So the pain just keeps coming. Here's another chapter to this really depressing story. I'm afraid things don't seem to be getting any better for the two.

I hope you enjoy and please feel free to review.

I let you down

Darkness had always been a friend to him. A place to hide when things got too bad, when the pain was too much, when he just needed to escape. He would use the darkness to move around, slipping between shadows to remain unseen in the day, becoming part of the night when he needed to get away. It was so easy to be free when the sun had set and the lights had gone out.

So often he had left the barracks after curfew, wondered the compound by himself, never being caught by the soldiers who patrolled. He had found it amusing once, that the mako enhanced men had never heard him, never seen him, always so close as they made their passes. Soon the humour had left him and he had begun to hate them as well, nobody noticed him, not even when he was doing something he shouldn't have been. He had begun to use the time to play with them, testing his own abilities and testing theirs. He had stopped when rumours of a ghost began spreading through the ranks, apparently some of the soldiers were refusing guard duty, it had given him something to smile about for a day. After that he had remained in the shadows, leaving them alone, he didn't need to have this time alone ruined by drawing attention to it.

It was strange then, that as he observed the darkness around him now, he actually felt uneasy. This darkness was different somehow, not natural like he was used too, but somehow thicker and heavier. He looked about at the endless sea of nothing and felt it wash against him, felt it on his skin, knew it was becoming a part of him. No, that was wrong. Shock ran through his body as he realised that it was already a part of him. That this was him. This was the place where all the pain and sorrow was hidden within himself, the place where he locked away all the things he didn't want to feel. Gaia, it was suffocating.

Something moved now, it stirred the air around him, letting its presence be known without actually showing itself. The weight of something heavy began to push against him and the air he breathed became thicker. He tried to move away from it, but it followed easily drifting like a breeze. He tried to push against it to get himself free, but it flowed easily around him making his escape harder. His legs began to struggle. It was as if he was walking through water, the liquid pulling him back as he fought to move forward.

The weight on him suddenly intensified and he cried out as he was sent crashing down to his knees. He thrashed his arms about in panic, trying to push the unseen enemy away, but it only laughed at him. He froze at the cruel sound, choking on his own breath. A sudden pressure attacked him from the side and he fell, his body impacting with something in the darkness. He flailed about wildly trying to break free, each movement becoming harder as his strength was drained away, his body becoming weaker.

"You are mine" an evil voice whispered in the void.

"No" he shouted, finding that he had a voice of his own.

"Yes. You are mine. You will always be mine."

"Leave me alone" he screamed, fear consuming him.

"I cannot leave you. You gave me life, here in this place. I am always with you."

"Nnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo" he cried out in despair.

"What's wrong my little Cloud, do you need to be reminded of the pain?"

He never got the chance to answer, the choice being made for him, as the darkness began to fade away.

--

Cloud woke slowly, the world around him drifting into focus through blurry eyes. It was still dark around him, but now it was the natural kind that he was used to. It gave him some comfort as he looked around, the soft light available illuminating various objects in the room. He silently wondered where he was, for a moment, forgetting all the things which had happened. It was only when his gaze fell on the sleeping form of Zack that the misplaced memories came flooding back and his heart cracked a little.

He bit back the tears as he looked upon the exhausted figure, slumped awkwardly in the chair beside his bed. The normally bright and cheerful soldier looked as if he had aged years, his face looking drained, and hard lines furrowing his brow in a troubled sleep. Cloud ran his eyes down Zack's body and noted that the soldier's uniform appeared crumpled and dirty, as if he had been wearing it for a while, and not had time to change. The cadet began to wonder just how long Zack had been there, how long they had both been there, and where 'there' was exactly.

Cloud looked back up to take in the soldiers strained features once more and blinked in surprise as his eyes connected with glowing spheres in front of him. There had been no change in Zack's posture, no movement to indicate that he was now awake, Cloud had not been given time to prepare for this moment. His sky blue eyes met Zack's and widened a little in fear as he saw the soldiers eyes glow even more, the mako within them burning brightly.

Cloud knew what that meant, it had been explained to him before. Zack was struggling with strong emotions, emotions which could stimulate the mako within his body. The cadet didn't need to guess which emotions plagued Zack, it was clear on the soldiers face. The relief, the pain, the anger, the betrayal. It was all there for Cloud to see, the eyes speaking more than words ever could in the silent room.

The soldier mentally scolded himself, he had gone over this scene in his head countless times, thought about what he would say and do until all the possibilities had been covered. He had even formed a plan of action to take with the cadet, but now as he looked into those damp fearful eyes he just couldn't think.

At last he spoke, the one thing he needed to know above all else, the only question which needed an answer.

"Why?" he asked, his voice sounding as defeated as he felt.

Cloud looked into Zack's eyes, eyes which had once shone brightly for him and now looked so hurt, and felt the words tumble from his lips.

"I'm sorry."

His body began to tremble as he fought not to cry, but there are just some things that you cannot fight. The tears rolled down his cheeks soaking into the soft pillow and his body began to shake with the sobs which escaped his lips.

Zack was by his side in an instant, lifting him into a tight embrace, holding him close against his warm chest. The soldier wrapped his arms around the cadet's shoulders and held him as his body shook, as the tears poured out and the words repeated themselves in a pain filled mantra.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Ssssssshhhhh" Zack soothed, running fingers gentle through the cadet's blonde spikes. "It's alright now, you're safe."

But Cloud knew he wasn't safe, not from himself, not from the voice which wasn't his own. He couldn't hear it now, but he knew it was still there. He could feel it deep within him, waiting patiently, knowing it would have another chance.

Eventually Cloud's body calmed, the tears dried and his breathing returned to a gentle rhythm. He held on tightly to the soldier, afraid to leave the comfort of the embrace, afraid to look into those eyes again. They stayed this way as the words began to flow between them, holding each other reassuringly, needing the soothing contact it provided.

"You scared me" Zack admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok, now. Just promise me you won't do it again."

"Ok."

Zack paused and drew in a deep breath before asking the next question.

"Why did you do it, why didn't you come to me?"

"I ... I don't know."

The cadet's voice was barely a whisper and Zack sighed deeply. He wasn't happy with the answer, but knew better than to push the blonde right now.

"I didn't tell them, how it happened" He informed the cadet reluctantly.

"Why?"

"They would have put you in the pysch ward, trust me when I say, you don't want to be in there."

"Then where am I?"

"The infirmary, in a private room."

"Oh"

Silence continued for a moment longer as both men pondered what to say next.

"Are you ... disappointed ... in me?" Cloud asked hesitantly.

His heart cracked a little when Zack didn't reply and his body tensed against their embrace. The silence between them stretching further this time and Cloud felt something cold forming within him. There was a thought in his head, a bad feeling in his stomach, something he had to say for both of them.

"I ... let you down." He told the soldier, his voice clearly showing his heartache.

"You should have come to me, you should have trusted me" Zack said unable to hide the frustration and the hurt.

"I'm sorry" Cloud sobbed tightening his hold on Zack's body, pulling them closer together.

Zack began to stroke his head again, to make gentle sounds of reassurance against his ear. Eventually the calming effect drew Cloud into a dreamless sleep and Zack lowered the cadet back onto the bed. He adjusted the blonde's body so it would be more comfortable and pulled the sheets back up to cover the fragile form.

Moving back to his place, on the chair beside the bed, he slumped onto the uncomfortable material.

It had not gone as he had planned. He had not expected to find the words, which Cloud needed to hear, to be so hard to say. He couldn't lie to the blonde, couldn't pretend everything was alright, but the truth would have been more painful than the cadet could handle right now. Zack had heard the words, felt the pain that came with them, but had been unable to argue them. Cloud had let him down, but he had also let himself down, and that had chocked the words in the soldier's throat more than anything.

Zack's watchful gaze remained on the cadet for a little longer, before his own eye lips fluttered closed drawing him into a weary sleep.