A/N: Got started on this chapter a little late but hopefully it will be able to keep up with the weekly schedule. Picking up where we left off, Walter and Alucard are fighting over who betrayed who and why Walter left Hellsing all alone in the dark with nothing to help itself. Except an all-powerful vampire lord who does not die when he is killed, said vampire lord's hot and busty fledgling vampire armed with a fucking BFG 9000 but does not drink blood and an ex-zombie-cyborg ghost from the future from the past armed with two awesome knives, fourth-dimensional chains, a psychic ghost, an orbital Shoop da Whoop and a fedora. Shit's going down in this chapter, with the final boss rush and shit. Yeah. Also a little Edward-troll at the end.

Walter and Alucard had been at it for fifteen minutes, but since neither of them had a respectable physical stature to carry on with the bloody and unethical violence, they had gotten tired and very bored.

"Alucard… I (pant) will defeat you… Even if it (pant) kills me…" Walter panted again.

"Well… (pant) I'd like to see you (pant) try, Walter…." Alucard panted despite supposedly not needing to breathe and not supposed to be feeling fatigue.

"Well, there dinnae seem ta be an end comin' to this anytime soon, so why not jus settle it wi' rock paper scissors?" Anderson said from his perch.

"That's a great idea!" Alucard and Walter cried out at the same time.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" They shouted. Both threw rock. Both scowled.

"Rock, paper, scissors!" They went at it again, both throwing paper this time. They repeated this, always throwing the same thing. Anderson face-palmed. What was the best way to settle a problem back at the orphanage apparently wasn't working out here.

Hazama stalked the streets, whistling Jingle Bells despite it being the middle of July and the motherfucking Apocalypse. He came across a couple of ghouls that apparently somehow survived the tidal wave of blood that washed through London not five minutes ago. He was about to go over and finish the job when the ghouls exploded into bloody mist.

What Hazama saw next made his brain pause for a few seconds, then press the f5 button. It was a giant robot, painted coffee green. It was very bulky, like Mechwarrior Mechs, only much smaller. Attached to its arms were four-barreled chainguns. Its head was covered in a janitor's bucket with eyeholes cut out. Servos whined as it turned to face Hazama, then started plodding towards him with steps that shook the ground.

When it got within firing range, it started up the chainguns, taking a second for the barrels to spin fast enough for the gun to not jam and blow itself to bits before firing, giving Hazama the time to dash out of the way because he was too smooth for diving. Bullets struck the concrete where Hazama was earlier, turning it to chalky dust.

Hazama jumped up high then used his chain to latch on to the robot. The metallic jaws clamped down on the fugly green shell of its left arm, denting but not puncturing it. Hazama used the chain to reel himself in to get himself out of the sights of the guns.

"MOTHA-FUCKIN' SPIN KICK!" Hazama crowed as he pulled off a motherfucking spin kick, his Stand covering his foot and opening its maw wide. The move's real name was Hirentotsu, but it had gotten boring to just call it that anymore. His foot connected on the side of the bucket, knocking it off before going deep into its right shoulder.

Sparks flew as Hazama pulled his foot from the robot and backflipped to get out of the way as its right arm exploded off, but the thing was still functional as it had not fallen over or blew up for real yet. Hazama looked at what the bucket was concealing. His brain was now spamming the f5 button.

It was a head in a jar, but not just any head. Even an entity from an entirely different fictional universe with its own history could recognize it. It was unmistakable, the side parting haircut, the scowl, the skin in dire need of Botox. The moustache, the small little square of facial hair under his nose and above his upper lip, now affectionately known as the dictator moustache. It was Adolf fucking Hitler, coming back with his German rage at there not being a Limited Edition for Blazblue Continuum Shift.

"Fuck me… It's mecha-Hitler from Wolfenstein 3D!" Hazama muttered in awe. To think Millennium had this up their semen-stained Sailor Moon shirt sleeves.

Hazama had no time to gape in awe as it fired at him with its remaining chain gun, the severed head swearing in German but with no noise coming out. Maybe it was drowned out by the gunfire, or because he had no lungs or vocal chords to speak off, but it mattered not, for Hazama threw a knife at the now unprotected head, breaking the glass and nailing him right between the eyes. Now the mech exploded. In 10.1 surround sound. In full 2160 HD. And 3D. With popcorn.

Hazama munched on the popcorn he stole from the nearby cinema as he watched the fireworks, then got bored and pissed on it to put out the blaze. The smoke was really getting to his lungs. Since he was done here, he decided to go look for the main airship thing to help the others put an end to this piece of crap.

Back with Alucard and Walter, they were still at it after try number three hundred. Anderson had fully regenerated but was too jaded to notice. How could two people tie in rock paper scissors three fucking hundred times in a row? It defied the laws of physics and probability. Then again, both were vampires so it may have something to do with being stuck at a crossroad or something but it was still fucking ridiculous.

"You know what? Fuck this! I don't care about Millennium anymore! Even if they pay me more than peanuts and monocles and with actual cash, it's still better working for Integra then having to deal with those fangirls! Do what you want, hell, I'll even help you!" Walter just randomly blurted out with no real logical explanation to his sudden defection from the side he defected to. Alucard wasn't impressed by this.

"So you randomly defect to any side that serves your interests better? I expected better from a John Bull. You should stick harder and faster (lol) to your beliefs!" Alucard seemed quite pissed off at Walter's arbitrary defections.

"Fine, then I swear to not defect again from servitude to the Hellsing bloodline!" Walter yelled back. Alucard was still not impressed. "And how am I supposed to make sure you don't defect again?" Walter kept silent.

Alucard sighed. He called upon one of his familiars, this one a female vampire whose blood he drunk and assimilated when he was under the servitude of Arthur Hellsing, when vampires actually were fun to fight with.

The familiar clamped down on Walter's neck before he could even begin to think about protesting and was drained of his blood, this serving to finish what Millennium had started and turn him into a proper vampire and not a mere imitation that was falling apart at its seams.

He was successfully turned, but the shoddy work that Millennium did beforehand left it's mark, making Walter look to be in his fifties, which Alucard was secretly thankful for. "Now you can't turn your back on Integra again."

"I won't." Walter replied before they set off for the Major's airship.

Seras and Integra had reached the airship, but the catch was that it was still in the air and they were on terra firma. "Seras, how in the holy mother of fuck are we going to get all the fucking way up there?" Integra yelled while pointing at the airship which was still flying and fulfilling its job requirements.

"Don't worry, Master! I can fly now!" Seras exclaimed while puffing out her huge chest proudly, making Integra scowl for more reasons than one.

"Fine, just get us up there quickly." Integra grumbled while Seras gripped Integra around her waist with her right arm.

And the shit hit the fan with Seras doing her impression of a rocket-propelled pinball that had drunk around ten gallons of speed-laced Red Bull. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?" Integra screamed while Seras remained oblivious to her screaming and made a zigzag line for the airship.

The duo were approaching the airship and would make a rather painful landing since they were still travelling at half the speed of sound. "Okay Seras, slow down! Slow down! Do you hear me Seras? Slow down! SLOW DOWN NOW! SLOW THE FUCK DOWN NOW SERAS!" Integra was screaming at the top of her lungs as they were going to crash and probably die in a messy and painful manner.

"I'm trying! I don't know how to brake with this thing!" Seras whined. Integra gave up. Seras did what she could to shield Integra from the impact as she rammed into the aircraft.

Up on the bridge where the Major was having a tea party with Doc and the Captain, they felt the impact of Seras's crashing into their ship. Nothing happened at first because of the physical distance between them and the crash zone, but Seras had apparently hit a major control cable thing that was vital to the blimp's controls to stay in the air or something which caused it to go into a nose dive, spilling their tea over their crumpets before crashing.

The giant aircraft just so happened to crash right in front of Hazama, who was quite shocked at the development. "Well, that was convenient." Hazama mumbled, his eyes wide with surprise. He carried on into the airship.

While Seras and Integra were assessing their situation and if either or both of them were dead yet and Hazama tried to find a way in, something clicked in Alucard's head. "Walter, you're still a virgin."

Walter was taken aback by the sudden and random statement. "Well, yes… If not I would have been turned into a ghoul by your familiar, but what about it?"

"Well, I would have thought that you would have been married sometime during my slumber, you weren't exactly unpopular with the fairer sex, so what kept you?"

"Erm… uh… ah…" Walter was spluttering and quite unable to answer the question.

"Don't tell me you had it for Sir Integra!" Alucard hissed angrily.

"No, not her, I swear!" Walter quickly said in defense. Alucard just grumbled, not detecting a lie in his words.

"Well, if it wasn't Master, then who was it?" Alucard muttered thoughtfully, while Walter looked away to conceal his blush. Alucard noticed and caught on.

"No… No! Don't fucking tell me…" Alucard yelled, his eyes wide. Walter just kept silent.

Alucard just changed back into his male form. Today he had went through enough trauma, both mental and physical, to last him another half millennium.

"Seras, remind me never to take a flight with you EVER again!" Integra yelled. She had a few cuts and bruises here and there, but was relatively unscathed which compared to Seras, who had broken pretty much every bone in her body, which made it lucky for her to have accelerated healing and regenerative capabilities.

"Sorry, Master Integra." Seras mumbled.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you speak up!"

Seras's apology was interrupted by the Captain making his appearance. He had taken off his trench coat because of the tea spilled on it so he came in half naked. Half of the Hellsing fangirls just died of nosebleeds there and then. At least they worshipped a PROPER supernatural being.

Seras was immune to it after seeing Walter in bishounen butler form and as for Integra, she just wasn't interested in either sex. They both assumed fighting stances while Integra found a bottle of gin and started drinking from it.

Seras dashed straight at Captain and lashed out with a right hook, which he ducked under and rammed his knee into Seras's gut. Seras was winded, then remembered that she didn't need to breathe and unleashed her shadowy arms of doom on the Captain, who shape shifted into his wolf form and dashed out of the way before pouncing on Seras and trying to take a bite out of Seras.

Seras smacked him away, then grabbed a random rifle lying on the ground and opened fire. The Captain was too fast in his wolf form, not a single bullet making contact with him. Not that it would have mattered anyway, what with him being immune to pretty much anything but silver.

The Captain then decided to give Seras a weapon that had half a chance of killing him in the form of a silver tooth. Seras noted which crate the teeth came from and charged him, holding the tooth like a combat knife and looking right stupid.

The two dueled while Integra finished her gin and went on to a bottle of Cognac that was beside the gin. Alcohol really was her best friend, along with cigars. Tobacco and alcohol went really well with each other two, so she lit a cigar and took a long drag from it as she watched the two fight.

Hazama kicked open the door to find himself in the armory of the ship. And with the ship on fire, Hazama did what any sensible person would do and got out, looking for an alternate entrance into the airship that did not involve an increased risk of being flash vaporized by C4, dynamite, TNT, Semtex and every other explosive on Brainiac.

Alucard and Walter had finally reached the crash site of the ship, the awkward silence persisting. Alucard was starting to wonder whether keeping Walter alive was such a good idea after all, but decided not to kill him because of their previous friendship that was now put into a rather odd light, what with his recent double defection and discovery of Walter's object of affections; Girlycard.

"Walter, our earlier conversation never happened, right?"

"What conversation?" Walter answered, earning a grin from Alucard. At least some parts never change.

"Let's go put an end to this war, Angel of Death."

"Indeed, Count Dracula."

And with that, they entered through the same entrance that Hazama evacuated.

Speaking of Hazama, he had found another way in and was skulking around the Major's collection room. For some reason, all of the figurines, bookshelves, DVD cases and what have you were not at all displaced by the violent crash, but Hazama didn't care as he was busy looting rare collectible objects to sell on eBay when all is done. If there was anyone left in the world to buy them, that is.

That was when Doc came in. "Vat are you doing?"

"Oh snap!" Hazama muttered before bolting for the door, which slammed and bolted shut in his face, literally. I mean Hazama was about to run out the door when it slammed in his face and bolted itself shut.

"Bloody motherfucking ass cunt!" Hazama swore, holding his face. Doc just grinned in the corner. "Vell, vell, vell. It seems zat I haf caught a thief! And ve at Millennium do not take vell to burglars!" Doc suddenly started growing butterfly-ish wings that had like droopy tentacles at the ends that were the gayest shade of purple and pink anyone would ever dream of seeing. In other words, it looks like the gay glasses wearing butterfly Arrancar thing from Bleach.

"Zat's right! Syazel Aporro Grantz is my mother's father's son-in-law's daughter's grandson's uncle's aunt's friend's cousin thrice removed!" He proclaimed proudly. Hazama picked himself up and looked really pissed.

"Okay, fairy grandpa, what in the fuck did my face ever do to you?" Hazama seemed quite mad at having his face smashed in despite the swelling already having subsided courtesy of his being a blah blah blah ghost.

"You vere stealing from ze Major's priwate collection! Zat varrants ze death penalty!" Doc sent his butterfly tentacle wing things to hit Hazama, who just used his knives to slice them off.

"Fuck! I vas going to use that as cosplay next year!"

"You can cosplay in that fugly piece of shit all ya want! In hell!" Hazama used his Beam Pillar Kick, launching Doc's head from his body literally sky high, like that one Fatality in Mortal Kombat, only with his foot and with a giant laser beam coming out of the ground. Blood fountained out of the stump of his neck before wobbling and collapsing backwards. The door mysteriously unlocked itself like it always does in those hack'n'slash video games.

Hazama looted more figurines and other assorted anime paraphernalia then walked out the door, read the sign and headed for the bridge.

"Walter?"

"Yes, Alucard?"

"Why are we buried under ten tons of high explosives?"

"Because you decided to pick up that Jackal lying at the bottom of a stack of ten tons of explosives?"

"Oh yeah. My total bad." Alucard offered with a huge grin. Walter wanted to face palm, but the mountain of explosives on top of them prevented him from doing so. Walter used his Dental Floss of Doom to slice his way out, carefully manipulating the wire such that it only cut the relatively unreactive explosives. He didn't do the same for Alucard though.

"Walter! Are you defecting again?" Alucard was enraged at Walter's not helping him.

"You dropped all that on yourself, so get yourself out." Walter replied.

"Fine! I don't need your help anyway!" Walter turned and left for the bridge while Alucard struggled under the explosives.

Dozens of empty liquor bottles and cigar butts lay on the floor around Integra, who had passed out both from boredom and from the alcohol. Seras and the Captain were still dueling. No, not with children's trading cards, after the fight/sexual harassment with Hazama she swore to never touch them again.

Seras was next to a really big crate with the explosive sign on it, and being a normal person/midian, she was interested in its contents. She opened the crate and found hundreds of the German style had grenades, you know, the ones that are stick shaped, like the ones in the Metal Slug games. She grabbed one and was about to pull the pin when she noticed the Captain.

His eyes were transfixed on the explosive, as if it had a sort of hypnotic effect on him. Seras moved it to her right and the Captain's eyes did follow. She pulled the pin and tossed it in a random direction, and the Captain bolted after it, clenching the thing tightly within its jaws and was turning around to bring it back to Seras when it exploded in his chops. He's a werewolf, which are wolfs in the guise of humans, and wolves are relatives of dogs, so they play fetch with sticks, or stick-shaped grenades in this case.

Armed with this knowledge, Seras made for the crate with the silver teeth while dragging the crate of grenades with her. She chucked grenades in random directions, except in the general direction of the silver teeth crate, when the Captain got too close. It worked well as he always chased after the 'nades, and after they blew it took him a few minutes to grow his head back.

Seras had reached the silver teeth and was wrapping a grenade with silver teeth, using the shadows from her shadow arm to secure them while keeping the Captain distracted with his games of fetch the grenade.

When she was done, she let fly the silver teeth grenade and prayed that the Captain would follow, and her prayers were answered. He made for the grenade, chomped down on it as it exploded, propelling molten silver shrapnel into his face, throat and torso, instantly ripping him to pieces as well as setting him on fire as silver has that effect. He quickly burned to ash as Seras tried to wake Integra up, which she did after a good ten minutes of slapping. Integra was still half drunk so Seras carried her in a fireman's lift towards the bridge of the airship.

All four of them reached the bridge at the same time, garnering a lot of hostility towards Walter, who quickly explained the situation to them. They grudgingly accepted it, but failed to notice a certain red coated vampire lord with foot-long pistols was not amongst them.

They entered to see the Major sitting in his chair looking up the skirt of another of his figurines. He noticed them, swore in German and put the bit of plastic away. "So I see you haf made it to ze lair of ze tiger, so to speak."

"You are no tiger; you're just a festering pile of fats and failed ambitions comforting yourself with plastic figurines of people who don't even exist." Integra snapped. The Major said nothing in response.

"So vat are you going to do now zat zis var is ower? Perhaps find a mate?" The Major said conversationally, trying to turn the conversation away from his interests.

"Kill you. SERAS!" Integra roared.

"Yes, Master Integra!" Seras complied by pulling out Harkonnen and firing a seventy millimeter depleted uranium shell at the Major, who did nothing to get out of the way. Instead, the bullet impacted on a transparent shield.

"How do you like ze Doc's new invention? It is a glass-like polymer made of semen soaked tissue paper zat is bulletproof and nozing short of a cannon can breach it! Even zat, how do ze Americans put it… heat you pack isn't going to help you."

Seras responded by pulling out an 88 millimeter Howitzer artillery cannon out of her shadow arm, manned by Pip the Frenchy. "If you thought zat zat was ze biggest heat we packed, you're dead wrong mozerfucker! Now we're going to, how do ze Americans put eet… bust a cap in yo ass!"

And bust a cap in his ass Pip did, the Howitzer's 88 millimeter high explosive round tearing through the shield like, well, tissue paper. Without the man-juice. The round promptly blew the Major to bits, but he was apparently half robot, so Hazama poured the random can of Mountain Dew he found in the mess hall on the Major, making him explode from short circuiting. This started another fire, so they promptly got the fuck out of Dodge.

It was only until they made it to about ten blocks away from the ship when Seras realized what had been bugging her. "Oh yeah, where's master Alucard?"

At that exact moment, the airship blew up, even creating a small mushroom cloud despite there being no nuclear material in the ship. As they looked at the cloud of smoke and debris dissipate, they all could have sworn that they saw Alucard's face among the stars, grinning down at them happily with a thumbs up. "I guess that answers your question." Hazama muttered despite all of them trying to figure out why Alucard's being blown up would result in him being made into a constellation.

It was only three days later when Alucard next appeared, and he was fuming at Walter for having left him in the ship and being blown up, but his mood quickly brightened when he saw Seras drinking blood, albeit with more than a hint of disgust evident on her face as well as her drinking only a very minute amount. Well, we all have to start somewhere.

They received a package on the same day, this one about the size and shape of a coffin with a letter attached, which read:

"Dear Duck Dodgers,

I never thought it could happen to me (This part was cancelled out because won't allow me to cancel it out with lines)

Dear Hellsing guy,

My name is Kujo Jotaro, grandson of Joseph Joestar. I know about you from granddad's talking about how you and him were best buddies and went around the world hunting vampires and stuff. So I'm sending you a coffin containing the remains of a vampire that I turned into a blood fountain, which is incidentally also the title of a song I'm working on now. Anyway, I'm sending these remains to you because I believe that you may know what to do and I don't.

Signed,

Kujo Jotaro. "

All the way in America in some random backwater town, literally, I mean, its like raining over there 364 out of 365 days a year or something. Anyway, in the hospital of said random backwater town, an ugly-ass girl lay in the ICU of the place, with wires and tubing going into her every pore (lol). A pasty white gay skinny kid was lying on the bed crying his eyes out. Literally. His eyes pop out from crying so much, then he puts them back in and he does it all over again. Being physically indestructible does that to you. As for mentally however, let's just say that his mind was destroyed a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago.

"BELLA! Why did that door have to hit you instead of some other random girl that no one (me) cares about? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" (refer to chapter 7)

"Dude, if you keep that up she's gonna die." A big guy that was as pale as the girly fairy prince walked through the door. He was at least buff, like steroid munching buff, so he did not look as gay.

"NO! Bella will never die on me!" Gay pasty skin guy cried in denial.

Then the heart monitor flat-lined. Gaywad was too shocked for words. After five seconds the thing started to not flat-line, giving fairy guy a heart attack while big steroid muncher dude gave the screen a high five, which it responded to by showing an open palm on the monitor.

In the waiting area, a small little girl with spiky black hair and more pasty white skinned suddenly started zoning out, but the other people in the waiting room, all dressed in Abercrombie and Fitch, didn't seem to care because she does that and sees into the future and stuff.

What the little girl saw made sure she would not go anywhere near anyplace dark for at least another year. The first thing she saw were a trio of snakes, all of them black with an otherworldly green glow around them. The second was a grandfather clock, its face broken and its hands tied up at the position of the eleventh hour. The third was but a mass of darkness studded with millions of eyes, all blood red and glowing like the flames of hell.

The girl started to foam at the mouth. Her limbs started to flail about as her eyes rolled into the back of her head. She was promptly held down by the rest of the waiting room, but not before she bit her own tongue off, which was remedied by sticking it back into her mouth. The rest of the pasty skinned people didn't know what their clairvoyant counterpart saw, but they all knew that they were in really deep shit.

Well, that's the end for this series, but as I mentioned before and is clearly shown in the little trailer at the bottom, there's going to be a sequel. I hope you liked this little roller coaster ride, and I also hope you will like the next one as well, if not better. Leave a review on what you thought of the series as a whole, and maybe a suggestion of what the sequel ought to be called. Thanks for reading this shit, and I hope you will continue reading the shit I come up with.