Yeey, finished NaNoWriMo just in time! :)

I hope you don't mind if I pause for a bit, concentrating on my university work and also sorting out what is going to happen next! :)

23.

The Search

King Severus' face was lighting up immediately after Rolanda had finished her short announcement and he clapped his hands together as he rejoiced openly, causing Rolanda to jump slightly at the loud noise.

He was smiling widely, and also a little bit too triumphantly for her personal taste though, and she somehow felt like this was worse than having him cursing and screaming at her during one of his sudden tantrums.

She honestly would have preferred to have him yelling at her, insulting her in that process – when he screamed, she at least knew what he was up to then and that she only had to hold still and keep calm until his anger had cooled down. It was as if he at least was being honest while raging about anything that had or had not provoked him, it was as if his motives or goal were clear, at least to her, and she mostly knew what he was going to do during his outbreak. To her, he seemed to be a little bit more predictable than he usually was.

But when he smiled at her like this, with euphoria written across his face, and spoke to her with this unnaturally soft voice, she would feel shivers running down her spine, icy cold and numbing.

Of course, it was always hard to determine what he was going to do or what kind of thoughts were running through his mind, and so he generally stayed an unpredictable, dangerous subject. But she still felt like he was able to hide more bad intentions behind a smile than he could hide behind a furious outbreak.

A smile, she had learned over the last few weeks, meant that he was concealing something, maybe bigger thoughts and ideas, nasty plans or intentions that had formed in his mind earlier and that also surely meant nothing good for some of the persons in his surroundings.

Even though he was so talented at hiding what he was thinking and feeling deep inside of him, behind an seemingly unbreakable mask of calmness and calculation, this smile was giving away more than he was probably intending to show at all. Did he even know that he was hinting that he was about to do anything nobody could like?

"It is good to hear news of such nature," the king replied, his voice calm and controlled and in this moment Rolanda realised that his smile did not quite seem to reach his eyes. The black orbs did remain rather cold and expressionless while all the lines in his face were indicating an euphoric smile. And as he took her hand, she had to control herself so that she would not yank her hand out of his grip, possibly already ruining the small illusion she wanted to build up for him.

Severus felt triumphant and his insides seemed to be flooded with an reassuring warmth, making him ultimately feel like he was floating above the floor a little bit.

He had reached his small goal, Rolanda had agreed to become his apprentice and now he could finally consider her fully his'. Nobody would be able to tear them apart as soon as he would have magically bound her to him, not even her father would have enough power to loosen this connection. If he did everything right, she would agree more than willingly into deeper connections with him and she would never be able to run away from him, no matter what he would do with her.

Of course he had only barely doubted that she would give him a positive answer to his offer ultimately, but he still could not deny that he was immensely relieved to have heard the words from herself.

The power he was longing for, had been longing for for so many years by now, was slowly and finally coming closer and he was already able to reach for it and feel it, though his imaginative fingertips were barely brushing along it.

To him, she was something like the spare key to the door he had feared to have been locked for good when Hooch had denied to help him.

But still, he was beginning to feel as if it had been good in the end, that he would be able to achieve better results now. Rolanda may not be as experienced as her father was, and he would need a little bit more time to built her up, but in the end, it would be easier to persuade her to agree to things her father would never have done. Under his strong and well practiced influence, she would be doing things so cruel, she would try to find anything to hold on to, something or someone who kept her from loosing her mind over her deeds. And then, he would be there, causing her to slowly become dependent from him until she would never be able to break free.

He would possess everything of her – her magic, her body, her heart. All of her.

Of course he would always keep an eye on her, minding that she would always have everything she needed. Enough for her, more for him.

In the past, it had been reverse – all his siblings had received whatever they wanted while Severus had always been forced to settle for less than nothing, in his opinion.

But these days were going to be wiped off everybody's memory as soon as he would have succeeded. He would never be forced to remember all the unfulfilled wishes and all the activities he had been denied as a child.

For a short moment, he allowed the sorrow and disappointment of the past to roll over him, making his heart clench slightly and he gulped before building up his cool, unmoving mask to protect himself.

"Well, then we should start immediately, we have no time to loose, haven't we?" He announced calmly, slightly squeezing Rolanda's hand and lingering a bit before he pulled her with him, towards the stairs to his bed chamber.

Rolanda felt her heart racing in her chest in panic as he said:"We should better not be disturbed during our practice, I doubt that anyone would react exactly positive if they caught us trying to practice magic."

Holding back an loud sigh of relief, Rolanda smiled and nodded, trying to appear as eagerly as she possibly could in her nervous state. For a split second, she actually asked herself if it was the right thing to do, if she really should attempt to fool him to use him for her own benefit... But then she shoved the thought away, realising that it was the right thing to do and that there was hardly any possibility to go back by now. She told her to think of Alannah, that she was doing this for her, and it helped a little bit to shove her doubts into the back of her mind.

Also she could not deny that she was immensely curious about what was going to happen, how her first try of making her magic show outwardly would go.

They came to a stop in the middle of the huge bed chamber and Rolanda half expected the king to suddenly pull out a wand for her out of his pocket, but he did not do so.

"So, today, we will simply try to elicit your magic from the shell that your father caused to built all around it. Normally, witches and wizards do show signs of accidental magic during their early childhood, they become aware of their magic and are able to control it to a certain point when they grow older. Before that, things would just happen randomnly, beyond the childs control or even awareness – hovering puppets maybe, or things could change their colour of texture under the influence of the child's freely flowing magic.

"As your father caused you to surpress your magic and you are not exactly aware of its presence within your whole being, we will try to get it out. Maybe it will take some time, as we have to break barriers that have been in place for most of your life, but we shall not be discouraged too easily," the king explained calmly and Rolanda nodded slowly, hoping that she would be able to do anything, that she would meet his expectations.

"And how are we going to do this?" Rolanda asked carefully, hoping that in the future the king would not have any problems if she asked any questions about the things he wanted to teach her.

"I want you to close your eyes and listen into your inside, try to feel the hints of magic that are able to sip out of this shell. When you feel your magic, you can try to grab it and lure it out, though you should not force it, as this could have negative effects. Only when your magic is a strong, prominent feeling inside of you, it could happen that it breaks out and shows itself in whatever form it may found suiting."

"But how am I going to know that it really is my magic that I am feeling?" Rolanda wanted to know, her eyes narrowed slightly, her brows quirked rather sceptical.

To her surprise, the king remained calm and showed a lot of patience with her in her opinion as he took his time to answer, the tone in his voice not changing at all as he spoke:"You will know it when you feel it. Trust me."

Rolanda bit her lip to hold back any sarcastic commentaries that were rising in her throat, craving to break free. He seemed to prefer to speak in mysteries, and she really hoped that he did not see this explanation as a helpful advice, because to her, it definitely was not, no, not at all.

And additionally, how was she supposed to trust him? Of course he was only talking about this topic at the moment, but still she did not feel like she was going to trust him about anything.

Releasing a small sigh, she closed her eyes as he had told her and tried to listen into herself, searching for any sign of the magic she was searching for.

But as much as she concentrated herself, all she could feel was her own heartbeat and they way her lungs filled with air. There was nothing, not even the tiniest tingling sensation.