Disclaimer: They aren't mine.
A/N: The fanart chronicles continue with Riku, the unexpected guest, and Sora, our favorite psych patient, both by the prolific ironyofalostkeyword, links on the profile. I originally planned posting this early Sunday, but… ahaha, it wasn't written then. AND HERE IS WHY:
The amazing and talented pouikee at DeviantArt (woodbox at ffnet—read her fic; it's gorgeous, lovingly articulated) decided to make one hundred and seventeen glorious AkuRoku paintings, counting down to the US release of 358/2 Days. Probably since I'm insane, I asked if I could do accompanying drabble/ficlet things, which has more or less been keeping me occupied. You can find this project, tentatively titled 117 Days of Pure Fucking Awesome, over on 117days at livejournal or pouikee at deviantart.
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Chapter 13: Promiscuity
You'd think that people would have something else to think about. It was finals, after all, and then the sprawling decadence of summer. There were road trips to plan, exams to fail, blunts to smoke. Why everyone was suddenly curious about Roxas' little friend—"friend"—Roxas couldn't understand at all. It's not like he and Riku were hanging all over each other, holding hands and swapping spit all over campus. Sitting across from Riku in the dining commons, chewing slowly on a spear of chicken parmigiana, Roxas was acutely aware of the eyes staring holes into his back, making their way through his cells to get a better look at "that hot kid Roxas is fucking." He's not even that hot. Too pointy in the face, too pretty. There was a low whistle over Roxas' shoulder, and he turned instinctively, hurling his fork, chicken and all. It landed on the shirt of a very surprised looking, very meatheaded, senior. Lately he'd been plagued by spurts of intense, irrational anger; a sea of drab colors punctuated by sudden flares of red. He couldn't control himself at all.
"Try shutting the fuck up, maybe," Roxas said, shrugging, then picking up his tray. Riku, wearing Roxas' too small hoodie to cover up his track marks, ate another fry and followed. The dining commons were hushed, eyes following Roxas and Riku out the doors. Axel and Demyx were still at the table, Axel's eyes resolutely on his pathetic bowl of salad. Lately Axel was a study in aversion, looking away, turning his face. Outside, Riku slid Roxas' pack from his back pocket, pulling out two cigarettes and lighting them both deftly, handing one over. He'd been there just over five days now, shadowing Roxas everywhere he went short of the bathroom, and sometimes even then, sitting on the counter while Roxas pissed. If Roxas stopped paying attention hard enough, it was like Sora was just in the other room. Sora, in the other room sleeping. Sora, in the other room playing videogames. He'd already bombed one final.
Five days, and they'd already picked up habits, walking down to the beach after dinner and walking along the water until it was too cold or until one of them broke, sat in the sand, and made it a point to have some fucking balls about it and not cry. Forever separating themselves, just like they'd done in high school, with Sora, carving out a place that didn't belong, that defied understanding and shunned acceptance. Though Demyx was back in HPV with Axel, Riku wouldn't sleep in Zexion's bed. Pressed up against Roxas' back every night, the entire time Roxas thinking, Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. But Riku had Seroquel, and the boneless, dead feeling it gave Roxas was enough to slide through the days, offering brainless scribbles on essay questions about self-actualization and dog drool. It was just filler until he could see Sora. Filler until whatever happened, happened.
"You finish tomorrow?" Riku, head down, eyes on his shoes. Roxas liked the way his wrists showed in the moonlight. Some things never change.
"Yeah," Roxas nodded. "Romantic Poets final."
"…With that guy." Riku refused to call Axel by his proper name, instead gesturing vaguely and using words like "him" or "guy." Once he'd used, "your friend," with a slight lift of his eyebrows. Roxas' glare had dissuaded him from ever using the latter again.
"Axel, yeah." Axel had been distant since the almost kiss, a master tactician at planning routes that skewed off of Roxas' almost completely, sitting a couple seats down from him and Riku at meals, and doing the chin nod thing whenever he passed Roxas somewhere. At least that's how Roxas saw it in his head. More than likely they hadn't been about to kiss and Axel was merely giving him time to be with Riku, mourn the loss of Sora's sanity or something equally melodramatic. Roxas tossed his stub into the sand and raised his arms up, stretching. "I can't fucking wait to get out of here."
"Yeah." Riku's hand slid around his waist, touching the skin left bare by his shirt riding up, and dipped his face into Roxas' hair, dropping a kiss there. Easy, uncomplicated. Roxas felt razors sink into his bloodstream. There was a time when a touch like that meant nothing, a time when they could be as physical as they wanted, shoving, hugging, sometimes Roxas riding around on his back as Sora dragged them to see the crocodiles and the giraffes. Some things change. Roxas didn't miss the milder days, not exactly. He'd been younger then, irrevocably tied to Sora. Sora smiled and the sun shone. Roxas cried and the clouds came in. Some things change, and you can never control who you start to like. You just like them, automatically, involuntarily. Maybe he'd never really wanted Sora, but he'd definitely wanted Riku.
"What are we doing?" Riku's hands were on his ass, their hips pushed up against each other. Riku was looking down into his face, expressionless.
"Talking." It was strange to think that he had kissed those lips. Stranger still to have been inside that mouth. Knowing the heat, knowing the taste.
"Do you miss him?" Roxas swayed unintentionally, his body doing the work. They rocked side to side in the sand, turning minute circles.
"Yeah." Riku smelled faintly of grease, fries and some sandwich thing from the grill. Edible, he thought. Riku smells edible.
"We can't do this."
"Talk?" Riku's hands sliding up his back, dividing him into quadrants; a Cartesian graph of corresponding points. This touch meant more, this lead to kissing, this to bed, to sex. Riku's hand brushed his mouth, and he felt sick with want.
"I don't even—"
"I'm not going to fuck you," Riku said, pressing a kiss to his lips.
Roxas shook lightly. "That's… that's good to know."
"Don't you remember, Roxas? It's okay for us. It's different." Riku's tongue in his mouth, touching lightly at the back of his upper teeth. He was right, it was different. Their habits, separate. They didn't need approval, they didn't need what society said was right, what it said was wrong. "I miss Sora." A lick at his throat, his eyes closed against the night.
"I love you, Riku." If he shoved his face hard enough into Riku's chest, it almost felt like Axel.
"Love you, too, Rox." Riku's hands safe on his waist; pressure, applied physics.
--
It was déjà vu, sitting with his bluebook open, scrawling something illegible as Axel watched him, leaned back in his seat, knees up with his hands folded in his lap. It had taken Axel thirty minutes to finish the two hour final. With ten minutes to go, Roxas was on his third repetition of an idea, something about the dwarfing of man when faced with the enormity of nature. He felt like an idiot. Riku had undressed him in the night, touched his stomach with sad, shaking hands. If he stopped paying attention enough, it was like he was Sora. Riku and Sora, touching, sleeping, kissing. He hated himself enough in the morning to vomit, bringing up yellow bile in the toilet after his shower. It wasn't a question of right and wrong. It was shades of meaning, of acceptance and special knowledge. Sora would have encouraged it, maybe. There had to be solace from somewhere; why not each other? Why not familiar hands and familiar paths, fingers twined in the twilight as Roxas listened to their breathing. It was an imperfect replica of him and Sora, laying stuck together like twins, like atoms, but it would have to do.
When the call came for pencils down, books closed, Roxas scribbled furiously in the blank space, bending the tip of his pen with the force of his movements. Axel watched, indifferent. There had hardly been a "hey," when the redhead showed up one minute before the exam started. Roxas couldn't help but wonder if Axel, too, thought he was fucking Riku. Like a kid couldn't have a friend without fucking him. Like he was some huge slut, fucking anything with a hole. Maybe it was in the comfort they had with each other, easy with practice and years of proximity. People saw the familiarity and just assumed, but it didn't mean they were lovers; they were just closer than friends. It's just kissing. Roxas was convinced. Just kissing, just comfort. When a touch came on his shoulder, halfway out the door, he whirled around.
"What," Roxas snapped, all misdirected anger and unanswered questions. Why are you doing this to me? I didn't ask him to come, he just fucking came.
"Whoa," Axel said, taking a step back. "Easy, tiger. Just wanted to catch up with you."
"We eat lunch and dinner at the same table every day. What's been stopping you?" Roxas turned and walked out the door, Axel falling into step beside him. He felt impossibly angry, ready to burn down whole buildings, engulf whole cities.
"You've had your hands full, is all. Finals, your…" he paused, gesturing, "friends. I didn't want to bug you."
"His name is Riku—wouldn't kill you to say it—and not wanting to bug me never stopped you before," Roxas shot back, fumbling for his cigarettes. Fuck. Need a new pack.
"If you want me to back off, I'll back off." Axel's voice was quiet, maybe a little hurt. Roxas didn't give a fuck.
"Why don't you figure out what you want from me, and gimme a call when you get your shit straight." Hypocrite. Because you have your shit straight, right? You know exactly what you want, who you want it from. You have all the answers you need. You fucking hypocrite. The air felt still behind him, and when Roxas glanced over his shoulder, Axel was standing still, focused on a lighter in his hands. Roxas realized his cigarette was still unlit, pinned between his fingers. Fuck. "Listen," he said, walking back toward the redhead. "I'm… fucked up. I just need to get home and see him, and I'll be cool again."
"Yeah," Axel said, shrugging.
Watching him, trying to get Axel to look at his face, Roxas felt like screaming. Couldn't things work out? Just fucking once couldn't they work out? "Can I get a light?"
Axel flicked the lighter, cupping one side with a hand and holding it out for Roxas. Dragging the flame in, Roxas felt a thumb brush his cheek.
"Gotta quit one day." Eyes darting up quickly, Roxas caught the look of relief in Axel's eyes.
"Yeah, yeah," Roxas said, bumping his shoulder against the other boy.
"So," Axel said, continuing toward the dorms. "Riku."
"Yep." Please don't start. I don't want to hear it.
"He doing any better?" There was a question hidden just underneath, maybe a threat. "Don't you dare be fucking him. Don't you dare."
"I guess. We both miss Sora a lot." Lies wrapped up in the truth. They did miss Sora.
There was a pause, Axel taking his cigarette from between his lips and taking a hit. "…He keeping his hands to himself?"
Roxas choked a little. "You buy into that, too?"
"I know you liked him. It's a valid question, isn't it?"
Roxas scowled, ripping the cigarette from Axel's fingers. "He's my best friend's boyfriend. I'm not some slut." Like some people. Bastard.
Axel flinched a little. "Good. I want you for myself." A smile twitched over his lips, the redhead fighting to keep it down.
"That's not funny, jackass. I'm gunna tell Cloud you're hitting on me."
"Go for it." Pulling out his phone, clicking around, he flashed Roxas his inbox screen. Lots of messages from Cloud in all caps. "We're having a text war or some shit. He 'can't deal with my bullshit.' So fuck him."
"Oh?" Grabbing Axel's hand, Roxas brought the phone closer to his face. One of them read something like: GO FUCK YOURSE, before the screen obscured the rest. Others, all obscured, read: COCKSUCKE, LEAVE M, SHUT THE F, and LOOSE AS. Roxas felt his stomach plummet, twisting with nausea and what was almost… happiness. "You let him call you names like that?"
Axel shrugged. "I get what I need out of him, don't I? Let him call me what he wants. I don't give a fuck."
Clicking over to the outbox was a mistake. "Please don't do—," "Cloud I'm sor—," "Baby I wan—." Roxas let Axel's hand drop away.
"I would never say—" but Roxas stopped, biting his tongue. He had already called Axel names, hadn't he? Slut. Pedo. Bastard. I hate, I hate…
"Yeah." Axel shoved his hands in his pockets, looking up toward Roxas' window. "You wanna call that kid down here? Little V is doing this thing—"
"Not a good idea," Roxas said, cutting him off. "They'll eat him alive."
Riku materialized from around the corner, smoking a cigarette. "Who's eating who?"
"Where'd you get that?" Roxas plucked the cigarette out of his hand, tossed it to the ground.
"Took a couple before you left," Riku said, beaming. Roxas could almost feel Axel bristle.
"You fuck, no wonder I've been running out. You don't even smoke."
"Poles, maybe," Riku winked, sliding an arm around his shoulder. It was a pathetic marking of territory, one that Axel clearly didn't appreciate.
"I'd love to let you two have it out, but Vista is throwing this party that I'm going to go get shitfaced at. You coming?" Axel had already started walking away.
"That sounds fun." Riku's eyes were too bright, aggressive almost. Roxas wanted to choke him.
"Yeah, whatever." Dinner or drugs. Sanity or insanity. Choice, choices. At least the distraction was good enough to take Roxas' mind off his rapidly diminishing self. Babysitting Riku versus sitting in a corner, despondent. Smoking a bowl versus starting at an empty orange bottle of what used to be Lorazepam. It wasn't exactly a fair trade, standing under a scalding shower and picking out the veins in his arms, but it was enough. For now, it was enough.
--
The theme at Little Vista was some sort of tribal influence thing that made Roxas think of naked people holding flaming spears while dancing around a bonfire, strange drums reverberating around the tiny house, a shirtless Hayner walking around with bongos in one hand and a joint in the other. Predictably, Riku was having a serious session on the couch with Pence and, magically, a newly finished with finals Zexion, playing some sort of game that involved blowing out a bigger cloud of pot smoke. Roxas sipped his Kool-Aid spiked with what tasted like semen, vinegar, and scotch, sitting next to Kairi and her bag of mushrooms. He'd had to decline several times.
"I thought you didn't do that shit," Roxas called over the sporadic thump of drums.
"This is natural, Roxas. A gift from the gods." She was totally gone, her eyes focused somewhere over his right shoulder.
Axel had disappeared shortly after they'd arrived, people gushing over Riku's hair and asking Roxas what closet he'd had his little friend shoved in. It didn't matter how many times Roxas explained that Riku was just a friend from home, people continued to ask, and at increasing decibels as the alcohol flowed on, how long they'd been together. At one point Roxas saw Axel saunter over to Cloud, push the older blonde onto a couch, and straddle his hips… only to be shoved off without a second glance, Cloud pulling a raven-haired girl onto his lap and making nice with her neck. Roxas looked away, unwilling to see the look on Axel's face. It made him feel guilty, like no one should ever be allowed to watch something that personal. He never saw Axel as weak, even when he was getting fucked face down, that wasn't weakness. Watching him crumble under Cloud's indifference scared him. Axel wasn't allowed to be weak. That was the last time he'd seen him.
"Hey," Roxas said, seizing Hayner's wrist. Hayner smiled down at him, sticking the joint in his mouth. He'd made it a point to not take anything illegal into his body, but one little breath couldn't hurt, could it? Exhaling, Roxas asked, "You see Axel around?"
Hayner laughed obnoxiously, beating his bongos a little. "Went off to lick his wounds somewhere. My brother kicked his slut ass to the curb." As opposed to decking Hayner right there, Roxas handed the joint back and wordlessly and headed for the front door. "This new kid is much better than that asshole," Hayner called to his back. "Axel might know how to suck dick, but he's fucking crazy."
You don't know shit about crazy. Not a fucking thing. Nah, that's some other blonde bitch with butcher knife scars on his arms. "See ya," Roxas said, throwing a hand up and just barely restraining himself from flipping Hayner off. He debated dragging Riku out by his stupid hair, but he was in the middle of getting a lap dance from Naminé—fake lesbian bitch—and figured he could find his way back easily enough. Fuck this party. It was like someone was out to get him, some sinister force out to make his life a fucking nightmare.
He was considering drowning himself when he reached the beach, shivering in his hoodie, hands constantly tapping his empty back pocket. He'd been smoking too much lately, with or without supporting Riku's newly restarted habit. Chaining them one after the other after going hours without, staring off into a fog just beyond a wall or someone's moving mouth. Not at any point did he ask himself if this was the sort of depression he remembered. He never remembered. Every time was the first time, every short attention span or long mental meandering while he waited for class to start or sleep to start or the sun to rise, Riku's breath on the back of his neck. And where was Axel now? Out at Q's, looking to fuck away his sorrow? Already in someone not quite stranger's living room, sucking cock for an ounce of unreality, a sliver of distance from a turbulent emotional present? Drugs, sex, drinking—all of them distractions from everything, from nothing. Roxas was so sure the older boy had gone out, fallen back into his sick routine, that he gasped when he saw a flame of red at the shore, stripping his shirt off. Roxas couldn't get there fast enough.
"What are you doing? It's freezing." His arms went out, snatching Axel around the waist like he thought he was going to lose him in the tumbling surf. His body, usually an abnormally warm temperature, was icy. Roxas bent over quickly, grabbing at Axel's shirt. "Put this on, dumbass."
"I needed him, Roxas." His voice, low, angry, felt like being worked by a rogue wave, chest crushing against the bottom of the sea.
"You'll find someone else," Roxas said unhelpfully, shaking sand from the shirt and holding it out. "Lots of people can"—fuck you—"make you happy. He's just one douchebag guy."
"I needed him." Axel scratched at his arms, squatting to the ground and burying his face in his knees. Roxas didn't want him to elaborate. Didn't want to hear how good Cloud felt or how amazing the sex was. Roxas, who had only fucked his hand, didn't know how to fuck anyone. How to be fucked, maybe. How to suck dick, maybe. No wonder he wanted Cloud.
"There's other people."
"No," Axel insisted. "There's only…"
Roxas made a distressed noise and threw the shirt over Axel's head, pulling it down so it covered him, trapped his arms at his sides. He wrapped himself around Axel and squeezed. No. Not him. "Let's go inside. It's cold."
"I wanted to swim a little," Axel said, slumping against him slightly. It's almost like Roxas could feel Axel giving up against him, giving in.
"It's dangerous to swim at night. You could… get eaten."
Axel laughed; a short, mirthless sound. "Really?"
"Yeah. By a shark or a whale or lobsters. And I'd cry over your eaten corpse." He'd only had one hit, but maybe he was a little high. Lobsters?
"That's gross." Axel moved his arms, pulling them through the sleeves and turning in Roxas' arms, long limbs curling around Roxas' back. "Look at you. All worried."
"Fuck him," Roxas said, trying to pull Axel down. What are you doing? "You don't need him."
Axel stared down at him, resisting the pull, smiling almost. "Yeah. Yeah, I did." He was walking them away from the surf, Roxas tripping lightly as he was propelled backward. "He was a good distraction."
"From what?"
Axel dropped his arms, continued his way across the sand. "You."
Ugh. This again. "Me?"
"Yes, you. Your pretty little eyes."
"They aren't little." Roxas felt warmth spread through his body. This again and again and again. It was an exercise in futility, playing along with whatever random flirtations Axel had for him. It was just a game, wasn't it? The "love" game. Axel just liked to see him blush.
"Your little ass." Axel was smiling, faced turned away.
"Perv."
"Yeah, probably." He turned to hoist Roxas up some of the rocks obscuring the campus from the beach, and Roxas swore he felt intent in the way Axel's hands pushed at his body. "You know, that happened before?"
"Someone breaking up with you?" He needed a cigarette bad, something to occupy his mouth with. Settling for the drawstrings of his hoodie, Roxas shoved his hands in his front pocket.
"Well, that too. But I mean the shirt thing. My mom used to dress me before school."
"Uhh."
"Well, don't sound too disgusted or anything," Axel chuckled, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"It's not disgusting. Bizarre, maybe. How old were you?"
"Your age."
Roxas balked. "Nineteen?"
"Twelve."
"Tch, dickhead."
"I didn't want to go to school. I would threaten to drink bleach, throw myself down the stairs of the apartment we were staying at. Random, stupid shit."
"Why?" Even if Roxas thought hard about it, it was hard to see Axel doing any of that.
"Got teased a little. My hair, mostly, sometimes my body."
Roxas eyed him quickly, swallowed." You have a nice body."
"Thanks, baby." Axel dropped a wink over his shoulder, his long strides keeping him just out of reach from Roxas' retaliating swat. "I used to care then. I don't now. It toughens you up, y'know? Thick skin and shit. Now people can call me whatever the fuck they want. I stopped caring a long time ago."
Roxas studied his back appraisingly, noting the outward stab of shoulder blades. "Nah. You still care."
"You think?" Axel unlocked the door to HPV, holding it open for Roxas to walk through.
"You try to convince yourself that you don't, but you do. It makes you angrier, more of an asshole."
"You're just full of compliments tonight, aren't you?" he asked, tossing Roxas a bottle of water as the blonde sat on his bed. The sheets were still impeccable. Crisp, white, like he had some iron tucked away somewhere for pressing creases out. Axel pulled his phone out of his pocket, stared at it long and hard before clicking around. "There. Gone. Deleted his bitch ass out and cleared his texts."
Roxas looked mournfully at his water, taking a sip. "If I'm really that unhealthy for you, we can just… stop being friends. I'll just stay away from you." Because you really mean that, right? Pussy. You'd probably stalk him all over campus.
Axel walked over, kicked Roxas' legs apart and stood between them. "Hey. Look at me." Roxas raised his eyes wearily, feeling too warm and out of breath and so tired of this little game. "Don't you ever fucking say that to me."
"Okay," Roxas said, quiet, putting the bottle of water to his lips again. How was he going to last the summer without him?
"I mean it, Rox. Don't even think it." There was a moment of stillness so profound that Roxas swore his heartbeat filled the room. Then Axel sniffed, gave a whispered, "Fuck," and walked toward the door. "I'm a fucking mess. I'll be right back."
Roxas wasn't quick enough to catch his face, but it sounded like he was… crying? Angry? Swallowing the water quickly, Roxas kicked off his shoes and laid back on the bed, trying to imagine what it felt like to have Axel come in, strip, and pour over his body like liquid. It was definitely the wrong train of thought, his hands creeping around his pelvis. He jumped when Axel's phone went off, a buzz that rattled against the television sitting atop the mini-fridge. Sliding from the bed, Roxas picked up the phone. He'd never had the liberty of touching it without Axel handing it to him first, deleting nudes or whatever it was he clicked around doing before showing Roxas some ridiculous text or letting him call someone. The number, a new text, wasn't one he recognized. He waited a second, listening for approaching footsteps in the hallway, before opening the text: "come over." Considering Axel had just deleted Cloud out of his phone, it wasn't hard to guess who the text was from. In a moment of blind rage, Roxas hit reply and fired off a text:
leave me the fck alone u stupid motherfcker. ur dick is small and i could find better on a street corner. txt me again and i'll rip your hairy balls off.
The text was sent before Roxas had time to think. Who the fuck cares? He's just using him for ass, anyway. His hands shook as navigated around, deleting the evidence. He stared at the inbox, paranoid, waiting for a response, but none came. He clicked back to the main screen, about to set the phone down, when his heart stopped. …What? The wallpaper Axel had set was definitely familiar: all those months ago, when he'd formed the word "believe" out of pebbles while sitting at his favorite bench on the bluffs. Axel had walked up behind him, quiet because Roxas had been singing, spaced out with his eyes on the setting sun. He remembered turning around, catching Axel with his phone in his hand. Now that he thought about it, he'd never seen Axel's phone in any capacity at all other than the inside of his inbox. That's what he was doing. Fucking idiot, he wasn't deleting nudes; he was hiding his screen from you. It didn't make any sense at all. Why would Axel do that? What did he want from him?
The door opened before Roxas had an opportunity to drop the phone. Like a deer in headlights, he stared at the redhead as he walked in, hair damp around the sides of his face, cheeks colored with the flush of warm water. Axel's eyes fell on his phone in Roxas' hand before he raised his hands defensively.
"I can explain that—"
"You were hiding this from me," Roxas said, walking toward him. "You didn't want me to see it. Why?"
"I just… I didn't want to—" Axel said, hands still up like he thought Roxas would hit him. "I'm sorry. I'll take it off."
"Why are you apologizing?"
"I knew you wouldn't like it. I'm so sorry, I'll take it off right now."
"Axel." Roxas had already dropped the phone to the floor, his hands sliding up Axel's chest. His whole body was vibrating, a set pitch like the press of a piano.
"You don't like me that way, I get it. I know. I'm sorry. I fucked up." Axel's eyes were closed, shut furiously as his hands closed on Roxas' hips.
"Axel," Roxas whispered, choking on the sound of it. His throat was closing up, the world wavering around him. Is that what he thought? How could he possibly, possibly think that Roxas didn't want him, didn't crave his presence? His hands shook against Axel's chest, reaching up to rest on his shoulders.
"This is why I needed Cloud. Because I can't touch you. You'll hate me. I need to do it right with you." His voice broke, words warm on Roxas' face. "I need you, Roxas. I can't afford to fuck this up with you. Everything I touch… I fuck it all up. I love you. I'm in love with you."
Roxas tasted the words on his mouth before he felt Axel's lips, pressing, perfect, against him. Like breathing for the first time, air rushed into his lungs, weighting his eyelids, and he felt the passage of space around him, flying past as his back hit a wall, something crashing to the ground beside them. His fingers were tangling in Axel's hair, curling, twining, as the redhead's hands raced over his body, pushing clothes up and searching for skin. Roxas was moaning, louder than he was aware of, into Axel's mouth, hard against the torso his legs were wrapped around. So this is what it was like. Kissing Axel, coming home. This is what it was like. Axel's hands rubbed at the front of his jeans, whispering curses into his mouth, and Roxas gurgled, choking on the need, the want.
If Axel made the move, Roxas would have surrendered all, had already surrendered all, his kisses a series in waving white flags, hands up and falling to his knees. This is what is was like, Axel stroking his hair and pressing kisses into his skin while the world spun around them. When the rush died, after the searing flight of color and sound had finished crashing around them, Roxas relaxed his legs, aching now, and Axel lowered him to the floor.
"Wow," Axel said, smiling into the palm of his hand as he wiped traces of spit away from his mouth. Roxas felt unspeakably embarrassed, had to gasp a little to catch his breath. "I've wanted to do that since the first moment I saw you making out with Hayner back in September." Axel's thumb swirled circles at his throat. Roxas tried to laugh, but it came out in a hysterical giggle that he bit off the end of, diving into Axel's chest and squeezing his eyes shut. This is real. This happened.
"If you ignore me all summer, I'll be so mad," Roxas said, shaking a little. It was scary. This feeling, being completely at the mercy of someone else, was hard for him to accept.
"If someone knew how to respond to texts, I'm sure that wouldn't be an issue."
Roxas rolled his eyes, opened his mouth to object, and found it abruptly full of tongue. "Mmmphf." Axel laughed into him, and Roxas wondered if it was weird that the idea of swallowing his laughter, having some intangible piece of Axel inside him, got his dick hard.
--
Hauling the last postal cart full of shit to his car, sweating like he'd been running a marathon, Roxas couldn't say he was sad to finally get the fuck away from Kingdom. Zexion had turned up around ten in the morning, rambling about abdicating his throne and why the fuck were they still in bed when they had two hours to evacuate the premises. In what looked like a whirlwind of activity, Zexion had his portion of the room packed and spirited away before 11:15 a.m., wheeling up a vacuum and passing it off to Riku before pinky-swearing Roxas into rooming with him next year.
"I mean it, you goddamn gorgeous sonofabitch."
"Are you high?"
"No shit. I'm at Vista for most of the summer if you feel like visiting." Shooting a wink at Riku, Zexion added, "Bring along your friends if you decide to come to tea." Sliding on a bulging backpack, another wheely backpack full of books in hand, Zexion stalked through the door. "Do me a solid, Roxas, and find your smile over the summer. I cannot fathom your penchant for doom and gloom these days. Cheer up. The world is alive with the sound of music."
"The hills, you mean."
"Yes, those too. The sound of music and really legit herb. HAVE GOOD ONE!" He was halfway out the door, out of Roxas' reach, when he added a hasty, "Text me, Riku!"
"Is he always like that?" Riku asked, plugging the vacuum in.
"Yes," Roxas admitted, folding the last of his clothes and shoving them into his overflowing suitcase.
With his car packed, Riku off returning the postal cart to the student center, there was just one more stop before Roxas headed home for the next three months. Home, Sora, his mom. Three months. He took a deep breath before he hurled a pebble at Axel's window. After a moment, Axel pushed aside the curtains, looking confused. Spotting Roxas in the courtyard, he laughed, disappearing for a second before reappearing, phone pressed to his ear.
Roxas answered before the first ring was though. "Does this mean I'm Juliet?" Axel was beaming, leaned up against the window.
"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
"Consider me charmed. Having that lit kid as a roommate has clearly been in your favor." Axel winked down at him. "Getting you all cultured and quoting Shakespeare and shit. You wanna come up for a bit, or are you taking off?"
"Riku's already headed for the car."
"Let me put some pants on, and I'll be right down."
"Perv."
"Oh, you like it."
Roxas ended the call, cheeks aching from the smile smeared all over his face. How was this even happening? Nine months later, a veritable pregnancy of time, and it was happening, finally happening. It wasn't so much joy as it was an electric, soaring sensation radiating out from the center of his chest.
"Hey." Axel, wearing pants, stepped out of the door. Roxas felt himself opening, unfurling toward the other boy. It was the most natural thing in the world to reach up into Axel's inclining body, press their lips together. They were still kissing two minutes later, Roxas lost in the taste of his mouth. Demyx was whistling down at them from the window.
"We need to stop that," Axel said, petting his face.
Eyes closed and leaning in to the touch, Roxas asked, "What?"
"This being all over each other thing."
"Healthy curiosity," Roxas murmured, standing on tiptoe and pulling the other boy down again.
"Mmm," Axel said against his lips. "I'm curious about other things."
"Oh?" A hand sliding around the band of his pants, teasing the skin there.
"Very healthy curiosity. I have an unbearable need to acquire knowledge." Axel licked along his jaw and Roxas felt the world spin.
"I'll text you."
"I'll believe it when I see it." Axel seemed unwilling to let go, his arms tight around Roxas' body.
"I will," Roxas insisted. Unless I kill myself. Unless Sora isn't okay. Unless Riku gets in the way. So many complicating factors. It wasn't the right time, but he needed this. He needed the promise.
"You gunna wait for me, Rox?" Axel's voice was constricted, just barely ghosting words out into Roxas' temple.
"There's nothing to worry about." Liar.