A/N: In this chapter, Hazama will have a talk with the Ice Queen, Integra Hellsing, go on his first mission and some rule 63. Enjoy.
Finding the butler was tedious. It was his first day at the manor, and so he did not know his way around, much less where each of the building's occupants was at what time, so he did the only thing he could do. Wander around aimlessly.
He did this for the better part of an hour until he chanced upon the kitchen where Walter was preparing some tea with vodka mixed in. Hazama raised an eyebrow at the odd concoction and enquired about it.
"Oh, this? Sir Integra insisted I prepare something that contains caffeine and is also able to calm her nerves at the same time, and so I decided to mix some vodka in with a pot of Earl Grey and see how it turns out." Hazama nodded at this and made a mental note to add vodka to Rachel's tea when he got back, if he got back.
"Uh, Walter, I think I wanna go and see the boss now. Got nothin' to do anyway, and I thought it might be good to work out the kinks in the deal, know what to do and what not to."
"Excellent idea. I shall lead you to Sir Integra's office once I am done with the tea."
He filled up the teapot with the 'tea' and placed it on a tray, on which were matching chinaware and a container with a few lumps of sugar. He picked up the tray and walked to the door, which Hazama took as his cue to follow.
Walter led him to the right wing of the mansion and up two flights of stairs, stopping in front of a large and ornate door made from teak. Walter knocked on the door three times.
"Come in." Integra's voice growled out. Walter opened the door and walked in, followed by Hazama. Integra was discussing something with a man in a blue business suit, which would have made him unremarkable except for his ridiculous hair. His black hair was quite long and would have reached to his shoulders had it not been slicked back into a giant, foot long spike.
"Walter, did you bring me something?" Integra inquired, completely ignoring Hazama.
"Yes, a pot of Earl Grey mixed with vodka." Walter replied as he poured a cup for her. "Would you like any sugar?"
"No."
Walter placed the cup in front of her, which she took a sip from. "Not bad."
"I shall make a mental note to prepare this whenever you are feeling stressed."
"Thank you Walter. Oh, Hazama. What brings you here?" Integra had finally taken notice of Hazama's presence.
"Just wanted to discuss the terms of my employment further." Hazama said with a shrug.
"Good timing, then. This is Mr. Wright, the lawyer who drafted your contract as well as another for a group of mercenaries. Do you want to take a look at it?"
Hazama nodded to the man, who passed him the contract which was printed on very expensive parchment. It dictated that his employment would last until either the contract was terminated by either party or if he died, and that he would be provided food, lodging and weapons but no mention of pay. This did not escape his notice.
"Hey, what happened to my pay?"
Integra went nuclear at this statement. "Pay? You expect ME to pay YOU? After destroying half a town, you should be thanking your lucky stars I didn't just shoot you dead right there and then, let alone offer you a job in my organization with food and lodging provided free of charge! The only reason why you're here now is because my organization is short on manpower and you can fight decently!"
Hazama kept silent at her outburst, partly because she was right and partly due to him not being able to think up of anything smart to say.
"Anyway, I have a mission for you. Our informant has traced Millennium to Brazil. You are to take Seras with you to Rio de Janerio and take care of any Millennium soldiers you may find there as well as retrieve any additional information. Understood?"
"What if there isn't anything written on paper?"
"Then extract the information from the soldiers directly, use any and all means. Human rights don't apply to them as they aren't human any longer. If they still don't want to spit out the info then bring them back here."
"What about the red coat guy?"
"He is on hiatus."
"Well, I think we could use another pair of hands on this job. He seems to have more ideas to torture information outta people then I would ever come up with in my life."
"He needs to be punished for his lack of restraint, and so he will not be participating."
"Who said anything about letting him go scot free?"
Integra's eyebrows rose at this statement. "Fine, tell me how you can punish Alucard without having him be put on leave."
"He seems to like to make fun of Seras and her physical assets," Hazama's eyes flashed as he mentioned 'physical assets'. Integra scowled but said nothing. "so why not put him in her shoes? He can shape-shift right? Make him turn into a hot woman and wear that uniform for the two weeks he's supposed to be grounded."
"That won't work. He said so himself that it does not matter to him what form he takes."
"Won't know 'til ya try." Hazama insisted.
"Fine. I guess his skills would be useful in the mission. ALUCARD!" She yelled his name so loud that Hazama could have sworn that the floor shook. Walter and the lawyer acted as if it was a common occurrence, which it is.
On cue, Alucard phased through the floor, a wide smirk plastered on his pasty white face. "Master, I thought I was to be confined to my cellar for the next week and not to do any missions for the next two? Do you long for my company that much?" Integra responded by aiming a Desert Eagle handgun in his face.
"No one would ever long for your company, no matter how desperate they are. You are to accompany Hazama and Seras on their next mission."
Alucard's face lit up. "Lifting my punishment not even twenty-four hours after administering it? You must be feeling especially generous today master, not that I am complaining."
"OBJECTION! You of all people should know that Sir Integra is not that kind of a person!" The lawyer randomly yelled out while sticking his index finger in Alucard's face. Alucard ignored it, as if it was a common occurrence with the man, which it is.
"Thank you, Mr. Wright. As he kindly pointed out, no one said anything about lifting your punishment. You will just be having a different one. You are going to dress up like Seras for the next month."
Hazama's right eyebrow cocked up at the statement. He had suggested two weeks, but she had upped it to a month. She must be real pissed off at Alucard.
"Wait, dress up like the Police girl? The blouse she wears wouldn't fit me, her chest is too big."
"Then shape-shift into a woman that can fit into the blouse." Integra stated matter-of-factly.
"What? Take the form a common harlot, then dress up like some girl in a police fetish porn flick?"
Integra grinned evilly. It seems that Hazama has hit the jackpot. "Well, you did say that it didn't matter to you what form you took, so why should this be any different?"
Alucard hesitated briefly, but recovered so fast that both Hazama and Wright did not notice. To Integra and Walter, however it was plain as day. "Well, Seras is already walking fan service. I wouldn't want to deprive her of her only mentionable status."
"OBJECTION! Seras does not want to have such a derogatory status anyway and would like another person to share the burden!" Again with the finger.
Hazama cackled at his outburst. He could hang with this guy.
Alucard moved to strike Hazama but Integra yelled at him to stop. Perhaps this would be an even worse punishment after all. "It's settled then. For the next month, you are to be, as you and Hazama put it, 'walking fan service', at all times, on missions, fighting, sleeping, eating, pissing me off, pissing anyone else off, basically you are to be a very sexually attractive woman dressed in the female Hellsing uniform for the next month. Have I made myself clear?"
Being bound to the Hellsing bloodline for eternity, he could do nothing but mutter an affirmative. But that didn't mean he couldn't take it out on Hazama, who was the one who suggested it in the first place. Mind-reading for the win.
"Oh yes, before I forget. You cannot harm any of the other operatives unless physically threatened, and in the event that you are, you are not permitted to injure them such that they are not fit for duty for extended periods of time. We are shorthanded enough as it is."
His scowl deepened even further while Hazama snickered in the corner. He would find a way to get back at him, he swore upon the hundreds of thousands of souls that he had consumed over the centuries that he would have his revenge.
"Well, get on with it. Accept your punishment, servant."
"As you wish, master." Alucard grumbled as he willed his form to change. Shadows wrapped around him and obscured him from view for a moment before revealing a very, very hot woman decked out in the Hellsing uniform.
She had long, waist-length hair, black as a moonless night and softer than silk. Her ample bust was emphasized by the tight blouse( Thank you, Hellsing uniform designer dude!) and the short skirt hugged her wide hips while showing off her milky white thighs at the same time.
Her ruby eyes burned with anger as she scowled, but even then she looked quite cute.(I probably am gonna die tonight, so if this fic isn't updated, you all know what happened. =D) "Is this fine master?" She asked through gritted teeth, her voice now a rich soprano instead of the deep baritone of his male persona.
"Quite satisfactory. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to sign this contract with Hazama. Go get Seras. You two will entertain the mercenaries I have hired and show them what they are up against."
"Understood." With that, she phased through the floor.
"Now then, on to signing the contract. Do both parties agree to the terms stated?" The lawyer asked.
Hazama still wanted monetary pay, but it looked like his soon-to-be employer was not one for negotiations. Well, beggars can't be choosers; he would just have to take what he can get.
"I'll take it."
"Good. Sign here, here and here please." Hazama complied.
"Thank you, Mr. Wright. Hazama, you are to leave for Heathrow Airport in two hours at 1700 hours. The plane to Rio de Janerio will take off at 1800 hours. Until then you are free to do what you want. Dismissed."
Hazama turned and walked through the ornate door while Integra lit up one of her cancer sticks and took a long drag, inhaling the smoke. I hope that the two of them won't mess up this mission. Alucard is already a bitch to deal with, I don't need another out of control madman bent on killing everything he comes across, she mused.
Hazama walked down the stairs, trying to find the main hall where the other recruits are sure to be received as he wondered how they were going to react to the eye candy presented to them in the form of Alucard and Seras greeting them.
He found the hall easily enough this time, and sure enough there was a gang of rough and tumble men gathered. They were not paying much attention to Seras who was lecturing them on the monsters that they were going to fight; rather their attention was concentrated on her bust.
"And so, when confronted with vampires or ghouls, the rule of thumb is to shoot'em in the head."
The company had picked up the word 'vampire' and took the opportunity to burst out in boisterous laughter. "Vampires! Vampires she says! Come on, little missy! There ain't no such things as vampires!"
Just then, Alucard phased through the wall in his new form. The men were too entranced by her appearance to crap their pants in fright at a woman who just randomly ghosted through a wall.
"What?" Alucard asked in a disgruntled voice.
"More boobs." A Frenchman piped up. His long blond hair was done up in a braid, atop which sat a ten gallon hat with the right side of its rim pinned up. He wore an eye patch over his left eye but it did little to mar his handsome features and sparkling green eye.
Alucard ignored his cheeky comment and proceeded to lecture them on vampires, which they in turn proceeded to ignore in favor of staring at her chest instead. Alucard noticed this and sighed in frustration.
"Perhaps a more physical demonstration would be in order, as these pigs do not seem to be able to comprehend spoken language. Seras?"
"Vat? You are saying zat this pretty little zing here is a vampyre?"
"Actually I kind of am…" Seras admitted in a sheepish tone while grinning, showing off her fangs.
Some of the men flinched at this, but most of them, most notably the French guy, took it in stride.
"Okay zen, maybe she is one. But vat do you mean by a 'physical demonstration', mademoiselle?"
Alucard wanted to say that he was in fact a male, but his current appearance was contrary to the statement so she decided to keep her mouth shut.
"I mean that she will fight you off with nothing but a finger. If you do manage to get your greasy paws on her, then you may do whatever you please."
Frenchy's eyes gleamed excitedly at the prospect of fondling Seras's sizable bust, and wasted no time in lunging at her.
Seras responded with a finger flick to his forehead, which snapped his head back. She did not stop after that, and proceeded to keep on flicking him with her fingers, pushing him back to his friends, his nose bleeding.
"Boss! You alright?" One of the men asked worriedly.
"She izn't human! She moves so fast, I cannot even see her move! When she flicked my forehead, it was like a hard punch!"
"Now do you believe in vampires?" Alucard asked.
The men nodded sheepishly.
"Then pay attention to the lecture." With that final statement, she phased through the floor.
"Man, if she wasn't that much of a bitch, I'd hit that." One of the mercenaries, a British man this time, muttered.
The Frenchman responded to this with a shake of his head and a "tut tut". "A real man does not care if the woman he likes is a bitch, he will do everything in his power to make her his." Trust the French to make such statements.
Hazama walked in and took the opportunity to burst his bubble. "Just so ya know, that 'she' is really a 'he' and if he catches ya saying that, ya won't be as lucky as your captain there."
The Brit scoffed. "What, are you blind? That was obviously a woman!"
Hazama shrugged. "Vampires. They can shape-shift. He had to take on that form 'cos the boss wanted him to. Ya wanna believe me or not, it's up to ya."
The merc wasn't so cocky now. "Oi, Seras. Boss says we're goin' on a mission. Pack your shit and get Sluttycard. We're headin' to Rio de Janerio."
A/N: I actually wanted to include the first mission in this chapter but I decided to leave it for the next one for the sake of pacing. Reviews are appreciated as always and flaming will be laughed at.