The Card Games of Haruhi Suzumiya

As inspired by superstarultra and LittleKuriboh

Episode 3: My Cards Will Go On...

Yuki Nagato will not appear in this chapter. Has anybody seen her agent?

Dusk settled over the land, and a certain God was standing upon the roof of North High.

"Well, Dad's a drooling vegetable," Haruhi noted, "And according to Kyon, he's lost his soul too. I've just gotta save him. But first, I should probably figure out how to get down from here. Hello? Anybody?"

"Hey, it's another video!" Kyon eyed a videotape that had came in the mail, "I wonder if that guy wants my soul too?"

He put the video in the old VHS player, and the TV flickered on to reveal Kyonko.

"What's up big brother?" Kyonko asked.

"It's my twin sister who sounds nothin' like me!" Kyon realized, "Isn't she getting a few examinations?"

"The doctors have been so busy trying to figure out why my voice is so high-pitched, they've neglected to treat my eyesight!" Kyonko continued, "So I'm going blind. Well, seeya later! ...or not..."

As the TV flickered off, Kyon smiled a bit.

"Good, now people will stop comparing me to her..." Kyon responded.

LATER, AT SCHOOL, SOS BRIGADE CLUBROOM

"SOS Brigade, I've decided to accept Lelouch's invitation and travel to his private island where we'll be completely at his mercy," Haruhi spoke.

"I'm not going for any reason," Kyon replied, "Why don't we just call the police?"

"Can't. Turns out his island's considered a country all his own."

"Dammit. Well, you can rest assured I won't get involved for any reason," Kyon crossed his arms.

"Hey look!" Itsuki pointed to a segment in the guidebook, "This tournament has a prize of three million dollars!"

"CHA-CHING!" Kyon leaped up, "DUELIST KINGDOM, HERE I COME!"

(The whole torment-friends thing will be skipped in order to make more sense for TMOHS.)

AT THE BOAT! YEAH!

"Attention, Duelists!" Jeremiah Gottwald yelled from the boat, "My Geass Canceler is telling me it's time for you to board! Any OC's found on the boat WILL be thrown out!"

"DAMMIT!" A few generic characters shouted and walked off.

"Oh, and no bums either," Jeremiah added.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE THE BUM!" Chester A. Bum screamed.

As the SOS Brigade got on board the ship, Kyon noticed a light-blunette girl with piercing red eyes staring at him.

"Can I help you?" Kyon asked the girl.

"..." went the girl.

"Uhhh..." Kyon thought to himself, "Who are you?"

"I am the Third," The girl spoke.

"... the third what?"

"..."

"..."

BACK WITH THE PLOT...

"Wow!" Mikuru observed, "So many people! And Itsuki and I are the only non-Duelists here. I feel lonely."

"Hey, check it out!" A guy resembling Joey Wheeler from YuGiOh noticed, "A pair of giant breasts attached to a woman!"

"HEY! I have issues about these things!" Mikuru snapped back.

"Booooobies!" Not-Joey spoke again.

"Hey, leave her alone, Perv!" Asuka Langley Soryu kicked the Joey impersonator in the face.

"NYEAH!" Not-Joey yelled in pain.

"Treat a poor girl like this again, and I'll squash you," Asuka shouted at the poor guy.

"With her boobies, right?"

ELSEWHERE ON THE SHIP...

"What's wrong with you?" Itsuki asked our hyperactive goddess.

"I can't find the damn bathroom on this thing!" Haruhi snapped back.

"In another few hours, the sun will rise," Itsuki replied.

"... Uh, what does the sun have to do with anything?" Haruhi asked in her own, impatient way.

Suddenly, a certain green-haired, often-ignored girl caught Haruhi's eye.

"Isn't that Emiri Kimidori?" Haruhi asked.

"The often-ignored girl from school?" Itsuki added, "Yep."

"Why's she here?"

"Who knows? She's not important..."

MEANWHILE...

"Kyon!" Kunikida yelled, "Hey, Kyon! Can I see your Exodia cards?"

"Sure, why not," Kyon handed the cards over to his old friend.

Then he threw them over the side.

"DAMMIT, KUNIKIDA!" Kyon yelled... with the RAGE OF A BEAST!

"I'll save them!" Haruhi jumped over the side.

"When did she get here?" Kyon asked.

Haruhi swam toward the cards, even though they'd be worthless by the fact that they were in the FREAKIN' OCEAN. I swear, I can hear some dumb emotional song in the background.

"Must... Risk... Life... for cards!" Haruhi swam toward the cards with ferocious intensity.

She didn't retrieve them, for a wave swept her onto the deck.

"DAMMIT!" Haruhi yelled, "I didn't get Kyon's cards!"

"If it's any consolation, Kyon," Itsuki turned to his friend, "The sun will be up in a few hours."

"Geez, it's alright," Kyon replied, "It ranks pretty low on my importance meter, just right above my sister..."

"Imouto!" Mikuru replied.

"No, not my LITTLE sister, my TWIN sister, Kyonko," Kyon replied, "Going blind, life sucks for her."

"Wait, why didn't we see her before?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, my parents got divorced after Kyonko's boyfriend tried to give her driving lessons..." Kyon replied

~~FLASHBACK~~

"HELP!" Kyonko yelled from the window of the car, "My boyfriend tried to teach me how to drive, but I forgot how to stop!"

"APPLY THE HANDBRAKE, YOU DUMB BROAD!" Kyon chased after the car.

~~FLASHBACK~~

'If she's going blind, I might have a chance with her!' Itsuki thought, 'SCORE!'

"Are you going against my pre-created views of you being Gay?" Kyon asked.

"Yeah," Itsuki sweatdropped.

"Well, stop doing that!" Kyon replied, "I hate it."

"Don't worry, Kyon, the SOS Brigade will do our best!" Haruhi replied, "You for your twin, and me for my dad!"

"Hey, look, the sun's rising ahead of schedule!" Itsuki observed.

Meanwhile, a girl watched them from afar, with light-blue hair blowing in the wind.

"Indeed..." Rei Ayanami spoke, having heard Itsuki DESPITE being so far away.

Next to her, Emiri Kimidori smiled, as her hair and eyes turned blue...

To Be Continued...

So, I FINALLY UPDATED! Yep... but hey, it's YuGiOh Abridged. These things take time.