Heart of Stone

by:

A.K. Hunter

Chapter Thirteen

"This one's for the lonely." - Greg Laswell, "Come and Goes In Waves"

Pregnancy was the hardest thing Alexis had ever done. Sleepless night in med school were a breeze compared to the plethora of sensations her body experienced with each passing day. The latest hurdle was prenatal yoga. Her OB had suggested it as a low-impact exercise regimen that she could continue well into her third trimester. At only eighteen weeks, Alexis didn't see how it was possible to continue the torturous exercise for even one more hour, much less another twenty-two weeks. She'd done yoga a few times before she'd gotten pregnant, and she thought it was hard then. If only she'd known how impossible it would be to move and bend her body with a baby growing inside it.

Stretched into an awkward, belly-anchored downward-dog, Alexis reached out to the book in front of her to turn the page for the next pose. She breathed in and out, slowly and deeply, maintaining the rhythm she'd been taught. Sweat ran down her forehead, burning into her eyes, and she immediately broke her stance.

"Goddamn it," she mumbled. With bloodshot eyes she glared back at the book. She'd only been fifteen minutes into the routine, but she was sweating and panting like she'd run five miles. Alexis gracelessly collapsed onto the mat, and her lower back immediately complained at the pressure the baby lay across her midsection. She rolled onto her side with a groan. Would this ever stop being terrible? The second trimester was supposed to be the honeymoon period of pregnancy. Sure, she threw up a lot less, but otherwise her "honeymoon" had never arrived.

"You okay?"

Kevin leaned against the doorway, wearing yesterday's clothes. Dark circles hugged his eyes, and Alexis glanced at the clock hanging on the wall in the home gym. It was just past nine in the morning. He must just be getting home.

"What does it look like?" she asked.

He stepped inside, a small smile tugging at his mouth. "You look like a gorgeous, glowing—"

"Sweaty cow," she finished.

"Not even close."

His jacket fell to the hardwood floor as he stood just outside her mat. "You want some help?"

"You got a time machine?"

His expression was almost hurt, and Alexis forced herself to sit up, anger and frustration making her immune to guilt. "I just hate this, okay? I know I'm supposed to feel happy and excited, like a life-giving goddess or some other bullshit, but I can't. I want my life back!"

Tears burned at her eyes. Stupid hormones. It was like her body wasn't even hers anymore. She was a vessel, an incubator. Through her blurry vision she saw Kevin sit down next to her. She figured out what he was going to do a half second before he did it.

"Don't—"

His arms wrapped around her, pulling her into his lap, and she immediately clutched onto him, holding him as tight as she could. He was all she had, and a large part of her hated him for it. But stubborn self-righteousness was a lonely path. Alexis could never revile him for long, though she certainly tried. Lately she'd ended up in his bed most nights, whether he was in it or not. She couldn't sleep without his scent nearby. And though she'd never tell him, those mornings when she'd wake up to find him curled around her were her favorite occurrences.

Her tears abated, but she held on. He tugged the elastic from her hair and combed out her sweaty braid, the gentle pressure on her scalp soothing in a way that nothing else could. This was why, time and time again, she let him back in. Kevin was the only one who could make her feel halfway human.

"I think you've done enough yoga today."

"No shit," she sniffed, pulling away so she could look into his eyes.

He brushed the last of the tears away from her face. "What else do you want?"

She hesitated, glancing down at her lap. Kevin gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes again. There was an earnest desire to help in those blue depths. "Tell me what to do," he said.

"I want a back massage," Alexis confessed. "And a hamburger with extra pickles and onions. And a chocolate milkshake."

"I can do that." His fingertips brushed a strand of hair from her face. "You know, you can tell me when you want these kinds of things. You're not alone in this." His voice was low and soft, soothing to the extreme.

"And when you're gone?"

"I'm thinking of you—trying to get back home to you, trying to keep you safe."

Alexis rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"I know."

"Whenever I dreamed of having a family with you—"

"It wasn't like this," he finished.

"It wasn't."

"Can I tell you something?" he asked, his chin resting on the crown of her head. "Something selfish?"

Alexis looked up at him. He was the least selfish person she'd ever met. "What is it?"

"I know this isn't how we wanted things to happen." He threaded his fingers through hers. "But I'd rather have it happen this way than not happen at all."

Silence set in. Alexis had no idea how to respond to that, because while it felt good to hear those words from his mouth, she wasn't sure she agreed. She'd given up so much.

"Kevin—"

"It's okay. You don't have to feel the same way." He forced a smile, standing up and helping her slowly stand up. "Why don't you go take a shower? Junk food and a massage will be waiting when you're done."

Her arms slipped around his middle. Hugs were becoming increasingly awkward with the baby bump between them, but she needed to do something. She couldn't just let the words hang between them. "Thank you."

"Always."

Their baby was a girl.

Kevin was almost mute with shock. The doctor had given them the usual speech and had taken his leave. Hours later, Alexis was taking a hot bath to soothe her aching muscles. Kevin was cooking dinner, an act he found great solace in.

Alexis pressed her hand against her abdomen. A girl. She was having a girl. Alexis closed her eyes, imagining tiny dresses and a small, red-headed toddler with Kevin's eyes.

At twenty weeks, she was halfway there. It seemed like just yesterday she'd found out she was pregnant. Now she had an infant inside her—an infant that could, with a lot of medical intervention, survive without her in another four or five weeks. She'd done that. She and Kevin had created this tiny life that would be a part of the world in just a few months. Alexis couldn't believe it, but the evidence was right in front of her. She was going to be a mother. She was going to have a daughter.

There was a funny turn low in her stomach, like she was tumbling downward, and then it stopped. Alexis jolted upright, pressing her hands against the baby bump. What the—

Just beneath her fingertips something shifted. The sensation was soft as a butterfly kiss, and if she hadn't felt that dip in her stomach to accompany the movement, she might have missed it completely.

"Kevin!"

Seconds later, he rushed into the bathroom, frightened by the urgency in her voice. "What is it? Are you—" He stopped when he caught onto the fact that she was naked in the bathtub.

She reached for his hand, yanking him to his knees and pressing his palm against her partially submerged abdomen.

"Alexis—"

She shushed him, lacing their fingers and guiding his hand over her wet skin until she found the right spot. She pressed hard against it, and that dizzying turn moved through her belly again.

He breathed in sharply, and Alexis knew he had felt it too. He mimicked her movement, pressing against her skin, and like prenatal morse code, the baby responded.

"There she is," Alexis whispered. Something like happiness bubbled inside her chest and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

He laughed; she hadn't heard that sound in over three years. "Hello, sweetheart," he said to her stomach. Alexis beamed at him, and he impulsively kissed her.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

She froze. After everything they'd been through and had learned about each other, Alexis had never expected to hear those words from his mouth again. She'd held him at arm's length for so long... Those words reached some dark, hidden part of her heart.

She cupped his face, bringing his lips down to meet hers. The kiss was slow, gentle—a small, growing flame that spread across her skin. Her tongue traced his lips, and with a groan of desire he pulled her up, her wet body pressing against his clothes. As soon as she stepped out of the tub, Kevin scooped her into his arms, carrying her bridal style to the bedroom. Her back hit the bedsheets, and she reached for the buttons of his shirt.

His hands closed over hers. "Alexis."

She looked up at him, seeing nothing but love for her in his expression. He didn't want this to be a mistake. She kissed him gently, then whispered in his ear, "Make love to me."

His pupils dilated, and he let her hands resume their task. His hands moved through her damp locks as he pressed a line of kisses down her neck.

Soon they were skin to skin, moving as one, and for the first time in over three years Alexis felt like she'd come home.

Author Note: The lyrics say it all. I really hope you liked this one, guys. I'd love to know what you think.