A/N: Thank you all so much for the positive reviews! :D it really encourages me to keep writing. And anyone know what to do about weirded out 'Story Stats'? It says my last chapter has no hits but I have 17 reviews of it at the time I'm writing this lmao :P anyway hope you enjoy this next chapter, love Roxannaaaax

If there was one thing that Gene never really understood, it was psychology. He thought taking Alex to see a therapist daily would suddenly put everything right again, and after one or two days she would miraculously be okay. But he was wrong. She wasn't. It had been another week, making it sixteen days since her assault and the arrests and she was still as shaky as ever.

Things had marginally improved, such as she was no longer scratching herself or weeping every five minutes. But it was still inside her. The pain, the hurt, the betrayal. Alex allowed Gene to be closer to her now but still refused any sexual contact and had panic attacks when left in the room without Shaz or Gene. It was times like this when Ray or Chris had the unfortunate task of calming her down, pulling their female officer into their arms awkwardly as they rocked her gently, wincing as she pulled away in fear, desperate for the Guv or their WPC to return. They had tried the therapist's instructions of getting Alex to take slow, deep breaths and constantly reminding her where she was, but Alex just ignored them. Alex's frightened behaviour was affecting the team, the way they handled their new cases and unfortunately, her blossoming romance with her superior officer.

Gene was under a lot of strain and pressure. He didn't know how much more of this he could take with Alex. He knew how to comfort a victim of sexual assault, but he had never been in love with one or practically living with them before. Their trauma didn't follow him everywhere he went or have a huge effect on his life. But now it had happened to Alex, his Bolly. The strongest woman in the station.

Gene had moments where he had to hold his frustration in as his mind became annoyed with Alex at times. She still dressed as covered-up as a nun and spoke in a tiny little voice. She wasn't noticing things in the recent crime scenes because her mind was elsewhere, something that Gene was working hard to snap her out of. But when Alex wouldn't interview a suspect two days ago because he was a man, Gene found himself sighing subconsciously. He knew he had to be there for her and support her, but she wasn't making any hugely significant progress with the therapist and Gene had never been a patient man.

Seeing the clock reach six o'clock caused Gene to sigh with relief as he sent his team packing to Luigi's. Taking Alex's hand protectively in his, he walked her out and followed the lads to their favourite Italian restaurant.

"Guv, yer want a pint?" Ray called out when they reached Luigi's. "First round's on Chris."

"You what?" Chris said gormlessly from the table as the other CID boys roared with laughter. Shaz rolled her eyes, stroking Chris' cheek affectionately.

"Why not," Gene nodded with a hint of a smile, "c'mon Bolls, let's join 'em."

"Gene," Alex breathed nervously, pulling his arm back and clinging to him desperately, "I…I…please, I don't want to."

Gene frowned. "Bolls, come on. It's the lads. We haven't had a pint with them for days."

"Please Gene, I just want to go to the flat," Alex pleaded, her huge eyes panicked. Gene sighed heavily, trying not to get too annoyed with her.

"Fine, you get yerself up there and I'll join yer after a couple o' pints," Gene decided, making to turn away again.

"Oh no Gene, please!" Alex begged, her voice getting higher in pitch as tears threatened to surface.

"What then, Alex?" Gene spat, perhaps a little too harshly. She swallowed awkwardly, aware of the rest of the team's eyes on them.

"Please come with me," Alex whispered, "I…I don't want to be alone."

Gene weakened then. He pulled her into his embrace, lightly kissing the top of her head. "No-one can get you, Alex," he mumbled, "they're all locked up, remember?"

"Someone else could," Alex whimpered, "oh please…please don't make me…"

"Okay, okay, don't cry," Gene said firmly, pulling away, "no tears, remember? Yer got ter be strong. Leave this shit behind. Don't go crying on me, got it?"

"Mmm," Alex mumbled quietly, tears dripping.

"Good," Gene sighed, "c'mon then. Your flat. I'll get Luigi to bring some grub up."

Alex smiled. "Thank you, Gene."

Gene smiled back at her, stroking her hair softly. "Its okay, Bolls. Not a problem."

-xx-

"Oh fucking hell!"

"Stop it, Gene, I'm not ready!"

"I'm not bloody pushing you into doing anything!" Gene burst out, exasperated. "I just had me arms around yer!"

"You tried to cop a feel," Alex insisted indignantly, moving away from Gene on the sofa.

"Oh give me strength," Gene moaned, his head in his hands, "I was giving yer a cuddle, Bolly! Being yer partner! Comforting yer! Now stop acting like an uptight virgin. I understand yer don't want ter sleep wi' me yet but don't go flipping out over a ruddy cuddle."

Alex swallowed. "Sorry," she said quietly.

Gene sighed. "Come 'ere, yer dozy mare. It's all right. Not goin' ter hurt yer, Bolly."

"I know," Alex mumbled, snuggling up in her lover's arms again, resting her hand and cheek on his chest, "I know, Gene. I trust you so much. Love you."

"Love you too, sweetheart," Gene said softly, "and don't you forget it, poppet. Not goin' ter let anything happen to you."

"I'm sorry," Alex croaked, "I'm sorry for the way I've been. I know it can't have been easy for you…I'm sorry…"

"Shh, that's enough o' that, Bollykecks. You've got nothin' ter be sorry for, sweetheart. Not your fault. Not your fault at all."

Gene continued to stroke Alex's hair lovingly, thankful that she was at last relaxing in his comforting arms. He took a deep breath.

"Bolls?" Gene said gently. "How…how are these sessions with the therapist going? You are…recovering, aren't yer?"

Alex was quiet for a moment, and Gene was worried that he had said the wrong thing and upset her.

"It's just so hard," Alex whimpered, clinging to his shirt, "when I have a panic attack, she gets me to plant my feet on the floor, take deep breaths and describe my surroundings. To…to convince myself that I'm okay…and it's not…it's not happening. But when I'm in CID…I just panic. I feel stupid doing it in front of the boys and then they just get worse."

Gene nodded, recalling Chris and Ray's reports of Alex's behaviour. He kissed her cheek lightly, encouraging her and supporting her.

"Then I get the flashbacks," Alex said timidly, "of…it. Him…"

"Shh, Bolls. It's okay," Gene soothed her.

"And she does her stupid techniques like turning lights on and turning on music to trigger happy memories instead. But I can't just stick on bloody music in the middle of CID can I? Then she's telling me that she knows it feels real to me, but its not really happening," Alex spat angrily, "how can she know? How can she know, Gene? No-one can know. No -one knows w-what it f-f-feels like t-t-to –"

Gene enveloped her in his embrace then, sensing she was upsetting herself. Alex buried her head in his shoulder, her body shaking with tears.

"Time for bed I think, Bolly," Gene muttered, "its getting late and we need yer in full fitness for tomorrow." Alex pulled away, wiping her eyes dry. Gene swallowed. "Do yer…do yer still want me on the sofa?"

Alex bit her lip, nodding nervously. "I'm so sorry, Gene, but it just scares me…"

"No problem," Gene cut her off, getting to his feet, "bedtime Bollykecks. In yer jimjams now, and if yer good the Gene Genie might even read yer a story."

Alex chuckled, brightening up her pretty face for the first time in ages. "I love you, Gene," she smiled, gently closing the door to get changed. Gene watched sadly as the door closed. He had seen the most intimate parts of that woman before whilst they made love, but now…she was so traumatised that a door had to come between her naked body and her lover. Gene was determined to drag Alex out of this dark pit that she'd fallen into. Nothing was going to stop him, and he was never going to give up.

-xx-

Three days later, Alex arrived in CID with Shaz at eleven o'clock. This had been the daily routine for about two weeks now – as every morning Shaz would pick her senior officer up from her flat and take her to the therapist's, wait for the hour's session to be over, and then take her back to CID to work.

The improvements were starting to slowly come along now. Alex still had at least two panic attacks a day where Shaz or Ray or whoever was around would have to hold her hand and follow the instructions of the therapist. Gene had set up a stereo that had a remote control for him and Shaz, so that they could press the button to play Alex's favourite song every time she started to get a terrifying flashback, something that was still a regular problem and unfortunately was disrupting the working pattern of the detectives. However, Alex was a lot easier to calm down these days, was no longer self-harming or scared of her work mates and wasn't having flashbacks or panic attacks quite as often. Although a small step, Gene knew it was a huge step in the right direction.

There was always the worries though. The worries that she was taking backwards steps and not moving on, such as when Gene asked Alex to interview a young man who was possibly linked to a robbery they were investigating with him. This was when Gene feared Alex's progress could be shattered in an instant.

"No, Gene…please don't make me," Alex begged quietly, her fingers gripping the wood of her desk as Gene loomed over her with the news.

"Bolls, I need your psychiatry with this one. I'll be there. And he ain't got previous for…anything like that. Come on," Gene urged her.

Alex's heart pounded as she bit her lip. She could do this, couldn't she?

The flashbacks began to appear…no. No she couldn't. It was too soon.

"I can't," Alex whispered, "you know why."

"Oh man up, Drake," Gene spat nastily, "don't think just 'cos I'm shagging yer that you're going ter get special treatment."

Shaz gasped as the words slipped from Gene's mouth and Alex's face crumpled, tears flowing thick and fast.

"Shit," Gene muttered, grabbing Alex's hand and rubbing it lightly, "shit…sorry Bolly. Didn't mean it. Yer know I didn't…"

Alex nodded tearfully, her eyes fixed on the papers in front of her. Gene took his hand away from hers, standing up fiercely to try and reassert his authority in the office.

"Raymondo, with me!" Gene barked, marching out of the office without a backwards glance at Alex. Ray followed his Guv out, smiling encouragingly at Alex as he passed her. Alex smiled weakly back, wiping her eyes with a tissue.

"Shaz," she said quietly, "will you come with me to the toilets please? I…I don't want to go on my own."

"Of course, Ma'am," Shaz nodded supportively at her DI, getting to her feet immediately. Shaz rubbed Alex's arm comfortingly as she walked her senior officer down the hall and towards the loos, praying desperately that the Alex Drake she knew and looked up to would return soon.

That night, things were even more difficult with Gene. They were getting ready for bed after awkwardly sitting on the sofa together watching a feel-good film, both lost in their own thoughts about what had happened and their small spat earlier.

Alex was dressed in her long, shapeless and comfy cream pyjamas, combing her short hair so that it flowed around her face naturally. She wandered through to the living room to throw Gene's bedding on the sofa as Gene had just been in the shower and was getting changed along with slapping on his aftershave.

As he sauntered through to the living room, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind in an affectionate hug, Alex snapped. She panicked, squealing in terror as she pushed his arms away and charged forwards, away from him, whipping around with fear in her eyes.

"Oh Bolly," Gene groaned in frustration, "I thought we were past this, 'ey? I'm not goin' to hurt yer."

"No…it's not that…it's…" Alex stuttered, "oh please Gene, take it off! Take it off!"

"Take what off, woman? One minute yer don't want any sexual contact, and now yer can't wait to 'ave a good stare at me –"

"No, you idiot!" Alex panicked. "Please, wash it off!"

"What?" Gene frowned in confusion.

"Your aftershave…it's the same one Oliver used…it smells exactly the same…I can't…please get it off you," Alex wailed, clinging to the pillow she was holding not unlike a child would with a teddy bear.

Gene stared at her, trying to comprehend what she'd just said. The minutes felt like hours as frightened tears began to trickle down Alex's face and Gene pouted, scrunching up his face in annoyance and shaking his head.

"No," he muttered darkly, "I'm not having this. I'm not taking this shit. No way."

"Gene?" Alex gasped as Gene stripped off his pyjamas bottoms and began to pull on his trousers. Alex's heart pounded as Gene buttoned his shirt, shoved on his shoes and threw on his huge overcoat. "Gene! GENE! Where are you going?"

"Out," Gene barked, storming past her, "this is fucking ridiculous."

"Gene! GENE! NO, NO PLEASE!" Alex wept, grabbing at him desperately, her heart breaking as he shoved her off. "Gene, please, I can't be on my own, you know I can't! Please don't leave me, Gene! I-I'm t-t-trying, I am, I am, I p-promise! Gene? GENE!"

SLAM. The door banged with such a violent force that Alex even saw some of the dust shift. Alex stared at the door, the pillow she had fetched for Gene dropping out of her hands and onto the floor. Then she collapsed down next to it, weeping and sobbing as her heart ached more than it ever had done before.

Hearing the Quattro roar away, Alex knew it. Gene was gone.

A/N2: Ahhh angsty-angst-angst :( it does get happier, I promise you! Let me know what you think :D x