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BPOV

Weeks went by, with Alice and I going to visit Mr. Hale and Mr. Cullen. Alice would run into Mr. Hale's arms and he would laugh and kiss her cheeks and lips affectionately.

There was no need to hide here; it was only us and the servants. Here, Mr. Hale and my sister could be free to be in love and young and giddy. On the outside, all events we attended with them, we remained conservative and at arm's length.

Mr. Cullen rarely danced and when he did it was either with me or Ms. Hale. Mr. Hale however, only danced with Alice.

It had been over a month since we began meeting the men daily. My piano lessons were getting much better and I joked about as much with Mr. Cullen one sunny summer day.

"You know, if I receive a marriage proposal it'll be because of you." I laughed as I continued playing as he circled around the room.

He turned his gaze from the window and far distance, over to me. "How do you mean?"

"Well, as I'm sure your aware, men prefer a woman who is well rounded. That their future wife know languages, be well read, and play an instrument. Thanks to your teaching, my mother will be elated to pawn me off to someone who is only looking for two of three of those requirements." I laughed softly, watching him.

"And what if he just wanted someone to love him, unconditionally?" He sighed, almost painfully so.

"What man do you know that would marry a girl of my standing and only ask for that in return?" I asked, answering his question with a question as my fingers stopped moving along the keys.

His eyes met my own as he answered. "I know of one."

"Then I'm sure he has many women of more accomplishment chasing after his affections." I countered, going back to playing. He resumed his turn about the room and I continued, "I have nothing to offer a man Mr. Cullen. No wealth as Ms. Hale, no extroadinary beauty as my sister. All I have is conversation, and the majority of suitors prefer someone without it."

He stopped, brows furrowed as if perplexed by my admission. "Then they have missed out on one of the finest minds I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."

I couldn't stop the blush that spread, and I focused on my hands as they glided along the ivory panels. "I suppose, I do have one thing... something else to give."

His voice dropped a few octaves in both tone and volume as he inquired, "What's that?"

"My devotion and loyalty." I replied, once again my hands stopping slowly, as I looked down and peered at him out of my peripheral vision. "Because I was a fool and gave my heart to someone who could never return the affection. So that is all I can give; loyalty and devotion."

He moved closer, kneeling beside where I sat on the piano bench. His eyes searched mine and I couldn't look away as he spoke. "Whomever he is, he is a fool not to return your love."

It's you. It's you. You have my heart. I wanted to scream, but knew it would just be in vain. I smiled weakly and shook my head. "No, he is brilliant and not at all the way his reputation in society would reflect. He is warm, and tender... and patient."

"If he's all of those things, how can you be sure he doesn't love you?" He argued, smiling at me kindly.

"He has had every opportunity, and yet has said nothing."

He sat back on his heels, cocking his head to one side. "Perhaps I've monopolized your time? He's unaware of your affections because he hasn't spent as much time with you as I have."

"No." I replied, meeting his eyes once more and shaking my head. "Trust, that has nothing to do with it. It is simple. He does not feel as I do, which is why he has not said the words. I can hardly fault him for simply not finding me agreeable."

He smiled almost laughing, and leaned back towards me once again. "Then, I'll go back to my original thought: he is a fool. You are most agreeable and the man who snatches you up will be the luckiest in town."

I blushed, looking down at my hands. "You only say that because you revere me as a sister. That is something one says when they are either in love or find the other much like a sibling."

He remained silent, which would have been an indication of confirmation had it not been for the way his eyes were focused so intently on me and his lips parted as he breathed audibly in heavy pants. Was he... offended at my assumption?

My eyes found his and didn't break. I found my chest begin to move quickly to keep up with my heart rate and matching the speed and sound of his warm breath. "Mr. Cullen... oh, I-I've spoken out of line again, haven't I? I am terrib-"

"No, No you haven't." He murmured quietly, his eyes casting downward towards my lips. "Not at all, Miss Swan."

"Then what is it? What have I done? I have never rendered you speechless before Mr. Cullen."

"Always." He argued quietly, "Always."

I was so confused. I had never noticed silence between us before. We had always been talkative and friendly. Before I realized what I was doing, I had leaned forward touching the side of his jaw as I had only dreamed of doing. "Tell me." I whispered. "Please."

His eyes closed and he tilted his hand to the side, leaning into my hand. "Oh, Bella..."

I smiled at the affection he was displaying at the use of my first name, my nickname at that. "Edward..." I breathed. "Look at me, please." My heart was beating so loudly I could barely hear my own voice.

He blinked slowly, opening them and looking at me with a conflicted expression on his face.

My face fell at his expression. "I- I'm sorry. I should know by now... Mr. Cullen." Of course, it wasn't my place to refer to him by his first name. I should know my place. And it was never to be his. I was a fool to think I stood a chance otherwise.

He curled his fingers around my wrist, his expression remaining the same. "No, it's not that." He whispered, rubbing his cheek against my palm.

"Then tell me, please." I replied, a tinge of worry in my voice. "I hate it when you're sad. Your eyebrows furrow, you get the two lines in your forehead and your jaw locks." I rambled, caressing his jaw slowly.

"It's me, isn't it? The fool?" He asked, his voice barely audible.

I felt the tears well up and I couldn't find my voice, but he had to know. I couldn't stand keeping this inside for so long. I shut my eyes and nodded slowly.

Petrified of his response.

EPOV

My heart leapt in my chest, as I leaned into her touch, oblivious to anything else around us. Then it all came crashing down on me. My life. My duty. My promise.

"Oh, Bella..." I whispered again, pulling the two of us closer together and taking a last few self-indulgent moments in her warmth. "Bella..."

If I told her, everything would be over. There would be no other way to prevent this, unless I lied to her. I didn't think I could. Not to Miss Swan.

"If only...I had...a heart...to give." I managed to choke out, feeling embarrassed by my emotional display.

Her lips formed a tight, pursed line that belied her emotions. "I understand. Thank you for your honesty." She said, her voice quivering. "I think... I should go. Please inform my sister when you see her. I do not wish to intrude on her time with Mr. Hale." She said quietly, turning to leave. "Thank you for letting me practice on your piano forte. As I said, I'm sure you have assisted my mother however indirect, on her happiness of finding me a suitable husband."

I watched her leave, overcome with the desire to follow her out. Never one to do the right thing, I charged after her. "Miss Swan!" I called, waiting as she paused on the stair. "I hope this means...I hope this means we can still...be friends?" Or something.

She turned slowly, her eyes not meeting mine but instead cast to the floor. "I believe considering the circumstances of your heart belonging to another and mine trapped where it should not belong, not to mention the impropriety of our relations because of the previously stated situation, I feel it unwise to continue." Her eyes met mine, and I wished they hadn't; they were glistening with tears and I loathed myself for causing her pain. "Perhaps in time, when both of us have wed, we may meet again and be allowed amiable relations."

I moved toward her, knowing that this could very well be the last time I saw her, as well as the last time I would ever feel even remotely happy. I looked down her at her trembling hands, taking one and placing it over the spot my heart should lie. "Had I a heart, I would give it to you." I whispered, squeezing my hand over her own, before promptly turning and retreating upstairs.

I felt oddly calm and clear minded after the exchange; at least until I was faced with Miss Swan, the elder.

"I can only be thankful that Mr. Hale is twice the man you are, Mr. Cullen."

Ah. Of course.

I nodded to Miss Swan the elder and excused myself, going back to my rooms and watching her carriage ride away again.

Only this time, they wouldn't be back.

This time, everything was blank again.

"You really do tend to underestimate your own wealth, my dear friend." He said, sitting on the sofa.

I sighed, turning back to him. "Do I?" From where I looked, I had none.

"You have enough fortune, I dare say, to more than provide for Rosalie until she has passed old age. And, it appears that you are rich in love as well; it is simply a matter of claiming what is yours before someone steals it away."

I tapped my finger against my jaw, still feeling the warmth she'd left there. "You know I cannot. Going against my aunt and her wishes...would be suicide."

He scoffed, raising a disbelieving brow. "You have inherited your parents fortune and have done quite well with your own that you have personally acquired. Do not tell me that you would place the importance of, and excuse the term, an old hag, for an aunt above your own most carnal needs?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Would you consider, as you put it 'carnal needs' ahead of your own sister's well being?"

"That" he pointed to me, "is what I speak of." There was a long pause before he chose his words, then said: "Edward, you can more than adequately support Rosalie until the end of time. She can continue to live comfortably as long as you continue to do business as you do. What you are doing for your aunt is commendable, I admit, but suicide in its own right... is it not?"

I sighed, turning back to the window, and watching the rain begin to splash against the panes. "I suppose it is. Well, seems we have to poision the old hag to free us all."

"Or stop insisting her way is the only way to live." He laughed, standing to approach me. "You know as well as I do, that you could more than provide for both your sister and the younger Ms. Swan on your more than ample allowance. Let yourself be happy Edward, Rosalie and your parents would want that for you." And with that, he was gone.

I slumped down on the sofa, pulling at my hair again.

Could I, though?

Could I give up everything I had been bread to protect for...happiness?

BPOV

Though Alice had been giggling over it for weeks, Mr. Hale's proposal was a bit of a surprise and the wedding planning a whirlwind of speed.

Ms. Hale had fallen in love with my sister and adored her. I, on the other hand, she refused to converse with unless in the presence of her brother, or Mr. Cullen.

I believe her to be a puckered old prune, but that is just my opinion.
My sister had been determined to marry before the leaves began to change, and so the wedding was held just weeks after the proposal, at the same estate where Mr. Cullen had made his opinion of me clear.

He saw me as a friend, as a sibling. But he had affections for another. I was to be runner up; he had given his heart away.

I truly hoped she knew what an incredible man he was.

We dressed hurriedly, Alice anxious to finally marry the man of her dreams.

My father, smiling his moustache-covering grin remained calm, as my mother went about in her usual manner.

Though, in a home this large, her voice seemed even louder somehow; perhaps there was an echo.

We carefully made our way out to the expansive garden, my eyes briefly stopping on Mr. Newton, a cousin of my father's who had escorted me to the ceremony. He had squinty blue eyes, similar to my sister's in color, and a boyish face which hid well his age - nearly fifteen years my senior.

My eyes locked back to the row I walked down, feeling my throat tighten as I saw Mr. Cullen standing beside Mr. Hale looking nothing shy of perfection.
The ceremony was lengthy, but beautiful, and I had never seen a man so in love with a woman as Mr. Hale was with my sister.

It seemed as though, while evident it was a marriage of benefit for my family; Mr. Hale regarded himself as the lucky one.

At the reception, which was splayed amongst the flora and fauna, I did my best to steer clear of Mr. Cullen; however much my eyes seemed to drift to him whenever I felt the pulsating warmth of his nearby presence.

"You seem...distracted, Miss Swan." Mr. Newton observed, breathing heavily as he spoke. Ew, porridge and bitter coffee.

I stifled a groan of disgust and shook my head. "Not at all Mr. Newton, I was simply admiring the flowers growing along the vines." I replied, motioning to them. "Do you happen to know what type they are?"
"Garden Dahlias. My mother's favorite." A familiar voice answered huskily behind me.

I spun around, nearly colliding with the bronze hair man who stood behind me. "Oh.. oh." I replied unable to find words as I inhaled his scent. "They're lovely."

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of the flora. "They are quite lovely." He added, taking a deep breath before finally turning to meet my eyes. "Good Afternoon, Miss Swan."

I lowered my head and knelt briefly. "Mr. Cullen."

"And you must be..." He trailed off, sticking out his hand towards my cousin.

"Michael Newton. I am the preacher at the local parish in Lower Darby; a parish attended by your most esteemed Aunt, the Lady De Borugh."

"Yes, she's often spoken of your...lengthy sermons." He noted in remembrance, rolling his eyes ever so slightly.

My cousin either did not hear him, or chose not to as he nodded emphatically. "Yes, yes. Lady De Bourgh attends mass every Sunday; often times, Saturday as well. She's a most venerable-"

"Miss Swan, you really should see the mums growing on the fair side of the garden." He interrupted rather rudely, sliding his arm up to me immediately for acceptance. "Permit me to show you?"

Well I couldn't very well discourage it since he had offered in front of another. I sucked in a breath and wound my forearm around his. "That would be lovely."

"Good day, Mr. Newton. I promise to return her intact." He informed, waiting until we were a good few yards away before leaning into me a little and laughing softly as he spoke. "How you tolerated him walking you around for the last two hours, I'll never know."

"He has been my escort to daily outings the last week. My family is quite taken by him and what he can offer."

"Oh?" He asked sounding surprised, and slowing down his pace.

I nodded a confirmation. Unable to suppress my laugh, I dared to look up in his direction. "It appears as though you piano forte lessons have paid off, though I'm not sure whether to thank you or to berate you for it."

"Berate me. Most definitely." He nodded decidedly, his head turning to the side towards the gravel pathway.

My hand pulsed around his arm and I continued to laugh. "Though, I must say the one positive attribute Mr. Newton holds is his pride in having me on his arm."

His voice dropped to barely above a whisper and I was forced to lean in a bit to hear him clearly. "As well he should. As I've told you, the man who would be your husband would be the luckiest in the county." I felt myself blushing as he slowed his footsteps even further, stopping before a long row of flowers. "The mums, Miss Swan."

I paused, admiring the flowers in grave detail, unable to stop the blush from moving across my cheeks as I felt his eyes burn against me. "They are stunning." I whispered, not breaking my gaze from the petals.

"The color is quite deep, don't you agree? Much more so than the dahlias."

I nodded. "How true."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw him not and turn his head towards the vast gardens. "Have you seen the winter roses?"

"No. I haven't had the pleasure of exploring the grounds as of yet. Are they lovely?" I asked, finally feeling steady enough to turn and face him.

Unrequited love, I realized, was sheer agony.

When you stand in front of a man you love, that cannot love you.

And you speak with him as if there is not a hole in place where your heart once breathed.

And you live each moment hoping and yet knowing that his affections will never alter.

This was who I had become. A naive, empty hearted shell of a female who stood in front of her beloved on a warm summer day at a joyous event, hoping her heart would be enough to love them both.

EPOV

"Very," I replied, my voice much deeper than I remembered it being as I swallowed down the thick lump in my throat. "Some of my favorites."

"Would it be possible to point in the direction of where i can find them? I do not wish to selfishly take all your time, but I would like to see them, as you rank them so highly."

"I'd like to take you." I replied, moving us both deeper into the garden. "I'd rather not release you into the clutches of Mr. Newton just yet."

Overstepping my bounds, minute by minute.

"What of the future Mrs. Cullen? Will she not be expecting you to return?"

I looked over at her. "Future Mrs. Cullen?" Oh, Jane. Her. "No. She isn't here." I replied, my heart sinking with every word.

"Oh." She murmured, looking from the ground then to me. "I'm not sure us being alone is appropriate. Unfortunately the feelings... how I feel, has not diminished and I feel as though I am disrespecting a woman I have never met by being alone for extended periods of time with you."

"Ah." I replied. She was worried about Jane. Someone a world and a million years apart from her, and yet she still had compassion for how her reputation would be sullied. Unfortunately, I didn't care. "The winter roses, Miss Swan."

She turned to face them, and gasped, her hand reaching out to touch the bloom. "They are...exquisite."

"Yes." I agreed, looking down at the full blooms. "The color is quite fair."

"But it's the light brushing of pink that makes the flower stand out, that makes it unforgettable." She said, turning back to me and smiling softly. "It's the most beautiful flower I've ever seen."

"Then I shall send you some." I replied, quickly realizing my error. "On behalf of your sister, of course."

The blush that spread over her cheeks was divine. "That is too kind."

"Not kind enough." I sighed, turning away and walking back toward the house. "It is time for the meal, I think."

She nodded, looking up at the building clouds. "Perfect timing then; it looks like rain is imminent."

I sighed, looking up at the thick, ominous clouds. "Yes, it seems to be."

I walked quickly and silently back to the house, Miss Swan leaving my side at the portico. I saw Jasper on the way up, smirking. "What?"

"You know what." He chuckled.

"I know nothing." I replied stubbornly. "Where's your wife, sir?"

"Off dancing and being the wonderfully happy woman she is." He told me, looking to my sides. "And where is your Ms. Swan?"

"My Miss Swan?" I questioned. "I have none, sir. You've the two of us confused."

"Oh, there she is!" Hale commented, pointing over my shoulder. "I can't believe she has agreed to marry that swine of a man."

My blood froze. "What?"

"Alice told me this afternoon. He propositioned her last night; she is to give him her answer this evening. From what Alice has said, she has decided to accept as it will provide peace of mind to her parents and ensure the family's security as he is a prominent minister for the chapel on your aunt's grounds."

My head snapped back to look at Miss Swan (let's face it, my Miss Swan) and my heart broke with how forlorn she seemed. "Oh, no."

"Oh no?" He feigned, "I thought you would be pleased dear friend. You are to marry Jane and now Ms. Swan has found someone to give her stability and ease the economic stress of her birth, from her family."

I glared at him from the corner of my eye. "There are times where I wonder why I consider you a friend."

"And why is that?" He wondered, "I had previously given you my frank opinion on the matter and you chose to ignore it. I do not agree with your decision but I understand and respect it."

"Because...I hate it when you're right." I pouted, moving past him and back to the dining room, where we were all arranged. I was seated in the middle of the table, between Ms. Hale and Mr. Crowley.

Lively conversation, to be sure.

Suddenly, a small voice in my ear drew a smile from my lips. Rose. "Edward, why do I have to sit at the children's table. I am nearly grown!"

I couldn't help but smile at her, grabbing her wrist in my hand and swinging it. "Because it's required. And besides, you wouldn't want to sit her anyway. Look at the sour puss next to me." I whispered, pointing to Miss Hale.

She laughed lightly, as children often do, and pointed to Miss Swan's table. "But then, why don't you move and sit over there? Jasper's new wife mentioned that you and her sister were friends. Shouldn't friends sit with one another?"

I sighed, looking over to Miss Swan. "Yes, but sometimes friends give other friends space."

"Oh." She paused, as though working out the intricacies in her head. "I do not get it." She declared with a pout.

"What's that darling?"

"Why, if you are friends, you would give them space."

I raised an eyebrow. "Because if they ask for it, you must oblige."

"If she asked for it, then why does she look so sad?"

My eyes wandered back to Miss Swan, who truly did look lost in her own head while Mr. Newton prattled on about something. "Perhaps she is sad over other things." I offered, hoping it to be sufficient.

"Then as her friend, is it not your responsibility to be courteous and cheer up her spirits?" Rose asked, bewitching me with a smile. "Plus, Alice said her sister was very nice and I would very much like to make her acquaintence. Please brother?"

I couldn't say no to any of them. Perhaps I have a humor that makes me incapable of denying the opposite sex. "Alright, alright come on." I stood as my sister hopped on her feet, squealing all the way. "Manners, Dear." I implored as we made our way over.

"Miss Swan?" I called as we approached. She turned, looking slightly confused. "My I present my sister, Miss Rosalie Cullen."

Miss Swan beamed at my sister, nodding politely. "A pleasure to meet you Ms. Cullen. I have heard wonderful stories about you from both your brother and my sister, Ms. Alice."

My sister blushed, curling into my side because she was not yet over her childhood shyness. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Swan."

"Trust the pleasure is mine." She said, looking up to me then back to my sister. "I have heard you have a passion for gardening, and I must admit while I do love nature I am not very knowledgeable in names. Would you like to walk with me and educate on the types of flora and fauna on the grounds?" (pauses, looks back up at E) "Of course, if that is all right with your brother."

I nodded, giving my consent as Rosalie once again began to bob. "I would...love to."

Miss Swan smiled, extending a hand to my sister. "We will be back just in time for cake." She teased,, her eyes locking with mine as she smiled.

I could only smile back at her as I watched them both leave for the gardens.

My Miss Swan.

If only.

BPOV

Mr. Cullen's younger sister was a true joy. She was carefree and full of wonder and curiosity; much like myself. We laughed and ran through the fields of trees and flowers, her pointing out exceptional ones and naming them as if she had a book of nature memorized in her head.

It was raining but we enjoyed the fresh air, laughing and talking as if we were lifelong friends. We were stopped abruptly on our way back by a tall and large man who introduced himself as Emmett McCarthy.

Rosalie seemed to know him and made introduction quickly before sliding past him and into the dining room for dessert.

"So you are a friend of Mr. Hale and Mr. Cullen?" I asked as he helped with my coat.

"I am." He smiled, offering his arm. "Sister of the bride?"

I nodded, placing my forearm atop his.. "Are you close to them?"

"Yes, both. Cullen, Hale and I went to school together."

"Oh, then you must have good stories." I grinned, laughing softly as we took seats at a nearly empty table. Apparently, as the dancing had begun and cake had been served, people were moving around and leaving their designated tables.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes I'm sure at a vague memory of how many there truly were. "A few. Which shall I tell you first?"

"The most recent perhaps? We can work backwards." I smiled, leaning forward, my curiosity sufficiently piqued.

"Well," He said softly, looking over towards Mr. Cullen. "Last I heard, our Dear Mr. Cullen made quite a fool over himself a few months past, over a particular lady." He grinned devilishly as if he were the cat that ate the canary.

"Oh?" I asked, biting back any feelings of jealousy. I couldn't imagine the caliber of woman it would take to make Mr. Cullen come unhinged.

He nodded in confirmation before continuing. "Yes. He and Mr. Hale went into the town and to the pub and, well...I'll let your mind figure out the rest." He eluded, the smile he wore not falling in the slightest."I've heard it's quite fantastic."

"She must have been quite the lady for Mr. Cullen to be swayed into her affections."

"One Miss Swan, I believe." He said glancing back towards Mr. Cullen before curling his lips upward into a mischievous smirk. "I think you know which."

My heart stopped.

Of course... it made sense now.

He didn't have a heart to give because he had been just as foolish and gave it to someone he could never have.

He had fall in love with my sister. That explained why he pushed so hard for us to visit he and Mr. Hale, and the comment he made with such resentment, about him knowing which man Alice had preferred from the very beginning.

He had been jealous of Mr. Hale and was dying because he could not have the woman he loved.

I forced a smile and tried to look for Mr. Newton to beg that we make our leave. I couldn't be here... not knowing what I did.

Unfortunately he was in what appeared to be a heated debate with another cousin of ours who appeared to be rather drunk on wine.

Wonderful.

"Please excuse me." I replied standing before Mr. McCarthy and curtsying quickly before running out the doors.

I ran quickly; trying to justify my shortness of breath and be as far away from Mr. Cullen as possible.

It was as though I could physically feel him squeezing my heart and crushing it in his strong hands.

The rain soaked me thoroughly but I did not care; I couldn't feel the cold.
All I felt was my chest giving out and making way with a hole that would never be repaired.