Okay, maybe it had been a bad idea to tell Edward I was alive, especially in the middle of a school day. I should have waited to go to his house or at least a more remote area. Neither me nor Alice were able to predict his reaction so we merely stood there waiting for it to come. Alice had looked at me with such an annoyed look that I felt more comfortable to look at Edwards disturbed eyes. They were black with thirst with dark purple rings underneath. Now I knew what Alice meant about forcing him to hunt. The second I had stepped out from behind the wall his body had tensed as if for a fight. When he had recognized who I was his arms had fell limp to his sides and his eyes where wide with shock-horror. I'd told Alice he hated me but no, she didn't listen.

It was the longest second of my existence watching Edwards's reaction and I was thankful there were no humans around. He sunk to his knees and covered his face with his hands. It took me a second to realize that he was dry sobbing. Alice stretched out her hand and placed it gently on his shoulder.

'I told you to stay hidden' she hissed at me making sure Edward couldn't hear. I didn't know how to respond so I just stood there uselessly. She was still attempting to comfort Edward though I could tell it was a wasted effort. And I thought Jasper had overreacted.

'Go' she whispered 'I'll come and find you later. Then you can talk to Edward somewhere less public'. At first I moved slowly and then I ran as fast as I could at human speed. I ran behind the school until I got into the trees then ran full pelt towards my home. Why had I been so stupid to reintroduce myself back into Edwards's life in the middle of a public school? He could have lost it. He could have smashed up the whole building exposing us and bringing the Volturi down on Forks.

I sat on the sofa and curled up hugging my knees. How long would it take for Alice to calm Edward down? When would she come and get me? I couldn't bear just sitting here drowning in my own thoughts. Soon one of my family would notice I was gone and they would come and get me. I got back up after only a couple of seconds of deliberation and shot out of the door. I ran back to the stream where I had seen Alice, the wind felt good in my hair and it helped me forget my current situation. I sat cross-legged on a large stone and watched the reflections in the water.

After maybe an hour I heard gentle running come from behind me. I stayed completely still and stopped my breathing. To a human I would have resembled a statue. The running stopped about a couple of meters away from me but I did not turn around.

'Bella, I'm back' Alice said in a calm voice. I listened intensely for other sounds but I could hear nothing unusual. Maybe she had not brought Edward with her.

'Hey' I said back still watching the glistening swirls of water. I knew how uncomfortable this must be for Alice so I slowly turned around. Edward was stood almost a foot away from Alice, his whole body tensed when I stared into his pitch black eyes. This wasn't the Edward I remembered. He was too cold, too isolated and sad. No, it wasn't sadness. This was past sadness, this was depression.

He was staring at me with coal black eyes, deep purple under them. He was so thirsty; it must have been burning his throat out. Alice had been telling the truth when she said he looked as if he was dying. For once his body looked strangely fragile as if it could break with the slightest touch. What had he been through to become like this? It was torture to see him so vulnerable.

'I'm going to go' Alice said after a couple of seconds 'to give you guys a bit of privacy'. I heard her sprint off into the forest but I could take my eyes off Edward. He swallowed before speaking.

'Bella? Is it really you?' he asked in such a broken velvety voice that I began to feel a little panicked. He assessed my expression quickly and took a step back as if he were frightening me.

'Yes' was all I could say. It was such a shock to speak to him. I was half expecting myself to faint again.

'I'm so sorry' he whispered. Wait a minute. He was apologizing to me even though he looked like he was about to die on the spot. This was wrong; he shouldn't be the one apologizing. What had he done to be sorry about?

'For what?' I asked him in confusion 'you haven't done anything wrong. There's nothing you can be sorry for'.

'But there is. I shouldn't have left you that night. It was wrong of me and I'm sorry' he said staring at me sadly.

'You can't control your emotions' I told him 'you didn't love me anymore so it would have been unfair to stay with me. There would have been no point'. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.

'Bella, I did still love you and I love you now. That was never going to change no matter how hard I tried. I lied to you that night because I thought it was best for you. I thought my choice would protect you but instead it got you killed'. I stayed perfectly still, not breathing, not moving an inch. This couldn't be true. It can't be true. Why did he have to try and wreck my life when it was so perfect? I was with Lucas and I wanted to stay that way forever.

'How could leaving me possibly protect me?' I whispered remembering when I had stumbled alone and helpless into the forest after he had told me that he didn't want me. It had been the worst night of my existence.

'I thought that when I left you might forget me and carry on with your life before I entered it. I was wrong though and you somehow managed to become a vampire. The very thing I was trying so hard to prevent you from becoming. It had been a wasted effort to protect you and if I could go back in time I would'.

'Edward, do you have any idea how I felt?' I asked and his face became pained 'Charlie wanted to send me to hospital! To get therapy! I had no one to go to, no one to talk to because they wouldn't understand. After a year I gave up and tried to commit suicide!' Toward the end I was shouting the words at him. He was truly hurting inside now; I could see it on his face. I felt tears well up in my eyes but of course they couldn't fall. Edward approached me slowly and wound his arms around me. He hugged me tightly whispering apologies in my ear. I hugged him back and tried to force back the sobbing that was taking over my body. Then he kissed the top of my head gently and I froze. From behind me I could hear a loud menacing growl. I looked up to see Lucas snarling violently at Edward and I released his arms that were curled round me. Lucas reached out towards me and pulled me behind his body staring at Edward the whole time. Edwards eyes shifted from me to Lucas for a long second before he finally understood. He almost fell to the floor but had enough strength to keep himself standing. With one pained look at me he sprinted away through the thickness of the trees. Lucas stopped snarling and turned to look at me.

'I'm sorry. He was just so happy to see me after so long' I told Lucas 'please don't go after him. I've caused him enough pain as it is'. His jealousy was really getting out of hand now. Wouldn't he act the same if he was in my position? Lucas studied my face for a minute then relaxed and nodded.

'Fine' he sighed and towed me back towards our home. I glanced back at the trees Edward had ran away to and then turned my attention back to Lucas. I would have to talk to Edward again, somewhere where Lucas won't be able to interrupt us. My curiosity was blazing inside me, I had so many questions I wanted to ask him but that would have to wait till later. I sighed knowing that I would probably have to go behind Lucas' back once again.

I'm sorry! I know it wasn't that good but it was hard for me to show the pain Edward had been through in just a couple of words. I had writers block for ages. Please R&R I would love some ideas of how this story could progress. =D