It's something we get used to

It was odd how he always ended up in the fool's office. This time however there seemed to be a gathering of ministry idiots. All of them were waiting their turn to shit on him.

He was getting tired of answering the same damn questions. He was getting tired of getting the same damn responses. Things were not looking good for him at all. This could very well be the end of his career. The ministry seemed very pissed off at him for knowing Black's location and not acting out his capture. Fudge seemed more paranoid than ever and Rufus was beginning to wish he had never arranged that attempt on the minister's life and then blamed it all on Black. The man had been severely spooked by it to such an extent that he stopped making rational decisions. While Rufus was going for this effect a few months ago; hoping to make the man putty in his hands, now he really wished the idiot would think for himself. It was like the man was unable to make any decisions unless Umbridge thought it was a good idea.

Even though it was fair in a way that not all decisions were made by the minister for magic and another person had a strong say in it, Rufus would feel better if the ministry wasn't so greatly influenced by Umbridge's opinion. She was narrow minded and could never see the bigger picture of things. It frustrated Rufus to work with people like her.

The other two people who were sitting in on this unofficial meeting were Bones and Crouch. They were both quietly watching the proceedings. Rufus knew that neither of them were foolish and he would probably have one hell of a meeting with both of them when this was finished. They both knew by now that something serious had happened.

Rufus didn't honestly believe he would be employed by the ministry for long anymore. All the possibilities of what could happen included him being sacked. Years of fighting to be head auror suddenly seemed worthless. He would lose his job and in order to put them back in the publics favor the ministry would pin him with all the blame. It would be his fault that an innocent man ended up in Azkaban for seven years. It would be his fault that the criminal trials directly following the first rising were never properly conducted or recorded. It would be his fault that all those un-convicted men died in Azkaban. He would become the most hated head auror in British history. His auror license would most likely be revoked.

Rufus had lost everything.

"What do you mean you aren't going to arrest Black? I am the minister for magic! You have to do as I say! If you do not then I will have you removed." Fudge howled from his desk swinging his fist dramatically and failing once again to launch a successful threat.

Rufus smiled grimly at the man; his wand was ready on his fingertips for a fight if it came to that. The minister didn't have any say in that matter at all. Bones decided everything that had to do with her department. Fudge was as harmless as he was an idiot. It meant nothing. It was an empty threat. When it was time for Rufus's removal Fudge would have little to no say in it at all.

"What I mean, Cornelius, is that arresting Black would be very bad for the ministry." Rufus stated again noticing the way that Amelia's and Bartley's eyes narrowed in suspicion. They were the ones he would need to talk to later. If anyone needed to know what was at stake it was them. "I have located Black and I have located Potter but I will not give away the location nor will I arrest Black. He will remain where he currently is under auror surveillance until such a time as I can ensure the safety of the ministry were a certain thing to happen."

"And what is this thing?" Umbridge lashed out. The toad of a woman had taken up her usual place behind Fudge's shoulder.

"It is something that is classified to anyone outside of my department. I cannot inform you of it. Understand, however, that I was chosen as head auror and you must therefore trust and respect my decision on the matter of Sirius Black." Rufus answered in a stiff voice. That woman was disgusting. She was a nasty piece of work.

"I do not think the Minister should be left out of this matter. I personally think that you should tell us what this matter is. You have no authority for keeping secrets from the minister!" She declared in her sickly sweet voice.

"Actually, he does Dolores." Madam Bones corrected quietly from her chair, "The auror division has always been given the right to keep certain information a secret. As head Auror the choice is his. If Rufus deems it too important to share than it most likely is."

"Well I demand it!" Fudge bellowed, "When I get approached by reporters this afternoon on my way home I need to be able to tell them something. Harry Potter is missing. Sirius Black broke out of Azkaban. One auror dead and another one critically injured. What am I supposed to say to them? This all reflects badly on me! Everyone is going to think that I am some incompetent fool who has no idea what is happening in my ministry!"

Rufus bit his tongue to keep from making a rude remark. He was already in hot water there was no reason to turn up the heat. Fudge was very sensitive about his media image and had been growing more and more paranoid about it for months. Pointing out to him that the media would probably have the right idea about him wasn't going to make matters easier. Fudge would go off into another eleven minute rant about how he wasn't an idiot. Which was a very tragic thing to watch him do.

It was getting late anyway.

He really could do with a drink.

He wanted to be back in his office where he was alone.

He had already been in five meetings today; two with Dumbledore, two with the minister and one with Moody. Not to mention the three hour press conference at St. Mungoes about Heywood's injuries and the death of his friend. He had never spun such stories in his life. Rufus was exhausted. He was tired of fighting today.

"Very well," he said in a defeated voice, "If you really must know. The warden of Azkaban has in his possession the file of Sirius Black's trial."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Umbridge squealed, "Surely that cannot be a threat against the ministry. I am afraid Rufus that time has made you just a little bit paranoid."

Rufus was quietly watching the reactions of Bones and Crouch. Both were sitting straighter in their chairs and both were exchanging grim expressions. He made to get up, "The problem, my dear, is the fact that Sirius Black never had a trial at all. He was never prosecuted. He is therefore innocent in the eyes of the law." With a swift nod at Crouch and Bones he left the ministers office. They would sort it out. He didn't want to be part of the conversation that would now follow. He didn't want to hear what they were going to do. He already knew their options. Bones was a fair woman but she wasn't spineless. She would immediately put Rufus down as a sacrifice.

By tomorrow his fate would be decided.

It was late and the ministry building was empty. Walking down the deserted hallways was something he was used to doing. He had spent his youth in this building, staying well pass closing hours to do most of Moody's paperwork. He liked the building better when it wasn't crowded. This was probably the last time he would be allowed to stay in the ministry after closing hours. After tomorrow they would keep proper track of him the moment he set foot inside the building. They would make sure he was out before six. He would never walk down the deserted hallways again.

Rufus opened up his office door and shuffled inside unenthusiastically. When he was younger he had always wanted this office so badly. He used to have the cubicle outside it. Moody would usually bark commands at him from inside. Moody was never around the ministry building a lot and was usually in the field but whenever he was in the ministry building he was always sitting comfortably in the luxurious chair behind his desk. It always seemed like such a position of power to Rufus. He controlled a room full of aurors so easily from behind that desk. He was let in on everything. He had a hand in every operation and investigation. He was a great auror.

Rufus remembered that he used to sit at his cubicle desk and watch the man through the open door as he ran Britain with ease. All Rufus ever wanted to do was be that man. He wanted to command that respect from everyone else. He wanted so badly to be that important.

Now it was all over. There was nothing he could do to maintain that position. He would take the blame for the ministry's injustices. He would lose his job which had always been the only thing he had worked towards. What was there left for him to do with his life?

It was so unfair.

It was so unfair.

Rufus lingered at the desk and let his eyes drift over all the things that lay scattered upon it. Half read files and half filled in reports; old books and unimportant pieces of paper. And a letter?

His hand gingerly moved towards the corner and pulled it out from underneath the tower of unfinished paperwork.

Oldest friend

Last night was rough. It's always rough between us. I don't really know why. I see so much of myself in you it shocks me. I see so many of my mistakes being repeated by you. I see so much of your frustration and know so well the predicament you are currently sitting in. I bet you are waiting to be yelled at. Bet you set up a waiting list for people to come shout at you. You never liked getting into trouble and you never liked doing something wrong. Even when we were kids you always dreaded doing something wrong. This is probably why you shouldn't even have bothered becoming an auror.

I never gave a fuck. Moody never gave a fuck. Nobody in that entire ministry building gives a fuck. You were the only one who ever cared. I still don't know why you just had to try and change that. I still don't know why you are still trying so hard to change that. You were never the heartless prick I was Rufus. You will never be the heartless prick I was no matter how hard you try or how far you push yourself. I can't understand why anyone would try as hard to become someone like me. You were always trying to force yourself into my mold. Even when we were kids you were always pushing yourself to be me.

You were never supposed to have become an auror. You were much too nice to become an auror. Moody saw right through you, even before he got his eye. He knew you weren't cut out for the job. He knew you were too good. He knew you were too nice. He knew you were too damn righteous. People like you are not supposed to be anywhere near the ministry. They are supposed to be as far away from it as possible. But you just never seemed to figure it out. Even after all these years you still haven't got a clue.

Rufus. Why do you think I left the ministry? You know I had a lot going for me and you know I was damn good at my job. I was the best there was. I probably still am. So why would someone with a future as bright as mine just up and leave? Why would I take to a place like this little shit rock? Haven't you ever thought that it was odd when Mad-eye retired? The only thing Mad-eye was ever good at was being an auror. So why would he just stop? We both know he still had another two to ten years left in him. Why would the greatest auror of the centaury just stop?

Don't you get it? While you were trying to be like us we were trying to be more like you. We wanted to have your sense of wrong and right. We wanted to feel the guilt we saw in your eyes every time you came back from a mission that involved you doing something dodgy. We wanted to have that appreciation and understanding of people that you were just born with. Since the day I met you I have been trying to be you. I have been trying to be as solid as you. Since the day we became friend I have been so jealous. You were everything I have never been able to be; so considerate, so well balanced, so damn nice and such a sickeningly good person. It irritated the shit out of me just sharing an apartment with you and seeing how structured your life was.

You're the reason Moody and I didn't want to be aurors anymore. We wanted to be human instead. You have no idea how much I wished I was you all those years ago. Why do you think I took your girl as my wife? Do you think I did it to spite you? No you dumb fuck, I did it cause I wanted to feel the love that I saw between the two of you. I wanted to be apart of it. It was something I had never imagined feeling. And I am sorry if my actions hurt you but I didn't know how to go about it any other way. It was so hard being your friend. It was impossible to be your friend because everything I did ended up hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I was just born with this ability to hurt everyone. It's what made me such a good auror. Such a great interrogator.

While I was trying my ass off to become half the decent human being you were, you had to go and throw it all away by forcing yourself to be more like me and Moody. I still don't know why you did that.

You had everything a man could ever need Rufus, you had a soul. You were a complete person. Why would you choose to give it all up and become an emotionless soldier for an organization as stupid as the ministry of magic? Why would you give it all up for something so worthless? It consumed you man. You always accuse me of steeling her away from you, did you ever consider that you were driving her away. You were always busy doing this and doing that. You were always at the fucking ministry. She was so upset.

But I loved her. I learned to love her. I loved the shit out of her. I loved every minute I was with her. And I think with time she started to love me. Not the same way she loved you. Cause she was over the fucking moon in love with you.

I just thought you aught to know why I left and why I am leaving. It's so hard to be like you. I've been trying for so long now. I am sick of feeling like I am empty. I am sick of being so miserable all the time. I don't care for what you are trying to become. But I love the person you are.

You are my best friend. You are the thing that has inspired me for the better part of my life. You are the reason I am out here on this rock trying to make myself pay for being such a demon. And I wish I could just be more like you used to be.

I don't know why things work out the way they do. I was never meant to have a soul. And I was never meant to be at peace.

Sometimes I think that she was just a dream you know. She was just a dream in a lifetime of nightmares. She was so damn beautiful. She understood me. She was so perfect. I loved her so much. I miss her. I miss both of them so much. I am so sick of missing her and running from her. I am tired of pushing her away. I don't want to be alone anymore. I have been missing her forever. And it hurts.

Family tends to die you see and people tend to screw themselves up. Friends tend to turn on you and everything you believe in tends to be a load of bullshit at the end. Nothing is ever solid and nothing is ever true. Life just keeps screwing everyone over and I am so sick of watching it all happen.

When you read this, I'll be gone.

Moody had seen many things.

He had lived through two great wizard wars, he had been to every corner of the globe tracking down dark wizards, he had watch men die in every way imaginable and he had been in the presents of many great and many disgusting human beings.

After years of investigating scenes of torture and murder you could sense it very clearly. You could sense pain and you could sense loss. Walking into a building where something bad had happened set off alarms in his mind. Most times you couldn't always see that something wrong had happened. Most of the time people tended to cover up very well. They would wipe away the blood and get rid of the body. Yet, when you walked into the room you felt something.

It was so quiet.

The sounds of the sea hitting the fortress's walls were nothing but distant murmurs of dislike. A strong wind was pushing against the northern end of Azkaban today but once Mad-eye had closed the great doors he didn't feel it nor thought about it much. It was as if he had walked into a different world that wasn't influenced at all by the storm outside. Part of what had always made Azkaban such a terrifying place was the weather. That foul cold feeling you got in your bones when you stayed here too long was connected in some way to the angry sea and the intense skies. This morning seemed to have changed all of that. Azkaban felt empty. Nothing sinister lingered in the air. It was all just hollow hallways carved out of stone and rock. The fortress wasn't what it usually was. Something had changed.

Moody made his way up the stone steps. It was just past five in the morning and it was bloody cold outside. His leg was acting up again because of the temperature and it wasn't at all pleasant moving it. He had his wand clutched tightly in his hand ready to face whatever sight was to be found in Haden's office. He pushed the door open as he walked through the doorway.

A sudden draft ran through the office and down the stairway into the dark prison below.

One of the windows was open and the crisp sound of waves crushing rock could be heard clearly.

The room was dark.

The room was empty.

The desk had been cleared of the papers and books.

There was nothing lying on the floor.

Everything that once stood against the wall wasn't there anymore.

The office had been stripped of all its possessions.

Moody let out a slow breath and stepped out of the current of cool air flowing out of the door. As he walked forwards carefully studying the surroundings a sudden movement caused his magical eye to spin towards the desk. It was only the damn dog. The poor beast was huddled against the desk trying to stay warm. It had been chained to the table it seemed. It had been left here by its master.

Mad-eye moved towards the animal and it shyly stumbled out from under the table to rub its head against his good leg. The mutt seemed scared. Mad-eye could only imagine how long it had been alone in this freezing office. His fingers found the chain that bound it and with his eyes, followed it down to where it lay crushed beneath the desk's leg. Mad-eye carefully lifted the desk a bit and pulled the chain out from underneath it.

When the dog had its neck back it ran straight for the open window. The creature stood in front of it barking madly at wind that rushed in.

Moody walked towards the window.

He maneuvered around the dog.

He leaned over the window sill and looked down.

On the rocky land beneath the window he saw books and paper scattered unevenly. All of the possessions were slowly being devoured by the sea. With each wave that hit the rock something was pulled back into the storm.

Haden had thrown everything out of his office.

He had tied up his dog.

He had left the window open.

Had he jumped?

Had he followed his possessions out into the storm?

What happened here?

He could still feel it even though he knew it was no longer there.

A sudden thud and the explosion of pain it caused. As if something was trying to break a hole through him. The force of it beating his body backwards until it rammed against the hard rough bark of the big tree behind him. Sliding to the muddy ground in a panic as he tried to suck air into lungs. But the air wouldn't go into his mouth. He couldn't breath. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't breathe. His mouth was open but no air was coming in. And the pain. It was growing very quickly from the area that was hit. He wanted to cry out but he couldn't get enough air into his lungs to make a sound.

His head fell to the slimy soil. It climbed into his hair; his shirt was soaking up the water present in the grass. A sickening crackle rang out into the night and the voice of a man in agony caused his eyes to find the source. The man was nothing but a shadow. Twitching and jerking around on the ground like a possessed snake. His body making movements that no human being should have been able to make. The sharp drowning notes of pain that came from his bleeding mouth made him think of one of those big church bells because the sound of the screaming seemed to travel across the entire surrey making the air shimmer and vibrate with his hurt. It seemed like the thing that danced in such agony in front of him with the blood rushing out of his nose and mouth was burning up from the inside. There was a loud crunch, and the shadow folded on itself, all the bones in its body breaking and splintering. They became like spikes that forced there way out of his body. And with it speckles of blood flung themselves out in arcs away from the crippled corpse that once was a man.

His boots were already layered with muck. They had already ploughed there way through the grass as he turned and dodged with an accuracy that was inhuman. A disgusting pleasure gleaming in his eyes as he turned his attention to the last living figure as it tried to attack him. It was like he had written the script for this scene and had rehearsed it many times. His hand came up in a sweeping motion his body bend to the side to allow a bundle of burning blue cords to pass him and with a sickening ease he ran the tip of the gleaming red knife across the man's throat.

The shadow fell onto his knees immediately grabbing at the gushing line that ran across his throat. He watched at the shadow fell to the ground squirming on his back and gasping for air. He could hear the revolting sound of the shadow breathing through the hole in his windpipe and then the choking that came from the blood running down into his lungs.

Harry shut his eyes and rolled away from the sight. The dying man's eyes had found his and had held his gaze for a second. They cried out for help and in such panic. Harry snuggled up closer to the tree. Tears were stinging his eyes. His throat was raw with his unheard screams. he was able now to take small breaths. But they just weren't enough. His tummy hurt so much. His chest was pricking him and every time he moved the pain just became more.

And somewhere above him, he knew that Haden was standing half hidden by shadows; his face twisted into a cruel smile as he watched the man dying slowly in front of him.

Harry woke up shivering. Clutching the blanket tightly and biting into the pillow. He hoped that he didn't make any noise this time. He didn't want anyone to rush in and tell him it was all right. He hated it when Sirius and Moony told him it was going to be alright. He didn't want them to feel like they had to lie for him. He didn't want them to run after him like this at all. He didn't want to cause them any more trouble than he had already caused them. He wanted to stay here forever. He never wanted to go back to that place ever again. He had managed to stay here this long. He had been very good this far. But nothing was going to be alright anytime soon.

Sirius and Moony didn't like it when Harry was upset. They didn't like it when he woke up from nightmares in a state like this. They didn't like hearing about him living in a cupboard and being ignored. They didn't like him talking about his aunt and uncle they way Harry did. They got upset very easily. Moony would get a deep frown and go all silent; Sirius would start questioning Harry about it. Harry had come to hate Sirius's questions. They were difficult to answer and very tiring.

His heart was still pounding wildly and Harry knew that it would take a very long time for it to go back to normal. He didn't want to lift his teeth out of the pillow because Harry knew that Moony and Sirius had very good hearing and he knew that if he freed his mouth he would start making crying noises. They would rush in turn on the lights and cradle him telling him how it was just a bad dream.

It was more than just a bad dream. It happened. He had been there. He saw it all happening. It wasn't like in the story books. It wasn't like in the movies. The blood was real. The pain was real. The people really existed. The place still existed. Harry really saw them all dying. It was horrible. There was so much pain. And the blood and the horrible noises their bodies made. It was all real. He had been apart of it. It wasn't just a bad dream.

He had been here for about three weeks now. It was great. There was food, as much as he could ever want. He had his own bedroom. He could do whatever he wanted to do. Sirius and Moony really cared about him. There were even pictures of him mum… and his dad. Moony would always tell him new stories about his dad. As much and as often as Harry would ask him. Sirius was very funny. Harry liked talking to him because Sirius made it fun. And there were many books. Sirius read to him every night. Like Harry had always wanted. Moony had some very boring books about things and people Harry had never heard about. But there were some nice stories. Moony didn't really like fiction as much as non-fiction.

It was still great. Harry wanted to stay here and always feel this cared for. But he had been having the same dreams for a while now. Sirius and Moony got upset when he had them. Harry didn't know how to stop having them. Frankly, Harry was getting angry at Moony and Sirius for always suggesting he should forget about them. It wasn't a memory Harry could forget. It was a terrible memory. It was dark and thinking about it made him feel like throwing up. It was exhausting trying to hide how he felt all the time. It was exhausting trying to play a nice good boy so that he wouldn't have to go back to the dursley's.

Harry knew that Moony and Sirius wouldn't like it if Harry did what he really felt like doing. They wouldn't like it if he locked himself in the bathroom and cried as much as he felt like crying. They wouldn't like it at all. It would upset them maybe even make them angry.

The wet patch on his pillow was growing. The tears were starting to slow down now and he was calming down slowly. He gently unclamped his teeth and immediately took a deep rattling breath. Harry plunged his face back into the pillow and hoped that nobody had heard him. Moony and Sirius had been staying up late the past couple of night. They where always sitting in front of the fire and talking. It didn't really feel like Harry was part of the conversation. They didn't talk about him. They didn't invite him to be part of it.

It made Harry feel upset because he had been apart of everything they did during the day and then they ignore him when it was night. It sometimes felt no better than living with the Dursleys who always excluded him. Harry hated it when they excluded him. It felt like all the times they were nice to him. All the jokes and talks and time they spent with him. Were like an act. At night they took their break. At night he became invisible again.

The next time he lifted his head out of the pillow and took a breath, it was a normal one. Harry sat up in the bed and hugged his knees in the dark. It was like everything that had happened to him in the past two months were finally catching up with him. Like the dreamy state he was in when he first got here at Moony's house was ending and he was back in the cold real world again. Where nothing ever seemed as good as he thought it was.

He wanted so badly for Moony and Sirius to love him. He had been trying to do everything he could think of that could make them love him. But it seemed like it wasn't good enough. It felt like they were only being kind to him because they had an obligation. Because of him mum and dad. Harry could hear in there voices that they both missed his parents. He had been trying for three weeks to get them to love him like they loved his parents and it still didn't feel like it had worked.

Everything had changed so quickly. Everything had happened so quickly and now nothing was changing anymore. He had been stuck here for almost a month and nothing had happened. He didn't want to force himself to be the perfect little boy anymore. But he didn't want Moony and Sirius to start hating him. He didn't want to go back to his aunt and uncle's house. He didn't want to have to walk past that park ever again. He had to make sure he stayed here for as long as possible. It was nice here.

Harry didn't sleep at all that night and faked it when Moony came to check up on him. Moony always checked up on him.

"I am sorry it ended like this." Moody said softly.

Rufus stuffed the last of his clothing into his tog bag. The ministry had locked and warded his apartment so that Rufus couldn't enter and had deposited a plastic bag filled with his clothes on the floor in front of the door. The Ministry had decided to give Sirius Black the amount of two hundred thousand Galleons in compensation for his seven years in Azkaban. They also decided that Rufus was to pay half of this amount himself. The poor man had been forced to sell everything he possessed and take out two loans to come up with the money. Bones had sacked him and the Wizengamont took away his auror license. Fudge had made sure that every day in the court room was well covered by more than a few reporters and photographers. It had taken two weeks to clear up all the mess and work through all the bits and pieces. Of those two weeks it only took a day to clear Black's name. The other days had been one, long, over dramatized and drawn-out play the ministry put on for the media; in which Rufus was slandered and scolded for incompetence and the injustices he had done to the British community.

While the Wizagamont was going through the evidence in front of the media and anyone else who chose to come to the hearing, a bright spark journalist pointed out that there were people who were sentenced to Azkaban as death eaters but who were walking around freely in Britain. The next day the ministry had found a way to pin that on Rufus as well. Not only did Rufus sentence people to Azkaban without trials, but he also took bribes in the form of money and information from some of those people. The ministry had been able to come up with the necessary documentation overnight.

The lads face had been everywhere and every witch and wizard living in magical Britain knew of the unlawful trials of the post-war "clean up" and that Rufus was somehow to blame for the entire affair. Naturally nobody was impressed and a ruling had been called in the Wizengamont that all prisoners sentenced to Azkaban from October 1981 to June 1982 would have a retrial. It would keep the media occupied for a while. Long enough to forget the ministry's incompetence anyway.

Moody had known Rufus personally for about twenty years. The man had aged another decade in the past two weeks alone. Moody speculated that the thing that brought this about wasn't just the way the ministry used him to clean up their mistakes; it also had a lot to do with Haden. Rufus hadn't asked Moody any questions about it yet. He hadn't spoken about Haden at all. Mad-eye knew that it was eating him up too much to talk about it. He suspected Rufus would think of talking about it as betraying himself or something equally stupid.

Back in the days before Voldermort's rise to power, when Haden and Rufus were still young aurors fresh from the academy, Mad-eye remembered how much both of them depended on the other. The two of them were best of friends. The lived together and worked together. They spent every waking day together and for years Moody had been wondering about the nights too. They complimented each other perfectly. They balanced each other out. Rufus used to keep Haden alive. He used to make sure the man ate and didn't die of alcohol poisoning. Rufus used to be something of a mother to Haden. Splinting his arm after a battle and carting him off to St. Mungoes before he bothered paying attention to his own wounds. Haden used to make sure Rufus got somewhere in the field and in the office. He used to stand up for Rufus and get him to use the opportunities that Rufus often didn't grasp. Haden always had Rufus's back in a battle and especially during the war; which was something Moody had always scolded him for.

Even though things had not been smooth between them for almost a decade now; Moody knew that Rufus didn't just lose an old friend. He lost his best friend. Maybe, he saw it as losing his only friend.

Rufus stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "You aren't sorry." he answered angrily as he started moving down the hallway towards the staircase at the far end, "You couldn't be more pleased about me losing my position. So don't tell me all those lies about how sorry you are for me. Sod off Moody."

Mad-eye followed the boy quietly. In the past he would have expected words that were much colder to be thrown back at him. This wasn't like Rufus at all. "Where are you going now Rufus? You have no home and you have no money. It's Christmas Eve and you have no-one to spend it with."

"Bugger Christmas." He barked rudely as he trotted down the steps; loud enough to catch the attention of the family passing him on there way, presumably, to a family lunch.

Mad-eye smiled at the man's back; in the past Rufus would never have drawn any attention to himself at all. "I am heading over to Remus Lupin's Cottage. I think you should come with me. There will be a warm meal to eat there." Moody tried again as he limped from stair to stair, "It is the best thing for you my boy."

Rufus opened his mouth and let a sharp rift of cold laughter escape it as he pushed through the double doors and walked into the busy crowds of people cluttering the sidewalk, "Since when am I your boy Mad-eye?" He shouted over his shoulder as he pushed a way through the crowd, "Since when do you care what the best thing for me is? I am a grown man and you're treating me like a child. I don't need your pity. I don't want your pity. You were never supposed to pity me!"

It was freezing. Moody pulled his travelers cloak tightly around him and adjusted his bowler hat on his forehead. He did not want his appearance to draw attention from the people around him. Rufus was already making a scene as it was. The boy shoved violently past a woman causing her to stumble into a lamp post. A man called out after Rufus but his figure trudged on unhearing.

Moody didn't know where Rufus was going to. To his knowledge Mad-eye couldn't think of place the man could turn to when all of magical Britain disliked him dearly and his family had disowned him the instant they read his name in the paper. In the past Rufus might have sought shelter at his cousin's or at a friend's but at the moment he doubted anyone would let the man into their house.

It was kind of sick the way the ministry could turn a country against one man. It was very intimidating knowing that they could wield a piercing weapon like the media so efficiently. It was very sad that so many people believed everything they read. He still couldn't understand how the ministry had managed to make it so that everyone cared about all those bastards in Azkaban. None of them deserved a retrial. None of them deserved to be alive anyway. With the exception now of Black, Moody knew that everyone incarcerated there deserved a life sentence at Azkaban. With a few quick untrusting glances at the busy muggles around him, Moody picked up the pace ignoring the stiff aches in his leg; Rufus wasn't exactly going to wait for him.

The lad was upset. Moody had seen Rufus in many moods and under many emotions but he hadn't yet seen Rufus struggling under such anger. Anger was always something Rufus expressed by shouting and cursing people. This time the anger seemed too great to let go of. It made the man unreasonable and unpredictable. This was not something that made Mad-eye comfortable at all. He disliked not knowing how Rufus was going to react to a situation. Moody's imagination could come up with a hundred ways in which Rufus could ultimately express his feelings about what happened the past two weeks and all of them included a decapitated Fudge and a burning ministry building.

Things would have been easier if Haden were here.

The thought struck him as he struggled through the sea of people with his stiff leg. Rufus had turned a corner. They were walking down a quieter street now. Moody was pretty sure Rufus was trying to ignore him. Because Mad-eye was making one hell of a noise and Rufus sure as hell would have been distracted by the sound of his wooden leg hitting the cold wet pavement. "Rufus, why are we playing this game my boy? I am probably the only friend you have."

"I never had any friend!" Rufus bellowed causing a few tourists close by to stare at him oddly.

Moody pushed himself to move in something which resembled a jog. He reached out with his gnarled hand and caught the man on the shoulder, "Rufus, do not temp me to engage you in a duel. I may not be the quickest these days but I can still make your life very unpleasant by removing a limb or one of your five senses." Mad-eye hissed in the man's ear as he pointed his wand tip in-between the man's shoulder blade. Rufus was slowing down, "So listen to me and stop being an idiot. I am offering you some company for the evening. I can also offer you a place to stay until you get back onto your feet. Do not be thick enough to refuse me."

"Mad-eye I do not want to need your help, I'm supposed to be better than you." Rufus muttered. "My life wasn't supposed to have gone this way."

Moody relaxed his grip on Rufus and let his wand find its way back into his coat. He wasn't getting anywhere. It would always come back to this. "You were a great auror Rufus." He muttered in his coarse voice.

Rufus brushed the complement aside, "You were the greatest auror Mad-eye. You're too much to live up to. I don't even know why you sought me out today. Out of all the people in Britain who hate me you have got to be the one who hates me the most." He shut his eyes tightly and raised his hand so that his fingers could dig into the corners of his tired eyes. Moody swore he saw the man's body shrug backwards silently with the strain of keeping back a sob. The lad took a deep troubling breath and let his hand creep away from his eyes. Without acknowledging Moody's presence at all, Rufus turned around and continued walking down the road.

To hell with it

Mad-eye didn't feel like running after him anymore. He was being stubborn. He was being an idiot. Mad-eye was offering him ways pick himself up and Rufus was too proud to take it. Moody didn't have the strength to deal with Rufus. He began limping back towards the main road. He regretted pushing himself into a jog. His leg was going to be in terrible condition in the morning. He would go and enjoy Christmas with some of the old Order members. As a reminder of better day's when he still had the strength to run around pleasing Rufus and keeping Haden in line.

He had tried. Nobody could deny him that. He had tried to help the boy see reason. He had been a good friend even after all this time. He had tried sympathizing. He had tried reasoning. He walked up the busy road. Before he disaparated he couldn't help admitting to himself, that he did indeed hate Rufus. The boy had failed himself and failed the country. Just not in the way that everyone else thought he had.