The Card Games of Haruhi Suzumiya
As inspired by superstarultra and LittleKuriboh
Episode 2: Rocky VII
In Tonight's Episode, the part of Itsuki Koizumi will be played by Barney the Dinosaur... NAHHHT!
"Booyah!" Haruhi cheered in jubilation, "I WIN!"
"Damn," Kyon swore under his breath, having lost their 5th game of Duel Monsters in the last hour.
"Playing YuGiOh again?" Emiri, who happened to walk into the room, asked.
"It's called 'Duel Monsters,'" Haruhi replied, "But yeah."
"I say, can I play, too?" Emiri asked, hopeful.
"Sorry, Emiri. Main characters on-" Haruhi nearly completed her sentence before Kyon cupped his hands over her mouth.
"Oh, of course, Kimidori-san," Kyon replied, "After all, we'd never reject you for your unpopularity... not after that whole Emo incident."
"Oh, thank you, Kyon," Emiri hugged Kyon with joy, "This just makes me so happy~!"
"..." Yuki the spirit simply stared at the scene with a confused expression (completely identical to her default one.)
"Oh, boy, Card Games can be quite more enjoyable then regular schoolwork," Emiri used her Watapon to attack Kyon's Kuriboh, "Now, according to the rules, I must subtract the defense points of your monster and the attack points of my monster and, uh... wait a minute, how do I do that?"
"It's official," Kyon groaned, "I'm the only smart guy around here."
"HEY!" Everyone else replied in unison.
LATER, AT HARUHI'S GAME SHOP HOME...
Haruhi and the others were taking a break from supernatural stuff to watch the Card Game Channel.
"Welcome to the Regional Championship, where the comic relief characters are having a meaningless duel!" The Guy announced as Taniguchi and Kunikida readied their decks, "I can't believe we're actually airing this on TV, folks!"
"So that's where they went," Kyon noted, "I wondered where they ran off to."
"Hey, Haruhi," Haruhi's dad, named Hikaru in THIS fanfic, walked in, "There's a package here for you. You'd better not have been using my credit card to buy Lucky Star GX merchandise off eBay again!"
"I'm not," Haruhi deadpanned, taking the package, "This is from Industrial Illusions. I guess they heard about Kyon's victory over Tsuruya."
"Then why didn't the guy send it to MY house?" Kyon asked.
"..." Said Hikaru.
"..." Said Haruhi.
"..." Said Yuki.
"..." Said Mikuru.
"..." Said Optimus Prime.
"..." Said Jaden, Yugi, and Yusei.
"..." Said the entire cast of Persona 4.
"... Anyways," Haruhi spoke up, "You gotta admit those card games can be big news. It completely overshadowed the fact that she kidnapped and hospitalized my dad."
"Wasn't he called 'Orok-" Kyon nearly completed her sentence before Chuck Norris ran in, lightly slapped him, then raced out of the room.
Everyone blinked in confusion to whatever the hell just happened, when Itsuki turned back to the TV and shrieked in horror.
"I THOUGHT I KILLED THAT GUY!" Itsuki yelled, "OMG WTF BBQ SAUCE?"
"Whadaya talkin' about?" Kyon replied, "That's just a purple Dinosaur..."
Indeed, the TV was showing a Two-Headed King Rex on Taniguchi's field.
"Uh-huh-huh, hey Kunikida, check it out," Taniguchi spoke in a voice that made Kyon raise an eyebrow, "My dinosaur's horny. Uh-huh-huh, get it?"
"Indeed I do," Kunikida replied in his normal voice, "A very crude joke, by any standard."
"You're ruining the joke here," Taniguchi replied normally, "Speak like that Beavis guy!"
"Nah, I'm cool with my normal voice," Kunikida replied, playing Basic Insect.
"The way Taniguchi talked at first sounded awfully familiar," Kyon noted.
"So you're not going with the joke, I see," Taniguchi smirked, "In that case, I'll... attack or something?"
"I trigger my Trap!" Kunikida replied.
"Uh-huh-huh," Taniguchi laughed a little as the big bad bug obtained a giant Effin' cannon, "No way."
"FIRE!" Kunikida yelled, as the Basic Insect blasted King Rex into eternal oblivion.
"THIS SUCKS!" Taniguchi yelled, "I'm gonna, like, get some nachos."
As Taniguchi walked off, Kunikida gave a 'V for Victory' handsign. Turning, the camera sighted a very familiar Code Geass character...
"Ladies and Gentlemen," the Announcer announced, "Give it up for Lelouch Laaaaaamperouge!"
"Congratulations, Mr. Kunikida, here's your trophy," Lelouch gave a golden trophy to Kunikida, "Now, allow me to render your victory utterly pointless by announcing a far more interesting contest with a much grander title up for grabs!"
"Huh?" Kunikida raised an eyebrow at this.
"Hey, there's a Videotape inside the package," Kyon removed a VHS from said package.
"Kyon!" Haruhi shouted, "My dad always thought that VHS tapes can be cursed so that anybody who sees them dies!"
"Bull," Kyon replied, inserting the VHS into the old VHS player.
As the tape played, Lelouch's image appeared before them.
"Seven days..." Lelouch spoke in a strange, spooky manner.
"OH CRAP I KNEW IT!" Haruhi shouted.
"That's right, Kyon-boy!" Lelouch continued, "There are only seven days 'til Duelist Kingdom! And in order to get you to enter I'm going to force you to play a Shadow Game!"
Suddenly, everything besides the TV and Kyon became blue and depressingly creepy.
"Win in 15 minutes and I'll release your friends!" Lelouch challenged.
"Fine by me!" Kyon glowed with incredible energy, then yelled, "NAGATOOOOOOOOO!"
One bright flash of light later, and Kyon was gone. And in his place was Yuki.
"I'll beat you with the deck generously donated by Haruhi's father," Yuki brought out a Deck of Duel Monsters cards, then drew one card from her deck. She had tried to alter her hand to become Exodia cards, but for some reason, her powers weren't working. 'Perhaps I can beat him with a constant attack by Komori Dragon.'
"You won't beat anyone with that Dragon card," Lelouch deadpanned.
"Huh?" Yuki raised an eyebrow, "Did you use supernatural powers to examine my thought processes?"
"Why, yes, Yuki-Girl," Lelouch smirked, "And I can see that you and I have a great deal in common!"
"What?" Yuki asked.
"Isn't it obvious?"
"Look, pal, just because I can alter my hand at any time doesn't mean I have Geass."
"Actually, I was referring to our Millennium Items."
"Our what?"
"Your freaky puzzle thing and my golden left eye."
"... Oh. Right, I knew that... but it comes to question why your left eye's gold, or how you know about my pyramid thing," Yuki noted, "Care to explain?"
"Well, actually, the Millennium Items were created 5,000 years ago in Ancient Egypt," Lelouch explained, "Back when they played the predecessor of Duel Monsters."
"Whatcho Talkin' About, Lelouch?" Kyon, as a spirit, asked.
"The Pharaohs of those time played with ancient magic of the variety that matches your Data Manipulation and my Geass," Lelouch continued, "So, as you can imagine, it was a great deal more exciting then the watered-down product I created."
"Wait!" Yuki realized, "You just used this monologue to stall for time!"
"Well..." Lelouch pointed at the timer, which had just run out, "It worked, didn't it!"
"You're a cheat!" Kyon pointed an austral finger at the man in the TV.
"No, my strategy was merely-"
"CHEAT! CHEAT! CHEAAAAT!" Kyon ranted in an OOC manner,
"Oh, so that's how it's gonna work, huh?" Lelouch smirked, as his right eye when Geass, "I'll immobilize you for a few seconds, allowing your friend's dad to experience life..."
A golden beam blasted from his left eye, hitting Hikaru and removing an austral projection from him.
"... WITHOUT HIS SOUL!" Lelouch diabolically shouted, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! God, I'm psychotic..."
Lelouch then disappeared off the screen, leaving behind static... and a semi-transparent image of Hikaru.
Kyon snapped out of his daze, then realized what had happened.
"YOU BASTARD!" Kyon shouted in an OOC manner, "YOU TURNED HIM INTO A MIME!"
"Hey, Kyon!" Haruhi shouted, completely unaware of her unconscious father, "Down in front, will ya?"
"Yeah!" Itsuki added, "We were watching that!"
To Be Continued...