How the Past can Change
A K&K Rurouni Kenshin Romance FanFiction
by: bunny ;D
Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is the creation of Nobuhiro Watsuki, with the manga and anime rights belonging to Jump Comics and Sony Entertainment, respectively. I do not own and did not create the series or its characters...I'm just a fan, and I have no money anyways, so NO SUING ME!! :D
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A/N: This story is altering the original story of Rurouni Kenshin / Samurai X. It also has some OOCness, (especially with Battousai.) If you don't like that idea, or can't handle it…I would advise you not to read this fic. If you are a hard-core Tomoe and Kenshin forever kind of person, I would advise you to not read this fic. Don't get me wrong, I like Tomoe, this is just a different story ok?
Ja ne,
Bunny ;D
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It was only a second before Kenshin was standing in front of the younger Kaoru at the doorway of her bedroom. "She's unconscious!" she exclaimed to him. "What should we do? Is she ok do you think?"
Kenshin's eyes widened before he pushed his way into the room and in two purposeful strides found himself at his first wife's side. Kneeling down to take her pulse and check her breathing, he said to his Kaoru, "what happened to her?"
Fidgeting behind him, Kaoru said, "I don't know. One minute we were talking about…" she paused before finally deciding on saying, "stuff. And then the next thing I knew, she was groaning and falling over backwards!" she exclaimed.
Kenshin sighed as he stood up. "I'll go get some water, hopefully that will wake her up," he said before swiftly exiting the room and heading off to the kitchen.
Taking Kenshin's vacated spot, Kaoru knelt down next to her future self and wondered, 'how can so many horribly confusing things happen in one day? My God…I thought our love could survive anything…but this? Married since I was four years old. Am I nothing more than a replacement of whom Kenshin really wants?' It saddened her to think that way, but she couldn't help herself.
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Chapter Forty – Apologies, Confessions and Ramifications
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Despondent, young Kaoru stepped out of her room. She took a deep breath of the fresh air and dragged her heels along the floorboards of the porch before dropping down gracelessly to settle on the steps at the edge of the porch. Once settled, she took a moment to glance behind her and watch her "husband" as he attended to soothing the brow of her future self with a watered clothe in attempts to wake her. He was grimacing, yet meticulously carrying out his task with gentle hands. Kaoru turned her attention back to the courtyard and placing her elbow on her knee, propped her chin in her hand and gave a deep sigh. 'What am I going to do now?' she wondered blankly. She felt so removed from this whole insane situation she suddenly found her self in. Almost as if she was an outsider looking in on herself, as though her emotions had completely shut down in an attempt to protect her. Kenshin and her…were married. For the past 12 years. The whole idea of it was ludicrous. Shameful even. And this whole traveling to the past and future issue really had her mind boggled. If she hadn't seen the proof of it herself, she would never have believed it. 'I wonder if Dad knew…' she found herself pondering absently. She let out a rather undignified snort before concluding that her father couldn't possibly have known all this time travel married ever since she was four drivel. He would have beat Kenshin to a bloody pulp, Hitokiri Battousai or not. Picturing her father's rampage she giggled before figuring that perhaps it would have been more likely that her father would have simply committed Kenshin to an insane asylum.
Giving up on the older Kaoru waking soon, Kenshin left her side and wandered out onto the porch. His Kaoru had been sitting there sighing and giggling for a few minutes and he hoped that perhaps she was feeling better after talking with her future self. Reaching the edge of the porch, he jumped to the ground level and turned towards the young Kaoru with a hesitant smile. "You seem to be feeling a bit better than earlier." He noted to her.
Not being able to help herself from showing her emotions, Kaoru felt her eyes narrow a bit before she let out a non-committal "hmm," in reply to Kenshin's statement.
Noticing her look Kenshin frowned and let out a deep sigh of resignation. 'I should have known better.' He thought to himself. 'Nothing is ever easy with Kaoru, especially when you are in the wrong. Or even if you aren't wrong and she thinks you are.' He suppressed a chuckle at thought, knowing that if Kaoru thought he thought this situation was even remotely amusing he would never hear the end of it. He remembered all too well though, his own pains from his encounter with his future self, and the jealousy of his future self's relationship with the future Kaoru. And he took comfort in that, that if nothing else, he could relate to how she felt. He gave her an encouraging smile before he sat down next to her and gave her knee an affectionate pat. "Don't worry Kaoru-dono, everything will be fine." He assured.
Young Kaoru turned her whole body in Kenshin's direction and gave him a look that said 'you are an idiot.' "Everything will be fine for you, maybe." She said, "but as for me…my whole life has just fallen apart around me." She motioned to the ground around her with her arms as if to convey how her life was going.
Kenshin took in a deep breath and let it all out in a big whoosh. "Well…that may be so. And I know, it's not worth much, but for what it's worth," he paused and turned his whole body in her direction and looked deep into her eyes before continuing, "for what it's worth Kaoru, I'm sorry. I'm so very desperately sorry."
"Sorry for what Kenshin?" she asked in a soft voice, so soft that if he hadn't had his complete undivided attention on her, he would have missed it.
"For…for everything." He replied. "For my past, for my decisions, for everything I've ever done that has hurt you. I'm sorry, because I would never want to hurt you Kaoru. Never."
Kaoru closed her eyes for a moment trying to capture the few tears leaking out of her eyes and taking in what he was saying. "Why Kenshin? Why did you come here? I have to know why you came here." She pleaded.
"Because…I…I had to see you." He replied honestly.
"Then…after you saw me, why did you stay?" she wondered.
"Because…I'm selfish." He answered, ashamed of himself.
Kaoru's eyes opened wide in shock at his confession. She blinked at him a few times, washing the tears from her eyes. "But…I'm just a little girl. I'm not the woman you married. What could you have possibly wanted with me? It doesn't make any sense, Kenshin." She babbled.
"No your not." Kenshin argued.
"Yes I am! You've always seen me as a little girl, at least until very recently. But that's just because now I'm just a convenient replacement for the real woman you love! The one you can't have because she doesn't live in this time!" Young Kaoru said pointing her finger viscously in the direction of her unconscious future self.
Kenshin's eyes widened in utter disbelief at her passionate words, "no Kaoru! It's not true. That's not true!" he denied.
"Lies! Kenshin! It's all lies with you! That's all you've ever told me since you came to live here with us!" She lifted up her right pointer finger, tapped it off with her left one and began, "You lied to me when you said you would marry me, because we were already married!" She lifted her middle finger and tapped it as well with her left pointer finger, as if continuing on her list and said, "you lied to me when you told me those dreams were just dreams, because they really happened!" She lifted up her ring finger, tapped it too and continuing with her rant said, "you lied to me when you said everything would be ok with Dad because surely you must have KNOWN that he was going to die!" She held up her pinky finger, tapped it off and proceeded through her list without letup saying, "you lied to be about the Hitokiri Battousai!" she fumed and gave him a fierce glare over that point before realizing she had run out of fingers so she held up her thumb and tapping it too yelled, "BUT WORST OF ALL HIMURA KENSHIN" she paused to poke her finger into his chest, "IS THAT YOU LIED TO ME WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVE ME, BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOVE ME, YOU LOVE HER" she screamed as she looked towards her bedroom and gestured with her whole arm in the elder Kaoru's direction. Dumbfounded Kenshin followed her gesture to look at the elder Kaoru who was now sitting up in Kaoru's room with both hands covering her mouth, wide eyes and a look of horror on her face. Shocked, Kenshin turned back to his own Kaoru but before he could get a word in, she had bolted to her feet and ran down the porch to her father's room where she slid open the paper door and then stepping inside turned and slammed it shut, almost knocking it out of the frame.
At a complete loss of what to do Kenshin stood up slowly and turned toward the elder Kaoru from the future, who now had silent tears streaming down her face and said dejectedly, "now what do I do?"
Wiping the tears from her face and eyes, future Kaoru sniffed and then gave her younger husband a wry look. "Well, you've certainly botched things up this time." She commented dryly.
Kenshin gave her a withering look and said, "I know."
"She did have some good points you know." Kaoru added.
"I know." Kenshin agreed with a grimace.
"Is it true though?" she asked.
"Is what true?" he questioned.
"What she said…about…about us." She clarified.
Kenshin frowned at her, thinking it was a silly question. "You know I love you Kaoru. I will always love you…insanely so. I'm mad about you. You know that."
Kaoru shook her head. "That's not what I meant, Kenshin no baka." She said. Standing up, she made her way out of the room and crossed the few feet separating them on the porch and putting her arms around him she placed her head on his shoulder and said, "Did you ever let me go Kenshin? Did you ever let us go?"
Unconsciously, Kenshin returned Kaoru's embrace and furrowed his eyebrows in thought for a few minutes. Finally, he muttered, "I'm not sure I understand what you are asking me, love."
Kaoru bit her lip from smiling somehow knowing that would be his response. "What I mean is…when you first came to this home, in your own time…did you come here to see me, or did you come here to see her?" she asked. "Were you hoping she would fill the void I left, or were you simply anxious to get to know your own Kaoru?" She paused a moment to let that sink in for him and then she finished by saying, "when you tell her that you love her, is it because you love her or because you love me?"
Kenshin stiffened at her comment, having never even considered thinking in those terms before. 'She doesn't believe that I love her for her, only because I loved her in my past…' he wondered. 'Is it true, though?' he asked himself. It only took a few brief seconds of Kenshin thinking about his Kaoru, and the Kaoru he currently held in his arms before he knew for sure. 'No. No, I love them both, but I love them both. I don't love my Kaoru simply because she is the same person as the woman I married from the future. No, I love her for herself, and all the minor differences she has from my beautiful bride. She is so very precious to me, and I have known her for so much longer.' He shook his head in disbelief. 'How could she have ever thought that?' he wondered. 'After everything we've been through, that…' he shook his head again as his mind buzzed with all the reasons why she should know better.
Turning his head down a bit, Kenshin placed a gentle kiss on future Kaoru's forehead and dropping his arms from around her he stepped back, ending their embrace. He gave her a sad smile and reaching out to grab a slip of her hair said, "Kaoru, thank you for coming here. If it weren't for you, I don't know what would have happened to us. I will always love you, and our time together will always have a special place in my heart. But I let go of the idea of the two of us in our mountain cabin a very long time ago. All it took was one look at her, and I could think of nothing else but building a future here for the two of us. We will always be together, you and I, just not exactly you and I." He finished with a grin.
Kaoru gave Kenshin a glorious smile and said, "I know."
"I'm going to fix things, and make them right again. Somehow." He assured her.
"You had better!" she scolded. "Because otherwise, you know I will have to come back!"
As Kaoru once again began to disappear in front of him, this time he didn't protest, or resist. Instead he just chuckled and said, "Take care of me and our son. Enjoy your life. Thank you for saving mine."
"Always." She whispered just before she left completely.
So preoccupied with future Kaoru's departure was he, that he didn't notice his own Kaoru standing off to the side watching the whole scene until future Kaoru had left completely. A bit surprised he blurted, "hi."
"I…" Kaoru began, and then stopping herself, she closed her eyes as if in tremendous pain. "I heard what you said." She rushed out. "About me." She added nervously.
Kenshin nodded and tried very hard not to get his hopes up.
"I'm still mad at you." She offered.
He winced, as if she had stabbed him. "I'm sorry Kaoru-dono. If you want me to, I'll leave. I…I can give you your space…some time maybe. I know I hurt you very much from all this, and I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you. I promised myself I would never hurt you because I wanted to be better than my idiot future self, but it seems that with all my knowledge, I'm the one that was really the idiot. I never-"
Kaoru held her hand up stopping Kenshin's speech. "I don't want to talk about it anymore right now and you don't need to leave either. It would only make things worse. I will need some time though. Don't expect things to be the way they've been, Kenshin. This changes a lot of things. I feel like I barely know you, so I'm going to need to get to know you all over again, husband or not. I will…let you know when I'm ready to discuss this again." She finished.
"Ok Kaoru-dono." He agreed, just happy that she didn't send him away and that she was at least talking to him.
"Don't call me that. It's a stupid way to address your wife." She snapped before she walked past him and into her bedroom to retire for the night.
A moment later after Kaoru had slid the door closed to her room, Kenshin stepped up to the door and said, "I'm sorry…Kaoru," before he turned away and headed to his own bedroom for a long sleepless night.
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That ends chapter 40. throws confetti Whoo-hoo! Wow…forty chapters. I never thought this story would get this far, really. It sure has grown. Oo;;
In any case…for those of you still reading; I'm sorry again for the slow update. I'm hoping to work some more on the next chapter sometime this next week, and start posting more frequently so I can finish this story already! I mean honestly…I've been working on it for 3 years. We are getting close to the end though. It's been a long hard road to get here. There are only a few ends to tie up.
Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I can't begin to express my gratitude for all your helpful comments and just general encouragements, and silliness. Yes, love the silliness and the babbling. It's really neat to get a bit of insight into the readers. I LOVE IT! It's nice just to know that people are reading the story and enjoying it. There were soooo many really awesome reviews for the last chapter, and I wish I could reply to you all personally, but then I would be making this a lot longer. O.O Feel free to email me too. I love to chat. A Big Hug to everybody for making me so happy with all your support! And I've been missing all you guys!
Till the next chapter,
Bunny