Sorry it took so long to update. I had an idea to go with the story, but it took a little bit longer to work it in than I thought it would. Here are the first parts leading up to it, I will add the rest as soon as it's read through for corrections.
As always please review and let me know how I'm doing :o)
Acceptance
From the outside the cadet looked calm and composed, his facade giving the impression of a student deeply immersed in his studies. But that's all that it was, a facade. Within the blonde there was a storm raging, a combination of thoughts and emotions which attacked his very soul, draining him of all rational thought. Had any one actually approached the studious cadet they would have seen that his eyes were unfocused to the world, as the boy looked in upon himself with contempt. They would know that the person before them was not really there, but lost somewhere within his own thoughts, struggling with things which would never be spoken aloud.
There was a darkness within him, a place which bore his pain and suffering, feeding on the fear and doubt as if it were sweet nectar. He hated this place, knew it was where that voice was born and now lived, understood that it was his own suffering which had given this place life. It made the feelings of self hate even stronger, which in turn only feed the darkness more. How do you ignore something which is a part of you? How do you accept that, no matter how much you want it to go away, you also need it to survive? There was nothing here to help him, no comfort or protection, not anymore. He had built this place to hide in, but instead it had hidden something from him. Something which had developed quietly within him, steadily growing stronger, until he wasn't sure where he ended and it began.
Cloud felt everything, knew he was in trouble, but somehow he still didn't care. There were other things to worry about now, things which he could control. His 'accident' had left him behind in his classes, due to missing sessions while recovering, so now he sat on the bed with a pile of books and assignment's which Angeal had kindly brought over. He still wasn't allowed to return to his normal programme, Zack still unwilling to let him leave the apartment unattended, and so his lessons had been mostly self-taught in a vain attempt to catch up. It wasn't hard really, for Cloud to catch up. He was a good student and understood what information was relevant to complete the assignments. He was also glad of the distraction, immersing himself in the various books so as to avoid the soldier.
It had been uncomfortable that evening, when Zack had finally come home from his ... run. Cloud had wanted to greet him with open arms, to hold him tight while apologising for saying such horrible things, but he hadn't. His words and actions had died, just as a part of his heart had, when he saw the soldier's face and the restrained hurt which still bled from his eyes. They hadn't spoken, Zack simply walking past him and into the bathroom and the blonde retreating to the safety of his room. Neither soldier nor cadet slept that night, both fighting their own demons in the darkness.
It had been a few days since then and once again things were strained between them. Cloud was unwilling to open himself up again, fearing what he would say or do to hurt Zack and the soldier being hesitant to upset the already fragile cadet. So they had continued their lives in near silence, only speaking when necessary and always keeping conversation to safe subjects such as meal preferences, studies or work.
Zack had begun to resume some of his duties after that day, under Angeal's instructions, which gave them a short time apart each morning or afternoon. It should have been good, a sign that things were improving, and not the bringer of a disappointing truth. Cloud had seen it easily, that Zack was always more tense when he returned from work, and knew he was the cause of the soldiers suffering. The broken glass had been an accident and he thought Zack had accepted this, but quickly the cadet realised that the soldier might never trust him again, not completely.
Cloud sighed and closed the book on his lap. He had read the same page twice already, but tonight nothing was going in. There were just too many other things swirling about inside his mind. It was dark outside, the evening having slipped by silently, and the cadet felt something stirring within him. It was wrong to follow this desire, he knew that, but it was something he needed to do. Checking the clock and noting the time to be a little past eleven, he rose from the bed and quietly made his way towards the bedroom door. If he opened it and Zack was there he could always pretend to use the bathroom, but if the soldier was asleep then he could escape. It was a betrayal of trust, a kick to the already damaged faith the soldier had for him, but Cloud had to do this. He had been stuck in this place for too long, his only company being Zack and Angeal, the last god awful training session his only taste of freedom.
The door opened soundlessly and to Cloud's relief the living room was quiet and empty, Zack having gone to bed already. He slipped through the room as silently as a shadow and grabbed his boots from beside the door before fleeing the apartment. He put his boots on in the lift, having decided it was safer to do it there then risk being caught in the act within the apartment. With a quick pat to his trouser pocket, to make sure that Zack's key card was safely tucked inside, he snuck out of the building and disappeared around a corner blending in with the night.
The cadet was so caught up in the rush of freedom and independence, he didn't notice the two soldiers who had seen him leave. He didn't see the older man frown at his retreating figure or the younger one growl at the insult his actions portrayed.
"Do you wish to follow him?" Angeal asked cautiously, noting Zack's frayed nerves.
"Yes" Zack breathed evenly, already moving after the cadet.
"You must not be mad at him, his confinement was surely a discomfort."
"He wasn't confined" Zack snapped back.
"Did you ever allow him to leave, without your presence?" Angeal continued, ignoring the soldiers tone. "If not, then when was the last time you went out of the apartment together?"
Zack stopped, his brain finally understanding Angeal's point.
"He's been pacing lately" the soldier admitted sadly "I guess I never thought about it."
"Even prisoners get yard time" Angeal teased softly.
"Thanks, I'll remember that" Zack sighed only half amused.
They continued along the path for a little longer, following where the blonde had been heading, but the cadet was now nowhere to be seen. Zack felt the frustration rising within him and sighed heavily running a hand roughly through his hair. He stopped walking and looked around, straining to make out any shape in the dark which would resemble the blonde cadet. But Cloud was gone, like a leaf on the wind, lost from sight.
"Where the hell did he go?" the soldier asked the night, but it was Angeal who answered him.
"It would appear that rumour of a ghost had more truth to it than we thought."
"What do you mean?" Zack asked confused.
"You are aware of the rumour, a short while ago, about a ghost on the base."
"Yea, everyone heard about that. Put a few guys off their patrols and I had to cover."
Angeal frowned before continuing "You should not be covering for others, they need to accept their responsibilities."
"It's fine, I didn't mind and the guys paid me back so it's cool."
"Very well. My point is that the sightings where vague, odd descriptions of deathly pale skin and flashes of gold. Does that sound like anyone to you?"
Angeal waited for the soldier's mind to process the information and knew when the realisation had hit by the flash in Zack's eyes.
"It was him" he gasped softly.
"I believe so. Either he was carless to let them see him, which I doubt based on the way he managed to stay hidden, or he was playing with them."
"Hum, kids got balls."
"And skill. If he is able to avoid soldier patrols then his abilities for stealth are almost Turk worthy."
"Don't say that, he's not strong enough to be a Turk, not inside."
"I am aware of that, but the ability is still there nevertheless."
"So what do we do?"
"We wait for him to return and pretend that we are unaware of this incident."
"We lie to him?" Zack's tone clearly said he wasn't happy with the idea.
"No, not a lie. We will simply not talk about it. He clearly believes you are unaware of his absence and so it should remain that way."
"But why?"
"I'm surprised that you don't understand Zack. Do you not have ways of escaping sometimes?"
"Yes."
"Well this is his escape, and from the way he does it so well, I believe it is something he has been doing for a while."
"So if I take that away from him, it could make things worse?" Zack guessed cautiously.
"That is correct."
Zack sighed heavily and looked at his old mentor with sceptical eyes. He scratched the back of his head, as he always did when he was nervous, and let the idea play around in his head for a minute. Angeal noted the unease and decided to try one more thing to convince the soldier.
"If you hadn't forgotten the file would you be here now?" he asked carefully.
"No, but Seph needed it right away so .."
"That is not my point" Angeal interrupted. "Would you have been here to see him leave, or would you have been asleep as he assumed?"
"I guess I'd be asleep" Zack admitted beginning to understand Angeal's point.
"Then as the old saying goes what you don't know, can't hurt him."
"Isn't it what I don't know, can't hurt me" Zack enquired raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"That as well."
"Fine" Zack sighed resigning himself to the decision.
They turned back then and headed towards the apartments, neither speaking but simply enjoying the others company, and parted with wishes of pleasant dreams before heading to their separate living quarters.
Zack opened the door wearily as he entered the apartment, the familiar sound of the lock clicking to let him know it was closed once more behind him. He found himself wondering if Cloud had even considered the need for a key card to get back in later. Encouraged by a sudden idea he moved towards his dirty uniform trousers, which were still lying over the back of the chair in the living room, and began to fish through the pockets. It didn't take him long to find, or not find in this case, what he was looking for. The new key card he had attained for the cadet was now missing from where he had left it. So Cloud had 'borrowed' the key card, not realising it was a spare one for him anyway. The soldier sighed heavily letting the item of clothing drop back down again. He knew it meant that Cloud intended to come back without disturbing him, that perhaps it was done to be considerate of his feelings, but it still felt like another secret between them.
Zack didn't wait up to confront the cadet, he was too tired and didn't have the energy even if he had known what to say even. Instead he trusted that Angeal was right and Cloud would be in his room safe and sound when the morning came.
Unbeknown to the soldiers, their presence had also been noticed in the night. Their size and strength making them stand out from the shadows. He hadn't seen them at first, not until he had gone back on himself and heard the voices talking. Their words were spoken softly and parts were hindered by the sound of the wind in the trees where he hid, but he heard enough to understand. Blue eyes watched as the soldiers left, returning to the safety of the apartments, their acceptance of this clearly shown. A small smile graced delicate lips on a pale face and then with a blur of white and gold the cadet once again became one with the darkness and the shadows of the night.