Disclaimer: Twilight character names belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. All characterizations, plot lines, backgrounds and details belong to Bella Baby24. Plagiarism is bad. Just say no.
A/N: Thank you for being so patient in waiting for this chapter.
Irritable Grizzzly- Thank you for being you. Your honesty is helping me become a better writer.
Previously:
Alec wrapped his arm around me and we walked away from the group. As we were leaving the ballroom, I caught sight of Edward's bronze hair. It was unnerving being in the same place he was again. I didn't know how I felt about his presence in Denver. All I knew was that things would never be the same…
2008
I was berating myself as I completed my daily run around Washington Park the morning after the charity gala. Normally, my five-mile run was relaxing; however, I was so frustrated with myself today that I had to add an additional two miles to reach the same level of relaxation.
How could I allow Edward to affect me like that?
While Alice assured me that I appeared indifferent as I spoke to him, I knew the truth.
I was anything BUT indifferent.
Talking to Edward was forcing me to realize that I was not over how our relationship ended. My goal was to be able to converse with him as I would with any old acquaintance. I should have been friendly but distant. I should have been able to stop thinking about him as soon as I left the charity gala.
That was how it was supposed to go.
Instead, I found myself wondering how he was. I wanted to know what had been going on in Edward's life since our divorce.
Dammit, Bella. Don't do this to yourself!
Edward did not deserve my concern. I could not let his presence in Denver derail my life. We did not need to be friends, or even acquaintances. Sure I missed him, but I didn't want him in my life.
Right?
I was finally doing well and discovering who I was. It was a good thing that I was meeting with my therapist soon.
We have plenty of things to talk about this week…
-o-o-o-
After my run, I was still troubled. I paced across my living room and tried to talk myself out of what I felt compelled to do.
Stay strong, Bella. No good can come from this.
After only a few minutes, I cracked. I turned on my laptop and clicked open the internet connection. The blinking curser on the Google homepage was mocking me.
Was I really going to do this?
Was I really going to cyber-stalk my ex-husband?
I walked away from my laptop and into the kitchen. Even though it was only three p.m. I knew that the situation called for alcohol. I poured myself a glass of wine and headed back into the living room.
I watched in horror as my fingers typed out "Edward Anthony Masen, Chicago." I hit enter and watched as numerous links were displayed. Most of the articles focused on the social events Edward had attended within the last few years. However, there were a few posts that covered Edward's private life.
When I clicked on a couple of links, I was informed about the wonderful charitable donations of the Gold-Masen family. There was hardly any mention of Edward except his name.
Momma Liz certainly has his PR person's balls in a vice.
After opening a few more articles, I was ready to give up. Most of the stories were boring and barely mentioned Edward at all.
This was a dumb idea.
I was just about to close the browser window when I saw the title, "Edward Masen: Lesbro."
Oh God, that's hilarious…
With a snort, I clicked on the link. I was directed to Jacob Black's blog, 'Black-Tie Affair!?!' The post showed a picture of Edward with Felicity King and another woman. Jacob had drawn speech bubbles over the women's heads that said "I kiss chicks" and "I don't do dick." Over Edward's head there was a huge question mark. The picture caption read:
"Edward Masen is the modern definition of a Lesbro. His ex-wife, Isabella, was the last straight woman he was photographed with. Their marriage ended when Masen allegedly had an affair with Tanya 'Horse-face' Denali. Maybe Isabella really left him because he lacked oral skills? It must be nice for Edward to compare notes on cunnilinigus with someone who actually has a vagina."
I almost spit out my wine when I read that last line. Momma Liz must have shit a brick over this. A quick search showed over twenty posts that discussed Edward's love life. I settled in and started reading.
I began with the articles that were dated right after the divorce. Most of them showed pictures of Edward with Felicity King. In the beginning, the articles called Felicity the next Mrs. Masen. There were hearts drawn on the pictures and Jake speculated on how long it would take for Edward to cheat on her.
As the dates progressed, the nature of the articles changed. There were pictures of Felicity with other women and Edward's pictures had long beards drawn on them. When Felicity came out, that's when the torture really began.
My favorite caption was one where Jacob guessed that Edward and Felicity were using each other to cease speculation about their sexuality. Jacob then invited Edward to come play with him.
God, I missed this blog.
I quickly added 'Black-Tie Affair!?!' to my favorites list and closed down my laptop. Apparently, Edward had not really dated in the last few years.
At least not publically…
-o-o-o-
Today would be my eighth therapy session with Dr. Chelsea Strait. I had been coming to see her weekly so I could finally move past all of my crazy man issues. During the first couple of appointments, Chelsea asked me questions about my life and what goals I hoped to accomplish. She explained that I would be doing most of the talking throughout our time together and that she would help me identify and resolve issues.
As the weeks progressed, Chelsea became more involved with my sessions. She began asking more questions and digging into issues I wasn't entirely comfortable with. Mostly she wanted to know about my childhood.
Last week, we were supposed to talk about my mother's death and Charlie's subsequent withdrawal from my everyday life. However, plans changed when I informed her that Edward would be attending the Denver Children's Hospital Charity Gala.
We spent the entire session talking about the last time I saw Edward and what I wanted to happen at the gala. I told Chelsea about my goals and that I hoped I would be able to walk away from our conversation without feeling the need to obsess over the details.
I failed miserably.
I was nervous to talk to Chelsea about my conversation with Edward. Laying on the chaise lounge in her office, I felt like I was Anne of Green Gables. I wondered if Chelsea would find it funny if I placed my wrist on my forehead and claimed to be in 'the depths of despair.'
I doubt she would be entertained.
In fact, I'm pretty sure she would tell me to stop avoiding the situation and start talking.
After a few minutes of silence, Chelsea came straight to the point, "How did it go?"
I proceeded to tell Chelsea about using Alec as a fake date and how I danced with Tyler. After some prodding, I told her about Edward asking me if I was okay. Chelsea raised an eyebrow.
"How did that make you feel?"
I crossed my arms and sighed, "Honestly, it felt good. Even though I'm still furious with him, it was nice that he still knew me well enough to understand that I was upset. It felt like he cared."
Why did I care?
"You seem upset about your feelings," Chelsea stated.
"Of course I'm upset," I exclaimed. "I shouldn't care about Edward. He fucking cheated on me with my best friend. He lied to be and betrayed my trust! There shouldn't be any part of me that wants to know about his life! I shouldn't be talking to him, let alone, cyber-stalking him! God, he makes me so angry!"
Understatement of the century.
Chelsea raised her eyebrow at me and said, "What do you mean by cyber-stalking?"
I told Chelsea all about my adventures on Google. She occasionally took notes as I told my story. As I continued, I became even more irate. The whole situation sounded stupid and immature. Not to mention, fucking crazy.
Oh God, I'm officially the crazy ex-wife…
The book was one thing, but this was a new level of crazy. Should I order my night-vision goggles now?
Chelsea interrupted my inner ramblings. "Why are you so mad at yourself?"
"I'm just furious about how Edward makes me feel. I hate that he's in Denver. I hate that I care about his life. I hate that I still feel a connection to him. I hate that a part of me regrets our relationship. I just hate…"
"What do you hate, Bella?" Chelsea prodded.
"That I don't hate him at all."
-o-o-o-
After my talk with Chelsea, I was concerned that I didn't know how I truly felt about Edward.
Why did the session have to end on that note?
I was upset that our session ended after I said I didn't hate Edward. For once, I found myself wishing that I had more than an hour-long session. There were so many emotions that I needed to sort through. I was terrified that I would run into Edward and make an idiot out of myself. Until I could figure everything out, there was no way that I would be able to hold an intelligent conversation with him.
As a result, if I saw anyone who looked even remotely like him, I ran and hid.
On Tuesday I was supposed to meet Angela during one of her breaks to go get cookies from 'The Cookie Lady.' We were heading towards Republic Plaza when I thought I saw Edward walking down the street. I quickly ducked inside the first door I came to. As the man passed the shop, I realized it wasn't Edward. I turned around and noticed that I was standing in the middle of a waxing room in a salon. The customer was glaring at me from one of the tables. I profusely apologized for interrupting an appointment before I left the shop.
Seriously, what kind of salon doesn't lock the back door?
I hurried down the street to catch Angela while I berated myself for overreacting. Unfortunately for me, my embarrassing incidents were just beginning.
On Wednesday morning I was heading out to meet Esme for our weekly coffee talk. It was raining, so I walked to the bottom of the 16th Street Mall and waited for the free shuttle. Towards the back of the bus, I saw a man with unruly bronze hair. I panicked and got off at the next stop.
The Starbucks where Esme and I usually met was four blocks away, but I chose to walk the rest of the way in the rain. As I hurried down the street, men whistled at me. I arrived at Starbucks fifteen minutes late and soaking wet. When I saw Esme, she quickly threw me her coat. Apparently, you could see my nipples through my wet shirt and bra.
No wonder so many men were whistling at me.
Could this week get any worse?
I got my answer on Thursday when I reached a new low. Alec asked me to meet him for lunch at Earl's. I was the first to arrive, so I secured a booth for the two of us. As I was mulling over the specials menu, a flash of bronze caught my attention. I discreetly glanced over my menu and tried to determine if that hair belonged to Edward. Before I could make a decision, the bronze-haired man turned in my direction. I panicked and dove into the booth. I held my breath and prayed that he didn't see me.
This is ridiculous, Bella. You're laying ass-up in a very public booth!!!
Just as I decided to sit up and act like an adult, I heard an amused voice ask, "Are you hiding from me, Bella?"
I looked up into the bright blue eyes of Rosalie.
"Hi, Rose. What are you doing here?"
"I was visiting Emmett at his office when Alec told us that he was meeting you for lunch and we decided to join him," she explained, "but I think the real question is, who were you trying to hide from?"
I looked around the restaurant and Edward was nowhere to be found. Now I just wanted to hide from the amused expressions on Rose, Emmett, and Alec's faces.
"I was hiding from Edward," I mumbled.
"What was that?" Emmett questioned.
I spoke up. "I was hiding from Edward."
Alec looked around and inquired, "Is he here?"
"No. I just thought I saw him," I muttered.
"So, you were hiding from an imaginary Edward?" Alec joked.
"It's not funny!" I exclaimed, "I'm going crazy here. I feel like I'm seeing him everywhere. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hide from a figment of your own imagination?"
"He isn't Satan, Bella. I don't see why you can't just acknowledge the man in a mature way. Besides, most guys don't look like Edward. How are you seeing him everywhere?" Rose laughed.
"It's not my fault. It's the damn Colorado sun," I said under my breath.
My explanation only caused the three of them to laugh harder.
"How is the sun responsible for your delusions?" Emmett asked.
"The sun is always shining here, so everyone's natural highlights are accentuated."
"Yeah, that's a bunch of crap," Alec said matter-of-factly.
"What?" I asked in mock innocence.
He just looked at me, eyebrows raised.
"Fine. You win. I'm freaking crazy," I sighed.
"And delusional," Alec prompted.
I swatted Alec's arm. "And delusional," I agreed
The four of us began eating and discussing our lives. Emmett was excited because he was buying a new house right near Washington Park. I kept waiting for him to announce that Rosalie would be moving in with him, but it appeared that they hadn't discussed it. My cousin was growing up. I could tell that he was getting his life in order so he could propose to Rose.
I'm so freaking proud of him.
Rose was working on a new article for the Denver Post. The guy who wrote the sports section quit, so Rose was now in charge of all things sports in Denver. The guys were thrilled with the idea of free Bronco, Nuggets, Rockies, and Avalanche tickets. If I was being honest, so was I.
Alec was working on a new campaign at work. He needed to come up with a pitch for the Denver Athletic Club. After inviting the three of us to scope out the facility with him, the conversation turned to me.
"So Bella, it's your turn for show-and-tell," Rose said.
"Since you've already shown us your ass and your purple panties, let's stick with the tell portion," Emmett quipped.
"Ha, Ha. You two are so funny," I mocked. Then I thought about what he said. "Wait. Could you really see my panties?"
My face flushed when the three of them nodded in response. "God, this is so embarrassing," I whined.
"Don't be such a drama queen, B. It wasn't that bad," Rose said. "It could have been much worse."
I knew I was going to regret it, but I asked, "Really? What could I have done that would be more embarrassing than flashing my ass?"
Alec grabbed my hand and held it down on the seat of the booth between our bodies. Then he moaned loudly.
What the fuck?
Rose, Emmett, and I stared at him as he began to pant.
"What the hell are you doing?" Rose hissed.
"Oh shit," Alec grunted. He slapped his hand on the hand on the tabletop and groaned, "Fuck, Bella!"
My face turned bright red. Other patrons started to notice Alec's performance. Rose appeared to be just as embarrassed as I was. Emmett, on the other hand, was shaking in silent laughter.
When Alec realized people were watching him, he started gyrating his hips and moaning louder.
"Yes, Bella! You give the best hand jobs, baby!" he grunted.
"Stop!" I demanded.
I was desperately trying to pull my hand away, but Alec was stronger than I was and my struggling just made it appear like I was really getting him off.
Shit. I am going to kill him.
Emmett decided that it was time to join the show. Between laughs, he boomed out, "God, Bella. Can't you keep your hands off the man until you get home? I really don't want to watch this shit during lunch!"
Rose smacked Emmett and hissed, "Knock it off, assholes."
The waiter was storming towards our table when Alec yelled out, "Fuck! Bella!"
He finally released my hand. With a huge smile on his face, Alec asked, "Would you hand me a napkin, baby? This is kinda messy."
I dug through my purse and threw a few bills on the table.
"You're an asshole," I spat at him. Rose and I got up and left the restaurant.
"Can you believe those idiots?" she exclaimed, as we walked down the 16th Street Mall.
"Yes. Actually, I can. It's kinda funny, but I would never tell them that," I laughed.
"Seriously, don't encourage them," Rose said, and then sighed. "We definitely can't go back to Earl's for awhile."
"If ever," I added.
When we reached the corner, Rose needed to head in the opposite direction. She pulled me into a hug and said, "You shouldn't be hiding from Edward, Bella. You have a wonderful life now and his being in Denver shouldn't change that."
I squeezed her and whispered, "I love you, Rose. Thanks for being the best friend a girl could ask for."
"Love you too, B. I have a work function this evening, but we'll talk some more tomorrow night," she replied with a wink.
-o-o-o-
I ran down the block as quickly as my heels would allow. Rose, Emmett, and Alec were waiting for me at the Rio Grande. I had been dying for a margarita all week. The Rio had a three margarita limit because of their alcohol content and usually, I would only drink two and give my third to Alec or Emmett, but tonight I planned on getting trashed.
I hurried into the restaurant and headed upstairs. I rounded the corner and saw the long table where Rose, Emmett, and Alec were seated. When they noticed me, the three of them dove onto the chairs next to them.
"Assholes!" I yelled, but then couldn't help but laugh.
"Come on, B," Emmett chuckled, "You can't expect us to forget about your booth diving."
"There will be no more booth-diving in my future. It's time I put on my big-girl panties and stop hiding from my past," I stated.
"Ahhh, my little girl is growing up," Rose mocked.
When the waiter arrived, we ordered some guacamole and chips along with our margaritas. Soon the drinks were flowing and we were all enjoying ourselves. After an hour, I noticed that Alice and Felix still hadn't joined us.
"Hey. Has anyone heard from Alice or Felix?" I asked. "Weren't they supposed to meet us tonight?"
Emmett said, "I heard from Felix about half an hour ago. He sent me a text that said, 'Your sister is fucking crazy. We'll be there soon'."
"So what's going on with them?" I asked.
Alec snorted, "Probably another fight."
"Why do they even stay together?" I asked. "You would think all that drama would be exhausting."
"Amazing make-up sex?" Alec guessed.
Emmett smacked his hands over his ears and chanted, "My sister is a virgin. My sister is a virgin. My sister is a virgin."
Rose snorted, "Right, babe. I bet Alice lost her V-Card before you."
Emmett gave Rose a shocked look. "Can't you at least pretend for me that Alice is a virgin? "
"Felix likes it rough," Alec said.
"Shut the fuck up, man!" Emmett yelled.
The three of us were laughing at Emmett when Alice came storming up to the table. She grabbed our scared waiter and demanded, "We need six shots of tequila and I need a strawberry margarita. Anyone else need something?"
Refills were ordered and Alice sat down in a chair. I could tell she was fuming. "So, where's Felix?" I asked.
"The fucker is on his way," she answered.
Alice's angry tone caused the four of us to stare at her. Usually, when she fought with Felix, Alice would be a blubbering mess. This was definitely new.
Felix joined our table as the waiter came back with our round of shots.
"What are we drinking to, Alice?" Rose asked.
We all lifted up our shot glasses and Alice said, "Here's to pregnancy tests and being single." Alice and Felix quickly downed their shots as the rest of us stared at them.
What?
"What the fuck do you mean?" Emmett demanded.
"Well, Felix knocked me up and then broke up with me," Alice answered as she lifted up her margarita glass and took a sip.
Son of a bitch.
I was contemplating how many fingers I'd lose if I tried to take Alice's drink away, when Emmett glared at Felix and asked in a deadly calm voice, "You knocked-up my sister and broke up with her?"
"Fuck, Alice. Way to be dramatic," Felix sighed. "No. I didn't knock her up. The test came back negative. I don't want to get married or have kids, but Alice does. That's why we broke up."
I was relieved. It was about time the two of them realized they didn't have common goals.
Alice glared at Felix and said, "What you forgot to mention is that you broke up with me as we were waiting for the test results, Asshole."
"Shit, Alice. All I said was that I didn't want the white picket fence. The breakup came later," Felix snapped.
The four of us watched their fight progress. I'm sure to an outsider it looked like we were watching a tennis match with the way our heads kept moving back and forth. It was painful to watch Alice's face flinch when Felix mentioned that he didn't want to settle down.
The worst moment came when Alice said, "Yeah, well at least I'm not stuck carrying your bastard child."
The silence at the table was deafening. Felix silently appraised Alice before he answered, "Yes. Thank God for that." He pushed away from the table and threw down some money. "Well, it's been an interesting night, but I'm gonna take off."
"Want me to come with you?" Alec asked.
Felix shook his head. "No. I'm good."
The five of us watched him leave. When silence threatened to overtake the table again, Alec decided to be a smartass. He looked over at Emmett and said, "Still believe Alice is a virgin?"
Emmett scowled at Alec, then turned to Alice and asked in a hopeful tone, "Immaculate conception, right Al?"
Everyone laughed and the awkwardness dissipated. We joked around and enjoyed each other's company. As I looked around the table, I realized there was no place in the world I'd rather be. Towards the end of the night, Alice got serious.
She looked over at me and said, "I know this is shitty timing, but I need to move back in."
Shit.
During all the drama, I forgot that I was living in Alice's condo.
"We'll work it all out," I told her.
Time to find your own place, Bella…
-o-o-o-
The next morning I dragged my butt out of bed and drove to Washington Park. I parked near the boathouse and began my stretching exercises. According to my schedule, I needed to run eight miles today, meaning three laps around the park. I was not in the mood to run today and I knew that I was going to struggle with the distance.
As I began my run, I had to focus on moving. The tasty margaritas from the night before no longer seemed like such a great idea. After my first lap, I got in a groove. I stopped focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and just enjoyed the park. The flower gardens were in bloom and the sun was shining.
I had been so paranoid about seeing Edward this past week that I hadn't taken the time to enjoy my life. For the past few years, I thought I had worked through my feelings about the end of my life with Edward. When I saw him at the charity gala, I realized how much farther I had to go to truly be happy.
I needed to address my feelings towards Edward and accept that I would always care for him. He may not be my husband anymore, but he would always be a large part of my past. In all reality, my relationship with Edward played a significant role in shaping who I am today. There was no reason to regret our time together. If it wasn't for Edward, I wouldn't be a best-selling author. Not to mention, I would have never made the effort to get to know the Cullens.
Around mile five, I decided that I was ready to see Edward again. I would not actively seek him out, but I would not avoid him either.
Who knows? Maybe in time, I wouldn't have to fake being civil to him.
After I made my decision, I felt significantly lighter. It was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I stopped dwelling on the insecure ramblings of my subconscious and focused on the sound of gravel crunching beneath my feet. I picked up my pace and pushed myself to finish my run on a strong note.
When there were two miles left in my run, I noticed a man with bronze hair about fifty feet ahead of me. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. My mind had been playing tricks on me all week, so there was no need to panic. The odds of him being Edward were slim to none.
As I closed in on the man, I got a better look at him. There was something familiar about his gait.
It was Edward.
He looked towards me as I tried to run past him and his green eyes widened in recognition. I began to panic.
I am so full of shit.
I'm all talk. There is no way that I am ready to speak to Edward.
"Good Morning, Bella," Edward said.
I panted out a greeting in return. Then Edward started running at the same pace as I was, so I slowed down and hoped that he would pass me. Instead, he adjusted his pace and matched mine. In an effort to shake him, I sped up to a pace that I could barely sustain. Once again, Edward adjusted his speed to keep up with me.
Just when I was considering what else I could do to shake him, my ending point came into view. After I crossed my own personal finish line, I began walking, and Edward walked with me.
"Since when do you run?" he asked me between pants.
I placed my hands on top of my head and focused on taking deep breaths.
Play nice, Bella. You just decided to act like a grown-up.
"I picked it up in the last year or so. I just love how you can run outside almost year-round here," I answered.
Edward rested his forearms on his head and panted, "Shit. The altitude is kicking my ass. It makes breathing so much harder."
I laughed. "It does take some getting used to. Just make sure to drink tons of water so you don't get altitude sickness."
"Not to mention, I really had to push myself to keep up with you," he gasped.
"That was fast for me too," I confessed. I glanced down at my watch and was surprised.
"I actually shaved three minutes off my time. That's a first."
"Maybe you just needed the right running partner," Edward quipped.
Or I just need to visualize running away from you.
"Perhaps," I replied in a distant tone.
We reached my car. As I retrieved my key, Edward noted, "You still have the Lexus."
I just nodded. I started to get in the car when Edward asked, "Would you like to get a coffee with me, Bella? There's a Dazbog down the road and I would really like a chance to talk to you."
"About what?" I replied.
"Us. I've missed you. I'd like to talk to you about what happened and see if you could ever forgive me. I really just want to be a part of your life again," he said.
The sincere look in Edward's eyes took my breath away. He was really trying to build a relationship with me again, but while I had made the decision to be cordial, it didn't mean I should go on coffee dates with him.
"I'm not ready to talk about our past. To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I ever will be," I sighed.
"Please think about it, Bella," he pleaded.
"I will," I promised.
Edward ran his hand through his hair and smiled at me. "I guess I should let you go. Maybe we could run together again sometime?"
"Maybe," I replied, "Have a good day, Edward."
"You too."
Edward waved at me as I pulled away from the park. I waved back and thought about our conversation.
It was our first of many runs together…
A/N: As always, I appreciate everyone's constructive criticism. This week's bribe is an excerpt from Bella's book. All past bribes are located in the separate story, "A Woman Scorned Outtakes."
Thank you to the following people for recommending this story:
-Madison Ashlee
-NYNJTwiGals
-Five Seas
-Bella Madonna in her community Twilight Fans Over Thirty-Five