76. Broken Pieces

"What the hell are you doing?"

It's not a question, not exactly. He knows what's going on. He has eyes, doesn't he? He's not so fucking stupid that he can't figure it out, but the words slip out anyway. His voice sounds eerily calm in his ears.

The first few seconds were numbed by shock, but now he feels the anger. Pain. A ripping, tearing hurt that's rapidly clawing him apart.

Because Shawn is there naked in their bed. And he's not alone.

The girl looks scared. Scared of him. Probably because of whatever she sees on his face. He doesn't care. He doesn't think he's ever hated anyone as much as he hates her in this moment. He wants to take his gun from it's holster and pull the trigger, fire bullet after bullet, until her features are unrecognizable.

He clenches his hands at his sides. Knuckles white. Fights the urge. Fights the bile rising in his throat. Fights the questions rising with the bile. Why? How? When? Why?

He doesn't want to know. Doesn't want to hear the answers. Doesn't want to be seeing this. What he wants is to forget, rewind the clock to yesterday when everything was full of happy, warm, promise. When everything was right.

Shawn's scrambling out of the bed-their bed-doesn't bother to cover up. There's a mark on his neck that he knows he didn't make. He closes his eyes, but he can still see it. Can still see the small, shocked smile frozen on Shawn's swollen lips.

"Lassie…"

The voice is close, too close. His eyes snap open. Shawn's there, wobbling a bit. He smells like perfume and sweat and musk and alcohol. There's alcohol on his breath. That doesn't make it okay. Doesn't make this any better. Because there's alcohol on his breath, but there's also lipstick under his ear. Under his ear, above the mark.

Shawn lifts a shaking hand toward him, but he backs away. Steps on something that shifts. Looks down at a scrap of lace peeking out from under his shoe. Underwear. Looks expensive. He wants to grind it under his heel. Instead, he kicks it toward the corner where the girl is struggling into a skimpy party dress and looking everywhere but at them.

Shawn swallows. He can hear it. Can see his adams apple bob.

He wants to scream. Wants to cry run break something shoot something do anything that isn't staying in this room that smells like sex.

Shawn takes a step toward him, gets a hand on his arm this time. Even through the layers of his shirt and jacket, the touch burns. His other arm draws back. The fist stops just short of Shawn's face. He drops it, draws away from Shawn's hand. He can't touch him. Not even to hurt him. Can't touch him. Can barely look at him.

The girl's disappeared, but Shawn's standing there, making small pleading sounds.

"Lassie-"

His hand's in the space between them, flat, palm toward Shawn. He didn't move it, but it's there.

"You brought her into our house. Into our bed." That's not his voice. His voice isn't that cold. Even with convicts, his voice doesn't sound like that. That's not his voice. He knows it isn't, but the words are coming from his mouth. "Some random whore. Here. Our home, Shawn. What were you thinking? Were you thinking?"

"Lassie, please. I love you." Shawn's eyes are wide, desperate.

"I trusted you."

He turns and stumbles into the hallway where he doesn't have to smell the sex. See the rumpled sheets. The sheen of sweat still clinging to Shawn's body. The mark at his throat.

Shawn is behind him. His breathing is loud, more pants than anything. Now his voice is desperate too.

"Lassie. Carlton. Carlton, please. It was a mistake. I was drunk and it was so stupid and her eyes are the same as yours and, and please, Carlton. Please, Carlton, let me make this better. Tell me what I have to do to make this better."

"No." His voice cracks on the word. Clears his throat. Tastes the bile. Tries again.

"No, Shawn." Better. Steadier. Firmer. Oh God, what is he doing? "You can't fix this."

Kristin: I don't know how I feel about the writing on this one. It was definitely a big step outside of my comfort zone and I probably struggled with it more than any of the others. If you only review one theme, please let it be this one. I'd really appreciate getting someone else's opinion on it.

As far as Shawn's cheating goes, well, I tend to have the somewhat pessimistic mindset that anyone is capable of anything, it's just a matter of controlling the impulse to go through with it. Shawn's shown that he has impulse control problems during the show, and I think it's plausible that those problems coupled with alcohol could lead to his cheating. I don't think he's a bad person, but I do think he has a history of making very bad decisions.

PeanutTree- Thank you so much for the kind words and taking the time to review! I'm glad you're enjoying them. :D

23/100