Seems like the real thing
"- should have informed us of your intentions to visit Mr. Lupin." The healer snapped sternly as they made their way down the corridor. "Mr. Black did state that you were one of the few people who he wanted to see. If you had just sent us an owl there wouldn't have been so much fuss down at reception. With every reporter in Britain trying to get an interview with Mr. Black you aught to have expected the door slammed in your face. All we have been doing is keeping those parasites out of the wing." She pushed open the door with her back and gazed at him expectantly, "I will come and collect you in an hour. I am afraid there is a time limit to visitations."
"Thank you for the trouble. I will notify you before I cause such a fuss again." Remus said rather apologetically. He had wrestled tirelessly with the woman before she finally let him in the doors.
She nodded sharply, as Remus made his way into the room. The door closed and locked behind him. Sirius was sitting at one of the tables looking out of the big dirty windows. There wasn't much to look at. He supposed the view was a lot better than it had been in Azkaban.
Sirius's head turned around and his eyes widened in surprise, "Hey Moony, when they chased me in here I didn't know what to expect."
"Just visiting." Remus smiled as he navigated the room and sank into the chair next to his old friend. "How has the week been?"
"It is okay. I get bored easily though." He muttered sounding rather glum, "You are the first person to visit me."
"Dumbledore was informed yesterday that your state of mental illness wasn't too severe for you to receive visitors." Remus teased, "You are making progress then?"
"It's hard work being crazy. I have been assured however that I am an exceptional case and that a full recovery is possible." Sirius turned his head away from the window and his eyes were tinted with concern, "enough about me, how have you been doing Moony?"
"Fine," Remus said trying not to laugh, "Better than fine actually, I went to visit Harry the other day. He seems to be okay. Walked him home from school, we chatted a bit."
"It is unfair that you get to spend more time with him. But Harry likes you for some reason." Sirius mumbled.
"He says he misses you." Remus continued.
"Yeah well, I miss him too." Sirius concluded.
It was a rather pleasant day. Remus started smiling again. It felt great to sit next to Sirius knowing that he wasn't insane and that he wasn't a murderer. It felt great waking up in the morning knowing that he had his best friend back again. He wasn't completely alone anymore. He had Sirius and they had Harry. Harry, who was both James and Lily. It wasn't perfect like it used to be before that Halloween but it was the best life had been since. Sirius would be out soon. He would get a job and an apartment here in the city. Harry would probably be able to visit over the summer.
Remus knew that Dumbledore would make sure Harry lived at his aunt and uncle's all the way through Hogwarts. It just felt great that the kid knew about him now. That Harry liked spending time with Remus. He could be apart of Harry's life. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it might. The boy was an amazing kid.
"Remus, things are going to be okay after this is done right?" Sirius asked sounding very uncertain. "Me, you and Harry; the three of us will be okay."
Remus shrugged, "Honestly I don't know. I think things are al right already."
"I want custody of him. I don't want him living at his aunt and uncles." Sirius insisted, "After I get out of here I think Harry should come live with me."
"Padfoot, we've been through this. Dumbledore agreed that Harry can visit us, but the protection his aunt and cousin give him is too important. Harry needs to stay there." Remus said hoping that this conversation didn't turn into a fight like it did last time.
"I know." He said softly, "but i want to raise him the way James always talked about. I want to get to know the kid better."
"He is spending the summer with you. Dumbledore agreed to that." Remus pointed out, "Sirius if you fight the dursleys for guardianship it will be very messy. It will go through the Wizengamont of which Dumbledore is the head. You will be going up against him. I don't think you want to get in Dumbledore's way Padfoot. Fudge also doesn't want this to happen. He wants things to return to normal as quickly as possible. If you fight Dumbledore and Fudge over Harry it will be a very long war. You might win but Dumbledore won't make it easy. Fudge won't make it cheap."
"I know he means well. I know the headmaster always means well. But Harry needs to live with people who love and appreciate him. He is a wizard if there ever was one. Why is he living with a bunch of muggles who hate him?" Sirius asked sounding slightly irritated.
"It's not like they hurt him Sirius. St. Mungoes checked the Durlsey's thoroughly. It might not be the nicest environment for a boy to grow up in, but there are kids who live in worst conditions." Remus answered, "I agree with Dumbledore, I would rather keep him safe from Malfoy and the rest of them. You will just spoil him rotten and soften him up. Dumbledore is convinced that hard times lie ahead." He glanced over at Sirius who was shaking his head with a deep frown on his face.
"Harry deserves to be spoilt." He said as his fingers dug into his arms.
"Sirius everything that has happened to Harry thus far was not your fault. You need to accept this. You aren't to blame for the way things turned out." Remus uttered watching his friend struggle against a few tears. The Sirius Black that was so unbothered at Hogwarts was long gone. "Things just happen. But it will be fine now."
"He is eight years old Moony. Lived in a bloody cupboard for seven years, doesn't know a thing about his parents, his aunt and uncle don't care for him. It is just wrong. This is James's son. He deserves more." Sirius continued, his voice still dangerously close to breaking, "If I just wasn't so impulsive. If I had just thought things over before charging off. If I had just-"
"Who knows what would have happened then, Sirius." Remus interrupted, "Things are the way they are. You just need to accept them, for Harry's sake."
And my own.
He supposed that while he was in Azkaban. He never really took the time to think about how lonely it was to be locked away in a cell. He never really thought about how depressing it was. He never really gave his freedom much thought. There it was all about surviving. Finding the strength to fight; to wake up the next morning and not freeze to death in your sleep.
This was different. The room wasn't hard, cold and dirty. Heating charms on the time floors so that your feet were never cold. A soft bed with a thick blanket. Food three times a day. Big windows set in a white painted wall that didn't have moss growing on it. There were no bars on the windows. Obviously some charms to keep deranged patients from jumping through them. You could look out at the city and at the sky above it. It was much better accommodation but it was lonely in a way that the haunted halls of Azkaban fortress would never be.
The nights he couldn't sleep. The place was too calm; too peaceful. Sirius missed the muttering and screaming of prisoners and the roaring of the see. He missed sounds of the wind squeezing through the many cracks in the walls. They kept him company in the dark. Here it was just silence. It was too easy to think when you were here.
His uncle had donated the money for the wing to be built. There was a portrait of the man hanging above the entrance. Thinking about his family was horribly disheartening. Since he came here it was the only thing any of the doctors wanted to talk to him about. His family. His relationship with his father. The big fall out he had with all of them. It was exhausting; too much to think back on.
Recently they were badgering him about the night James and Lily died and the war before that. It wasn't one of his favorite things in the world to talk about. He didn't want to remember seeing his best friend's dead body lying in the destroyed living room. It was complex. In Azkaban he had dreamt of it often. But there nobody ever expected him to talk about it.
He saw no point in all their stupid questions; he already knew the answer to all of them.
There was something about this wing that made him feel sick. He couldn't stomach the endless white corridors and the uneasy silence. He knew that each room was warded, so that sound couldn't escape. He could just imagine the endless howling of the insane. Never heard by anyone. If there was one thing worse than screaming in agony it was screaming in agony without being heard. The healers here were driving their patients crazy. If you weren't mad waltzing into this part of St. Mungoes, you would most certainly be insane by the time you were allowed to leave. It was almost as bad as Azkaban. Azkaban with luxuries; such as food and anti-depressants. It was the second worse hell he could imagine sending someone too.
Moody supposed that the ministry had their motives for incarcerating Black here. They couldn't risk him speaking out to the media. There were some things happening in Azkaban that Moody couldn't imagine. Most of them had to do with the Department of Mysteries. Experiments on the prisoners; if a new spell had been invented than it obviously had to be tested upon something. Since there were impregnable laws against animal testing, criminal scum, who weren't considered human by most people, became the test subjects. Transfiguration had made some incredible advances the past century and Moody was sure it was at the cost of those poor idiots sentenced to life imprisonment in a dingy cell, on that forsaken hell rock that floated on the cold see. If you survived the first year in Azkaban, then you were a lucky bastard. It was no wonder that there had been doubt as to Sirius's current mental state. Seven years was a long time to suffer the dementors, the weather and whatever else it is the ministry did there.
Haden never talked about the things that went on in Azkaban. But Mad-eye was sure he knew. He knew about every person who set foot on the damned rock. He knew the state of every prisoner. He knew the happenings of each day. He was, of course, powerless to do anything against it. He had the run of the prison. But it belonged to the ministry of magic. The ministry would of course never admit this to the public. They couldn't be so closely connected to human suffering. It would reflect too badly on them.
Sirius Black knew some dangerous things. He was a greater threat to the ministry now than he had been as a mass murderer.
Send him here where nobody can hear him talk. And if he does, we declare him insane and he stays there.
Luckily the influence the ministry had on St. Mungoes was minimal. St. Mungoes had been around longer and had been owned by a small close knit cluster of ancient wizarding families for as far back as records could reach. The investors. All of them decent people. Most of their children healers. It wasn't a safe place but at least St. Mungoes was built on good intentions.
He winched as his boot covering his wooden leg slipped on the smooth tiles. The thing jerked out at an angle and painfully dug into his stump before he could take his body's weight off of it. His damned leg. He really did need to get it looked at one of these days. There had to be a way to make it more comfortable. So much money invested annually disappeared to the medical advances department of the hospital; you would think they did something with it.
Moody limped the last stretch of the corridor until he reached the double doors that swung open to reveal a visiting area. Not that many of the patients family bothered visiting. Before Alice and Frank's condition had been analyzed as being hopeless, before they were both moved up stairs to spell damage, Moody remembered bringing Longbottem here once to visit his parents. Never again. It had been quite the ordeal. They were still warding the rooms to be soundproof. With the war over and gone there was finally time to complete the wing. The muttering and howling had been emotionally torturous to hear.
Few who had endured the long walk down the corridor back then, would dare do it now.
Black was lying on the table in the corner, his face turned towards the window, his sad eyes lost amongst the rain drops creeping down the window. They had shaved his head and beard. Dressed him in a uniform white cotton shirt and a matching pair of pajama like pants. It didn't suite the boy he used to know during the war. Back then Black wouldn't be caught dead in anything that tasteless. Then again, that Black had died somewhere in a dark cell in Azkaban. With the see puking into his cell window and wind shearing the skin of his arms and legs. This was a different man.
"You didn't have to come here Mad-eye." He muttered as his head flipped away from the window to face his visitor instead. "You can tell the other's that they don't need to make turns visiting me. This place isn't that bad. I have been were it is a lot worse." The room was empty. His voice filled it.
Mad-eye walked the pathway that darted between tables, chairs and armchairs and led towards Black. "Albus thought it was a good idea. To keep you company a bit lad. Everyone agreed. The healers here encourage it."
Sirius pulled a face as Mad-eye struggled to lower himself into a chair, "That leg of yours being difficult again?" He pushed himself off of the table and into a chair himself, so that he could face Mad-eye.
Mad-eye snorted, ignoring the question, "How is the 'evaluation' going?"
A small smile shimmered for a moment on the lad's lips, "Oh, its going fine."
Bet it is. Most of the healers attending him were female. There had apparently been a large number of them applying to be moved to this section since Black was brought in. The media had made quite the story of it. No doubt the boy was having the time of his life. "Your brat misses you by the way."
"Harry? How is he doing? You went to see him?" Sirius asked, suddenly very sincere, "He started school again two weeks ago. I haven't gotten much news from him. All that the people here ever tell me is that he is fine."
Moody nodded, noting the way the silent hunger rose up in Sirius's blue eyes, "He is a tough kid Black. Fine is the best word to describe how he is doing. He sends his love and all that." Moody reached into his coat for plastic bag, "Do not tell the healers I gave you this. It didn't go through their inspection before I brought it in. I don't have an hour to waist while some idiot digs through a bag of cookies looking for a razor blade or narcotics."
Sirius reached out and pulled the bag towards him. He opened it and peered into it. Sadness carved its way onto his face as he noted the letter and the pile of slightly burned chocolate chip cookies. "That kid really is something, isn't he? He is more like Lily than James though."
"Aye." Mad-eye answered, his eyes examining Sirius very carefully, "The ministry is after your blood Black. You aren't doing anything here that would make them go for the kill?"
Sirius shook the sadness off of his face and a disgusted frown twisted its way into his forehead, "I am not an moron Mad-eye. I know when to keep my mouth shut. Dumbledore has already given me this speech. I am nearly thirty for God's sake. I know what I am doing."
"These are dangerous times we are living in lad. You can never be too careful. Unless you are blind you would have noticed that things have only worsened since the war ended. You shouldn't get too confident." He didn't like the glint in Black's eye. It was reckless. The boy had always been reckless. Maybe the old Sirius hadn't died completely yet. Maybe seven years wasn't long enough to break him. This might be good news for Black, but it was something that would add to the long list of liabilities Albus would need to compensate for. A very unpredictable trouble seeking godfather. A twenty eight year old man as wild as the school boy he was a dozen years ago. Someone who still has a lot of growing up to do.
"I know Mad-eye. I am not an idiot." Black whined.
That is why you are so dangerous.
"How long do you think you will be in here for?" Moody continued.
"Probably till the end of January." He answered stiffly.
Moody couldn't think of much else to say. He was severely disappointed with this meeting. He watched silently as the man opened the letter his godson had written him.
Black wasn't crazy but the evidence of the damage done to him by the war and then by the dementors was clear. He had never grown up after all. Had always been a reckless teenager and seven years in Azkaban hadn't done anything for his emotional growth. You couldn't grow as a human being locked up in that hell. Moody had seen what it did to Haden. It broke the man. Everyday another bit of his character was gnawed away. Haden disintegrated before Moody's eyes.
The same was probably true for Black. Only worse, because in Black's case the boy had scarcely been out of his teens before he was imprisoned.
"He says he misses me." Black muttered with a smile. "He says that school is boring and the teachers are on his case all the time. He says his cousin has gotten fatter over the holidays." Black stuffed a cookie into his mouth. "He says his aunt and uncle gave him his own bedroom." The smile swelled, "he says he doesn't know why." Another cookie stuffed into Black's mouth, "He really has no idea huh? You are keeping an eye on him. Incase more mercenaries have a go at him or something?"
"Nothing gets past me. The ministry has stationed a team of aurors in a house two blocks from his. They follow him near damn well everywhere. The Media are taking snap shots of him whenever he isn't looking. It was made clear that nothing was to be done that would disturb Harry. Fudge is actually enforcing this very strictly. It reflects well on him. I have a few friends keeping tabs on Potter as well. There is no way that anyone could harm the boy at the moment." Moody reported. "The biggest threat to his life is his blundering bullying cousin. We cannot however, intervene there."
"His cousin is an ass. Harry really doesn't like him much at all." Sirius nodded, "From what he told me about his aunt and uncle it doesn't seem likely either of them will pull their fat son to one side and give him a good beating any time soon."
"All the attention on Potter will subside soon enough. The ministry is working overtime to get the media to focus on something else. Things are slowly going back to normal." Moody commented.
"Normal isn't always better. I would rather have him live with me." Sirius muttered darkly his eyes scanning the letter again, "He says he can't wait to see me again. Is there any chance he can come visit?"
Moody wondered how many people were reading the recording of this conversation. It was very easy to deduce that Black had an unnatural obsession with his godson. Potter was probably the thing he thought about the most. "Not likely Black." Moody grunted. The healers were scared of letting Black near Potter at the moment. Albus felt the same. The headmaster had stated that there had to be a period of time in which Sirius could adjust to the world again. Until Black found some balance in his life none of the doctors working for St. Mungoes would agree to an arranged visit. Black was Potter's godfather, but Potter was the boy-who-lived after all.
Dearest Sirius
I miss you. When do you get to visit me? Nobody will tell me.
How are you? Moody said you were fine. Moony said the same thing. School started again. It is really boring. The teachers don't like me that much. But I don't really care. Dudley got a lot of new things for Christmas. The things I got for Christmas are just as cool. But I wouldn't tell Dudley about it anyway. He must have eaten a lot this holiday when I wasn't here because he is now too fat for his clothes. Which means I get a new set of hand-me-downs.
I am not living in the cupboard any more. Uncle Vernon told me to move into Dudley's second bedroom. It is much bigger than my cupboard. Dudley was furious. Uncle Vernon told him I was getting to old for the cupboard. But I don't really know why he made me move out.
I really miss you.
Please come visit me soon.
Harry.
He had read it many times. The writing was smudged and the page tore once or twice. But Sirius knew what was written on it anyway.
"-cannot allow you to do that Sirius. You need to understand. Harry shall remain at his current residence until the magic no longer offers him any protection. There is a very good chance that Lord Voldermort will find away to regain his lost power before young Harry has graduated from Hogwarts." Dumbledore stated again. He had been telling the man the same things for the better part of an hour now.
Sirius rubbed furiously at the short hair on his head and leaned back into his chair. "You won't let me out of here until I drop the case." He stated plainly, "I want Harry to grow up with me."
"I realize that Sirius, you have said so before on many occasions." Dumbledore assured, "You are correct in saying that you will not be released from St. Mungoes care until you back down in all your attempts to remove Harry from the Dursley's custody. The minister for magic and I have both been pulling strings here at St. Mungoes to postpone your release. It has been a month Sirius. It could turn out to be years."
"You are very serious about this. You won't budge one bit." Sirius muttered his eyes staring blankly at Dumbledore.
"I am quite serious about this my boy. You need to trust me." Dumbledore said gently, "I am only doing what is right. I am not secluding you from Harry's lif-"
Sirius waved his hand at Dumbledore sitting up straight again, "Nah, I get it. I just want to see him again that's all. Fine, I will stop this. I'll owl my lawyers in the morning and get them to back down. I understand. I just, I wish it was different. I wish James and Lily were still here."
"But they aren't, Sirius." Dumbledore said with a kind smile. It seemed that some form of acceptance was finally growing in the boys mind. "We have to do the best we can without them."
"Yeah," Sirius muttered in a voice that was defeated, "yeah I know. I just, I miss him that's all. I just, I suppose I never really acce-"
The water jerked at his body and he slid down the crest of the wave, the struggling boat followed. The storm was meaningless. Lightning lunged repeatedly at the horizon. A succession of thunder drowned out his struggling gasps for air. The temperature of the water was freezing and it speared his sides and festered, into slow climaxing aches in the core of his bones. He began kicking against the current that was dragging him further away from boat. His one hand frozen around the pimply bloated skin that tied them together. His other trying in vain to part the water that was in his way.
He was so tired.
The rain was hurting him. Even thought the water droplets were breaking against his head, the force with which they were spewed down out of the dense dark rain clouds, pushed the cold they had possessed an inch into his scull. His eyes were blurred by the smokescreen of sea spray and rain. The wand clenched between his teeth provided a dim light in all the darkness. Lightning again. He saw not too far away the swiveling figure of the boat. With the last of his energy he kicked his way violently towards it. His hand…
His fingers were firmly drilled into the wooden edge. The current pulled at him again but he fought off his bodies urge to follow. He started dragging the other figure through the water to join him at the boats edge and with marvelous vigor managed to roll the carcass over the side as the boat raced down from another crest. Rufus swung part of his body over the edge and clung onto the side as the vessel was pushed up to the crest of the next wave. Leaning forward, he flipped over the side and tumbled into the dinghy.
For quite some time, he was a rag doll. Tumbling whichever way the sea pawed at the boat. He only moved when his mouth and nose were buried beneath the three inches of sea water which accompanied him and the corpse as they rolled from the one end to other end of the boat. If it weren't for the charms on this thing, the boat would have capsized long ago. He was safe for the moment.
Eventually Rufus reached up to his mouth and unsheathed his wand. He had to cut the anchor so that the damn vessel could carry him back to the mainland. He would die of hyperthermia unless he got out of the storm soon. He crawled towards the stern, and with a shacking hand pulled the edge of his wand across the thin black cord that tied the boat to the anchor below. The cord melted away. The boat was free. It turned of itself and began breaking its way towards the dark coast.
Rufus propped himself up against the wood behind him. Taking deep uneven breaths. He knew it hadn't been easy. But at least now he had done it. He had gotten what he had searched for. He finally found Haden.
It had taken him very long. He had been searching for a month. He had been going out every night and if he thought he could risk it, during the days as well. He had searched every meter of the bottom for his friend within a two mile radius of Azkaban fortress. He had checked with local muggle authorities every morning to find out if there had been any reports of a dead body washed up. He had been to every mortuary along the coast and looked at every body that might have matched Haden's description.
He had finally found the man.
Haden had been floating in the water near the bottom, face down. A rope snared around his waist and tied to the make shift anchor that held him there. Swaying gently in the current.
The boat skidded up the rocky beach bringing Rufus out of his thoughts. It was still raining terribly hard and his limbs were numb from the cold. He was sorely tempted to close his eyes again and drift off. But a wave crashed into the boat propelling it another meter or so up rocky soil causing it to fall to one side. Rufus was awake.
He lit the tip of his wand again to aid him somewhat as he navigated himself and his dead friend out of the silly boat and onto the slippery pebbles beneath it. His muscles were straining with the effort of draging the heavy thing and its jelly like skin made it difficult to hold onto. One aching step at a time Rufus managed to make his way up the slope towards the small weathered fisherman's cottage he had, acquired. The shabby cabin was struggling under the weight of the weather. It looked as if it might be blown away by the wind any moment. It was only thirty meters away.
Only thirty meters.
He burst through the dodgy door and kicked it close behind him as he let the heavy wet thing drop onto the soggy floor. His shirt came off immediately followed by the rest of his soaking clothing. Shivering, he walked towards the old stove and tapped vigorously at the battered black kettle that stood on it with his wand. He then stirred the dying embers inside the stove until his wand tip ignited a healthy fire. Rufus stumbled over to the small cot in the corner and robbed it of the blanket and the sheets. More lightning. The wind spiked in ferocity. The wooden planks strained trying to remain attached. He wrapped himself in the blanket folding his arms to keep it in place. He sank onto the bed bringing his knees up to his chest. He rocked back and forth shivering. The fire in the black stove was growing stronger. Lighting up the cabin. His toes were freezing. He was tired. He needed to stay awake.
He needed to stay awake.
The kettle began whistling. He forced himself up from his sitting position. He was getting old. He was very tired. He needed to… he walked across the room. Water was soaking into the blanket. It was quite warm near the stove. More lightning. Light flared through the cracked windows. Haden's body lying on the ground. Thunder. His shivering hand reached out and grabbed a dirty mug. His other shoved a bundle of used tea bags into it. He was adding the kettle's contents. The amount of rain falling doubled. The storm shrieked. The wind clawed at the door. He wished he had some whiskey left. He wished he had gone into town to buy more. Indeed, he wished he had money to buy more whiskey. He leaned back against the countertop, his body not far from the stove. He sipped at the tea. It burned his tongue. He sipped at it again. He wished he had some food left. He was getting old. Lightning. Haden's body was illuminated for a moment. Another sip of tea. He had to stay awake. He had to get into some dry clothes.
He drained the scorching tea and refilled the cup. The wet Blanket clung to him as he walked away from the stove towards the black tog bag that lay in front of the cot. He let the blanket drop to the floor. His hands weren't shaking as badly. He began putting on clothing; three shirts, both jeans, a sweater, socks and his thick auror boots. He walked back to the stove to attend to his tea.
He had found Haden.
He had finally found him.
"- Dawson wouldn't be interested. He started a family with his wife two years ago." Moody muttered while he flipped through the lad's file. "He wouldn't leave his family for Azkaban. No sane man would."
"What about, Richard Law," Amelia asked tossing the boy's file over at him, "he has not been promoted in a long time. Rufus wouldn't let him climb rank. He said in the report that the man didn't have the skill."
Mad-eye shook his head, "He is too young. A twenty four year old isn't experienced enough for the job. He wouldn't know how to handle the place."
"Alastor, what is it that we are looking for?" She asked leaning back in her chair, "Everyone is either too old, or too young."
"You need somebody who fought in the war. Somebody who has been an auror for more than decade. Somebody who could deal with the dementors." Mad-eye said irritably skimming through Law's record, "You need someone who deserves imprisonment there themselves." His magical eye did a quick sweep of the surrounding muggle restaurant. The storm outside seemed to be getting worse. The room was packed. Every table was occupied. Businessmen and families cluttered around the tables. Every table radiating conversation to fill the room.
"Why don't you take up the job?" she asked curiously.
"I retired Amelia." Moody growled, "And I am not foolish enough to take up that position."
"Well, I don't know many other sadistic bastards who fit your description," she answered with a tight smile on her clever face. "It is a pity that Haden never gave us an official leave of absence."
"He never followed protocol." Moody muttered through his own sick grin. He dropped the file on top of the small pile of then at his elbow. "What are you going to do? You cannot keep sending in a different auror each week to keep things in order there. You could lose control very quickly."
He reached for his fork and continued eating the chocolate cake. His magical eye trained on the woman. He didn't like Amelia much. She was a very clever witch. She was a very good person. She was bold and brave. However, Bartly and Amelia together with three or four other department heads formed a very dodgy part of the ministry. She was a politician in every sense of the word. Moody had learned long ago that you could never trust politicians. You could work along with them and achieve great things. But if you trusted them, you were making yourself vulnerable to all of their enemies. Politicians usually had more than a few; in the oddest places imaginable.
No, Mad-eye wouldn't associate himself personally with Amelia or Bartly. It was dangerous. These people were too ethical for their own good. They were fanatical about the law. They took the oaths they sworn before assuming the position as head of their departments too seriously. The ministry was their life. They would die rather than see it fall.
"There is not much I can do about that at the moment Alastor. Nobody working for the ministry will take the job willingly. I shall need to corner a few old and bitter war veterans like you who want nothing to do with the ministry. It will take time tracking down the right person." She said calmly as she picked at her teeth with his thumb.
"Goodluck." Moody mumbled as he finished his cake and putting his plate back onto the table, "I should leave but before I do," he added taking another sweep of the room with his eye, "I would like to know what you decided concerning Sirius Black. Will you let the lad join the ranks again?"
Amelia frowned, "I have already owled him the answer to his request. He will need to write some sort of test. To see if he still has the required knowledge and skill to be an auror. After which I see no harm in letting him join again."
Mad-eye nodded. He was slightly relieved to hear that Black's request had not been rejected. Amelia was fair at least. Without saying much more he struggled to pull himself onto his legs and as soon as he had found some stability he walked away. He pulled at his bowler hat. He didn't want any of the people to notice him. He walked down the steps and rudely streaked through the door while a group of young woman rushed in to get out of the rain.
She had asked him to help her find someone to replace Haden as Warden. She had invited him to discuss the issue over dinner. It hadn't taken Mad-eye long to deduce that what she really wanted was for him to take up the post. It had been very amusing to watch as she tried to, promote the job. She must have thought very long and hard about the advantages because there weren't many and they weren't obvious. It was a waist of time in the end. He had more important things to do but he couldn't let her get suspicious of his other agenda. He had to keep up appearances now that he was retired. It was very exhausting but he had to indulge the woman or she would start digging. He didn't need someone that powerful and shrewd digging anywhere near him.
He was already late for another meeting.
Everything smelt new. It was a smell that he had always associated Sirius with. Sirius always had new things. Remus supposed that it was because he had the money to buy them. Hell, if Remus had money he would buy new things too. The apartment Sirius had purchased must have cost more money than everything Remus owned. It was a nice place; filled with nice new furniture. He waited for his friend to finish reading the piece of legislation. Sirius's face seemed very sour. His frown was slowly deepening. It was quite flattering knowing that somebody cared enough about him to get angry when people picked on him. He remembered that James and Sirius would curse anyone into the infirmary whenever he was teased or bullied at Hogwarts.
"This is bullshit mate." Sirius muttered dropping the bundle of papers onto the still-brand-new polished oak table. "I can't believe the wizarding community is letting that bitch get away with this."
"There has been so much happening recently, I honestly don't think anybody noticed. The media has never focused much on such matters." Remus stated calmly, "Anyway, I haven't been able to keep a job for a while now. It's a struggle, but I manage."
Sirius nodded with a sigh, "whenever you are short for money you can come here fore food or whatever else you need. It's the least I could give you, that you might accept. I know that if I offered you money you wouldn't take it and if I told you to move in with me you would insist otherwise."
Remus nodded his head, "I don't need charity Sirius I need friendship." He watched as Sirius nodded his head in acceptance. He had been through this many times with Lily and James. They had offered him pretty much the same and he had given them the same answer time and time again. Remus wouldn't let his friends look after him financially. It was embarrassing and unnecessary. His parents didn't raise him to loaf off other people.
"Yeah I know. I just wish you would realize that with hopeless cases like you and me, charity and friendship are about the same thing." Sirius muttered darkly as he reached for his whiskey again. "Anyway, I don't think I will be around much. Bones has arranged for me to go up to Cornhersh (A.N. don't ask if you don't know) and do some fitness and attend some classes. I write an exam in April and if I do well enough then they let me back into the ranks."
"That's good." Remus commented.
"Hmmm, I don't really know what the job would be like without James. He was the reason for pretty much everything I did after Hogwarts." Sirius pointed out, "It is going to be very empty without having him there with me. But I will be fine. Moody gave me a, a pep talk the other day. All about how losing a partner was difficult but he had lost five of them his entire career and he was still fine." A mocking smile stretched his lips across his face.
Remus didn't for one second believe that Mad-eye was fine. He didn't know many wizards his senior who had it all together. The war had messed up the lot of them. With the exception of Dumbledore who he supposed had been insane from the start. The storm outside only seemed to get worse. There had been some snow during the time in which Sirius was in St. Mungoes but lately, it was rain storm after rain storm blowing in from the Atlantic. He pushed the empty whiskey glass around on the smooth table surface thinking about how empty it was without James. Conversation was still difficult between the two of them.
"I miss him Moony." Sirius whined suddenly, "Don't you miss him as well?"
Remus nodded his head, "have you been to his grave yet? You should go visit his grave. I was there the day they were buried; I still go there every year. I wouldn't recommend it. It is frightfully depressing."
"James and I talked once about what would happen if one of us died. He said that if Peter died, we would be fine, it would be sad but we would be fine. If I died then he would spend a lot more time with you. It would be sad but everyone would be fine. If you died then James and I would spend less time together. It would be sad but we'd still be fine. He never got around to say what would happen if he died." Sirius ranted, his hand already filling both glasses with more whiskey, "I guess this is it. It would just feel wrong."
"James shaped everything." Remus said quietly, "He was the one that shaped all of our friendships with each other. He started everything. Prongs." He whispered as an afterthought before he started on his whiskey again.
"James was amazing." Sirius said in agreement.
Another silence fell between them. Remus was processing what Sirius had said. It occurred to him that the conversations that he had with James were of a completely different nature to the one Sirius had with James. James had been like a father to them all in a way. He always seemed to give everyone what they needed from a friendship. "Why would you and James have drifted apart if I had died?" He asked his glass settling on the table again.
"well," Sirius started his eyes narrowing slightly as he thought, "I suppose, because you were, you were our-"
"project?" Remus interrupted, "Your first lasting commitment as friends. Your obligation. Your shared responsibility." Remus listed. He sounded bitter but he couldn't keep it out of his voice. He had made piece with it before that Halloween.
Sirius stared at him with his blue eyes. He nodded slowly and said in a slightly sad voice, "Yeah, I suppose so. Don't take it the wrong way or anything."
"you know I won't." Remus said, "I know that you guys also saw me as a friend. It was just, I was a special friend. I was your werewolf friend."
"That is who you are Moony. Turning into a big nasty wolf boy every month is a big part of you." Sirius said bluntly with another careless shrug, "we didn't want you to try and convince yourself otherwise. James always said that there was no point in trying to ignore part of who you were, just because you don't like that part."
Remus took another sip of whiskey, "So you went to see Harry today?" he started, changing the subject completely.
If Sirius noticed he didn't do anything about it, "Yeah," he said brightening up a bit, "I picked him up at lunchtime and we went to fish and chips shop. Sat down and talked a bit. Well, mostly I just listened. He is doing fine."
Remus smiled at the table, "Don't worry too much Sirius, I hear that they are more interesting after they turn into teenagers."
Sirius burst into a bark of irrational laughter, "Don't get me wrong, Harry is a swell kid. He is so well mannered and so proper. It's just, I was a naughty annoying little shit when I was eight. All he ever does is his homework, his chores and whatever else his aunt and uncle tell him to do. I would have rebelled against those idiots. Harry just takes all that shit. Yeah okay, his attitude towards the lot of them is sarcastic and mocking. But he never does anything exciting to express the way he is feeling."
"in short he is a good little boy and you are very disappointed." Remus summed up.
"Naturally. Don't forget your roots Moony. This is the son of the Prongs. Whenever did you see James do any homework, ever?" Sirius asked as hand running through his, slightly longer but still short, hair.
"You are forgetting that this is Lily's son as well." Remus grinned.
Sirius signed, "In that case, God save us."