Jack walked me to Ianto's door. We stopped just outside and Jack put a comforting hand on my shoulder.
"Charlie, thank you for sharing all that with me." He smiled and gave me a quick hug before knocking on Ianto's door. The door opened and Ianto's head poked out.
"Oh, thank God!" The door flew open and Ianto pulled me into a rib-crushing hug. I wrapped my arms around him and burst into tears. "Wait...Charlotte, honey..." Ianto whispered into my ear. I sniffled and looked up at him. "Honey, what's wrong?" I bit my lip and looked at Jack. He smiled and looked at the ground, leaving us alone. I turned back to Ianto and buried my face in his shoulder again. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into the apartment.
"Charlotte, take a deep breath." He tilted my chin up and looked me in the eyes. "Charlotte, honey, please tell me what's wrong?" I bit my lip and looked away. "Please? I want to help." I nodded.
"I haven't really cried in 21 years." I whispered. Ianto's eyes widened and he pulled me close. His fingers ran through my hair and he buried his face in my hair.
"Why haven't you cried?" He whispered after a few moments. I wiped my nose on my sleeve and took a deep breath.
"You might want to sit down for this."
"My mother and father, they were always at work. I could tell from a young age that they didn't want me, that I was a mistake. They gave me to a long line of nannies to raise me and if they had anything to say to me, it was a negative comment. If I cried, they told me to stop being such a weakling and suck it up. I taught myself not to cry. After 21 years, I guess it started to drive me crazy. I ran away from home when I was 16, so i've been alone for the last ten years of my life...I actually have friends and people that love me...it scared me." I whispered, Ianto's hand clasped tightly in mine. Ianto's other arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him.
"That's the thing about love...it can be scary." Ianto buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath. "I love you and it scares me sometimes, because there's so much about you I don't understand." Ianto pulled away and looked me in the face. "I want to understand." I nodded and looked at the floor.
"There are things about me I don't even understand." I whispered. Ianto nodded. I rested my head on his shoulder and played with his fingers. "Ianto?"
"Hm?"
"I-" I bit my lip and took a deep breath. "You know how people say that sometimes you just have to leap into the air and hope someone will catch you?" Ianto nodded. "You'd catch me, right?"
"Of course." He smiled amd kissed the top of my head.
"Good, cause, Ianto...um..." I bit my lip again.
"Yeah? You can tell me." Ianto's fingers intertwined with mine and he kissed the back of my hand.
"I...I think, I might be, possibly, falling in love with you." I said quickly. Ianto laughed.
"Charlotte Harris, you make me smile. I love you too." He kissed me and then smiled. "Now, we have work in the morning. Off to bed." He scooped me up and lead me into my room and set me down on my bed. "Sweetest dreams, cariad." I smiled and nodded.
"Night." He kissed me one last time before closing the door behind him and going to bed.
I laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. My mind was stuck in one place. I was genuinely happy, but something inside of me felt...off. I tried to place it, tried to figure out where the feeling was coming from. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was in there somewhere and it was beginning to worry me. It worried me that even when I was safe at home with my boyfriend, the next morning was going off to a great job where I was getting paid by the truckload, I still wasn't completely content. Why couldn't I just be happy for once in my life? Why did there always have to be something wrong? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
I almost burst out laughing at my next thought. I thought about all the childhood book I had read, where the little girl/boy/bunny/puppy/whatever would wake up and go into their parents room and sleep in their parents bed. I had never done that in my entire life. So when I wrapped my blanket around me and went across the hallways, I was giggling quietly the whole time. I pushed open the door.
The room was dark and Ianto was a lump on the far side of his bed. I stood in the doorway, weighing my options. I thought about ever aspect of the situation. Then realized it was completely bullshit. I thought too much and that was my downfall. I bit my lip and scuffled across the floor. I sat down on the edge of the bed, opposite Ianto and looked over my shoulder at him. He moved slightly, but his soft snore didn't stop. I smiled and yawned, laying my head on the pillow next to his. I closed my eyes and felt myself being dragged into unconciousness.