A/N: Its official, Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is coming out in early 2011 and a real Mortal Kombat is in the works! So in celebration, I'm gonna throw in a couple of references in here. This is the chapter where Hazama fights Nigger Alhambra and Sluttycard fights Soviet Russian Tager. Enjoy.
"Hot damn, that was one hell of an entrance you made." Hazama muttered to Alucard, who grinned maniacally in response.
"That's the only kind of entrance worth making."
Hazama pondered this for a moment and then decided that he agreed. Two men in the crowd stepped forth, one a black man of around six feet in a white suit and fedora, the other an eight-foot tall man built like a rock in addition to seeming just as solid and unyielding.
"Yo, dat be some batshit crazy shit you just pulled off there, mo'fuckas, an' Ah respect dat. Da name's Tubalcain, but mah bros in da hood call me da Dandy Man. Random niggas like youz can call me Mr. T.A. Hambra, 'cos dat be mah street name." The smaller one in white introduced himself while applauding the display Alucard provided.
"Do you speak English?" Hazama asked.
Tubalcain scowled and retorted with; "Ah just spoke, perfect A-grade English an' if you don't undahstand what Ah'm speakin' den you best go learn yoself some proper English."
"Nope, still don't understand. Alucard, this guy make any sense to ya?" Hazama turned towards his partner, who shrugged. "She doesn't understand you either. Oh, and by the way," Hazama's somewhat friendly demeanor suddenly darkened. "ya better take that coat and hat off, or it's gonna be liable to earn ya a knife in the gut from yours truly."
"Now you da one not making no sense, dawg." Tubalcain looked genuinely confused as to why the green haired man who was dressed like him, only in black, had issued the threat.
"Because," Hazama's eyes flashed venom gold from under the brim of his hat. "You are jacking my fucking style." He spat, all traces of his smile gone.
"Oh yeah? No random chink gon' tell me ta do jack shit, mo'fucka. You gon' have ta make me." He spat back, accepting Hazama's challenge.
Hazama said no more and launched Ouroboros at him. The snake-head-on-a-chain shot out of the fourth dimensional portal that its master opened and made for Tubalcain, who nimbly dodged it. The chain continued into the crowd however, and its jaws clamped down on one of the police officers' arm, snapping it in two and causing him to scream in agony.
Hazama did not so much as turn and look at him, using his chain to pull himself closer to the poser, who pulled out a deck of poker cards and fanned them out in his hand.
"What, you gonna kill me by taking all of my money in Blackjack?"
Tubalcain answered by throwing the cards at him. Hazama brought up his shield Armagus just in time to avoid getting hit by the cards thrown his way, but the ones not stopped by the shield went into the crowd, destroying police cars and dismembering numerous members of the public. Screams of panic and pain erupted around them, which the two men ignored.
"So you got some tricks up your sleeve." Hazama muttered, still glaring daggers at the vampire who was obviously copying the way he dressed.
"It seems our comrades are getting along quite well, does it not?" The big Russian asked in a deep and rumbling voice not unlike an animalistic growl.
"Indeed it does. Shall we get down to business as well?" Alucard replied while raising the Jackal and Cassull. Tager started to laugh heartily at the display while Alucard raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"HAHAHA! Did you think those puny things can do you any good? Those excuses you call guns can deal only weak American damage," he drew out 'American' as if mocking the Americans. "while these, they deal real SOVIET damage!" He roared with no small amount of pride as he brandished his twin chainguns.
"Wait, I thought you were carrying around only one of those. It was mentioned in the last chapter." Alucard pointed out while scratching her head with the barrel of the Cassull.
"Well, the author had a change of mind when it came to Sarah and Britney here," Tager drawled in his Russian accent, referring to his chainguns. "and you know what they say, there is no such thing as enough firepower!"
Alucard thought about this, then nodded in agreement. "Shall we?"
Tager grinned and opened fire, one chain gun in each hand. The high caliber bullets ripped through the air and tore Alucard as well as the front entrance of the hotel to shreds.
"Was that it? From all of that talk I would have expected you to at least take a shot with those weak American guns, or were you too awed by the sheer might of the Soviets?" The big Russian gloated as the dust settled.
Shadows moved, slithered and slid around within the cloud and converged to form a vaguely humanoid shape which seemed to be carrying twin handguns. "Don't get your undergarments in a twist, the fun hasn't even started yet!" With that, a volley of bullets shot forth from the dust cloud, revealing Alucard unscathed and with her trademark bat fuck insane grin.
The Russian stood his ground as most of the bullets impacted on his body, blowing large holes in his ridiculous musculature and nearly severing one of his arms.
"How's that for weak American damage?" Alucard asked mockingly.
"It seems I have underestimated the power of your guns, but this is nothing compared to the power of the Soviet Union!" Tager proclaimed as the wounds started to close up.
"Hmph, it seems you can put up a decent fight. Very well, entertain me." With that, Alucard and Tager opened fire.
"Get back here, copycat! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna tear you into tiny little strips of meat!" Hazama was dashing around, trying to cut Tubalcain up with his knives, but he was not having any luck.
"Aw, can't seem to hit Big Daddy here with them puny little things?" Tubalcain taunted. Hazama slashed again, but this time it was a feint which Tubalcain fell for. Tubalcain dodged left to avoid the knife only to have his solar plexus be introduced to Hazama's knee, winding him.
Hazama took this opportunity to cut off Tubalcain's throwing arm, making Tubalcain yelp out in surprise and pain, but it was only for dramatic effect as he smirked and dissolved into playing cards along with his disembodied arm. The flock of cards flew up to the side of the Hotel Rio where they converged to form Tubalcain, with his arm attached. He beckoned Hazama with a finger, making Hazama scowl even deeper.
While Hazama chased Tubalcain up the building, Alucard and Tager were still busy trying to hit each other with bullets. Tager did not bother trying to dodge the bullets, probably because he was so big and trying to dodge would not do him much good anyway. Instead he soaked up Alucard's custom made silver and explosive bullets like a giant bullet sponge and continued spraying with Sarah and Britney, his beloved twin chainguns.
Alucard was zipping around the courtyard in front of the Hotel, dodging all the bullets fired by the Russian. The bullets ripped through flesh and metal, bone and glass. Body parts flew everywhere and vehicles exploded and injured the people not hit by the bullets.
Alucard had put both guns away, as they were clearly not doing any good to stop the pro-Communist behemoth. He dashed in, hoping to use his vampiric strength to tear him limb from limb.
Tager had other ideas. He saw Alucard coming and slung Sarah on his back. Just when Alucard was in grabbing distance, his hand shot out faster than one could expect something of his size to and grabbed Alucard, who was taken by surprise.
He then jumped up about seven stories, holding on tight to Alucard so she could not escape. As he landed, he brutally smashed Alucard on his knee. The sound of her spine snapping echoed loudly, even being able to be heard over the cacophony of screams of agony and fear emanating from the crowd.
Tager dropped Alucard's body and pulled out Sarah, happy to have the handle back in his hand and his finger comfortable on the trigger. Alucard started to laugh his crazy laugh.
"HAHAHAHAHA! YES! I can see that you are not some third rate vampire like the trash I have been forced to deal with the past few months! I think I can actually get a workout from fighting you!"
More cracking resounded from Alucard's back as her spine knit itself back together and she stood up straight. She then held up both hands, her index and middle fingers forming a right angle to her thumb, forming a window of sorts with her hands.
"Releasing Control Art Restriction Systems three...two...one, approval of Situation A recognized. Commencing the Cromwell invocation. Ability restrictions lifted for limited use until the enemy has been rendered silent."
On the roof, Tubalcain and Hazama were at it again. Hazama was chasing Tubalcain around and trying to carve him up with his knives while Tubalcain was running and dodging while throwing cards at Hazama, who either blocked or dodged them. In other words, they were not getting anywhere.
Finally, Tubalcain scored a hit, the card slicing Hazama's leg off. "Fuck! Those pants cost me a bomb!"
"Haha! Denied!" Said the nigga.
Tubalcain smirked at his little victory, his mind not registering the fact that Hazama was in fact not bleeding and his severed leg was slowly turning into a black-green gas that was wafting over to the stump.
"Wassa matta, dawg? Tripped up on some shit?" He taunted., earning him the snake eyes from Hazama. "Whoa, dawg, chill out. Well since Ah won dis fight, Ah think Ah'm entitled to a little spoil of war, eh?"
Tubalcain reached out and grabbed Hazama's hat. Tubalcain is officially fucked.
Hazama snapped. First rule when dealing with Hazama; never, under any circumstances do you even think about touching his hat. Another reason why you should never touch his hat is because his Stand(Google Jojo's Bizarre Adventure) lives inside it. Don't believe me? Notice that whenever Hazama summons the BFS(Big Fucking Snake) his hat comes off. Back to the story.
Dark green energy surrounded Hazama, taking the shape of three snakes, their eyes glowing a bright green. They coiled around Hazama and hissed maliciously at Tubalcain, who just got the feeling that maybe taking off the guy's hat had not been the brightest idea he ever had.
"Uh, bro, forget da whole 'spoils 'a war thing'. We're bros right? Come on, man, Ah can hook you up!" Tubalcain did not know why he was getting so nervous, but he had a gut feeling that talking smart would not be in his own best interests.
"Here, Ah'll put it back on for ya. There, looks good on ya, bro." He placed the hat back on Hazama's head, after which the snakes lunged at him. He jumped backwards and was about to say something smart when Hazama lunged at him with his knives again, this time with the ethereal snakes backing him up.
Tubalcain was having a harder time dodging Hazama's attacks now because the snakes were adding reach to his slashes as well attacking him on their own. It was not long before Tubalcain slipped up. Hazama's knife grazed his chest, tearing his coat but the snake wrapped around his arm had tore off his left arm with a large bite.
Instead of dissolving into cards again, he bled for real this time much to the distress of Tubalcain. Another snake lashed out, its jaws crushing his leg this time.
Tubalcain wanted to scream in pain, but was winded when Hazama kneed him in the gut. Tubalcain feel to his knees, fighting to get air into his lungs. It was then a disembodied voice boomed out from nowhere; "Finish him!"
"No need to tell me twice." Hazama muttered before the three snakes reared up behind him and hissed loudly. "Sic'em, boys."
With that, the snakes lunged and each fought for the biggest piece of Tubalcain, effectively tearing him to little bits and pieces and splattering blood, gore and assorted organs all over the roof of the building, turning the pristine white ceramic tiles a bright crimson. The booming voice called out again. "Fay-tality!"
One of the snakes spat out Tubalcain's head with his neck and chest still attached, his eyes wide and mouth open in an eternal 'O' depicting his shock and agony. Hazama stared at it for a bit before it burst into blue flames, burning away any trace of the man's existence. Hazama shrugged and wondered what was going to happen next.
The Soviet Russian was staring at Alucard in awe, his eyes not blinking and his mouth agape.
"What's wrong, big man? Too scared to say anything? Come on, raise your guns and fire away! Snap my back in two again! The night is still young and there is much blood to be shed! Come!"
It was then blood started to trickle from Tager's nose. At first Alucard was confused, then he remembered why Japanese manga characters would typically get nose bleeds. "Aw, fuck me…"
Alucard looked down, only to see the sizable chest that was part of his punishment being clad in the leather straitjacket that signified the release of power down to Level One. The clothing was skin-tight, so it hugged Alucard's hourglass figure and showed off all of the curves.
Alucard face palmed. "I hate this punishment. I hate it so much."
Tager had finally snapped out of his stupor, raising his guns and opened fire, sending thousands of 12.5 millimeter pieces of hot lead at Alucard who upon being hit dispersed into shadows.
The shadows slithered over to Tager where they shifted into a horde of centipedes which the Russian vampire proceeded to curb stomp, his boot producing a loud and sickening crunch every time it came down.
The dead centipedes melted back into shadows from which burst Baskerville, its six eyes burning like hellfire and its maw wide open, its huge teeth dripping with saliva.
Tager slung his chainguns and used his hands to stop Baskerville's jaws from clamping down on him. The monstrous dog snarled and tried to bite down with more force, but the large vampire was able to keep it from snapping its jaws down on him, but with no small amount of difficulty.
Tager then felt cold steel touch his left temple.
"I'm sorry, but I don't really feel like carrying on this battle because of this ridiculous form I am forced to take. Well, it was fun while it lasted. Now allow me to carry out my mission."
The Jackal fired, the explosive round blowing vampire brains all over the ruined courtyard. Alucard then snapped Tager's head back and bit down on his jugular, draining his blood, his memories, his personality, everything that made Heavy Tager himself.
The corpse of the Russian Vampire ignited, the azure flame spreading from him to Alucard, engulfing them both. The fire lasted until every last piece of Tager was turned to ash.
Alucard, back in the female Hellsing uniform, started to clap and laugh maniacally. "So that's what it is, then? Come Major! Show me a great War!"
Meanwhile, Pip was dressed in the same uniform as the military police that attacked the hotel room and was stalking around the police tents that housed the corrupt official that sent the above mentioned officers to their death at the hands of the Hellsing operatives.
None of the people present questioned Pip because of the ruckus Alucard and Hazama were kicking up at the Hotel Rio, something he was grateful for it meant that he could carry out his mission that much more easily.
He walked into the corrupt official's tent as if nothing was wrong. The official was panicking, yelling into numerous phones. Maybe he was trying to cover up or explain to his superiors what was going on at the Hotel, but that was not any of his business.
He walked over to a table and slipped a block of C4 plastic explosive onto it, no one noticing. He walked back out of the tent, removed his mask and lit a cigarette for dramatic effect before pulling out the detonator and pressing the button.
The tent behind him exploded, propelling pieces of burning wood and metal in random directions. Everyone's head turned to the source of the explosion and there were shouts of panic and orders being issued.
Pip smiled to himself. "Well, I guess it ees time to steal a helicopter."
Alucard joined Hazama on the rooftop, the latter of whom seemed to have calmed down after brutally mutilating Tubalcain. "So what's the deal with these Millennium bastards?"
"Patience, recruit. I expect that we will have to report this to Master anyway, so wait until then."
"Whatever floats your boat." Hazama said dismissively with a shrug. Seras suddenly kicked down the door to the staircase leading down from the roof. She seemed rather exhausted, her upper body slumping forward and she was panting rather profusely.
"Ah, so there you are, Police Girl. What kept you?"
"Try climbing up –pant- seven flights of –pant- stairs while carrying –pant- two really large –pant- and heavy coffins, a bag full –pant- of depleted uranium –pant- bullets and a big –pant- fucking gun!" Seras gasped out in between pants.
"Try drinking some blood before the mission next time. You will find your physical strength greatly improved." Alucard suggested.
"I –pant- am not going to –pant- drink blood!" Seras retorted.
Alucard was about to repeat the lecture about how Seras was now a vampire and how vampires cannot live off human food and must consume blood when a news helicopter flew up and hovered next to them.
"Land zere, next to zee man with see hat and zee two hot women!" Pip threatened the pilot of the aircraft with a gun aimed at his temple, who complied.
"Well hurry up, Police Girl. Those coffins aren't going to load themselves onto the helicopter you know."
"Yes, master." Seras whimpered.
A/N: That's it for this chapter, the next one will feature a cameo from a character in the upcoming Marvel versus Capcom game and a Matrix reference. Please leave a review so I know what you guys are thinking and what I can do to make this fic better.