Bad me, I got distracted by my 4WS story idea and spent some of my free time working on that. Sorry.
Hope you can forgive me for the delay and I hope you enjoy.
Talking to each other
While Cloud relaxed on the sofa watching the TV Zack finished preparing dinner, the delightful aroma of the food making both men's mouths water and stomachs growl hungrily. The soldier couldn't help but smile when he heard the cadet's tummy rumble just as eagerly as his own, nor could he hide the smile which spread across his face when he saw the blonde blush in response to the sound.
"I take it you're hungry?" Zack asked playfully, his eyes sparkling in happiness as Cloud blushed an even deeper shade of red.
"Yes." Was all the cadet managed, before his embarrassment caused his voice to cut off completely.
Knowing better than to laugh at this point Zack kept his amusement to himself, while quickly filling two large bowls with the steaming mixture of meat and vegetables and carrying them over to the dining table. He had just turned to invite the blonde over when he noticed that Cloud had already begun to walk towards him, the slow movements giving him a reason to be concerned again. One look was all it took to know that the cadet was trying not to pull at already strained and abused muscles, the slight twitches he made demonstrating just which areas were most affected. Silently Zack logged each flinch within his mind for later, knowing that if he mentioned it now the blonde would probably become defensive and it would spoil the moment.
"Are you ok?" A quiet voice asked drawing Zack from his silent musings, his head snapping up to see that Cloud was practically beside him now.
"Yea, I'm fine." The soldier flustered as he pulled a chair out for the cadet to sit on, his smile not quiet where he had been a few minutes ago.
"I'm alright." Cloud spoke up faintly, as he lowered himself into the chair, a slight winch as he turned to face the table contradicting the statement. "I've just strained a few muscles while scrubbing the floors, that's all."
For a minute Zack was left standing speechless behind the blonde's sitting form, his jaw practical hanging open as he stared at the back of Cloud's head in disbelief. Instantly his mind became a tornado of thoughts and question, his brain quickly processing the fact that not only was the cadet openly talking about the day's events but had actually admitted to being in some discomfort because of them. It was not something the soldier had been expecting. Oh yes he had prayed for it, even dared to hope that it might happen, but at no point had he actually considered it to be a real possibility. And suddenly here they were in a situation where it could go either way, the things he wanted to talk about being possible because Cloud had indirectly given him permission to do so. The only problem now was that Zack didn't know what to do, wasn't sure how to move on from the comment without acting like a bull in a china shop and wrecking everything.
"This smells great." The cadet noted gently, his voice breaking the soldier free of his internal ramblings and the sudden change of subject leaving Zack even more at a loss.
"Hopefully it tastes good too." The soldier joked lightly after a moment's hesitation, grateful that his voice didn't betray his uncertainty as he took a seat across from the blonde.
For a few minutes neither spoke as they began to eat, the silence between them not uncomfortable as Zack had feared it might be, the atmosphere of the room in fact calm and pleasant as they ate. It was perhaps after five minutes of them enjoying the meal that the soldier began to talk again, his thoughts once more mulling over the day's events and being something he was still hoping they could discuss in more detail.
"So you met Kunsel then." He noted casually, the subject seeming to be a nice neutral place to start.
"Yes." Cloud replied, a faint curve of his pale pink lips making Zack raise an eyebrow questioningly.
"And?" The soldier probed curiously, the new expression forming on the blonde's face making his insides fill with the need to know more.
"He was nice to me." The cadet whispered softly, a slight blush quickly gracing his delicate features as he continued to eat.
For a minute Zack didn't know whether to be grateful to his supposed friend or hunt him down and kill him, the soft and rarely seen look of happiness on Cloud's face making him feel more than a little jealous of the 3rd class soldier. With a good mental slap Zack shook his head and quickly cleared the little green monster away, his head reminding him that it was good for the cadet to start trusting others, his heart telling him that it was important for Cloud to feel safe and liked.
"Nice how?" He asked lightly, his voice thankfully managing to sound reasonably calm as he spoke.
"We talked about things and it ... it made me feel better." The blonde said thoughtfully, his gaze still focused on the bowl in front of him even though the spoon was now only poking at the food absentmindedly. "He said that if I ever needed help I ... I could ask him."
"Help with what?" The soldier enquired, as casually as he could.
"With anything I guess, he seemed pretty open about the offer." Cloud replied, his voice holding a grateful tone which Zack had never heard him use before when talking about another person that wasn't Angeal, Reno or Tseng.
"Oh." The soldier replied rather sullenly, the little green monster once again peeking out even as he tried to mentally bat it away.
As if noting the slight change in Zack's mood the cadet now looked up and across at him, the slight concern flickering in his sky blue eyes making the soldier feel a little guilty for his jealous thoughts. It was wrong of him to be resentful of Kunsel's offer to help Cloud, not to mention selfish to expect the cadet to only be happy around him, but still the idea of someone else being able to make his Spiky blush and smile in that way made something inside him ache just a little.
"Are you ok?" Cloud whispered, the question clearly being one he was unsure about asking.
"Yea, just ..." The soldier began, his words faltering in uncertainty of how Cloud might take the real answer.
The confused and worried look he got however was enough to push him to complete the sentence, the foolishness of it making him blush even as the words passed his lips.
"Just feeling a little jealous I guess." He mumbled looking away from the cadet, his finely sculpted cheeks now developing a pink hue as well. "I mean, uuummm, I want you to have friends but, well ..."
"At the same time you still want me all to yourself." Cloud finished, his words matching the soldier's thoughts exactly.
"Yes." Zack gasped in surprise, his violet eyes blinking slightly as they focused back on the cadet. "How did you know?"
"That's how I felt before ... before we got together." The blonde replied with soft smile, as the rosy tint to his face darkened a little more. "You always had so many friends and ... and even when I convinced myself that I was nothing more than a cadet to you it still ... I still felt something when I saw you with them."
"You did?" The soldier asked in amazement, the revelation making his heart beat a little faster within his chest.
"Yes." Cloud breathed, his voice becoming sadder as he spoke again. "I tried to deny it to myself, tried to push it all away as if it wasn't real, but the truth is that I was jealous that they had you and I didn't."
"But you did have me." Zack protested, a frown developing on his brow as the conversation began to turn in a way he had not expected.
"I had you as a mentor and nothing more, and that was my fault." The blonde continued, his tone now regretful as he pushed the remaining food to one side and clasped his hands together on the table in front of himself. "You tried to be a friend but I ... I didn't trust you. I wanted something more between us, but at the same time feared it. I wanted what they had but I couldn't ... I couldn't let my guard down enough to ..."
Here Cloud's words choked off as a lump rose in his throat, his hands clasped so tightly together that the knuckles had actually gone white. Hating to see the way the cadet was now abusing his already injured hands the soldier quickly reached out and captured them within his own, each strong calloused palm enclosing a delicate limb protectively within its grasp.
"Hey, it's ok." Zack soothed, his thumbs moving to gently massage the small area of skin they could touch without letting go. "You've let me in now."
Slowly sapphire like gems appeared under blonde eyelashes as the cadet looked up at him, the glistening jewels now shimmering as the unshed tears danced across them. In that moment the soldier was left at a loss for words, the reassurances he wanted to give seeming pale as well as insignificant and somehow not enough compared to the depths of the blonde's feelings. His thoughts however were not given time to adjust to the demands being placed upon them, his need to find something to say being pushed aside as Cloud continued to speak in a way which he had never done before.
"You know that I ... that I've had some problems ..." The cadet began, his head turning to look away as if afraid to see Zack's reaction to whatever he was about to say.
"Yes." Was all the soldier could utter in response, his voice remaining soft and as neutral as he could manage in that moment.
"The truth is I ... it wasn't just here, the problems I had ... they didn't just happen here."
For a minute Zack sat quietly and waited for Cloud to continue, the tension within the blonde's smaller frame now noticeable in the way he had started to tighten his own fingers around the soldier's as if needing an anchor to hold onto.
"I never had any friends back home either." The cadet continued, after drawing a shaky breath. "I thought it would be different here, that things would be better, but it wasn't. I came here to make my life more than it was, to prove myself but ..."
"But what?" The soldier asked hesitantly, the painful pause in the blonde's explanation making his own heart feel crushed.
"But it wasn't like that, it was ... it was worse." Cloud choked, his words becoming broken by small sobs as he forced himself to say them. "I tried to ... to fit in, I really did, but ... but they never accepted me ... never ... never saw me as ... as anything but a ... a ..."
"A what Spiky?" Zack probed as gently as he could, a heavy gut wrenching feeling settling in his stomach as he pushed for an explanation he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear.
But Cloud was unable to answer his question with words and instead shook his head in response, his delicate lips now pressed firmly together as he silently communicated that he wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Inside the soldier felt his heart ache as he watched the blonde's internal battle rage, the obvious desire to open up about these things fighting with the self-preservation instincts which still controlled him. Zack knew that now was not the time for words and remained quiet as the various emotions played out for him to see, as the things Cloud was feeling were at least allowed to be shown even if they couldn't be said. It was only when the first tear began to fall that the soldier felt something within him break, the sight of the single glistening drop being quickly joined by another as they ran freely down over pale cheeks making his insides tighten painfully.
"Don't cry, please." Zack begged softly, his words sounding strained as he tried to keep them calm and soothing. "It's not like that now."
But once again the cadet remained quiet as he curled in on himself a little more, a silent nod being his only response of possible agreement and acceptance to the soldier's words.
"Cloud it's ... it's ..." Zack began, his voice trailing off helplessly as he realised that he didn't really know what to say.
"I'm sorry." The blonde breathed, as if sensing the soldier's dilemma. "I'm ok now, honest." He stammered while quickly trying to pull himself together, his hands shaking as he removed one from the soldier's grasp to wipe his tears away.
But Zack knew that the cadet's words were far from the truth, his own free hand now moving up to gently erase the wet silvery tracks beneath those sad shimmering eyes. It was therefore more than a relief when Cloud actually lent into the touch, his damp cheek nuzzling against the palm so that it opened up to cup his face tenderly. This time when the cadet looked at him there were no words on the soldier's lips at all, no reassurances that could be given for such a lost and desperate need of understanding which was presented to him. And for a moment the soldier found himself looking into deep pools of blue and feeling his insides twist at what he saw hidden within them, the emotional and psychological injuries which had been inflicted on Cloud by the other cadets clearly worse than he'd ever imagined them to be. However it was only as he gazed deeper into those sorrowful sapphire eyes that Zack really began to understand, the cadet's carefully locked away scares now becoming visible and tearing at the soldier's already aching heart.
The truth cut to Zack's core as he finally began to make sense of it all, the wounds which Cloud had tried to heal by coming here actually leaving him exposed and vulnerable to further attack. Instead of finding a place of safety where he could heal and grow stronger the cadet had only found more pain, the new injuries he was inflicted with in fact adding themselves to the old ones and making things worse. And suddenly Zack understood why Cloud had learnt to build such strong defences against the world, the reasons behind his choice to keep people out, the years of being hurt both mentally and physically explaining his need to hide himself away from it all.
But now the soldier saw that the walls had not been strong enough against the words, the cadet's body able to take the physical blows of their torture but no longer the constant mental assaults he had been exposed to. Just like an infection of the flesh self-doubt had taken hold of the blonde's mind, the constant abuse spreading like a poison and eating away at his confidence until he was unable to take anymore. Once again Zack silently cursed himself for not helping Cloud sooner, for allowing the toxic mess within the blonde's own head to break him, as he now understood why the cadet had attempted to end his life all those weeks ago
"Cloud, I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm about to say." The soldier began gently, the firm tone of his voice only adding to the serious look in his eyes. "You are so much more than they could ever hope to be and that is why they hurt you. They were ... are jealous of what you can do, of all the things which make you better than them and more likely to succeed here."
"But Zack I'm ..." The cadet managed to stammer before he was cut off, the soldier's violet spheres now pleading with him to listen and accept what was being said.
"You're amazing, that's what you are." Zack continued, his words spoken with such certainty and passion that Cloud was given no reason to doubt them. "You already have instincts which are beyond their level of understanding, natural talents that only get better as you practice, and a fierce determination to succeed which puts them to shame."
Here the soldier paused to make sure that the blonde was still listening to him, the vulnerable look in Cloud's eyes showing that these were indeed the things he needed to hear but had been afraid to ask.
"Trust me Spiky when I say that being in soldier is about more than just body size and muscle mass, it's about having dreams and honour, about strength of heart and spirit. General Sephiroth doesn't chose men who believe it is their right to be in soldier, he chooses the ones who put everything they are into being the best and earn it with every breath in their bodies."
"I try Zack, I really do." The cadet whimpered, the fear and self-doubt still shimmering in his eyes.
"I know you do Spiky." Zack reassured gently, as he affectionately squeezed the hand which he still held. "I see it in everything you do and Angeal does too, which means that Sephiroth is probably aware of you as well."
"But ... but I hit him." Cloud choked as he thought about the general, the scene from before playing in his head once more just to torment him. "He's not going to want me in soldier after that."
"Have you even thought about why he was there in the first place?" The soldier asked, the idea suddenly springing to mind and causing him to smile faintly. "I mean think about it for a minute, why would the general even be in the gym with a bunch of training cadets unless he had a good reason?"
"You think he ... that he was there to watch me?" The blonde asked softly in surprise, his heart racing in both hope and fear of such a possibility.
"Sure, why not?" Zack replied happily, a rush of pride now flowing through his system. "No doubt Angeal mentioned you at some point after all the training we've been doing together, and he's definitely heard me going on about how good you are often enough."
"You talk about me to the general?" Cloud gasped in mild shock, his face no longer looking sad but once again becoming the colour of rose petals as he blushed at the thought.
"Yes. No. Well sort of." The soldier answered guiltily, as he took in the sight of the flustered cadet. "I tend to just talk a lot, about you, and sometimes he's around."
"I don't even want to know what you might have told him." The cadet cringed, as he mentally reviewed all the things which Zack could have let slip. "And then I have to go and make that kind of first impression in person, on top of whatever else he already thinks about me."
"As far as first meetings go that was a pretty memorable one." The soldier agreed lightly, his expression becoming curious as he took in the blonde's rather calm appearance.
"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, noticing the look he was now getting.
"I was about to ask you that, or something along those lines." Zack responded carefully, his head tilting to one side as he studied the cadet closely.
"But I'm fine." The blonde replied uncertainly, his expression looking slightly confused as he continued to lean into the soldier's touch against his face.
"That's just it, you are." Zack noted softly, his thumb slowly moving to gently caress the smooth cheek beneath it as he spoke again. "It's good to see, honestly it is, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly." He admitted sheepishly, the truth being a little awkward to say even though he knew it was for the best. "I mean you've just discovered that Sephiroth might have been there to observe you, because of stuff I may or may not have said, and that instead of introducing yourself politely you gave him a decent right hook."
"Actually," Cloud whispered, his lips forming a shy smile as he looked away nervously. "He said that it was impressive."
"Really?" The soldier asked, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as he tried not to chuckle at the cadet's response. "What else did he say?"
"That I need to add a little bit more force with my body when connecting the punch, something about it tending to cause more damage that way." The blonde recalled thoughtfully, the suggestion within the memory distracting him even more from the earlier fears about the incident.
"He's right, it does." Zack confirmed brightly, his violet eyes now glowing joyfully and the smile on his face breaking into a grin. "We could work on that in your next training session if you like?"
"I would, if that's ok?" Cloud asked cheerfully, the sadness and doubts from before now gone and replaced with something much happier and more confident.
"No problem at all." The soldier replied with pleasure, the delight of seeing Cloud looking relaxed and no longer so upset making his heart flutter happily.
With the ups and downs of their conversation having balanced off on a positive note Zack decided it was time to change the subject, his thoughts quickly taking him back to the cadet's earlier comment about strained muscles. One look at the blonde was enough to let him know that the relaxed pose being held was not as comfortable as it could be, the remaining tension along his slender frame clearly the result of the punishment and not their current discussion. It was also at this point that the soldier saw Cloud's delicate hands once again resting on the table, the abused limbs looking sore from the day's hard work and the small wounds appearing angry and a little inflamed.
Had the cadet been a soldier or at least have had a few mako shots in him then Zack would not have been concerned, but as neither case applied to the blonde he found the sight to be more than a little worrying. Knowing full well what Cloud had been dealing with all day concerns for the cadet's health quickly popped into the soldier's head, the risk of the open cuts becoming infected making his heart twist painfully within his chest.
"Don't take this the wrong way," Zack began, as he rose and made his way to the kitchen to get the first aid kit. "But I don't like the look of those cuts on your hands."
"Why? What's wrong with them?" Cloud replied, his own expression becoming concerned as he looked down at the damaged limbs.
"They look irritated and sore." The soldier answered him, the box he had fetched now being placed carefully on the table and the clasps snapping open as he spoke. "I want to put some antiseptic ointment on them, just to be on the safe side."
"Alright, if you think that's best." The cadet agreed, the quick acceptance of the situation catching Zack off guard.
"You know I was sure you were going to fight me over this." He informed the blonde, as he carefully began to apply the cool solution over the tender skin. "That you would argue and say that my fussing wasn't necessary."
"I ... I think I'm starting to like it ... when you fuss over me." Cloud admitted with a soft trembling voice, his face warming with a pink hue as he shyly looked away.
The words were like music to the soldier's ears, the hesitantly spoken confession causing his heart to start beating a little faster and feel as if it had wings to fly. It was therefore no surprise that he couldn't help the joyful smile which suddenly formed on his handsome features, or the bright light which began to shine within his violet orbs. For a moment Zack was unable to speak as he felt the happiness flow through him, his eyes becoming damp as an emotional lump formed in his throat making the feelings he wanted to express a little harder to say. Slowly he raised a hand up to guide the cadet's face back round to look at him, his breath catching slightly as hesitant sapphire gems flickered up to meet his sparkling amethyst spheres.
"That's good to know." The soldier finally managed, his own voice now shaking a little as he spoke.
For a moment nothing happened and Zack felt his insides clench tightly in uncertainty but then gradually Cloud began to smile, the slight curve of his lips steadily growing in confidence as they looked into each other's eyes. And suddenly it was as if the very sun was shining down upon the soldier's head, the wondrous sight not only making his heart feel like it had taken flight but was now soaring somewhere amongst the heavens.