First of all Happy New Year to everyone and best wishes to you all.
Sorry for the slight delay in updating but the holidays actually left me with less time to work on my stories than I had hoped for and then to top it off my PC had a mini melt down just when I started to get time to work on my fic's. I'm sure the fates are laughing somewhere.
Anyway, here is another chapter. I did proof read and edit but because I wanted to get it posted there may be odd erros for which I can only apologise.
As always please read, enjoy and if you get a chance review. Thanks.
Friend's talk
"Ok, time to talk." Reno stated, as he settled himself into the booth they had acquired and handed Zack a beer.
At first the soldier didn't respond to the Turk's presence or the drink in front of him, his violet eyes simply staring blankly past it all as if he were lost somewhere within himself. It was not a look the Turk was used to seeing in his friends face and it made him feel uneasy, the normally vibrate glow of Zack's personality now clearly being dampened by whatever was troubling him.
"Zack?" The red head enquired cautiously.
"Do you remember that conversation we had about him and me ... being more then friends." The soldier asked hesitantly, catching Reno by surprise.
"I take it you mean before you actually got together?" The Turk asked carefully.
"Yea." Zack agreed with a soft sigh.
"Sure, how could I forget, it's the only time we really talked about it back then."
"Do you remember how you tried to convince me to ... talk to him about my feelings?"
"Sure." The red head replied uncertainly. "Why?"
"Do you remember what I told you, at the end of our conversation?"
For a moment Reno just stared at the soldier in confusion, the question being one he had not expected and the 'talk' they were having going in a direction he didn't understand. Just like Angeal the red head had seen the way the soldier's eyes would glow when he spoke of the cadet, had noticed the flushed expression when thoughts or discussion of the blonde had arisen between them. It hadn't taken Reno long to realise that the fondness which Zack had for the blonde was more than just being a friend and mentor, that the soldier's feelings stemmed much deeper than he wanted to admit. They had only once really discussed the possibility of Zack having a relationship with Cloud, the memory of that night now filling Reno's mind and quickly drawing him back to the past.
It had been a pleasant Friday evening, a couple of weeks before the cadet's incident in the locker room, and they had been chilling out in the soldier's apartment after a long week. The conversation hadn't even been intentional when it came up, just one of those fortunate coincidences, as they happily spent some time catching up over a few beers and playing on Zack's games console.
"Man, you play these games way to much Fair." Reno declared, as the screen flashed up the soldier's winning score.
"What can I say, it helps to burn off energy when I can't use the VR training room." Zack replied with a small chuckle.
"Maybe you should find someone to burn off that energy with, instead of sitting on your lonesome playing these games every night." The Turk teased, as he was passed a fresh drink.
"I'm not alone every night, thank you very much." The solider defended himself, while giving the Turk a playful smack to the shoulder.
"Fine, but you still need someone to burn that energy off with." The red head continued, his joking expression now becoming a little more serious.
"Not this again." Zack sighed as he flopped down on the sofa.
"I'm just saying that considering where we are, and the high number of male employees, out of the two of us you should be the one hooked up by now."
"It's not that simple Reno."
"Yea yea, I know. You want a deep and meaningful relationship and not a one night stand."
"I'm just waiting for the right person."
"What if you've already found him, but you don't even realise it?" Reno suggested casually, as he lent back against the soldier's legs.
"Reno, are you trying to confess your love for me?" Zack exclaimed dramatically, throwing himself forward so he could wrap his arms around the red head's shoulders.
"Bite me soldier boy, you know I didn't mean me." The Turk replied, as he shoved the arms away and sat up properly.
"Really?" Zack pouted with mock heartbreak, his face barely holding the expression as it quickly broke into a smile at Reno's expense.
"Yes, really! Now stop grinning like a mad man Fair and get a grip on yourself."
"What? I'm just smiling."
"Your face is practically splitting in two and I can see your molars."
"Fine, so I'm grinning." The soldier agreed before chuckling at the glare he received.
"Damn right you are." The Turk concluded firmly.
There was a moment between them where neither spoke as Zack continued to laugh, the infectious sound soon drawing Reno in as well. It was only once the red head smiled and rolled his eyes that the soldier took a chance to get a new topic going, his attempt failing miserable on the first try.
"So what do you want for dinner?"
"Pizza and don't try to change the subject." Reno answered with a knowing smile.
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"Fine I am, but I've already told you I'm waiting for Mr Right." Zack reminded him as he gave into what he now knew was a losing battle.
"And I asked you, what if you've already found him." Reno repeated more firmly this time.
"If you say Angeal I am going to kill you, painfully." The soldier warned.
"Give me some credit, I know you and Hewley aren't involved." The Turk replied, this time with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.
"Then what are you talking about?"
"I am referring to a certain cadet you know quite well."
"Cloud?" Was the gasped response.
"Yea, him." The red head confirmed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Violet eyes blinked rapidly in surprise as Zack tried to think of what to say, his mouth opening and closing several times before he finally found the words he needed.
"I'm his mentor Reno."
"You care about him, right?"
"Like a mentor would."
"You spend a lot of time with him."
"I help him train, like a mentor would."
"And you always check up on him."
"I'm tracking his progress, like a mentor would."
"Ugh Fair you're impossible." The red head groaned before continuing. "Now stop saying 'like a mentor would' in that tone, we both know you like him."
"I don't want to talk about this Reno." The soldier growled as a warning.
"Zack you can't ignore what you feel." The Turk continued, choosing to ignore it as the discussion between them became more serious.
"What I feel doesn't matter. He's a cadet and I'm his ... mentor."
"If you like him you need to tell him."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"You of all people should understand."
"Oh yea, the whole mentor dating issue thing."
"Uuuummm yea, that thing."
"Don't snip at me Fair, it's not my fault you actually have feelings for the kid."
"He's not a kid Reno."
"No he's not and neither are you. So what, apart from the mentor thing, is holding you back?"
"Isn't that enough, I mean he already get's teased for it."
"He's told you that?"
"No, but I've seen the way he is sometimes and I know."
"The joys of having personal experience."
"Yea, that would be the one."
Reno only glared at Zack for the sarcastic tone of his comment before pushing the issue again with another question.
"Does he like you as well?"
"I ... I don't know, it's not exactly something we talk about." The soldier replied a little taken back by the possibility.
"Then he does like you." The red head concluded happily.
"And how do you work that out?"
"Well, you and Angeal used to talk about it all the time..."
"Not all the time."
"Fine, but you did talk about it. The fact he and you don't means there's something you're both afraid to say."
"Reno I ..."
"Now what? I mean its one thing to have a one sided crush on someone, but if you both feel the same way."
"Damn it Reno, I said I didn't want to talk about this. At the end of the day I'm his mentor and I can't be anything else even if I wanted to."
"Why?" The Turk demanded.
"Because I'm a soldier and he's a cadet." Zack snapped back, as the conversation between them became more heated.
"So?"
"So ... so it wouldn't be right to push my feelings on him."
"But what if he felt the same way? What if he likes you as well?"
"He's never given me a reason to think that."
"And I bet you've never given him a reason to think it either."
"Look, at the end of the day he wants to be a soldier and I'm just the guy that's helping him to get there."
"That's a little harsh."
"It's the truth Reno."
"Zack man, you're like a brother to me so know that I care about you when I say you're an idiot."
"Thanks." The soldier huffed as he rose to his feet and walked towards the kitchen.
"You're welcome." The red head called after him, his voice only pausing for a minute as he drew in a breath before continuing. "Seriously Fair, you need to lighten up. Invite him over for dinner and get to know him better, call it a review meeting or study session if you have to but for Gaia's sake talk to him."
A strained silence grew around them as neither spoke for a few minutes, as Zack pretended to be focused on putting the frozen pizza in the oven and Reno quietly studied his every move. The was no denying the internal struggle he could see within the raven haired man's body, the stiffness of his shoulders and the flashes of emotions in his eyes revealing more than words ever could. The red head had just been about to speak again when the soldier had sighed heavily, his head bowing forward as he lent against the worktop for physical support to his emotional dilemma.
"Maybe in a few months I can, but not now." Zack reluctantly agreed, his voice still sounding uncertain.
"Give me three good reasons why." Reno challenged carefully, his tone being calm and attempting for neutral as the tension between them remained.
"One, he's a cadet and I'm a soldier."
"Poor excuse, but vaguely relevant so continue."
"Two, he's training hard and I don't want his achievements being associated to me in that way."
"Annoyingly possible, so ok I accept that one as well."
"And three, he's still cautious around me."
"He is?" The Turk asked in surprise, the knowledge that someone hadn't instantly melted under the soldier's charm leaving him momentarily stunned.
"Yea." Zack confirmed with another heavy sigh.
"Have you considered the possibility that he's just scared of showing his true feelings for you?" Reno suggested offhandedly, as he moved to sit on the sofa instead of staying on the floor where his bum was now going numb.
"What?" The soldier breathed, his eyes coming up to meet the red heads and open wide in shock.
"Man you are so naive sometimes it's almost funny." The Turk remarked, while laughing softly as he settled back against the cushions.
"Well I'm glad I amuse you." Zack grumbled, as he moved back into the living room.
"Seriously Fair, what if the kid's just afraid of showing his feelings like you are?"
"I can't take that chance Reno, not when he's only just begun to trust me as a friend."
"So you'd rather keep your distance?"
"Yes." The soldier confirmed, his voice showing his dislike for the decision but also his certainty that it was the right one.
"And what if he feels more than that, what if he needs you but is too scared to admit it?"
"If he does then he'll talk about it when he's ready and until then things will carry on as normal."
"So you're just going to leave it?"
"For now, I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"
The flashback finished playing through his head and suddenly the Turk wasn't so sure about what he knew, his mind raging like a storm as he tried to work out why that conversation would be so significant.
"What are you saying?" Reno asked nervously, the churning in his gut letting him know there was something he was missing and it was something big.
"Think about it for a minute." The soldier informed him sadly without looking up.
The red head lent back in his chair and glared before he began to analyse the memory carefully, his mind slowly putting the pieces together as an unsettling feeling began to form in his stomach. He had known that something serious had happened to bring Zack and Cloud together and simply associated it with the near fatal beating, the prospect of losing the cadet making the soldier admit to his feelings after all. But now Reno was not so sure, the conversation between them suddenly having more meaning than he could have possibly imagined. It didn't make sense for Zack to be so upset about what had happened, not unless there was something about it which he wasn't saying. The last part of their conversation had been the soldier's offhanded comment about what could be the worst to happen, the words really having no significance to the incident unless ...
"Zack did he ... I mean ..." The Turk began fearfully, his heart now racing as he considered the horrifying possibility.
"It wasn't an accident." The soldier confirmed, the words being spoken in an almost heartbroken tone.
"Shit." Reno breathed, as he absorbed the revelation. "But you said ..."
"I never said anything." Zack cut in firmly, his eyes meeting with the Turk's and glowing brightly. "I just never corrected anyone." He continued shamefully, as he looked away again.
"You should have told me." Reno pointed out firmly, his blunt reply letting the soldier know he was hurt and angry by the secrecy between them.
"I'm sorry."
"Well at least it explains why you're so protective of him." The Turk sighed after a moment, his words and tone revealing that the apology had been accepted.
"You were right, I was an idiot for not talking to him sooner." The soldier whispered, as he played with now empty glass in his hand.
"You couldn't have known what would happen, what he would ..."
"Reno." Zack interrupted, his voice laced with guilt and pain. "He didn't think anyone wanted him."
"Zack I ..."
"But you knew, you said he might need someone." The soldier continued, lost to his own torment.
"I was guessing Zack, that and nothing more. " The Turk cut in firmly. "You can't beat yourself up about not seeing it coming."
"Damn it Reno I should have seen the trouble he was in."
"Did he ever talk to you about it?" Reno demanded firmly, his tone making Zack look at him now.
"No, he kept most of it hidden."
"Then you couldn't have known."
"But I shouldn't have kept my distance."
"You did what you thought was best, he ..."
"Don't you see," The soldier choked painfully. "He ... he nearly died because I was too scared to let him know the truth."
"Zack" Reno repeated gently. "You can't blame yourself for what happened, you were his mentor and friend but he still didn't come to you."
"Are you saying it's his fault?" The soldier challenged, his voice becoming hard and deadly.
"No, but I'm trying to get you to see that it's not all your fault either." The red head replied before sighing heavily. "Whatever guilt trip you're on is a two person ride, and Cloud belongs right there beside you, so stop kicking yourself over it."
There was another moment of silence between them as they stared into each other's eyes, the soldier's violet spheres now glowing and filled with a storm of emotions. Reno looked deep into the depths of the burning mako and recognised the guilt and pain, saw past the anger and self hatred lurking beneath the surface, and almost cried out in relief when some of it began to fade. He watched silently as the whirlwind of feelings began to dissipate within the heated gaze and Zack's expression began to relax, his own body calming when he heard a soft sight escaping the soldier's lips as they began to form a faint smile.
"You're a good friend Reno."
"I try."
"You think I'm mad for promising him to never keep secrets between us, don't you?"
"Yes and no." The Turk answered honestly.
"Care to explain?"
"Yes because I know what we do and it's going to be hard when there's something you can't talk about."
"And no?"
"No, since I now get why you're afraid of there being secrets. Because most of your problems have been caused by either one or both of you not being honest."
"Exactly."
"Just be careful Zack, I know that what you two have is ... that you ..."
"I love him Reno,"
"Yea, I know." The red head sighed with a faint smile on his face.
"And that worries you, doesn't it?" The soldier asked cautiously.
"Damn it Zack," Reno began uneasily, as he ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I want you to be happy, I really do, but ..."
"But?"
"But Cloud has some serious issues to deal with and I'm worried he's going to hurt you in the processes."
"So you think I should just walk away, that I should abandon him now when he needs me the most?"
Reno sighed as the words were all but spat in his face, the undeniable anger back in Zack's voice and the rage fuelled glow once more visible in his eyes.
"No I don't think that, but I do think you need to get a grip on your emotions before something goes seriously wrong."
"I am in complete control of ..."
"Oh please. " Reno cut in angrily. "You're in control of nothing right now. You're so worried about him and what could happen that you can't see past it, that the rest of the world doesn't even exist. It's a dangerous position to be in at the best of times and for a soldier it' even worse ... or do you plan on getting shot again?"
Zack opened his mouth to argue, his fury giving him the fuel to speak but his mind unable to find the words he needed. His lips closed leaving them both in an awkward silence, the conversation between them faltering, as he realised that Reno was right.