The previous day had been a long one. Perhaps the longest in Rose DeWitt Bukater's life. But, no: Rose DeWitt Bukater had died. She had been dead for thirteen… almost fourteen hours, now. All that was left now was Rose Dawson, a lonely widow who had narrowly escaped the greatest ocean disaster of all time with her life. What more could she want? Jack, for one.
He was supposed to be here with her. She had told him she'd get off the ship with him when they reached New York. Well, she had gotten off the ship with him, just not necessarily as planned.
The previous night had been horrific—one Rose was sure she wouldn't soon forget. She had not only lost her lover, but also herself. Though she was a new woman, a reborn one, she was alone. Her life was changed forever. She wasn't sure how she would live on all alone. Pre-Titanic, she hadn't been able to get dressed by herself… How would she manage now?
She would have to learn. It wouldn't be easy, and she would have to work hard to get it right. But she would do it… she was sure. She couldn't let Jack down now. It was his dying wish that she live on, so she'd find a way to make it work. She'd find a way to make it count.
With or without Jack, she'd have to go on.
But without would be harder.
During her first hours on the Carpathia, Rose wasn't sure if she was now in Heaven or Hell.
She was free of Cal. She had almost died. She could do whatever she wanted without having to worry. She had just lived through possibly the worst disaster in all history. She was alive. Her lover was dead.
That did it. She was living in Hell.
Without Jack, she was in Hell. This wasn't nearly as bad as having to live with Cal and her mother like a puppet: Do this, say this, think this… She would have rather lived an entire life doing whatever Cal and her mother told her… Anything would have been better and more bearable than Jack's death.
Everything happens for a reason… she told herself, swallowing hard. Then what's the reason Jack died? her mind fought back and she frowned at herself. Don't think like that, she commanded, blinking hard and staring out into the ocean that lay before her. You can't think like that… Then why is he dead? I deserve to know… I deserve his love… After all I've been through, I deserve… She knew wanted to finish the thought. But wishful thinking would get her nowhere.
Jack was dead. She was alive. She would live on. Jack would remain dead. That's how her life would play out. And she'd just have to work with the cards she was dealt.
After mulling these thoughts over in her head for hours, she gently placed the cold and untouched tea down on the floor next to the bench. It's nearly noon… she thought, half deliriously, as she lay down on the cold, hard bench, unaware of what was going on around her. She didn't even realize her eyes were closed when she fell into a restless sleep…
Sorry if this has been a bit disappointing so far… but I pinky-swear that the good stuff is coming up in the next chapter—I PROMISE!
~Jillianna