The Card Games of Haruhi Suzumiya
As inspired by superstarultra and LittleKuriboh
Haruhi Vs. Konata - BATTLE!
"This is it, Haru-san," Konata Izumi spoke to her idol, "The final battle. The Aya Hirano Showdown. The Duel to end it all. And I'm not gonna hold back!"
"You bet!" Haruhi Suzumiya replied, "I can't wait to see your strength."
"Then it's time..." Konata pulled out a... microphone? "To SPIT SOME RHYMES!"
"What?" Haruhi asked.
"Oh, you have gotta be kidding..." Kyon facepalmed.
KONATA: Haruhi, check it out, it's Kona-Chan from LS!
Sad to say, girl, you're my new test subject
so listen up, here it is, the awesome challenge I suggest!
who ever spits the worst rap outta' you and me will be the best
girl outta anime, manga and game!
You know I got ya beat but homie don't be lame
this is serious, you got to do it! Your spirit says you have to.
If you decline the challenge by default that means I beat you.
Haruhi, I hope you're ready, cuz this is gonna be heavy
and I know you might think it's unnecessary,
but that's tough, suck it up dawg, it's something you go to do, or you can leave and lose it all, its up to you.
"Oh, you dare challenge GOD?" Haruhi replied, "Okay, check this out!"
SOS-Dan: PRIIIIIME!
Haruhi: Prime Cut! ba ch ba ch ca ba ch ch wa ch ch ja-mikity-moe mack daddy WAZZUP?
I said a jizz a bang boom boom boom diggity dog
I said a dog, a dog, a diggity dog!
Hey what you say, O.K., your repartee's cliché, forget rappin'
you should just take up Anime you want to duel
don't act a fool or God'll tell you "Bitch please".
The only thing more redic is YuGiOh 5d's!
Bring it on, punk!
Cuz it's time to go down
I'm glad it's one-on-one, cuz all your friends are clowns!
Can't wait to see the look on everyone's face
When I rap your ass right out of this place!
I'm Haruhi Suzumiya!
(SOS-Dan minus Kyon: (your show's really lame) each episode's the same, yes they are. Now get yourself set to be ashamed by the next queen of games. (gggaaammmeeesss))
"Not bad," Konata replied, "But here's something fresh for ya..."
Konata: You're about to witness me be absolutely flawless,
the best kind you'll ever see I'm being honest.
I'm the hardest the most purest known artist.
(stops singing) And oh, FYI, Haruhi. (resumes singing)
I've been watching Anime for over six years regardless,
but let me lay you something fresh dawg what I'm going to do.
Im'ma tell you something that's a hundred per-cent true,
you're not the best character, no, sorry, not you.
Its your stupid boyfriend that you drag around everyday, true!
You're a lazy sucker, He does all the work for you,
then you claim the fame for all the shiz and stuff he do.
What's he even doing following you, anyway?
Everyone agrees, dude, that is pretty gay.
"Hey!" Kyon replied, "For one, I'm the only thing keeping God from killing everyone!"
"And why is that?" Konata replied, "Face it, you're a loser following Haruhi. That's all your character is, anyway..."
"Yeah..." Kyon replied, "And do you know WHY?"
"No..." Konata replied.
"It's because... I'm the mother flippin' Narrator!
My sarcasm's sharp, and my haircut is cool
And I'm sexy
I'm sexy!
If you choose to proceed you will indeed concede
Cos the sight of me causes Rhino Stampedes!
I saved the world by kissing a girl
and believe me, sometimes
she makes me wanna hurl
And by the by, your plot is shitty.
That's how it goes
Here's Yuki trying not to fail
As bad as Kuriboh!"
"They call me Yuki Nagato
Domo Arigato ... Er... I am at a loss of lyrics... oh, wait... no... hang on, I think I got it...
They call me Nagato Yuki
Agent of the IDE,
Integrated Thought Entity
Not to be confused with Rei Ayanami!
I'm not an emotionless loser
Where did you get that preposterous Conception?
Did Kuyou Suoh tell you that? F*CK Kuyou Suoh!
Seriously..."
Kyon: My entire series, it don't make sense,
Because my descriptions are so immense.
And if you duel with me it won't be tense.
Because against me you've no defense.
My power's so potent, I may seem undefeated,
In fact, All of my opponents could swear that I cheated.
Yes, sometimes in fanfic, I seem a little sexist
But you lovely bitches and hoes should know I'm trying to correct this
Other people dis me
Say my character's sissy.
Why? Why?
Why exactly, why?
There's nothing dumb about my Caesar haircut, and only real men wear Blazers!
Konata, let's face it! You're second best!
You're just below the level of YuGiOh GX!
You're a loser of the universe,
Just like Ku-Ri-Boh, Hey... Ho...
I'm the motherflippin'...
Haruhi: You're the motherflippin'...
Mikuru: He's the motherflippin'...
Itsuki: Who's the motherflippin'?
Ryoko: He's the motherflippin'...
Taniguchi: He's the motherflippin'...
Kyon: I'm the motherflippin'...
MUTHAFLIPPIN'!"
"I'm nothing like Kuriboh!" Konata screamed out.
"Well, you're cute, but you do nothing to enhance the plot," Haruhi replied.
"I'm not useless!"
"Are too."
"Are not."
"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"ARE TOO TIMES INFINITY!"
Konata snapped at that point, and charged toward the two with the intention of mauling them...
...then got crushed by a blimp.
"The hell?" Haruhi raised an eyebrow.
"You got me," Kyon shrugged.
Meanwhile, a man resembling Kaiba smirked. Closing a black notebook on his desk, he took a potato chip...
... and started an internet phenomenon!
Haven't updated in a while. Got busy with fanfiction on other anime. Sorry.
Songs: X by Xzibit
Prime Cut Miggity-Mo' Macdaddy Gizzabang Doggy Dog Dog's rap on the Brak Show
"Business" by Eminem
Hiphopopotamus VS Rhymenocyrus