A/N: Well, here it is. All the major powers in the manga are gathered together to fucking kill the entirety of London to beyond death, although the several hundred vampires running through the streets of London prior to this may already have accomplished this, but the point is everyone's here and it's gonna be one hell of a party. In this chapter, Alucard fights Anderson after the pointy hats invade London, as well as other miscellaneous happenings that I will try to make more entertaining. Also, for those who are not sure of the relation between Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars and the current Pope, here's a link showing their similarities: .. Have fun.

Maxwell was still lying back on his lawn chair, taking a nap. There was an English newspaper covering his face, which he presumably read before getting bored out his skull and dozing off; an effect newspapers tend to have.

A bunch of priests approached him and started talking about how he sodomized random young boy church inductee A while he made random inductee B suck his dick. "Shut up, I'm trying to envision what kind of praise Emperor Palpa- I mean His Holiness the Pope Benedict will give me when I kill all these Protestant peasants." The priests carried on talking about molesting underage boys anyway.

Just then, a large bunch of helicopters appeared out of nowhere and landed in the clearing he was in. Being the stick of a man that he was, it was a wonder he wasn't sent flying into the depths of the English Channel.

From the helicopters strode out a veritable army of grown men dressed like idiots. Their uniform consisted of perfectly sensible battle armor accompanied with not-so-sensible long barreled rifles complete with a completely ridiculous hat that made most of the lot of them look like they were cosplaying as a couple thousands of pure white Patrick Stars.

"Knights of the Cunty Sword reporting for duty, unit 340 strong!" One of them called out. His unit's hat had a cross with a pointy bottom end for eyeholes.

"Casablanca La Nether-regions Knights reporting for duty, unit 118 strong!" This one's unit's hats had a small cross surrounded by larger holes that formed a bigger cross with plenty of holes at the bottom. Maybe their suits have a fusion reactor in them or something and the holes are for cooling off, I don't know.

"Saint Step-on-your-toes Knights and Tussle Cohort reporting for duty, unit 257 strong." This bunch's hats looked like a chicken that overdosed on beak-enhancing steroids.

"Maltesers Knights reporting for duty, unit 2,457 strong!" These guys are the Patrick Stars.

Maxwell lost marbles there and then and joined the rest of the main cast in being bat fuck insane. A bunch of Patrick Stars walked up and knelt before him and one of them spoke. "We are here to take part in battle by order of Emperor Palpa- I mean His Holiness the Pope, as well as to bring news that Bishop Maxwell has been promoted and shall henceforth be known as Court Jester Maxwell."

"Wait, what?" Maxwell's eyebrow shot up about a foot, his face being the picture of confusion as the knight produced a jester's hat. You know, the one with three prongs with little bells on the ends.

"This is an outrage! What kind of promotion is this?" Maxwell raged.

The knights that were kneeling in front of him were no longer kneeling but rolling around on the grass laughing their hats off. This did not serve to quell Maxwell's Italian rage.

"It's not funny!" Maxwell screamed. It is funny, deal with it.

The knights had finally calmed down. "Sorry about that,(pfft) but I was dared to do it by my superior officer (giggle, snort). But really, you are promoted and shall henceforth be known as Archbishop Maxwell." This time he produced a stole made of the finest crimson silk and embroidered with threads of pure gold. This calmed Maxwell down.

He draped the stole around his neck with dramatic flourish and yelled at the men. "Alright men, we are here to take part in the 9th Crusade, to take over London and wipe the Protestant filth from this planet while at the same time owning some bloodsuckers. Now get your pointy hats back on those choppers and make for London!"

"Yes, Your Eminence!" The men yelled back as one, but one of them saw fit to whisper under his breath; 'Court Jester'. A vein on Maxwell's temple bulged out, but he restrained himself with effort. The army boarded the choppers which took off and made for the blazing skyline of London.

"We ask ahselves, whit are ye?" Anderson shouted out randomly, the group of Nazi vampires that surrounded him looked at each other in confusion. Out of nowhere, around a hundred voices responded in unison; "We are Iscariot! Judas Iscariot!"

The vampires looked up, and on the roofs of the surrounding buildings stood a large group of men with sunglasses and trench coats. The men jumped down from their vantage point.

"And Iscariot, Ah ask thee; whit do ye hold in yer right hand?" Anderson continued the chant.

"A knife and poison!" The men responded. The vampires roared out a challenge and charged the group.

"And Iscariot, Ah ask thee; whit do ye hold in yer left hand?"

"Thirty pieces of silver and a rope!" A tranny and a nun joined in the chorus.

"And so!" Anderson crowed as he drew two bayonets and slashed a vampire that was dumb enough to charge Angel Dust into little pieces. "And so, Iscariot! Whit are ye?

"An apostle and yet not an apostle, a disciple and yet not a disciple, a member of the faith and yet not a member of the faith!" He pulled more bayonets out of nowhere as the rest of the vampires prepared to charge. "A traitor, and yet not a traitor!"

"As the condemned, as the condemned, we can only grovel and ask the Lord fer fergivness. We are the ones who can only grovel and defeat the enemies of our Lord! We are the ones who wield knives on moonless nights and serve poison fer supper. We are assassins, assassins of Judas!" Anderson proclaimed as he hurled the bayonets at the vampires, which sliced through their flesh like, well, knives through flesh.

"When the time comes, we shall throw thirty pieces 'a silver into a holy place and hang ahselves with our rope!" The group of men brandished their pistols and opened fire and the vampires responded in kind.

"We apostles shall gather and descend ta hell and line up in a square, and go to war with the OVER THOUSAAAAAAAAND demons in hell till the day 'a the apocalypse!" Men and monster fell under the hail of bullets put up by both parties while Anderson soaked the slugs up like a lead-absorbent sponge and cut up the opposition. Tranny opened fire with twin desert eagles while random nun went ninja samurai on the vampires.

While they were busy massacring the hapless vampires, Alucard finally made landfall. He sprinted across the deck of the ship and used it like a runway before pushing off with his feet and soaring above the ruined city, manic grin on his face and guns in his hands. He was about to yell out from the adrenaline rush when he crashed into Seras who was still flying as if she was drunk and on acid at the same time.

He would have yelled out in surprise and confusion were he not glomped by her ample assets but he tried anyway, causing Seras to shriek in embarrassment. Joining the Hellsing group reunion a moment later was Hazama who crashed into them and sent them tumbling towards the Hyde Park.

Any normal person crashing from their altitude would have been instantly killed but we're talking about two vampires and an ex-zombie ninja cyborg who is now a ghost from the past from the future, so they're fine.

They tumbled for about a hundred meters before finally coming to a stop. They got up with no small amount of difficulty and Seras threw up from their little roller coaster ride.

"So, we've all conveniently bumped into each other at the right time but at the wrong place." Alucard started.

"Wrong place? Ya damn right it was the wrong place! It was like what, about a kilometer above the ground?" Hazama yelled.

Seras tried to say something, but hurled again.

"Well then, what's the situation since my departure?" Alucard inquired. "Well, first the Nazi bastards invaded our headquarters, massacred pretty much all of our fodder, then Seras took a drink out of Frenchy and grew this weird shadow arm thing and we killed the guy, girl, thing, in charge of that group, and now we're here."

"What of my Master?" Alucard asked again, a hint of worry creeping into his voice. Hazama shrugged.

"We must not dally; we shall search for Integra at once."

At the conference room that housed Integra and Penwood, they were having a discussion on what should Integra get next. "Hmm… Penwood, I do believe that I need a weapon to get out of this predicament."

"Yes, Integra, but there isn't anything we can do about it seeing as we're stuck here and I can't very well go and purchase them."

"Well, fine. But we do need a new HMS Eagle, what with Alucard crashing a fucking plane onto it. It's a wonder how the thing even got back to London if you ask me.

"While we're at it, maybe we should get another of those planes too. It is a bit of a waste to just forget about it after Alucard treated it so badly, that and I think I might want to try moving at three times the speed of sound sometime."

Penwood sighed, and half-heartedly tried to convince her that that was perhaps not the best course of action. "Integra, I would think that our budget would be better spent rebuilding the city after this war, supposing any of us are even alive after this or if this city is even left standing rather than a new aircraft carrier and a fancy spy plane."

"I don't care." Penwood sighed in resignation.

"Well, it's about time I take my leave. Servants need me to give orders, so I bid you farewell."

As she left, she heard some commotion in the room, something about mutiny, vampires and traitors and a few gunshots. She ignored them and told Walter to get the car. As they drove away while being chased by more vampires, the whole building exploded. Integra didn't even bat an eyelid. She was that badass. Must be that Bruce Willis movie she watched the other day.

They carried on driving, Integra doing drive-bys on any random vampires and ghouls they came across until the Captain showed up out of nowhere and challenged Walter to mortal combat. Being half man herself, Integra knew better than to interfere and left.

She wandered about for a bit before running into the remaining Hellsing operatives. "There you are! Where have you been all this time, servant?" Integra demanded of Alucard. "I was following your orders, Master. The HMS Eagle is back under the British flag."

"That is not the Eagle; that is a random hunk of twisted and broken metal with another random hunk of twisted and broken metal that crashed into it! How that thing stayed afloat or even got here is a mystery to me!" Integra yelled.

Alucard was unfazed by her outburst. He had gotten used to it a long, long time ago. "Well, it's not like a naval vessel could do much good in a city. I think a more pressing issue would be that random beam of light that blew up one of Millennium's airships."

Integra was taken aback but recovered almost immediately. "Yes, does anyone indeed know what was that thing?"

"That was my private project!" Hazama exclaimed with no small amount of pride.

"So that was it, then? Care to elaborate?" Integra asked impatiently.

"It's an orbital laser cannon. It's a much weaker version of the original, but is able to fire more rapidly; once every forty minutes."

"That's quite long." Alucard piped up.

"First one took four years to recharge."

"I stand corrected."

Integra steered the conversation towards its components, to which Hazama read off his shopping list while garnering looks of confusion from his colleagues and employer.

"And what, pray tell, does your contraption work on? You don't seem to have included much in the way of a power source in your list." Integra pointed out.

Hazama reached into his coat and pulled out an empty box of AkumO's. Integra blew up at this. "You take me for a fool? Am I supposed to believe that a fucking orbital laser cannon uses BREAKFAST CEREAL for its energy source?"

"Believe it or not, that's what it runs on. Although technically, it runs on the evil energy that this cereal is concentrated with."

Integra sighed and massaged her temples. She told herself that it didn't matter either way anyway, it was just another weapon at her disposal and it had proved itself to be rather useful. What it used for energy was of secondary concern.

Just then, fireworks erupted in the sky. They looked like something you'd see on an ink-blot test, only they were a bright gold and would likely give an old person seizures. Random people who were somehow still alive after their city was blown to bits and overridden with evil Nazi vampires that turned their friends, enemies, family, etcetera into flesh-hungry zombies started yelling out in joy at the sight of angels. Remember what I said about the ink-blot test?

Then one of their heads exploded.

"BOOM! HEADSHOT, BITCH!" A Patrick Star yelled out while thrusting his free arm up in triumph. People started running now, but most were gunned down by the trigger happy crusaders up in the helicopters, which were the actual source of the 'angels', but Maxwell really just had them launched to troll the Protestants a little before killing them.

The copters touched down and unloaded the troops who lined up on the left of the Hellsing guys while the remaining vampires turned up out of nowhere and lined up on their right. Maxwell was in a glass box on a truck hanging from a helicopter. He had waaaaaaaaaaaay too many microphones surrounding him in that box of him, as if he was paranoid that the first twenty or so microphones wouldn't be able to pick up what he would say.

Maxwell gave a little speech about some random shit that no one really listened to, then gave the order for the crusaders to attack, only to realize the fight had begun a while ago. The Hellsing operatives just stood there and watched the chaos unfold.

Then Integra yawned. Integra yawning meant that something somewhere is going to die soon. "Alucard, I give you permission to release Control Art Restriction Level 0." The shit just hit the fan right there and then and everyone could feel it in their bones. The crusaders and vampires stopped fighting and watched Alucard release his strongest and most terrible powers.

Alucard grew old. Like not seventies old, but more like in his fifties. He was decked out in medieval chain mail and armor with a claymore strapped to his back. His long black hair was now down to his back and billowed in the wind. He needed to shave too. Badly.

Alucard then personally brought Hell to earth. He unleashed every last soul he had ever devoured throughout the centuries he walked the earth, from his own armies in Wallachia to the necrophilic Brazilian Military Police dude back in chapter 5. Why Alucard wanted someone like that swimming around in his body I do not know.

And so the army from Super Hell started to swarm both the Millennium vampires and Vatican crusaders at the same time. Given that there were well over a million souls in Alucard and a little over two thousand of the opposition, they were reduced to pieces in mere minutes while Seras looked like she was about to puke for the third time already and Hazama looked mildly shocked.

After the massacre, Hazama walked up to Alucard and talked to him about something. Alucard at first looked perplexed, then grinned maniacally and nodded his head in agreement to something.

Just then, Anderson appeared with the remaining Iscariot agents which included tranny and ninja nun.

Alucard snapped his fingers, causing himself and all of his numerous familiars to shape shift. Into Agent Smiths.

"Mr. Anderson… We missed you…" Agent Alucard said in Agent Smith's voice, which all of his familiars imitated.

Anderson paled. "Come on, vampyre! Don'cha have ehneething bettah ta do?" Anderson was apparently quite exasperated by this. Maybe the children at the orphanage all watched the Matrix Revolution and pulled this one on him before.

Alucard Smith's face was still as deadpan, but he added the forbidden words in the monotone voice; " Why so serious, Mr. Anderson?"

Anderson responded with an animalistic roar and charged Alucard who sent his Agent Smiths to attack him. While the majority swarmed him, one threw out poker cards while another fired a musket, both with the Smith brand emotionless faces on. Anderson dodged the cards which tore through steel like a lightsaber through tissue paper and ignored the musket shot that buzzed around him like a bee that had an obsessive compulsive disorder when it comes to stinging him.

He tore through the swarmers by attaching his bayonets to a really long chain and swinging it around, which was something which an S in the S&M would love to use on the M, who would love to take it.

Alucard, back in his usual garb pulled out his Cassull and started firing, but Anderson soaked up the bullets like he was hungry for them. Alucard still had the Jackal, but he was saving the best for last in true Alucard style.

Just when Anderson was within striking range, Alucard pulled out the Jackal and started blowing foot-wide holes in Anderson, one of the explosive rounds nearly taking off his arm. Anderson sucked it up like a real man and carried on fighting anyway even when another thirty swarmers were sent his way.

"Excellent! This is what I've been waiting for! A monster can only be defeated by a human, so come human, test your mettle! Defeat me! Defeat me so I can finally turn my back on this world!"

Hazama was playing the children's card game with Seras again while Integra was watching. Watching fights sometimes got really boring.

Anderson was panting, and panting hard. His right arm was hanging at the elbow from a few strips of skin and muscle and the tissue was not healing itself. He had numerous lacerations on his body which were healing much slower than usual as his body struggled to keep up. The human had reached his limit.

Anderson reached into his bottomless coat and pulled out a white box and held it up dramatically. Alucard was very amused. "What have you there, Paladin? A new weapon? Something that could perhaps turn the insurmountable tide? Show me, show me so we may carry on this duel!"

Anderson did not reply, but responded by opening the box. By crushing it. With his bare hand. Instead of taking off the lid like any normal person would. Must have something to do with his now-disabled right arm or something, or maybe he just wanted to show off.

Inside the box was a nail, a really large one. The nail itself was about a foot long and an inch wide at its thickest, and was made from a strange wood which seemed to glow with power from the inside.

Alucard took a moment to recognize it for what it was. His ecstatic smile turned into the most twisted of scowls, hate radiating from his entire body. "No, Anderson! Put that away! You don't know what you're getting into! Don't forsake your humanity! It's not worth it!"

Anderson ignored him and placed the nail over his heart and prepared to drive it in. Hazama broke the rules again, much to the chagrin of Seras.

"Anderson, please. Don't do it, it's not worth it. Don't turn your back on your God like I did mine. Don't suffer the same curse as me, to walk the earth for the rest of eternity. It's just not worth it."

Anderson started to impale himself with the nail, looked thoughtful for a moment, then gave Alucard the two-fingered salute before driving it home. Alucard was positively enraged. 'You fool! Do you realize what you have just done! You have forsaken your humanity and become like me! A monster! A freak of nature that should not be allowed to exist! Anderson, I will put an end to you, for your own sake!" Alucard got into his straitjacket, meaning he's going all out now. Seras broke the rules now just to grief Hazama.

Vines spread from the nail which was now embedded in Anderson's chest and covered his entire body, healing his injuries and bestowing unto him strength anew. He grinned, feeling the rush of the new power that coursed through his being. "ALUCAAAAARD!" He yelled to get the blood rushing.

"ANDERSOOOON!" Alucard yelled in anger.

"SERAAAAAS!" Hazama roared at having his thunder stolen by Seras.

"HAZAMAAAA!" Seras screamed as she was sick and tired of his trolling.

"SHUT UP! CAN"T A LADY GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET IN A WAR ZONE?" Integra yelled in anger. Everyone looked at her in stunned silence. "I don't care who has a beef with who, but if you want to fight, do so in silence!" Integra thought about what she just said, then sighed and muttered; "Forget what I just said, I'll go to a bar or something. I need a gin."

A/N: Well, here's the next one. Sorry it took so long, got sick over the weekend, which meant I had to be grabbing pills. So many pills I did grab that my piss smelled of drugs. Too much info. So anyway, leave a review so I may know what the masses think and so that I may serve thine wishes. Especially since I'm gonna make a sequel. Crossing over with Twilight. To troll it. With added Dio Brando. And ZA WARUDO!