He says that he has not done nearly enough yet, that he's still unworthy, and that he will try harder to earn my approval. He says that he hopes I am at least happy with the progress he has made so far. He says he knows that I have noticed.

I don't know what I'm supposed to have noticed, but I fear he might make a move soon. If he reaches the point where he feels he has done enough to make himself worthy in my eyes, and I still don't acknowledge him, he might do something drastic. Not that his prior actions aren't drastic. And who knows what he's been doing that I've 'noticed', what he's been doing to make himself worthy and to earn my respect.

I hate this so much. What did I do to

No, that's not right. That's acting under the assumption that life is fair. I don't pretend to be a paragon of light- not like this sick fuck. I recognize my faults. I'm arrogant and selfish, but I've never done anything to make this okay.

I feel powerless. This whole damn situation- I can't do anything about it. I can only sit and wait for the next letter, the next call, or god forbid the next gift. I wish I could do something, but the only change is the growth of the bags under my eyes and the aching in my muscles.

I've been focusing instead on the Kira investigation. That's what the perpetrator of all this mass-murdering has been dubbed, Kira, at least on the internet. The police organizations of the world haven't acknowledged it, yet- probably because they have no idea what the hell is going on.

I asked my dad, and it's clear that no one in law enforcement has the slightest clue. Their best guess is a massive, widely reaching organization. He did tell me that the ICPO has called an emergency meeting for December 4th. He will be attending.

I get the feeling that this will end up taking a lot of dad's time in the near future. I am eager to see the resolution of the case, but don't want to see my father take on any more stress. He always takes on more than he can handle. With his job, and my situation, and now this...Not to mention how dangerous Kira clearly is.

I hope all of this ends soon.

I just want everything to go back to normal.

December 1st, 2003

Letter today is more desperate for acknowledgment. Phone calls last night were more frequent.

I saw my father before I left for school this morning, which is out of the ordinary. He is usually already at the office by the time I wake up, but today we sipped black coffee together while watching the news. We didn't talk. I felt normal for a few moments.

Dad gave me a canister of pepper spray before he left.

I will carry it with me with the same dedication that I carry this journal.

December 2nd, 2003

Letters growing more manic each day. Phone calls more frequent. I have given each member of my family a specific ring tone. Outsiders and unknown numbers are on silent. I hope to gain some peace this way.

I can sleep a bit easier knowing that an alarm system has been installed. It is silent, and alerts the police quickly if the code is not put in within one minute of entry. Dad only explained the minimum details to the family, but the sentiment was clear. If the bastard breaks in again, Dad intends to catch him.

I hope he dies in prison.