First of all I want to say a big thank you to all the wonderful people who wished me good luck for the major exam I had to do and thank you to everyone for being so patient and waiting for the next chapter.
Just to let you all know the exam itself was a disaster and not because I couldn't do it but because the examining board sent out the wrong paper. As a result they were trying to grade us on an old syllabus (which included things we haven't studied yet) and had no chance of passing. I have since then being trying to find out when a new paper will be issued so that we can try again. It's also a reason why I haven't updated sooner than I wanted too.
Anyway enough explaining and on with the story. Enjoy :o)
Revelations
Zack stared down at the pieces of paper spread out before him on the table, his eyes travelling over each page once more checking to make sure he hadn't missed something. It had been easy to work out the order in which they had been written, the obvious frustration which the author had been experiencing making it clear to see. The first attempt had shaky handwriting and several lines across the page, the choice of words evidently not expressing what was intended. From there on it had been easy to follow the progression, the pages becoming more disjointed and messy, the scribbling out more harsh and forceful as the frustration and hurt became visibly apparent. There were even damp patches on one sheet, the pencil smudged beyond legibility and showing that at this point Cloud had cried his pain onto the paper. That letter had hurt the most when he opened it up, the attempt being somewhere in the middle and yet clearly the one which had broken the cadet the most.
The soldier slumped wearily against the back of the chair and took in the jumbled writing, his eyes taking in how each letter began and ended in a different way. It was only by comparing them laid out in this way that his mind was able to find the connections, the similar words or phrases which had been used to explain the same feelings. 'I'm sorry' appeared on every sheet of paper, with the lead up or conclusion of the apology never quite the same but still it were always there. 'Forever by your side' was also another statement which tore at his soul, again the heartfelt endearment being mixed within another series of scribbled out confessions. Violet eyes studied the crinkled pages and disjointed writing, the mind behind those eyes picking up on every detail which was offered to them.
As second later and Zack grabbed the abandoned pad from the table, the pencil in his hand moving effortlessly upon a fresh sheet of paper as he transcribed the words of several pages into one. He was careful to only choose the phrases which appeared on most of the attempts, the parts around them being ignored so that what he was left with appeared as a series of bullet points. Zack knew that it made Cloud's letters seem cold and impersonal this way, but considering the cadet hadn't actually been able to write what he wanted to say then perhaps this would show the intention more clearly.
It took him a good twenty minutes to go through each letter and match up the recurring phrases, his own paper now a mess of notes and scribbled out words. Slowly he tore the top page away and moved it to one side, his hand shaking slightly as he copied down the main points of Cloud's letters onto the new sheet of paper. Of all the attempts there were several clear points which came across, the wording almost always identical amongst the confusing passages and scribbled out corrections. The first two he had seen straight away, the 'I'm sorry' and 'forever by your side' having hit him square in the face as soon as he had begun reading them. But now he saw the other short sentences which were repeated throughout each effort, the words filling him with a sense of both joy and sadness.
'Forgive me' appeared the most often throughout each attempt, the plea being repeated over a dozen times on the damp smudged page alone. 'Lost without you'was also on every sheet of paper, the endearment sometimes starting the letter or expressed soon after he had begun but again it was always there. The words 'Thank you' appeared quite often as well, the reasons for them varying from help with training to just being there when he had needed someone. And then there were the last two phrases which cut to the core, the words causing his heart to start beating a little faster within his chest. 'Never forget you' and 'Always in my heart' being written at the end of each letter, the clarity of the words appearing as if they were a mantra which had repeated within Cloud's mind throughout the whole ordeal.
"Oh Spiky." Zack breathed softly, his fingers trembling as they slowly traced the last words on the page. "You're always in my heart too."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
For Cloud the day was passing much slower and more painfully, at least in the physical sense, his body now aching in ways which he had never thought possible. Not only was there a stabbing pain which had begun to travel up his spine at random times but also a constant burning sensation in his legs, the knees bent in the same position for so long that blood flow along the limbs had been reduced for hours. As a result the muscles and tendons were slowly knotting, the cramping twinges and periodic spasm being more than uncomfortable now and letting the blonde know he would be more than sore later. In the back of his mind Cloud scolded himself for being so weak, for allowing a day's worth of intensive cleaning to start breaking him where months of training and bullying had not. He now understood why the commander had suggested this punishment in the first place, the task itself not being life threatening but excruciating enough to fulfil their requirements.
There was no doubt in the cadet's mind that he had done the right thing in agreeing to it, that when people heard about what he had been made to do they would not question Zack or Angeal's loyalty to Sephiroth. But inside Cloud was also beginning to feel the strain of what he was doing, the demeaning work actually starting to affect his thoughts as it combined with the tiredness from a night of troubled sleep. The cadet closed his eyes as once again his head began to fill with negative thoughts, the silent onslaught draining him a little more as he forced himself to remember that this was what he had asked for. Pushing past the pain in his weary limbs Cloud lent forward to begin cleaning a new area, his abused arms protesting the action as they were forced to take more of his weight for a moment.
Unable to ignore the discomfort anymore the cadet looked down and took in the sight of the limbs in question, his tired eyes moving down to his hands where they saw the self-inflicted damage from hours of cleaning. No longer were developing calluses on his palms the only thing to worry about, the blonde's fingers now wrinkled and rubbed raw from being wet for so long, the normally pale skin currently bright pink in colour and drawn tight over the back of his hands. At some stage Cloud's knuckles had actually been mistreated to the point where they had begun to crack and bleed, a few fingernails also stained red where they had been chipped or broken as he worked. It was these wounds which now caused him the most pain, the cleaning solution he was using burning like an acid on the tender skin each time he dipped his hands into it. Once again the cadet's eyes screwed up tightly as he was forced to rinse the brush in the toxic liquid, a small hiss escaping his mouth before being silenced by his own lips slamming shut.
As expected the brief display of discomfort had not been missed by the mako enhanced soldier watching him, the older teen now shifting his position so that he could look at the cadet better. Cloud instantly noticed the movement and felt his breath catching in his throat, his ever observant blue eyes automatically flicking up to look for the normal signs of an imminent attack. What the blonde saw however was completely unexpected, the soldier now looking directly at him with an expression which appeared concerned and not angry as he had feared it would be. The surprising discovery left Cloud momentarily stunned as his mind raced over what he was seeing, the soldier's initial annoyance of being made to watch over him now apparently gone and replaced by something softer and more caring.
"Hey kid, you ok?" A hesitant but warm voice asked.
"Huh?" Was all the cadet managed to say in response, his eyes blinking several times in disbelief at what was happening.
"Are you ok?" The soldier repeated gently, his body now turning to face the blonde properly.
"I think so." Cloud mumbled uncertainly.
"Maybe you should take a break." The appointed guard suggested, his kind tone only confusing the cadet even more.
"No, it's ok I ... I took a break at lunchtime." The blonde replied nervously.
"Lunch was three hours ago and you haven't stopped since." The older teen informed him, the voice starting to take on that I'm about to make it an order tone.
"I'm alright." Cloud insisted as submissively as he could, his eyes now focused firmly down at the ground. "Please don't make me stop, I don't want to get into more trouble."
For a moment the soldier didn't speak and the cadet remained looking at the floor, his heart now racing as he silently prayed that the older teen would let it go. A deep heavy sigh was suddenly heard coming from where the appointed guard stood, his whole body shifting as he clearly reached a decision which he didn't like.
"Ok, I won't if it worries you that much but ..."
Here the man paused and Cloud could literally feel his heart stop, the breath he had been drawing in now stuck somewhere in this throat as he waited for the soldier to speak again.
"I know why you're here, I mean we all know what you did ... to the general and well ..."
The cadet's chest was suddenly no longer strong enough to contain his heart, the organ now not only remembering how to beat but pounding so fast and so hard it was almost painful.
"Look I'm not saying the guys and I approve but, well hell kid it's actually impressive in its own way."
The small sound which escaped Cloud's lips was more than noticeable this time, the tiny gasping breath being accompanied by saucer sized blue eyes which suddenly shot up to meet the soldier's serious expression. For a brief moment the blonde could only stare speechlessly as the words sunk in, his body slipping into some form of mild shock as the older teen continued to look at him with more than just concern now.
"Breath kid, it helps." The soldier joked, his amused smile trying to add humour while still looking uneasy.
"Impressive?" Cloud squeaked, his voice choking off again almost instantly.
"Yea, sure, I mean ..."
Once again the soldier's words hesitated as he tried to decide on which ones would be the best to use, his expression becoming thoughtful as the blonde's became even more confused.
"Ok, don't take this the wrong way but you're just a cadet, right?"
Cloud could only nod in silent agreement to the statement, it was after all true and not something he could argue even if he had been able to.
"Well, for you to be able to hit the general that's ... well that's something pretty surprising."
"But I didn't mean too." The cadet replied cautiously, the unexpected comments leaving him stunned and disorientated.
"Hell kid everyone knows that." The soldier barked out, his words intermingled with a short burst of laughter.
"But I ... I thought ..." Cloud stammered, his words becoming fainter as he stared at the appointed guard in disbelief.
"You thought what?" The older teen enquired curiously, his attention completely focused on Cloud now.
"It was disrespectful, what I did to him." The cadet managed to say, his voice dropping to almost a whisper in the already quiet room. "You should all hate me for it."
This time it was the soldier who allowed a small gasp to escape his lips, the larger more well developed frame instantly standing tall above Cloud's bent smaller frame.
"Everyone makes mistakes kid." The stern voice came back, the new tone making the blonde look up nervously as it demanded his attention. "It's true that not everyone is happy about what you did, but I think that when they find out what you got assigned because of it they might feel different."
"They ... will?" Cloud asked, his heart suddenly skipping a beat in what he quickly recognised as hope.
"Sure, at least I'm pretty sure."
The hesitation in his reassurance was not something the cadet wanted to hear, the words of comfort suddenly seeming a little colder as they faltered due to uncertainty.
"The truth is a lot of the guys are pretty protective of the general, so when you hurt him you in turn hurt them. Do you get what I mean?"
Once again Cloud could only nod in silence and wait for the soldier to continue his explanation, the thoughtful look on the older teen's face clearly showing there to be more to it.
"The stupid thing is if you had been a soldier in a sparring match with Sephiroth and managed to do that, then most of the guys would probably have given you a slap on the back for it."
To this statement the cadet had no words at all, his jaw simply dropping open in disbelief at how a simple thing as rank and situation could make such a difference. The soldier however didn't need a verbal reply to understand what Cloud was thinking, the stunned expression clearly revealing the unspoken thoughts in his head.
"Yea I know." He said, a hint of embarrassment in his voice before he chuckled nervously. "Sometimes these things don't make sense to me either."
"So they're more annoyed at me because of ... of who I am, not what I did?" Cloud asked cautiously, his sky blue eyes now begging for clarification and understanding.
"Afraid it's a bit of both." The soldier answered honestly with an apologetic shrug. "But the fact you got this punishment will help smooth some of that out, at least within the soldier ranks."
"But not the cadets?" The blonde guessed, his controlled tone slipping to reveal the fear which had been safely hidden away.
"Probably not." Was the confirmation he had been expecting, the voice which spoke it now sounding sympathetic. "Soldier's are more experienced in matters like this, they've either seen it before or experienced it themselves over the years. They'll also follow the general and commander's lead on the issue and accept that it has now been dealt with accordingly. Some might still hold a personal grudge, but they won't act on it because Sephiroth's honour has been protected."
At this point in the conversation Cloud bowed his head towards the ground again, his blonde hair falling forward like a curtain to hide the faint smile which had begun to form on his face. The cadet knew that it was not the soldier's words which had caused the feeling of relief to suddenly appear within him but more the unspoken ones, the silent confirmation that had he not been punished then it would be a completely different matter.
"As far as the subject goes with the cadets, I can't really say. "The soldier continued, his own thoughts making him oblivious to the blonde's ones. "I mean, from what I heard you were already fighting with them when Sephiroth stepped in so I'm guessing there are already issues between you guys."
"You could say that." Cloud mumbled, his head staying low even though the small smile was now gone again.
"Look, I know it's not much but if you need someone to talk too." The older teen offered casually, his expression brightening when a slightly flushed face suddenly looked up towards him.
"Thank ... thank you." The cadet breathed, his heart now racing at the unexpected turn of events.
"No worries kid." The older teen answered with a brighter smile. "Can't promise I'll always be around all the time, duties and patrols and stuff, but if you do want to chat just ask for Kunsel and the guys will find me."
"Kunsel?" Cloud repeated softly, the name coming out more like a question as his mind struggled to place why it sounded familiar.
"Yea, why?" The soldier replied, his tone becoming cautious as he took in the cadet's deep thoughtful look.
"I ... I know that name, I've heard it before." Cloud replied softly, his attention still mainly focused on sorting through the memories to a time or place when it would fit.
"You might have overheard someone talking about me, maybe another soldier." Kunsel suggested, his own curiosity rising as he found himself wanting to know who was talking about him.
"I don't exactly hang out around the other soldiers." The cadet replied, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks as he thought about the one he did spend a lot of time with. "There is one soldier though, my ... mentor." He corrected quickly at the last minute.
"Hey that's great, you must be good if you've got a mentor already." The soldier responded cheerfully, his smile growing a little more as he continued to talk. "I've got a friend who's taken up that role with a cadet, got to feel sorry for the kid though with someone like Zack trying to teach them. I'm not saying he isn't good at what he does but the guy would drive me nuts if he was ..."
Here Kunsel's words died off as he took in the shocked expression on Cloud's face, the slight pink hue to the blonde's cheeks completely gone and now replaced with a paler complexion again.
"You ok?" He asked, his brow furrowing at the sudden change in the cadet's appearance.
"Zack he's ... he's my mentor." Cloud stammered, his eyes a little wider than before.
"But your name's Cloud?" The soldier replied in a questioning tone, his mind quickly racing to check the facts he had. "Zack's pupil's name is Spiky."
The sudden scowl which appeared on the cadet's face instantly let Kunsel know that they were one and the same person, the blonde's obvious dislike for the name very apparent in the blue eyes which had now darkened slightly.
"Agh, I see." The soldier noted carefully, his mind quickly putting two and two together. "He gave you that nickname didn't he?"
"Yes." Was the softly growled reply, and Kunsel couldn't help but smile.
"Sorry." The soldier apologised, while trying to stifle the laugh which bubbled within him. "Knowing Zack I should have guessed it wasn't your real name."
"It's ok." Cloud grumbled after a minute, a heavy sigh escaping before he spoke again. "I know he doesn't mean any harm by it, it's just ... annoying."
"I got that." Kunsel noted with a soft chuckle, his smile growing now that he had finally met the cadet he had heard so much about. "Still I should have been able to work it out sooner. I mean sure I was assigned to Junon for a couple of months before actually getting a chance to meet you, but seriously you were all he talked about when we spoke."
The change in the blonde was almost instantaneous, the frustrated look and irritated expression falling apart to reveal a whole series of other emotions.
"He ... he talked about me?" Cloud asked uncertainly, his voice revealing both happiness and caution about this fact.
"Are you kidding, the guy wouldn't stop going on about you all the time. He says you're a natural with the sword and have great instincts, keeps going on about how he's gonna train you to be the best soldier ever." The older teen continued happily, his words being absorbed like a sponge by the blonde who was now sitting looking a little dazed by it all.
"He's exaggerating." The cadet eventually whispered softly in response, as if afraid to argue Kunsel's words. "I'm not that good."
"Trust me kid, I mean Cloud. Zack may act like a kid himself sometimes but he knows what he's talking about. Beside's from what rumours I heard about the incident, and the fact you're here doing this today, most of what he said must be true."
A blonde eyebrow rose questioningly and this time the soldier couldn't keep the amusement inside, a joyful laughter echoing in the room as he let it out for the world to hear.
"Think about it Cloud." Kunsel sighed, his whole body leaning back against the nearest locker in a completely relaxed pose. "How many other cadets do you know could have done what you did yesterday?"
"And lived you mean?" The blonde asked, his serious tone making the soldier snort in amusement before quickly swallowing the chuckle which tried to escape with it.
"Yea sure, and lived." Kunsel agreed, the grin he wore causing his face to almost split in two.
"I guess." Cloud accepted after a minute of silence, his thoughtful expression looking away to the far wall as he sighed heavily. "I just didn't think about it like that."
"Got caught up on the whole fearing for your life part, right?" The soldier guessed gently.
The slight twitch his saw in the cadet's reflexes was answer enough to his question, the tiny action not being much but still sufficient to let him know that had been correct. It was also now as he observed Cloud's hunched over form closer that Kunsel noticed the tension throughout the smaller frame, the obvious abuse to the cadet's hands clearly not the only discomfort he was feeling. Quickly the soldier noted the stiffness which had begun to form throughout Cloud's bent posture, his enhanced eyes now noticing the small muscle spasms beneath the cadet's uniform as certain positions were protested by the blonde's body. There was no doubt that Cloud was suffering as a result of the punishment, yet other than the small hiss earlier he had not once made any sign of showing it.
"Look try not to worry about." Kunsel offered to try and ease the blonde's worries. "This punishment is one of the worst and anyone who's done it before will know that, hell, some of the guys may even be sympathetic if they see you looking the way you do right now. No offense."
"None taken." The cadet replied softly, a faint curve of his lips showing that he had accepted the comment without insult.
"Like I said before as far as the soldier's are concerned the situation has been dealt with, so you shouldn't have to worry about any problems from them over it. But if the cadets do give you a hard time then you've got Zack and myself to give you a hand, if you want us to that is?"
"Thank you." The blonde replied, his smile growing a little bit more.
Just then the sound of approaching footsteps drew both Kunsel and Cloud away from their conversation, the large group of men entering the locker room interrupting anything more which might have been said between them. To the blonde's surprise none of the soldier's glared at him with harmful intent or bitterness, their expressions appearing happy and content to see him scrubbing away as they walked past. It was not something which Cloud had anticipated at all, his whole body now tense and alert for danger, their very calm and relaxed presence in fact putting him more on edge than if they had just simply attacked. Whether the soldier's noticed his reaction or not they said nothing, the casual chatter amongst them continuing as their sweat soaked bodies walked towards the showers on the other side of the room. It took a small dry and deliberate cough from Kunsel to draw the cadet's attention away from the small group again, the blonde's mind still lost as it tried to work through the baffling experience and make sense of it.
"Told you." Was all the soldier mouthed, his smile almost reaching from ear to ear.
Cloud knew that Kunsel had not spoken the words on purpose, that the soldier's in the other room would be able to hear them easily due to their own mako enhancements. Taking it as a sign that their discussion was now officially over the cadet nodded politely in thanks and returned to his task, his head moving back round to look down at the ground in front of him. It was only then that Cloud noticed the dozen or so sets of muddy footprints which now marked his clean floor, the unsurprising discovery causing him to inwardly grown in despair. With a weary sigh the cadet dipped the scrubbing brush back into the bucket to begin again, his mind hardly noticing the pain this time as the new thoughts which filled his head quickly pulled him away from it all.