This picks up straight after Angeal leaves. It mainly focuses on how Zack and Cloud interact since the painful conversation in the hospital.
It feels right to develop the characters slowly like this, but please review to let me know what you think.
Something new
Zack lent against the closed door, his forehead resting on the flat surface, and let out a deep sigh.
"Now what do I do?" he asked the hard surface, his voice a whisper in the silent apartment.
He turned slowly and lent back against the door, using it as a support for his drained body. This had been his idea, he had even pushed for this, but now it was here he was beginning to doubt the decision.
"Stop it" he scolded himself sternly.
His mind acknowledged that it was wasting time and energy with this pointless worry, Cloud was here so that was that, now he had to focus on getting the cadet better. Thoughts of the young blonde had the soldier moving through the apartment towards the spare bedroom. He hesitated outside the door, a small wave of unease washing over him. Could he face the cadet right now? Could he look in those eyes again? Would he be able to answer the blonde's questions?
Shaking his head Zack pushed the concerns to one side and knocked softly on the door. He waited a moment for a reply, but when none came he decide to enter anyway.
Cloud was lying on the bed where Angeal had put him, clearly afraid to move from where he had been placed. The cadet's eyes flashed up to meet his own and Zack noted the scared look a second before it disappeared. In the space of a heart beat Cloud's eyes had gone cold and empty, all emotions cut off from the world and hidden away. It was only now that Zack understood, as he looked into those empty eyes. This was how Cloud often looked, which meant this was how Cloud always lived.
"You've got that defensive thing down pretty well" the soldier commented from where he stood in the doorway.
Cloud's eyes darkened slightly and his lips formed a tight line, other than that he didn't respond to Zack's comment.
"Ok, so I'm getting the silent treatment, now worries."
Again no reply was given.
"Look I'm hungry, you wanna eat. I can cook something, what do you fancy?"
Something flashed in the cadet's eyes for a brief second, but it was too fast for Zack to understand, then Cloud shock his head.
"Uuumm ok" he responded scratching the back of his head nervously.
There was a long uncomfortable silence between them as neither spoke.
"I guess I'll give you some time to settle in. If you need anything I'm just in the other room."
"Why am I here?"
Cloud's voice was loud, the question asked with a determined tone, but the soldier could also hear the tremble in the words. Zack stopped and turned back to face the cadet, saw the unease in the blonde's eyes once more, the wall Cloud had built up cracking slightly.
"So I can help you get better."
"I'm not sick" Cloud's voice was cold now and defensive.
"Yes you are. You're skin and bones from not eating and over training. You haven't even got the strength to get from the infirmary to here without nearly passing out. By the way Angeal apologises for rushing you."
Cloud blinked several times, each time a different emotion showing in his eyes. Zack watched in amazement at the array of sensations which played across the blondes face, surprise, anger, fear, distrust, annoyance, confusion. The soldier couldn't help but smile softly as Cloud's lips moved wordlessly, clearly unsure what to say. That was until Cloud's eyes settled on rage.
"What the hell's so funny?" Cloud growled softly.
"Nothing, nothings funny about any of this" Zack admitted his own frustration beginning to show.
"Then why the hell do you care?"
"I thought we covered this one. I care about you."
"You mean you feel sorry for me."
"No Cloud, I care about you, probably more than I'm supposed too."
Zack knew that those words should have been said in a different way, not so harsh and bitter. It was also a confession he wasn't sure he should be making right now and it disturbed him that he had let it slip so easily. He didn't have time to think about it thought as Cloud's voice cut through his thoughts sounding pained and full of confusion.
"But I ... disappointed you. I ... let you down. You should ... hate me"
Zack couldn't understand the sudden turn around, it had been so quick from their building fight, he wasn't prepared for it. He had been expecting this issue to come up, but he hadn't expected Cloud to think he was hated. When had that happened, what part of their interaction had led Cloud to believe that. The soldier was left speechless and looked around helplessly for something to say unable to meet the cadet's eyes.
Unfortunately when he did finally look up again, he saw the tears which were now flowing freely down Cloud's pale cheeks. Zack watched in despair, as the cadet in front of him broke again.
Oh Gaia I'm sorry" he gasped, quickly making his way across the room.
He was at the cadet's side in an instant and pulling him into a tight embrace, just as he had done in the hospital, only this time Cloud flinched at the contact. Zack felt a stab of pain in his chest and cringed at the mistake he had made. This was a different time and a different place, he had no right to assume Cloud would still want this contact. Memories of how their last conversation had ended flashed through him now and he regretted the action even more. It was no surprise that Cloud wouldn't want to be held after what he had said, or hadn't said to the blonde.
With reluctance he let his arms loosen from the embrace and began to move away. He had screwed this up completely, had rushed in when he should have held back, how was he supposed to reassure someone who didn't trust him? Zack was so busy chastising himself that Cloud's sudden movement caught him by surprise. He had barely pulled away when a trembling body pressed itself firmly against his own, and a head was buried against his chest.
"Hold me ... please."
The sound of Cloud's desperate pleading voice was like nails in the soldier's chest and Zack's heart just couldn't take it anymore. He had fought monsters, demons, been involved in training sessions and battles that could destroy even the strongest mako enhanced soldier. Yet this cadet had him on his knees. As he tightened his hold on the blonde once more, he doubted that even the mighty General Sephiroth would have been able to deny such a heartbreaking plea.
"I'm here" he managed to rasp through a suddenly thick throat.
Cloud didn't respond, just continued to cry in his arms, buried deep into the embrace. His head was pressed as firmly as it could be against Zack's chest and the soldier could feel his top becoming damp with the tears which soaked into it. It made him feel cold inside, as the area above his heart was drenched in the cadet's despair. As all the emotions came pouring out of the blonde and saturated the soldier's already worn nerves with more hurt.
He wasn't sure how long he waited? How much time had passed? How long he held the shattered remains of the cadet he had grown to care for? Zack didn't know and in truth he just didn't care. Nothing mattered right now except that Cloud had finally stopped crying.
It would have been nice to think that it was over, that the absence of tears meant the blonde was alright, but it didn't. Zack could still feel the cadet trembling in his arms, knew it was simply because the blonde was too tired to cry, that the tears had dried because there was just no energy left to let them fall.
He coughed slightly, to clear the lump which had formed in his throat.
"I'm not disappointed in you" he told the cadet, keeping his voice low.
There was a long pause, as the soldier gathered himself before continuing, the words he needed to say now clear in his mind.
"I'm going to be honest with you, I think you need that. You might not like what I'm going to say, but I need you to listen to all of it before you argue with me. Ok?"
Cloud remained silent but nodded his head gently in understanding and acceptance of Zack's terms.
"It's true, that you let me down" his words hitched as Cloud's body suddenly tensed within his arms.
"But it's not because of what you did. I'm not saying I agree with it, and if you ever do it again, I swear I am gonna kill you myself ..." Zack stopped, realising that his words were becoming a stern ramble, and refocused on the point he was trying to make.
"I'm just saying, you should have come to me. That's what hurts the most, that you didn't feel you could come to me about it, about anything? I thought we were friends, that we had something...special." This time he stopped because the words were beginning to choke him.
"I'm sorry" Cloud sobbed against him.
The cadet's hands moved now, no longer staying in the protective circle of Zack's body, instead going around the soldier's chest and gripping him tightly. Zack let the blonde hold him, let this simple action fill him with hope. If Cloud was reaching on for someone to hold onto then Zack would be his anchor, would hold him fast in this stormy sea of troubles.
"It's ok, I know you are" the soldier soothed moving a hand to run fingers through the blondes hair. "I'm sorry as well. I didn't mean to upset you, I just ... I just need you to know that I'm here for you" he continued, feeling the cadet relax into the touch.
They sat in silence for a while, the soldier continuing this simple act of reassurance, the cadet accepting the comfort it brought.
Somewhere within the darkness a presence stirred restlessly, as a faint ember ignited and began to glow. The voice recognised this spark of life and hissed. It didn't like this light in its domain, wanted to blow the flickering symbol of hope out, but no matter how hard it tried the tiny flame would not die. Cloud felt the voice, heard it scream at him in frustration, and he smiled.
Zack felt the cadet's body becoming limp in his arms, knew the blonde was once again asleep. He gently lowered Cloud's body on the bed and, after removing the blonde's boots, arranged him carefully under the soft sheets. He brought the covers up under the cadet's chin, tucking him in tightly, making sure that he was safely cocooned within the blankets.
He actually felt his heart skip a beat when he saw the small smile on Cloud's lips. He didn't know what he had said or done to help it come, but knew he would do anything he could to keep it there.
"I'm here for you" he told the unconscious blonde gently.
He ran a hand once more over Cloud's brow, gently pushing some stray hairs out of the blonde's eyes and laughing softly as they bounced back again. He only paused once to look back at the sleeping cadet and then he was gone closing the door behind him, but not all the way.
He made sure that a faint glow entered the bedroom, through a gap in the doorway, should Cloud wake and need the light to guide him in the darkness.