Okay, sorry this took so long to write. I started out with a good idea, but it turned out horribly, so I went with this instead.
I also have exciting news. A reader who has loyally followed this story from day one has been nice enough to create some artwork featuring the entire cast! They have agreed to let me use the art as the cover for this story. Tsukuyomu, I thank you. Let me now how it's comin'!
Anyway, it's time to head back to Pahkitew Island!
Enjoy!
"Last time, on Total Drama: Pahkitew's Vengeance! We went for a swim to look for some keys that opened a chest, all without using our eyes! Anuok sank, Kiko refused, and Micheal and Zelda nearly went BOOM! Afterward, I sent the campers on a suicidal hunting trip to search for the notorious Ezekiel that has been haunting me ever since Season 3! In a strange turn of events, Trey lost his guitar to a Sasquatch, Maurananei made a bold fashion statement, and we saw a more dangerous side to Caroline that perceived! Alex took the Torpedo of Shame, and I didn't miss him one bit."
"Will I go easy on them this week? I seriously doubt it. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will be the next one to be launched out of the Torpedo of Shame? And when will I stop asking you these meaningless questions? Find out at the most dramatic bonfire ceremony yet! On Total! Drama! Pahkitew's Vengeance!" Chris cried.
(theme song plays)
"Leave me to all the hard work," Kiko grumbled under her breath. "Go ahead and bath while I do the work that could kill me." The woman was trying desperately to sketch Micheal's powerful watch, in the hopes that Zelda could in turn make one for her. This proved harder than perceived. For one, Micheal was a restless sleeper, always tossing and turning in his bunk as Kiko tried to look at his watch. The slightest disturbance would alert him, and he instinctively activate the Animatrix, turning him into who-knows-what. That was something Kiko wanted to avoid.
The second problem was that the Animatrix was proving hard to draw. She could easily sketch the outside of the watch, drawing the symbol on its face and the way it hooked onto Micheal's wrist permanently, but she couldn't get inside. There wasn't any screws, bolts, or anything signaling a hatch to open to the inside. "Stupid watch!" she rasped to herself as Micheal rolled over again. Kiko cursed and crept to the other side of the bunk, only to have Micheal turn to the other side. "AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!" she yelled. Micheal didn't stir. Kiko dashed to the other side of the bed and grabbed Micheal's arm, furiously poke and pushing every spot on the watch, desperate to find the opening. "What is it!?" she roared, jabbing her finger into the face of the watch. The device gave a light beeping sound, and the face opened up, revealing the activation button and the wires and and other bits inside. "Finally." Kiko breathed, feeling a little silly. Quietly, she moved the wires and tubes aside to sketch the other parts on a sketch pad. Soon she had a crude sketch of the Animatrix, with the fanged activation button in the middle. Almost done, she moved aside a stubborn part aside, and accidentally snapped it off. Kiko winced and tried to move it back into place before stabbing the face of the watch again, closing the hatch. She quickly skittered to her bed and dove under the covers as Micheal yawned and rose from his bunk, unaware that his watch had been probed.
Kiko waited under her covers, pretending to be asleep as Micheal walked past her bunk and out onto the deck. She heard the sound of the rope ladder clattering against the tree trunk as Micheal climbed down. It wasn't until she was sure he was gone did she relax. She breathed a sigh of relief, not even realizing she had been holding it in desperation.
WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKK!
Kiko yelped and hit her head on the bottom of the bunk above her as Chris blew his air horn over the loud speakers for the entire camp hear. "Morning, campers!" Chris's annoying voice came over the speakers, as everyone covered their ears. "Meet me near the beach in 15 minutes for your next challenge! It's gonna be painful, so bring your A game!" Kiko growled and stashed the note pad in her pants pocket to show to Zelda later.
"Thank you for all meeting me here today," Chris began with his trade mark grin. The host stood on the dock of Pahkitew with his co-host, Chef, next to him. To their lefts sat a flat screen TV on a rolling stand, showing a map of the island. Twelve red dots clustered on the docks indicated the contestants, although there was nothing to show that Chris and Chef were there (tracking devices!?) "Like we had a choice in the matter." Maurananei grumbled under her breath. The host of the show was starting to grind her last nerve; not only he deliberately try to kill her and her fellow contestants several time over, he had done everything in his power to keep her away from her one true love: Chef Hatchet.
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"Oh! I miss my Chefy Wefy sooooooooo much!" Maurananei cried, balling her hands into fists as she sighed. "I've got to figure out someway to get to him! Which means getting rid of Chris. Hmmmm." she hummed to herself, until a plan formulated in her head. "I've got it! Unfortunately, it means I'm gonna need some help from those dumb rhinos," she growled. "But I will do whatever it takes to be with my Chocolate Strongman!"
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"As you may or may not know, Pahkitew Island isn't what it seems like from the outside," Chris started. The contestants nodded, remembering what Scarlet had done to the island in her fit of rage; rocket trees, killer robot animals, mountains and valleys suddenly appearing out of nowhere. "The island is artificial, meaning it is controlled by this one remote." Chris claimed, showing the contestants yet another remote control with a large red button in the center. "How many of those things do you have?" Kiko asked with suspicion in her voice.
"Dozens." was all Chris would say. The contestants paled slightly at the thought of that many remotes controlling something, or several somethings, that could easily kill them. "Anyway, I will now demonstrate the power that I wield at my finger tips." Chris announced, dramatically pressing the large red button on the remote. The reaction was immediate.
The entire island rumbled and shook, as if an earthquake were occurring at that very moment. The contestants yelled and screamed in panic as Chris and Chef stood idly by, as if this happened on a regular basis. The large, looming mountains began to rumble and shrink, slowly descending into the electrical network of the island. The evergreen and oak trees were sucked back into the ground as deep orange sierras rose to the sky. Tall cacti and dried up tumbleweeds took the trees places as canyons and valleys began to form in the island's crust. A thick hissing sound could be heard as the air began to heat up until an unfortunate bird burst into flames overhead.
"Island Desertification complete." a computerized voice announced.
"What with the who-now!?" Alan cried as a rattlesnake slithered by his foot. The snake glanced up at him, almost debating whether he should bite Alan or not, who hid behind Mortisha before it could make up its mind. "What the heck did you do, McClain!?" Maurananei roared. Chris looked at Maurananei and the rest of the cast with a 'you've-got-to-be-kidding-me' look. "I have just turned the once lushly covered Pahkitew Island into a searing hot wasteland I like to call, Chef's Heart!" Chris joked, earning him an angry look from his co-host.
"Today, you will be making like history's greatest cowboy's and bandits!" Chris announced as he donned a large, black cowboy hat, black boots, and a belt with a golden belt buckle of his face. "One team will be driving our stage coach rental from one end of the island to the other, while the other team does everything in their power to try and stop them from doing so." Chris explained, gesturing to an old, red stage coach with worn wheels and peeling paint. Several bags and suitcases rested on top, and the contestants quickly realized it was their own luggage, as a pair of reins hung limply on the driver's seat.
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"Okay, now that's just an invasion on someone's private space." Kiko said with a disappointed look on her face. "You have just made it to all new low, Chris."
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"When I get my hands on him, I am gonna wring his BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! neck! Then, I'm gonna cut off his BEEP! fingers, before I shove them down his BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Craw!" Maurananei roared.
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"Soooo, how do we know which team gets which part?" Mortisha asked with little concern that her own suitcase was in danger of being destroyed. "This where we both go a little off book and get interesting," Chris said with a mischievous grin. "In every Western movie, there is a bar brawl of some kind. Since most of you are under age, we'll be resorting to the next best thing: wrestling!"
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"Ever since I broke Ezekiel's nose last challenge, I haven't been afraid to fight anyone," Caroline said with a hint of happiness. "I think I'm finally starting to stand up for myself!"
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"Now, my complete random decision," Chris began, winking to Chef. "Members from both teams will face off against each other. The team with the most wins, will drive the stage coach while the losers try to capture it." The contestants glanced at each other nervously, as those that were dangerous and knew it (Maurananei, Micheal, Mitchell, and Mortisha) prepped for the up coming slaughter of those that were far weaker than them (Reese). "Caroline and Micheal, you're up first!" Chris announced, pointing to a plain pen surrounded by wooden fence. Several large rocks and boulders lay scattered about, providing cover from attacks. Caroline and Micheal both confidently hopped over the fence and walked to opposite corners as Chris watch them both with an evil grin.
"GO!" the host commanded.
Quick as a flash, Micheal activated the Animatrix and, without even looking at the hologram, slapped the activation button. In a bright red flash that blinded Caroline, Micheal vanished and was replaced by something completely different. The creature was covered from head to claw in bright green plating. It stood on two jointed legs that bent back with a thin film of webbing between the joints. The foot was composed of two sharp claws and another one on the heel. It had scrawny arms with three spikes on either one with two sharp fingers and a thumb on the hands. The creature had a large horn on its head, with two smaller ones over the eyes, making the large creature resembl ft tall grasshopper. The creature was also fortunately, wearing an odd pair of red, black, and white overalls.
"Cool! An Orthonopterran!" Micheal exclaimed as he glanced at himself. "I'm gonna squish you like a bug!"
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"Remember what I said a few seconds ago?" Caroline asked the camera as she shivered and sweated with fright. "Forget everything I said. I'm a freakin' coward!" she wailed, bursting into tears.
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"Okay, so here I'm thinking 'I can't let my team down or I'm torpedo food'," Micheal said to the camera as he scratched himself behind one of his horns. "Then I'm thinking, 'I can't exterminate this sweet girl I'm up against, she's already been through so much'. So what am I supposed to do!?"
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With a faux evil grin that showcased a row of sharp teeth that fit tightly together, Micheal crouched low to the ground and sprang high into the air, disappearing for a brief moment in the sun's glare, before coming crashing back down to the ground, head first. Without even panicking, he crashed head first into a large boulder, shattering it into smaller pieces as a cloud of dust rose. Caroline crept closer, unsure if her opponent had just defeated himself when there came a loud "WOO-HOO!" Caroline screamed and ran away as the Orthonopterran rocketed toward the sky once more.
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"I can not wait to get my hands on that watch!" Kiko squealed. "An animal whose head is harder than concrete! Eeeeeee-eeeeee!"
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"I don't think we're getting anywhere with this." Chris sighed after fifteen minutes. For the past quarter of an hour, Caroline had run helter-skelter around the pen as Micheal crushed everything inside to dust as he bounced around like a giant bouncy ball. "Squish her already!" Kiko yelled.
"You don't think I'm trying!?" Micheal shot back.
"No, I think you're trying to do a pathetic imitation of the Tango!" Kiko roared, thumbing a fist on a fence post in anger. Most of the other contestants watched with a bored expression, with the exception of Reese, Maurananei, and Mortisha. "Stop bouncing around and engage in hand-to-hand combat with her!" Reese called out. Maurananei shot him a glare and gave him a wedgie, drawing out a pained squeak from Reese's lips. Micheal gave a thumbs up (wincing as Maurananei gave Reese his wedgie), and slammed into the ground into Caroline before pouncing on her. The two rolled around the pen, bouncing off the fence posts like a giant pinball, locked in mortal combat.
"(Ergh!) Please don't (ugh!) kill me!" Caroline pleaded as the two tussled about, kicking up sand and dust as they fought.
"I don't want (argh!) to kill you!" Micheal grunted as placed a well aimed kick to Caroline's gut. Caroline flew back into a fence post, hitting her head hard with the wind knocked out of her. "Sorry!" Micheal hissed quietly. Before anyone could hear what he had said, he roughly grabbed Caroline by the shoulders and pitched her across the pen, her face skidding into the sand. Micheal quickly back flipped and landed right on top of her, her legs on either side of her body as he crouched low to the ground so that his mouth was even with her ear. "I'm throw the fight, okay?" he whispered. Caroline gasped. "Why?" she asked quietly as she spat out a mouthful of sand. Before Micheal could answer, she grabbed his wrists and her pulled her over her hand, throwing him to the ground. She then quickly pounced on top of him, her feet planted firmly on his feet and her hands pinned his wrists to the dust. "Because, I know what you're going through." Micheal coughed. Caroline looked at him quizzically.
"I know you don't have a lot of friends, for starters." he explained. "Not a lot of people don't care for an animal lover, do they? Not even your parents, right?" Caroline's face quickly fell; he had nailed it right on the head. She had never been very popular with the other students back home, and even the girls in her girl scout troop had teased her to no end behind the den mother's back. She had only ever truly been home at the animal shelter, where the stray dogs and cats never judged her. That was the thing she liked about animals; even with her ability to speak with them, they never said a harsh word to her. And here was a guy who was not only reaching out to her, to help her even, he could become any animal she had ever dreamed of meeting.
"So, you cool?" Micheal asked. Caroline startled, giving Micheal enough time to jerk his feet free from hers and shove them into her gut, lifting the small girl off of the shape-shifter and into the air, where she landed in the sand with a low thump. "Yes." she gasped as Micheal landed an inch next to her head. Micheal winked and Caroline roughly grabbed his leg and pulled him to the ground. As Micheal played coy, Caroline jumped onto his back and pulled back hard on his eye horns. "Up!" she commanded in as rough as a voice as possible. The Orthonopterran crouched low and rocketed upward, drawing a gasp out of Caroline as she glanced down. Then, as soon as they seemed to reach their maximum height, they came plummeting down, down, down back toward the ground, landing with a dull boom, creating a cloud of dust.
Everyone watched wide eyed as sand was flung dozens of yards into the air. As the dust cleared, a lone figure stood up on shaky legs and emerged from the large crater victorious: Caroline. The Eagles cheered as they pulled Caroline over the side of the fence and onto Maurananei's large shoulders. "I knew my girl would toughen up soon enough." Maurananei smiled. The Rhinos jumped over the fence and slid down the side of the pit to see a dazed Micheal lying on his back, covered in sand. "That girls got good." he coughed as he was helped to his feet by Toni and Zelda. Kiko just glared at him with an angered, yet calculating look in her eye.
"And the score is 1 to 0! Finally." he added under his breath. The fight had taken 20 minutes to complete, much more time than when Duncan and Courtney had dueled it out in a ball pit, or when Sierra, Courtney, Owen, Cody, and Tyler fought in Greece. Even the battle between Scott and Fang had been short. Short, but dramatic fights where the fighters were greatly injured was 'ratings gold'. Long, pathetic fights where the fighters played a not so friendly game of tag was 'ratings something else'. Chris grinned mischievously as the fighters for the next match came in his head.
"Now then! Reese and Maurananei, you're up next!" Chris announced as Reese gulped and Maurananei cracked her knuckles in a threatening fashion. "And remember: anything goes, as long as it's legal!" Chris said, Maurananei snapping her fingers in frustration, which only made Reese shiver and quake even more. The two contestants both climbed over the fence and into the crater that had been formed by Micheal. Reese, looked like he was going to both wet and crap his pants at the same time as Maurananei popped her fingers one by one, cruelly drawing out the time before the kill, a game of cat and mouse. It didn't take a genius to figure out who the cat was and who the mouse was.
"GO!" Chris sounded off. Barely had the words left his lips, had Maurananei charged across the crater, and slammed into Reese's brittle body, the sickening sound of something being popped out of place heard loud across the island. Before Reese could even scream, he was hoisted up in the air and brutally slammed down to the dirt before Maurananei jumped on top of him, driving her foot into the area between his shoulder blades. "Dude! You won already! Let it go!" Mitchell yelled, but Maurananei ignored him. "No! I'm not done yet! I want to make him suffer!" she hissed.
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"Ever since Ezekiel's been booted off the island, I've had a lot of pent up energy." Maurananei explained. "Sure, I could beat down a couple dozen trees or wrestle several bear bots, but there's nothing like hearing the satisfying sound of a real body screaming in torture as you slowly kill it. I would engage one of the other contestants, but the only one who would even have a remote chance of beating me is Micheal. When I fist asked him, he asked me if I had just gotten hit in the head with rock!"
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"Maurananei! Let it go! You've won already!" Chris yelled as Reese screamed. Once again, Maurananei ignored the shouts that distracted her from her sick game. She had once been tempted to draw out her knife and make Reese's torture even crueler, but thought better of it. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chef, Mitchell, and Micheal preparing to tackle her, save Reese from her. "Time for the swan song." she said to herself. She lightly stepped off of Reese's back, giving him brief relief from the pain that coursed through his body. But it was short lived when he felt a bone crushing force suddenly slam into his back. What had happened was simple; Maurananei charged toward the side of the crater and ricocheted off of it, sailing through the air before landing with her feet planted on Reese's spine. The small boy howled in pain as Maurananei put a foot triumphantly on his skull, shoving it into the dirt. Before she could command anyone to take a picture of her, she slammed into by three large figures: Chef, Mitchell, and a Nisilaha. While Mithcell and Micheal kept Maurananei firmly pinned to the ground, Chef pried Reese out of the sand and slung him over his shoulder, rushing him to the infirmary.
"And we have a winner!" Chris announced with a shaky voice. "Mitchell! Micheal! I want you to keep Ms. Terminator down for the count until the next challenge. Can ya do that for me?" Normally, neither teenager would have taken such orders from the mad man that had tortured them for the past two weeks, but they were willing to let it slide after what the banshee they were sitting on did to Reese. The two super powered teens slowly pulled Maurananei out of the pit. The girl made no move to struggle, but neither of them were taking any chances; Micheal had all four arms wrapped around Maurananei's own, binding them to her sides as Mitchell kept his his hands firmly around Maurananei's legs.
"Now then! Before we continue, we'll have a little break. Should be enough time for the interns to fill in the pit for the next fight." Chris disclosed. "And because Maurananei put Reese out of the challenge, she too will be forced to sit it out. And if her team loses, she will have a chance at elimination." Everyone on the Eagles gasped. Never, other than the time Scarlet took over the island and threatened to kill the previous cast, had Chris been so strict. Ordinarily, Chris would have been egging Maurananei, encouraging her to injure Reese as much as possible. He also knew that it wouldn't go over well the producers, not to mention the whole wide world. Chris could see the head line now:
WORLD REKNOWNED HOST RESPONSIBLE FOR NERDLING'S DEATH!
While Chris was busy thinking up excuses to tell the many lawyers and fans, not to mention emails, that would come his way, Kiko pulled Zelda aside as both members of the Rhinos and Eagles alike took the chance to walk to the infirmary to check on their injured cast mate; Micheal and Mitchell dragged Maurananei along after they had found a stray straight jacket, along with a coil of rope, several pick and combo locks, and a roll of duct tape, and used them to decapitate Maurananei, and prevent her from possibly hurting someone else.
"I got it," Kiko said in a hushed voice, handing her sketch pad to Zelda. The pink girl took it and looked over the many drawings and sketches, marveling at the intricacy and design of the device. It was like nothing she had every seen, every part working flawlessly to turn the host from one animal into another. "These are fantastic!" she exclaimed, forcing Kiko to silence her. "Unfortunately, I will need several DNA samples before you can wear it. We'll have to run some tests and-"
"What's DNA?" Kiko interrupted.
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"Seriously? She has no idea what DNA is?" Zelda exclaimed. "She's an adult for crying out loud!"
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With an exasperated look on her face, Zelda explained Kiko's question to her. "Look, I just need you get samples from the animals on the island." Kiko looked confused. "but, aren't they all robots?" Zelda rolled her eyes. Some people were impossible. "You honestly think every animal on this island is fake? There's bound to be at least a few real ones. And if you can't find any, just get some off of Micheal was he's in morph and not looking."
The smile that was plastered on Kiko's face scared Zelda to no end. "Done. Just build the watch, and we can test it." the woman said as the teams returned, Micheal dragging Maurananei unceremoniously through the dust. Chris cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the teens. "Okay! After . . . . recent events . . . . it's time to get back to the challenge. Mitchell, why don't you tie Maurananei to that cactus over there? I'm sure you don't want to miss what's next." Chris said with an evil smile. Mitchell slowly complied to Chris's demand, completely creeped out by the evil smile on the host's face.
"Mitchell! Kiko! You're up!" Chris announced. Kiko, for once, didn't look confident as Mitchell's finger tips crackled with fire.
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"I can not wait for Zelda to finish that stupid watch." Kiko coughed. Her clothes and hair were singed black as curls of smoke drifted off of her blackened self. "There's gotta be one animal that's fire-proof!"
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"GO!" Chris yelled. Kiko balled her hands up into fists and stood her ground as Mitchell calmly walked toward her, with a cocky smile on his face. "Surrender now, before you get burned." he said. Kiko rolled her eyes. "Please. As if I would take orders from anyone younger than me." Mithcell seemed unfazed by the insult. "Fine. Suite yourself." Before Kiko could ask what he meant, something odd happened. Mitchell closed his eyes, chanting something incomprehensible under his breath. As he did, his skin began to crackle and bubble, like lava. It turned hard and black like stone, as the skin between the magma rocks glowed red hot. Smoke started to curl off of Mitchell's hair before it suddenly burst into flames. Kiko gasped as the magma rocks quickly raced up Mitchell's arms to consume his body, racing down his legs and over his chest as red hot magma filled in the cracks between them. Mithcell's eyes glowed a hot yellowish-white as he summoned a fire ball into his hands.
"I warned you." he said in a voice that sounded like the flames themselves were speaking; chard, and old, devoid of any emotion. Kiko quickly dived out of the way as Mitchell hurled the fireball at the spot where Kiko had once been, the flames licking at the wooden fence like starving wolves. Everyone quickly jumped back from the fence as flames raced across them, preventing anyone from attempting to interfere. "What is wrong with these contestants!?" Chris cried as the sky turned red with flames. Kiko was at the complete mercy of Mitchell as he threw ball after ball of hot coals at her. While he hadn't deliberately done anything to harm her (yet), the flames were getting dangerously close as Kiko dodged and ducked for her life.
"Hold still, will ya!?" Mitchell yelled as he flew after Kiko. Kiko, meanwhile, had no intention of standing still so she could be barbecued. As she ran she pushed out all other thoughts and concentrated. Soon, she heard voices in her own head, calling out to her from the world beyond her mind.
"She's gonna get creamed!"
"C'mon, Mitchell! Finish her already!"
"When is this old lady gonna give up!?"
She was reading her fellow competitors thoughts. As far as she knew, there were only a few people who possessed the same ability as she did. Sometimes, her gift turned out to be a curse, other peoples thoughts screaming her head, giving intense head aches that kept her up for hours at night. This time however, it just might save her. And that last remark was like an adrenaline rush, making her faster and stronger. No one called her old and got away with it.
Barely even thinking she jumped into the air and landed on the burning fence. She quickly pried off a piece of the chard railing and sung it with all her might, smacking Mitchell in the face as he charged her. The force sent Mithcell flying back into the other side of the pen, where he crashed through the fence and into a saguaro cactus. "And we have our winner!" Chris announced as the smell of burning cactus filled the air. Mitchell winced as he pulled himself loose from the prickly plant. "Rhinos up 1, but the Eagles are still ahead by a point. Up next, we have Anuok and Trey! And will someone put out this fire already!?" Chris howled as a prickly pear cactus burst into flames.
"Now that's ironic," Mortisha laughed. The loudest and quietest competitors fighting each other to the death." Everyone looked at her as if she had grown a second head. "You do know this isn't a battle to the death, right?" Toni asked the creepy girl. "Suuuuure." Mortisha said with a sly smile.
"GO!" Chris yelled. Trey whipped out his bass guitar and let out an unearthly howl. Anuok crouched low to the ground, covering her ears as she did. As the sound wave passed over, Anuok leaped into the air, curled herself tightly into a ball and came hurtling back down. Just before she made contact with trey, her foot lashed out, giving him a swift kick to the jaw. While Trey was dazed, she rolled out of range and whipped two somethings out of her pocket. They twirled around in her hands for a few seconds before she held them between her fingers. "What are those?" Micheal asked, squinting his eyes to get a closer look. "They look like daggers!"
"Is there seriously no one on this show who doesn't have a weapon or super power of some sort!?" Chris panicked at the thought of all the law suits heading his way. Anuok ignored the comment and surged forward, her arms flung back behind her. Trey could only block with his bass, using it has a shield as Anuok slashed in an X pattern.
TWANG!
"Ah, man! Not my strings!" Trey whined. Before he could do anything else, Anuok jumped and gave a nasty scissor kick, her right connecting with Trey's jaw, and the other connecting with his nether regions. "Mommy!" Trey squeaked as slumped to the ground, clutching his coconuts as Anuok stood over him triumphantly. "And Anuok earns another point for the Rhinos, making up for a tied match!" Chris announced as Zelda and Alan carried Trey out of the pen. "Up next we have Zelda and Alan!" Chris yelled. "Someone call an ambulance, and quickly."
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"As much as I hate to admit it, I probably will cream Alan," said Zelda as she adjusted her pink glasses. "I'm trained in dozens of fighting styles, everything from judo to kung fu. I also know ninjitsu, and personally own two dozen different weapons. I personally brought my collapsible bo staff with me. Oh, and a couple cases of throwing stars as well. He's 死んだ肉."
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"GO!" Chris yelled. Zelda quickly whipped out something out of her pocket and lashed it downward, the object folding out until it was about a foot taller than she was tall. She quickly spun it around in her hands, the staff nothing but a pin wheel blur as Alan watched with a glazed look. She's got everything! Perfect body! Perfect personality! And she can wield a weapon to defend me! This gal's got it all! He thought. "All that's standing between me and her, is watch wearing hero." he said to himself, just before Zelda pulled the staff downward, smacking Alan over the head. While the small boy recoiled in pain, Zelda swung low with her bo staff, sweeping out Alan's legs from under him, causing him to fall to the ground. Before Alan could react, Zelda firmly planted the end of the bo staff in the dirt and used it to propelled herself upwards into the air, where she threw four, shiny throwing stars in the time span she was airborne, the spinning blades hitting the ends of Alan's shirt and pants, pinning him to the ground. Alan struggled against them, but helpless against Zelda as she landed on his stomach, knocking the air out of him as she gave a series of rapid punches and jabs to Alan's face. By the time Chris frantically waved for Zelda to stop, Alan's face was black and purple, almost matching the time Micheal had thrown him clear across the island when he got to close to Zelda for comfort.
"And so ends the shortest match yet!" Chris reported to the cameras. "Rhinos are up another point, finally gaining a lead! Zelda, if you would be kind enough to release Alan from your death grip?" Chris asked the pink warrior. Zelda hadn't even realized she had been slowly strangling Alan with her hand, though for some odd reason, he didn't seem to be bothered by it. She quickly pulled out the four throwing stars with ease and slipped them into her back pocket as she folded her bo staff closed. "Nice moves," Alan coughed as he pulled himself off the ground. "Maybe you could teach me?" he asked. "Spend some quality time together?"
Zelda looked at him with disgust all over her face. "In your dreams, pervert." she growled, hopping the fence as Mortisha and Toni entered the ring. The two girls sized each other up; on one end was a short girl wrapped up in a black cloak that was impervious to almost anything anyone might throw at her. She constantly put her life and her family's lives in danger, and they enjoyed every minute of it. On the other end was a girl from Africa, who could move faster and quicker than any human alive; she had raw strength and power on her side, as well as highly developed senses. And if all else failed, she had one more trick up her sleeve that she was ready to deal. She had played her cards just right, and she wasn't ready to be dealt a hand she couldn't play.
"GO!" Chris yelled as Chef, dressed in a nurse's outfit, pushed an injured Reese in a wheel chair up to the fence to watch the fight. The poor kid was covered in bandages on his chest, head, and left arm. Hundreds of purplish bruises and welts were all over his brittle body. He twisted as much as he could to look at Maurananei, who was tied and gagged. The girl who had broken him hissed as best as one could with a mouthful of duct tape, and Reese screamed, jumping in his wheelchair.
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"It's official: I am now terrified of Maurananei." Reese shivered. "I used to have this fear of insects and spiders, but that seems pretty small compared to what Maurananei can do to you in less than 30 seconds. At least there's no bug that big. Well, except maybe Micheal. I swear, I nearly wet my pants when I saw that thing!"
End Confessional
Toni began the battle by running to her right, to strike at Mortisha's left side. Executed perfectly, she could have over a hundred different options of bringing her team victory; a quick upper cut to the jaw, the pinch of a nerve, flipping her over and shoving her face into the dirt. But it wasn't meant to be. As Toni approached Mortisha, she drew back her fist and thrust it forward, expecting it to connect with soft flesh. But it was not so.
Faster than Toni could have possibly anticipated, Mortisha dodged to the left, Toni moving right past her. She could feel three quick jabs into her spine by Mortisha's delicate hands. Faster than you could say "KO", Toni was face down in the sand, unable to move except for some twitching. "What did you do to me?" she gasped as Mortisha crouched down to eye level. "Simple. I attacked your central nervous system. It's only temporary, but you will able to send any command to you limbs for the next couple of hours." Mortisha said politely. "And I was really hoping there would be someone could actually hurt me. Oh well, at least I still have my Sugar Hero."
"Sugar Hero?"
"Micheal. He's been so nice to me! Ever since I've got here, he's been nothing but kindness to me! Whenever I ask him to throw me over a cliff, inject me with deadly venoms and poisons, or just plain maul me, he does without hesitation! I think I've found my soul mate!"
"Ever consider that he's just being nice? Or using you as a training dummy?" Toni shot back. She was slowly starting to regain some feeling in her fingers, but it would take too long for her to even be able to move her arms. Toni sighed. It was time to deal the wild card.
She closed her eyes, and shut off all outside noises as she focused on an image in her head. She had run through thousands of similar images, but this one was what she exactly needed. She focused on that same image, and felt the changes begin. The changes were slow, unable to react instantly because of the blockage in her nerves; her fingers shrank back into her hands until they were up to the first joint. Her fingers grew longer and pointed as a short webbing formed between them, barely visible. Her skin turned greenish brown as it cracked into hundreds of tiny 'islands'. Some of the 'islands' turned black while the ones under her arms turned a dull yellow. The changing was too subtle to see from a distance, but it would only be a matter of time before someone, anyone, noticed. She felt her face bulge outward into a pointed snout, as upper and lower jaw raced to cover the distance. Her teeth were quickly sucked back into her gums as hundreds of thick, white cones replaced them, jutting out of the jaw. By now, Mortisha had noticed and was watching with interest. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Kahin ahr utt." Toni managed to say before her tongue lost the ability to move and her vocal chords shriveled away to nothing. Her eyes moved apart on liquid skin until they were on either side of her head. They flashed gold as he iris turned into a slit of black. The green and brown scales began racing up her arms, hurrying to cover her changing face as a row of spikes raced down her back. At the base of her spine, she could feel bone forming as muscle rushed to cover it, and thick, scaly skin to cover that. It lasted for what seemed hours until she had a thick tail that was as long as her body. Speaking of which, it was getting bigger, larger as her legs shrank to match the length of her arms, now her fore legs. The scales finally covered the rest of her as every last piece of hair was sucked into her body. The transformation was complete.
Toni gave an experimental wag of her tail, kicking up a cloud of dust as it was dragged through the sand. She snapped her long jaws, feeling the millions of muscles in her neck force the jaws shut. Her beady eyes caught the surprised and feared look of her fellow contestants as she showed off the strongest jaws on the planet. "Nilus crocodilian." Zelda breathed as the large reptile gave a low roar and scrambled after Mortisha, who seemed to be playing a deadly game of tag with the animal.
Confessional
"Okay, I did NOT see that coming? Did you see that coming!?" Chris yelled, ignoring the rotting stench that lingered in the outhouse confessional.
Change Confessional
"Looks like I'm not the only one with shape-shifting powers around here." Micheal said with a smile.
Change Confessional
"A girl turning into a crocodile?" Zelda exclaimed. "It defies logic!? It defies all laws of physics! No living organism can just change into an entirely different species without some technological help! Everything I know is a lie! Everything I know is a . .a. . . aahhhh . . ." Zelda moaned as she slumped to the ground, her brain unable to comprehend what had happened.
Change Confessional
"Seriously!? Another super hero? SERIOUSLY!?" Maurananei roared.
End Confessional
Toni the crocodile ignored the yelling and cheering from the side lines as she gave chase after the tempting girl in front of her, using her cloak like a red cape to tempt the bull in a bull fight. While the crocodile wasn't exactly idle for high speed chasing, she was big enough to be able to cover the distance from one end of the pit to the other with a big lung. It was the only animal she had that could even cause the slightest bit of pain to Mortisha, who seemed to be impervious to any kind of it. One snap of the jaws, and she would have her meal between them, begging for her to stop.
Her prey was smart, she would give it that; kicking up dust to limit her vision. That angered her. She wanted to end the fight now. She needed to end it now, before the prey could escape and she would go hungry once more. That was what drove her forward. The hunger. It gnawed away at her stomach like a pack of hyenas, draining away nutrients from her mass and muscle to keep her going. She care if it tasted good or bad, she barely had any taste buds anyway. All she cared was it would fill her belly, provide her with nutrition, and give her the energy to live another day. That was how it worked in the animal kingdom; if you were weak, you become another predators lunch. It was as simple as that.
Mortisha, on the other hand, was having the time of her life. She had never even come close to having this much fun back at home! Sure, she had enjoyed the countless hours of stretching her brother on the rack until his spine popped, or the many happy occasions she had gone snorkeling in the piranha pool with her mother, or the times she had gotten lost in her father's trench coat, but all those activities paled in comparison to being chased around by a starving reptile that had once been a fellow camper. Oh, how the universe works in mysterious ways! She thought to herself. She wanted nothing more than to jump between the jaws of the predator that chased her and let the corrosive stomach acids burn her skin raw, but she wanted to savor the moment. Toy with the beast long enough for it to lose its mind and succumb to instinct. Then the real fun would begin.
Unfortunately, the real fun would not begin any time soon. She suddenly tripped over a rock and tumbled to the ground, enjoying the feeling as rocks and cactus spines dug into her skin. She could feel the earth vibrate under her as the crocodile approached her, roaring in triumph as its jaws clamped over and around her waist. She loved the feeling as the crocodile shook its head like a dog, thrilled by the motion of the jaws, tossing her closer and closer to the throat. She was close enough she could have reached her hand through the throat flap when she the tossing motion stopped. The crocodile had stopped moving, barely even breathing as its jaws suspended her above the ground. Frustrated, she tried to pry them open, unhook the many teeth than dug into her dress and skin so she could go to town, but the jaws stayed firmly shut. "What are you doing!?" she yelled.
The crocodile ignored her and moved its eyes to look at Chris. Have I won? they seemed to say. Chris stiffly nodded his head, and the crocodile gently lowered Mortisha to the ground and open her jaws wide, letting the frustrated girl crawl. "Why did you deny me the best time of my life!?" she yelled, furiously punching the crocodile's thick hide. The large reptile however, didn't feel it as it's mighty form began to shrink. The tough scales melted together, forming flawless, mocha colored, human skin. The stubby fingers grew longer and bent in half as the claws became short and slightly duller. The long jaws were sucked back into the face, the pointed teeth being replaced by flatter teeth as the eyes moved back to the front of the face. Fleshy flaps formed on either side of the eyes, becoming ears as the tail as slowly sucked back up into the spine. The short limbs became longer and more powerful as the creature was forced to stand up on shaky legs. The transformation ended when the golden colored eyes turned back to hazel. Toni had returned.
"And the Rhinos win, thanks to an unexpected gift from Toni!" Chris cried, tipping his cowboy hat up. The Rhinos celebrated, whooping, cheering, hugging each other tightly, doing horrible victory dances that were hilarious to watch, and even throwing insulting faces at the Eagles who watched them with jealousy. "That means the Rhinos get to drive the stagecoach!" Chris announced, ending the celebration as the Rhinos took another look at their cruddy carriage.
"For once, this is one prize I want to return." Kiko said.
Chris had quickly explained how the challenge was to work; one to two players would pull the stagecoach across the desert like horses, as another player would steer them in the right direct, thanks to a map Chris had reluctantly given them. The other players would ride on top or in the carriage, preventing the Eagles from capturing the stagecoach while the others drove. If the Eagles managed to capture/throw out all the campers except the ones pulling, they would win the challenge. "Any questions?" Chris asked, knowing full well that he would ignore them. For once, no one rose their hands, making Chris slightly disappointed as he pulled out a pistol. Everyone quickly jumped back. "You do know murder committed on national TV, even this one, is illegal, right?" Zelda asked. Chris rolled his eyes. They were too easy sometimes. "Relax, this fires blanks. Unfortunately." he added under his breath, Toni shooting him a deadly look. "Now, pick your horses and driver. You have a five minutes head start before the Eagles come after you on these!" Chris cried, gesturing to six horses who looked like they had seen better days at the race tracks. Their legs were short and stumpy, their manes and tail matted and tangled as hundreds of flies buzzed around them. "So! Get going!"
"Micheal and Toni should pull the stagecoach," Zelda said, reading a suggestion Anuok had written on her note pad. "Can't argue with that."
"I can," Kiko said, yanking the note pad from Zelda's grasp and throwing it back to Anuok. "We need at least one of them to protect us in case the Eagles attack!"
"But if both of them pull, we'll be faster than the Eagles will be. Need I remind you that their horses on long since over due for the glue factory? Micheal and Toni can probably change into strong, healthy horses that will keep us far ahead of the Eagles. We have this challenge in the bag!"
For once, Kiko couldn't argue with that, though she demanded that she be the driver. Zelda and Anuok carefully loaded Reese into the carriage, careful to make sure he wouldn't be in too much pain when the ride got bumpy. Anuok closed the door behind her as Zelda jumped up onto the roof, ready to stomp on any fingers that came too close. "Don't forget these!" Chris yelled, tossing each of them an oversized cowboy hat. Toni's and Micheal's were extra large, with slits on either side of the brim for their ears to slide through. "But we can't see out of these things!" Micheal complained. "That's the point." Chris said with a frown. Sometimes, the contestants ceased to amaze him. The two shape-shifters reluctantly put the cowboy hats on their heads and began to change, Micheal accessing his Animatrix while Toni concentrated on an image of a horse in her head.
Soon, a pair of brown mustangs were hooked up to the wagon, bits in their mouths and large cowboy hats on their heads. They nervously pawed the ground with their hooves as Kiko gave an experimental pull of the reins. "You'll have a five minute head start before the Eagles come after you," Chris added as the Rhinos made their final preperations. "Oh, and since Maurananei and Reese are out of the challenge, they're aren't allowed to do anything. Just sit back and try not to die, or you will be instantly eliminated. As in, torpedo food." Maurananei shot Chris a death glare, but the maniacal host ignored it. "On your mark! Get set! GO!" Chris yelled as he jabbed a finger into his ear and shot off the gun. Kiko gave a snap of the reins. The horses whinnied and reared before shooting out across the desert, leaving a plume of dust in their wake.
"Any idea where we are?" Kiko called back to Zelda. After a couple of minute of running across lonely plain, Zelda had rummaged around in several of the suitcases and found a map, hidden in her own pink suitcase of course. "I think we'll be about 1/8 of the way there when we take a left take the Chris shaped rock." Zelda said as she looked over the map. "Chris shaped rock?" Kiko wondered aloud. Where in the name of Chef's kitchen would they ever find a Chris shape-
"LEFT!" Zelda yelled.
Kiko jerked the reins to the left, causing Micheal and Toni to cry out in protest as the stagecoach swerved to the left, passing a large rock that looked similar to Mt. Chris-more from Season 4. "Man, he really does love himself, doesn't he?" Kiko marveled at the sight of the monument. Zelda turned away in disgust as she swung down to look inside the carriage. "How you guys holding up in there?" she asked. Anuok and Reese held onto his wheelchair with white knuckles, but none the less claimed they were fine. "Every time we hit a bump, I feel my insides jump around," Reese said in a sickly tone. "Other than that, I'm doing just fine."
Anuok merely gave her a thumbs up, and Zelda swung back up to the roof again. "If we keep following the trail, we should be able to make it to the other side of the island sunset." Zelda said to Kiko.
"Why sunset? Isn't that a bit far?" Kiko asked as she cracked the reins. The horses neighed in protest, but none the less kept running. Zelda shrugged. "I dunno know. Must be a big island." Kiko said and lay back on the driver's seat, trying to enjoy the bumpy ride through the rough terrain.
"Aaaaaaand, go!" Chris yelled. The Eagles turned to their horses, and attempted to saddle them. The horses however, had other plans. They quickly dispersed, running off in different directions. "Don't just stand there! After them!" Chris yelled, sending the Eagles scrambling. Mitchell and Caroline quickly caught and saddled theirs with ease, waiting by the starting line for the rest of the team to catch their own horses. Maurananei tackled her's to the ground and climbed onto its back before it could run away. The horse whinnied in protest, walking on shaky legs. Trey pounced onto the back of his horse and hung on for dear life as it bucked and kicked, trying to bounce him off. Mortisha managed to corner hers and grab it by the tail, acting like a water skier as the horse towed her around on the sand. "C'mon, Alan! It's not that difficult!" Mortisha yelled as she was pulled along. Alan gritted his teeth. If he ever wanted to impress Zelda, much less any girl, he had to get back on the horse, physically and figuratively. With a yell, he jumped at the stubborn horse, catching it by surprise as he wrapped his hands around its neck. "I did it!" he cried before the horse bucked him off into the sand. Alan groaned, but the horse wasn't done with him yet. With a swift kick of the hind legs, Alan went flying through the air and landed in the grasp of a large saguaro cactus. The horse snorted and clopped away. As Mitchell and Trey reluctantly rode off to help Alan down, Caroline went after Alan's horse, in the hopes that she might be able to convince it to help them.
She found the poor animal drinking from the lake shore, its tail swishing back and forth in the hopes that it might get rid of the many flies that rode around its head. Caroline sucked in a deep breath before gently urging her horse forward.
"Um, hello there." said Caroline nervously, bringing a hand up to wave at the horse. The horse jerked its head up in surprise as it looked at her with agitated eyes.
You've got some nerve comin' after me, after what that jerk tried to do. the horse said angrily.
Caroline gulped. "Well, yes. Um, sorry about that. Anyway, I was wondering if you could possibly help us across the desert?"
The horse tossed its head and rolled its eyes. And what makes you think I'll let anyone ride on my back after what Manure for Brains made me do?
"Alan? Oh, he's just–
No, no, no. Not that Chicken head. I'm talkin' 'bout the big cheese. The guy who runs this whole operation he calls a TV show.
"Chris?"
The horse nodded. The same. Ever since Chris let that big oaf Owen on my back, I haven't been able to gallop straight. Every season a challenge calls for a horse, they always use me and my bros. My name used to Roger. Now they call me Fracture on account of my broken spine!the horse roared. To anyone who had caught the two in mid conversation, would have heard a very angry whinny. I'm just surprised James and the others let you guys on them, despite the many attempts to kick you off.
Hey, don't insult her, dude! She's actually pretty decent!" Caroline's horse argued. "She doesn't over work me like Manure Face does every time he wants a laugh at other people's expenses!
Caroline sighed. This was tougher than she thought. She was feeling mixed feelings right now; pity, sadness, rage. The thought of Chris constantly mistreating the horse made her blood boil. They could have been strong, lean horses like the ones Micheal and Toni had changed into, but after years of abuse and mistreatment from Chris, they looked like they were on their last legs. "Where does Chris keep you guys when you're not being used?" she asked, a plan beginning to form in her head.
In an old stable on the south end of the island, hidden under a rock face. The place smells like a sewer cause Manure for Brains never bothered to clean the place up. He didn't even send any of those pathetic interns over. He just sends Chef to give us leftovers. Why do ya ask? Fracture growled.
"Because, if you and your friends cooperate, I'll make sure you get the treatment you deserve; extra food, clean stalls, daily brushing, horse shoes, apples and hay, you name it." Caroline smiled.
Whoa! Even crunchy sugar cubes? Fracture asked with rapt attention.
Caroline's smile broadened. "Yep. All you have to do is cooperate long enough for us to win. If we don't, I keep up the deal anyway. Do we have a deal?"
Fracture seemed to consider for a brief moment before rearing into the air and kicking and bucking his legs wildly. Cupcake, you've got yerself a deal. Just one question.
"What's that?"
Can I at least torture Chicken Face a little?
"Be my guest." Caroline mischievously smiled. "Just try not to kick him into too many cacti."
After riding back to the group, Fracture had quickly relayed the information of the deal made between him and Caroline to the other horses, who were more than happy to comply. Caroline finally managed a slightly fearful Alan to suck it up and get onto his horse before the Eagles left him to fry in the heat. With deals made and slight fears conquered, the team rode off after the Rhinos, but not before Chris gave each of them a cowboy hat and black bandit mask, just to set the mood. He also threw in a paint ball gun for each team mate, just to see how things turned out.
"How did you get them to be so collegial?" Maurananei asked Caroline as they passed the Chris shaped rock, trying to ignore the blank and frightful stare of their torturer. Caroline shrugged. "I guess I just have a way with animals." she said, winking at Fracture as Alan rode by with an anxious look on his face.
"You talked to them, didn't you?"
"Yeah." Caroline confessed, pushing the brim of her cowboy out of her eyes. "We have to give them some apples once this whole charade is over."
Don't forget about cleaning the stalls and the sugar cubes! Fracture added.
"Just keep walking, Roger." Caroline said to the horse, drawing odd looks from her team mates. "Did he just say something?" Mithcell asked as he pulled up to Caroline. Caroline frowned. "You know, it's considered rude to drop in on other people's conversations." she said.
"It's a horse!" Mithcell argued.
"Same thing." Caroline said, urging her horse James on, ending the conversation. "FYI, they call Chris Manure of Brains!"
The rest of the Eagles paused before bursting out into laughter. "I'm liking these horses more and more!" Trey howled as he pulled out his guitar. "They know anything else about Chris?"
"Uh, let me check," Caroline said. "You know anything James?"
I know he that he sucks his thumb while he sleeps. James cracked. Caroline didn't know if horses could smile, but she was pretty sure James was.
"James says that Chris still sucks his thumb," Caroline relayed to the others.
"Does he sleep with a teddy bear?" Mitchell asked
"That he does." Caroline smiled as Mortisha rode past, hooting wildly as she waved her cowboy hat around in the air. Her horse, a Gray Arabian, looked terrified as the crazy girl urged him to go faster and faster through the canyon. Poor, Jill. She got stuck with the crazy one. Fracture sighed.
"I'll throw in some extra apples for her." Caroline reassured him.
The Rhinos were making good time across the desert known as Chef's Heart. They ignored the circling buzzards that followed them as they ran through gullies and gorges and across featureless wastelands dotted with boulders and cacti. Rattlesnakes watched them with wary eyes as they passed by, trying to conserve the small amount of water their host had been forced to give to them in order to avoid a law suit. Zelda's map reading skills had become invaluable when they came to a forked trail, the left one going through a cactus patch and the other going through a steep canyon with tower sierras on either side (they had wisely chosen the canyon trail after an unfortunate sea gull staggered out of the cactus patch looking more like pin cushion rather than a bird).
The sun began to sink low in the sky, turning the azure deep purple and pink stained with bright oranges and reds. Coyotes howled in the distance as elf owls peered out from their lofty cactus hide outs, and Gila monsters crawled out of their sandy burrows; the desert night shift had begun. Almost immediately as the temperature began to cool down, jack rabbits and desert pronghorn emerged from their shady hiding places. Porcupines could be observed shuffling about as desert tortoises slowly munched on delicious cactus plants low to the ground. "Sure is pertty out 'ere, ain't Kiko?" Zelda said in a mock Western accent. Kiko nodded and breathed in sweet night air that for once didn't smell like oil or exhaust fumes. "How you holding up there?" Kiko called back to Anuok and Reese, knowing that it would only be Reese who would answer.
"We're doing fine, ever since the trail smoothed out. I just hope we get to the finish line before it gets really dark." Reese said.
"What happens if we don't?" Kiko asked nervously, sitting up straight as a rod.
Reese shrugged. "I don't know. The worst thing that could happen to us would be an animal attack."
"You mean like coyotes?"
"Yeah, that's one problem," Zelda said, looking up from her map. "But they're cowards compared to pumas."
"Pumas?"
"Mountain lions." Reese corrected. "While they can be called cougars, pumas, mountain lions, painters, panthers, or catamounts, they're still nasty."
"You don't think Chris was crazy enough to add them out here, do you?" Kiko gulped nervously. Zelda rolled her eyes. "It's Chris. If there's any chance we could be brutally mauled or maimed, he'll make sure we do." Zelda frowed.
Confessional
"I can't believe I ever had a crush on that little, sexy, sweet, psycho path!" Kiko ranted, before realizing she had accidentally complimented someone she was trying to insult. "Ugh, I hate this show!"
End Confessional
The Rhinos rode on in silence, the cries of the coyotes echoing through the cool night air. The cacti rose above the flat landscape like strangling fingers desperate to grab onto anything to pull themselves out of their sandy prison. "Uh, Zelda?" Can you tell me what that is over there?" Reese asked the pink girl, popping his head out the window with much restraining. The girl squinted her eyes to look out across the dark desert. All she could see were cacti and rocks, as well as a lumpy blob atop a particularly tall saguaro. She was about to reassure Reese not to worry when the blob moved, slinking down head first to the ground. Like liquid steel, the animal slunk across the desert, swishing its tail quietly across the sand as its eyes glowed green in the moonlight. Micheal and Toni became uneasy and less cooperative to Kiko's commands as something began to frighten them.
"Reese. We've got a cougar on our tail." Zelda said quietly. "Kiko, keep Micheal and Toni steady; if we show the puma we're afraid, he'll pursue us without hesitation."
FOOM!
A flash of red light lit up the night sky, and everyone turned to see Micheal back in his human form, face down in the sand with his oversized cowboy covering the entire upper half of his body. The reins and bit we're still in his mouth as he spat out sand. "What the heck, Micheal! Why'd you change back!" Kiko yelled.
"Don't blame me! I didn't tell the Animatrix to change me back! It usually lasts longer than this!" Micheal shot back. A growl cut their argument short and they glanced back to see the cougar was coming closer, more confident as its lip curled back into a snarl, showing its sharp teeth. "Micheal, change back now before we're cougar food." Kiko said slowly and quietly. Micheal slowly reached for the watch and cycled through the list before stopping on the silhouette of a stallion. He then quickly slapped the watch face, the cougar stepping back as red light filled the night once more.
"What the– why the heck did you change into that!?" Kiko roared. Standing (more like towering) in front of her was a giraffe, who was throwing Kiko a death glare as best as a giraffe could do. "He must have mis-transformed. Again." Zelda sighed. "And there's no way a giraffe and horse could pull a stagecoach; we'd go around in circles."
"Why?" Kiko asked in frustration. "They're not that different. One's just taller than the other!"
Zelda rolled her eyes and sighed. Pretty much anyone else on the team would understand why it wouldn't work, but Kiko was the one person who wouldn't. "Because, a giraffe's and horse's leg lenths are different, with a giraffe's being much taller. Therefore, the giraffe takes longer strides than the horse does-"
"Zelda! We don't have time for a lecture!" Reese yelled. "Toni, get in the stage coach! Kiko, hook Micheal up to the carriage! Zelda, distract the mountain lion! NOW!"
Everyone quickly scrambled to fill out Reese's command, as the injured nerdling never ordered anyone to do anything, much less yell at them to do it. Then again, they were being hunted by the second heaviest cat in North America. Soon, there was a giraffe hooked up to the carriage, and a full grown horse inside it. Even if the horse was slowly changing back into a much smaller girl, that didn't stop from Reese passing out in pain, as the horse's right fore hoof was jabbed right into his nether region.
"Hee-yah!" Kiko cried, snapping the reins. The giraffe took off what seemed to be a slow gallop. The large cowboy hat that had once covered the horse's eyes now looked tiny on the world's tallest animal. "Can't you go any faster?" Kiko yelled angrily. "Giraffes can only go about 30 mph. While horses go much faster, giraffe's a longer stride, which makes them-" Zelda said, but was cut off but Toni.
"Wasn't there a mountain lion after us just a few moments ago?" she yelled up to Zelda. The pink genius looked back to see nothing but desert, which was devoid completely of a certain big cat. Zelda nervously glanced about until she heard a startled scream from the front of the stagecoach. Zelda scrambled to the edge to see the mountain lion right in front of Micheal, Kiko clinging tightly to his neck as he kicked his legs frantically. It was the only thing keeping the predator from pouncing on him and attacking Kiko (Micheal was far too big too take down). Barely even thinking, Zelda grabbed the handle of a heavy suitcase and chucked it at the pumas head. The suitcase hit dead on, and the cat was soon dodging a barrage of suitcases and bags. As Zelda distracted the puma, Micheal lashed out with a fore leg, placing a well aimed blow to the catamount's head, cutting the head clean off from the body. Zelda nearly fainted at the sight before she realized that the mountain lion had been a robot; sparks jumped from torn wires in the androids neck as the body collapsed to the ground, dead.
Confessional
"I'm starting to like Chris less and less," Kiko frowned. "I mean, killer cougar-bots? What's next, a whole stampede of cattle droids that shoot fire out of their nostrils?" She sighed. "On the bright side, I managed to grab some giraffe hair when I was protecting Micheal. What? You think the big lug was protecting me? I was just playing it up for the cameras."
End Confessional
"Whew! Glad it's just a robot," Kiko sighed as she jumped back to the driver's seat. "Shall we keep goin' then?" Zelda nodded and jumped up to the roof of the stagecoach and pulled out the map. "Head towards the large cactus patch just north-east of here."
"We won't have to pass through there, right?" Kiko asked as she snapped the reins, sending Micheal off at a steady walk. "We shouldn't have to unless we're in real trouble." Zelda answered.
"What classifies as 'real trouble'?" Reese asked from below her.
"Something like another mountain lion, one of Chris's tricks, or something like that."
"How about the other team?"
Zelda startled at the response and nearly fell of the stagecoach when she turned around to see the Extreme Eagles only a hundred yards off. While their horses probably weren't in the best condition, they had some how managed to make great time during the mountain lion attack, although one of them looked a little worse for wear with several cactus spines and what looked like porcupine quills embedded in his shirt and pants.
"Kiko! Kick it up!" Zelda ordered the woman. For once, Kiko didn't argue as they cracked the reins. Micheal kicked it up to a steady gallop, covering yards as his dinner plate-sized hooves pounded against the dusty trail. "Toni! Change into something to defend the carriage! Giraffe's aren't exactly the fastest long distance runners!" Toni nodded and focused on yet another image in her head.
The first thing to happen was the fur; black, thick, and coarse, it raced over her arms and legs, meeting at the torso and racing to cover her face and back as her hands and feet became thick and leathery. Her jaw bulged forward, bones crunching and cracking as they changed, shaped themselves to match the image in her head. Her usually slim arms swelled as muscles packed themselves on top of each other, her veins expanded. Her delicate fingers lost their delicateness as they became thick and perfect for smashing. Her big toes shrank a little and suddenly moved away from the rest as they became similar to her hands. Her face turned into a black, rubbery mask as her belly became round. With the unfortunate fatness came the massive and broad shoulders and the heavy brow that shaded her eyes.
With a loud roar, Toni pounded her chest and shoved a heavy shoulder into one of the carriage doors, popping it off its hinges and sending to the desert floor behind them as they raced away. Hooting loudly, she grabbed the roof of the door, denting it slightly, and swung herself up to the canopy of the stagecoach next to Zelda, her feet landing with a loud thud. Toni grabbed the largest suitcase that was left and held it above her head in a threatening pose as the Eagles came closer, about a dozen yards off. She had to wait until they were close enough or she could miss, even if their horses weren't the best she had seen.
Closer. Closer. Closer.
Now! Roaring, she hurled the suitcase at the opposite team and hit Alan square in the face, knocking him off his horse. Toni swore she thought the animal was laughing at Alan's misery as the others raced after them. They quickly split up into two teams, Trey and Caroline steering their horses to the stagecoach's right, and Mortisha and Mithcell moving their horses to the left as Maurananei reluctantly turned around to help Alan to his feet. The stagecoach was rocked and jostled as the two teams rammed their horses into the sides of carriage, the horses whinnying in protest.
"Sorry about this, guys! Extra hay and sugar when this is over!" Caroline yelled. She mentally sighed. As much as she loved animals, she was really running up a list of promises and deals with this band of horses that had suffered under the abuse of a sadistic host man. She dodged another suitcase that was thrown at her, ignoring it as it fell open to reveal a pink bra and a stuffed brown dog. "SPOT!" Zelda cried. Before anyone could stop her, she jumped off the roof of the stagecoach and scooped up the stuffed animal, tucking it into her as she rolled along the ground, the carriage pulling away. One more person out of the challenge.
"Toni! Ditch 'em!" Kiko yelled as she snapped the reins. Micheal squealed in protest but sped up, pulling the carriage forward a couple feet. It was good, but not good enough to escape the Eagles. The gorilla on the roof of the stagecoach pounded her chest and heaved another piece of luggage down at the Eagles, hitting Mortisha square in the face. The creepy girl merely laughed at the pain and urged her horse forward. She shakily rose up on her legs, balancing on the saddle of the horse as it rode along. With a quick jump, she landed on the side of the stagecoach, her feet resting on the window sills of the carriage. Before Anuok could pop her feet lose, Mortisha scrambled to the roof of the carriage and tackled Toni. Kiko and the rest of the Eagles watched wide eyed as the two fought each other, Mortisha actually seeming to win.
Confessional
"I know someone has probably said this before, but that girl is scary!" Mitchell cried. "If we lose, she's going home. I don't know if I can take anymore night time surprises. Last night she kept on laughing manically in the cave. And I thought Chris's laugh was scary."
End Confessional
"End it already, Mortisha!" Trey yelled. "Quit monkeying around!" he added, drawing a short laugh out of his team. Kiko smiled briefly before a fireball landed on the seat next to her. She cried out and brought up a foot to stop it out, just as Mortisha heaved Toni up on her small shoulders and threw her off the stagecoach's roof. Toni bounced twice off the desert floor and rolled to a stop, unmoving.
"She's on the roof!" Reese cried as the thumps of Mortisha's feet pounded on the roof. Anuok growled and whipped out her daggers. She stood motionless in the carriage as the footsteps came closer and closer to the left side of the carriage. Suddenly, Mortisha swung down from the roof, yelling a battle cry. Before she could swing in and kick Anuok out the other side, the mute girl slashed her daggers across Mortisha's wrists, drawing forth a fountain of red blood. Mortisha yelled in surprise and her grip loosened. She tumbled to the ground, Caroline accidentally running her over as she tumbled past, though Anuok predicted Mortisha didn't mind either incident.
"I'm going in," Trey said to Caroline. "If I don't make it back, don't let anyone have my guitar. Except maybe Micheal. I do owe him for saving it from that yeti." Before Caroline could even say anything else, Trey jumped off his horse and into the stagecoach, grabbing the rim of the stagecoach roof and kicking Anuok square in the chest, sending her out the other side of the stagecoach. Trey let the momentum carry him back outside and then back in where he landed on the floor. He got up and turned to a trembling Reese. "Sorry 'bout this, dude!" Trey yelled as he grabbed the handles of Reese's wheelchair and flung him out the right side of the stagecoach. He heard the rattling crash of the wheelchair clatter against the sand, and the strangled cries of Reese as he landed in a cactus patch.
"Crap," Kiko said under her breath. The Eagles had managed to corral them into the large cactus patch she had been trying to avoid earlier. "Micheal! Keep going and don't stop until we've crossed the finish line! I've got some pests to exterminate." Micheal grunted and kept running, though it was easy to see that he was tiring. Kiko hooked the reins to the driver's seat and climbed onto the roof. She picked up one of the last suitcases that dotted the roof and threw it down at Caroline. The suitcase hit her in the shoulder and she hissed in pain. Another suitcase hit her in the leg and a third struck her horse's rump. "Hold still, will ya!" Kiko yelled in frustration.
"Why on earth would I do that!?" Caroline shot back. Kiko growled and heaved the last suitcase at Caroline, striking her in the left temple and knocking her off her horse. She tumbled to the ground, bouncing off a couple of rocks before rolling to a stop, unmoving. Kiko huffed and swung down into the cabin of the stagecoach to face off against the last member of the Eagles. The two circled off like a pair of hungry lions. Trey unhooked his bass and held in a fashion similar to bat. Kiko frantically glanced around for something, anything to use before deciding on a rusted crowbar that was sitting in the corner of the wagon, unnoticed.
"Any last words?" Kiko hissed. Trey looked worried for a brief second, but the feeling passed when he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah, I've got some: hold on tight."
Meanwhile, the maniacal host that was Chris McClain and his co-host Chef Hatchet were waiting at the finish line on the North side of the island. The host was still clad in his cowboy outfit while Chef was dressed in a pink country woman's dress, bonnet and fan included. "It's been a while," Chris said nonchalantly. "And from the footage we've been getting, I think we need to liven it up a bit, don't you?" he asked, gesturing to yet another remote with a single red button in its center. Chef grinned evilly and Chris eagerly pressed the button without hesitation. "Lets see how they handle a stampede of cattle-bots!" The host and cook then laughed evilly, their howls and hoots echoing across the desert, causing even the howling of the coyotes to cease.
"What's goin' on!?" Kiko yelled as the ground rumbled. She suddenly fell to the floor, Trey landing on top of her as she heard a startled grunt from Micheal out front. She dragged herself to the open door of the wagon and looked out in front of them to see a large dust cloud heading their way. It might have been her eyes paying tricks on her, but she swore she saw movement within the dust cloud. Moments later, she was proven right as hundreds upon thousands of robotic cattle stampeded across the desert towards them, flames and smoke shooting out of their laser firing eyes.
Confessional
"In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have mentioned the robotic cattle," Kiko sighed. "That man just isn't right in the head."
End Confessional
"Oh, come on!" Kiko cried. The cattle struck with full force, rattling and jostling the carriage with their metallic bodies as they ran past. The droids made mechanical mooing and snorting noises as they rocked them, crashing into Micheal's long legs as they ran past. The giraffe fought his way through the herd, pulling the stagecoach as Kiko and Trey wrestled around inside. "Get off me!" Kiko yelled.
"Why should I!?" Trey shot back, bring his bass up over his head, prepared to swing it down onto Kiko's head. Kiko's eyes widened as the bass swung downward, aimed at her head. Her arms were pinned to her sides, and her legs were useless with Trey on top of her with sweat dripping down his forehead. Kiko glanced around frantically for anything to aid her, when she saw the crowbar she had tried to use earlier. Frantically, she struggled to loosen her right arm to reach for it. She almost had it lose when Trey yelled and the guitar connected with her right temple. Bits of the guitar flew off as the instrument hit Kiko's skull, sending into unconsciousness as Trey got off of her and rolled her lifeless body into the stampede of robots, hardly caring if she made it out or not. He was tired, he was hot, he was sweaty, and he begun to already have had enough of this show. And he was only two episodes in!
Confessional
"I'll admit, at the time it probably wasn't the wisest decision, nor the best to throw Kiko into a heard of fire breathing, laser shooting cattle robots," Trey admitted as he tuned his bass guitar. "At the time, I was angry. I was mad. Sometimes, I do things that I regret later. And while I may not exactly like Kiko, she probably didn't deserve what she got. Then again, it was pretty hilarious now that I think about it."
End Confessional
"Yah!" Trey roared as he cracked the reins and jerked them to the right. Micheal grunted and turned in the direction he had ordered as dramatic music played in the background (it always seemed to follow them around no matter where they went, even if it didn't match the situation). The stagecoach raced across the dunes with the angry musician constantly snapping the reins and yelling for the giraffe to go faster and faster. Minutes later, they skidded to a stop across the finish line. Micheal collapsed to the ground, the Animatrix changing him back as Trey hopped down from the seat of the wagon with victory all over his face, as well as sweat.
"And we have a winner!" Chris announced. "Trey and the Extreme Eagles win!" Trey pumped a fist as the rest of his team, battered and bruised as they were, rode up to the finish line atop their horses, the Rhinos only a couple minutes behind them. Toni had a comatose Kiko slung over her gorilla shoulders as she knuckle walked up to the rest of her team. Reese, while banged up, had been wheeled along by Zelda, who was still clutching her stuffed animal tightly. "As your reward, the Eagles will get to spend yet another night in the Hangout of Awesomeness! And, you will receive special foot massages from our interns!" Chris said as a couple of the interns frowned and glared at him (so much for the night off). "Rhino! You'll be sending someone home tonight! And Eagles, I want you to be there too. I've got a surprise for everyone." the host chuckled, bringing looks of concern and worry across the faces of the campers that were still awake.
"Tonight, one of your butts will be launched out of my life, and hopefully to the end of yours." Chris said in a cheery voice. The contestants looked nervously between each other.
Confessional
"Who am I sending home?" Toni asked. "Probably one of the two fighters who didn't win their matches. And while Reese technically never stood a chance, Micheal could have easily beaten Caroline." she said with suspicion.
Change Confessional
"Who am I voting for?" Zelda asked. "The logical choice would be the weak link on our team: Reese. While Micheal didn't win his match, his Animatrix makes him invaluable to the team. Reese unfortunately, can't take a hit. As much as I like the guy, I don't think he can take another hit."
End Confessional
Chris then put on a serious face, as he held up a plate with five gooey marshmallows on it. The Eagles stood on the sidelines behind him with eager looks on their faces. One less person to fight for the million. "When I call your name, come up and receive your marshmallow." Chris said.
"Toni." The shape-shifter sighed with relief and jumped up from her seat to grab her marshmallow from the platter, sticking her tongue out at the Eagles as she went to sit back down on her barrel.
"Kiko and Anuok." the two girls smiled and each walked up to get their marshmallows, Kiko limping a but more than Anuok as they each went to sit back down.
"Zelda." The pink girl squealed with delight as she uncrossed her fingers and raced up to the plate and snatched a marshmallow off, kissing it lightly as she sat back down.
"We're down to the final two," Chris breathed. "Reese, you're here because you can't take a hit. Or much of anything else, really." the host laughed as Reese sighed heavily. "And Micheal! You're here because you lost your match to a weakling." Caroline shot Chris a look, but the host ignored it as he did most other things.
"And the camper going home tonight is . . . ." Chris said, pausing for dramatic effect. Reese was quivering in his chair, beads of sweat dripping down his bandaged face as Chris held up the final marshmallow, seeming to contemplate who to give it to. Micheal was equally nervous, crossing his fingers as his Animatrix sparked. The Rhinos watched in horror as Chris brought his finger down between the two boys, switching between which one it would land on. The Eagles looked on his anticipation at the thought of another of their enemies taking the Torpedo of Shame.
"Reese."
The nerdling gasped as Micheal caught his marshmallow, a look of remorse and happiness on his face; happy because he was still in the game, and sad because a friend of his was going home. Reese sighed and began to wheel himself down to the docks when Chris cleared his throat. "Unfortunately Reese, you will not be going home tonight. Tonight, is a reward challenge!" The Eagles groaned in frustration while Reese was about to pass out from relief. "And as a bonus, I will need two volunteers from both teams!"
"Ooh! Ooh! Me and Trey! Me and Trey!" Mortisha cried. Trey looked at her as if she were crazy (which she probably was) and seemed to be contemplating whether he should smash his guitar over her head or not. Chris nodded and turned to the Rhinos. "Any takers?" he asked, flashing his maniacal grin.
Before they could move, everyone but Kiko and Zelda quickly got up from their seats and ran behind Chris, leaving the two girls sitting there as Chris's evil grin broadened. Even Reese had made a speedy get away, curtsey of Anuok who figured Reese wouldn't be able to take another hit.
"Kiko and Zelda! Thank you for volunterring." said Chris. "Now then, the members of each team that have been selected, will now be switching teams!"
"WHAT!?" everyone cried in unison. While Kiko looked ticked off, the promise of a good foot rub and a night in the Hangout of Awesomeness did sound nice. "That means we get to enjoy the rewards too, right?" Kiko asked, pointing between Zelda and herself.
"Nope! You will be joining their team tonight, but you will not be enjoying the rewards." Chris announced with an evil grin. "You'll have to win next time!" Kiko frowned, but said nothing else as the edited teams dispersed.
"So maybe it wasn't as dramatic as I had hoped," Chris smiled to the camera. "Whatever! Will Kiko build her bootleg Animatrix? Will Reese ever man up? Can Maurananei ever win Chef over? All these questions and more, probably won't be answered next time! On Total! Drama! Pahkitew's Vengeance!"
And here's the third chapter of Pahkitew's Vengeance! Let me know what you think in the reviews below, and if you have any ideas or requests for the story, feel free to PM me!
For those that are wondering "死んだ肉"means 'dead meat'. And for all those Japanese people reading this story, I apologize if this is incorrect. I used google translate, as I know no Japanese. I apologize in advance for foreign languages in this story.
Adios!