Just so you know, the delay in posting was because I got caught up with a chapter for the current 4WS story I'm working on. It's getting hard to split my spare time between the two but I will do my best to keep going. Enjoy :o)
In the morning
Zack groaned as he heard the ever faithful alarm clock announce the need for them to get up, his hand blindly reaching back to shut it off as quickly as possible. For a few seconds his fingers danced over the flat surface of the bedside cabinet in search of the traitorous device, the tips brushing against familiar cool plastic for the briefest of moments before he slapped a calloused palm down over it completely. Unfortunately mako enhanced strength should really be controlled, the simplest of actions having greater force and therefore needing more focus and attention when being used. But this was not the case right now as the soldier's eyes remained closed, his mind and normally restrained instincts still clouded by a soft warm fog which refused to budge. As a result the loud crack which echoed in the room was not a good sign, nor was the pitiful cry the alarm clock gave as it died by his hand, the vague realisation of what he'd just done making the soldier screw his face up in mild annoyance.
"Damn it." Zack grumbled sleepily, his arm coming back round to his chest as he curled up again. "Stupid alarm clock." He yawned, as his hand casually began to search the bed for the warm body which he knew should be there.
It only took a moment for his fingers to connect with a new surface, the warm soft skin they touched making his heart flutter and a little rush of happiness flow through him. The soldier smiled and knew that if Cloud was awake he'd probably see a goofy grin being aimed his way, the half conscious thoughts which stumbled through his brain making Zack chuckle softly as he tried to pull the cadet's sleeping form closer towards him. Except the body within his arms refused to move under his gentle manipulation, the smaller frame in fact becoming tense under his hold and if anything pulling away from him more.
Zack's eyes were open in a second, the violet orbs blinking rapidly to clear away the remaining sleep which now escaped him like air leaving a balloon. Instantly his blurry vision was filled with the sight of pale ivory flesh, of golden hair spread out over the soft pillow, and deep dark pools of blue as Cloud stared back at him.
"Spiky?" The soldier asked uncertainly, the guarded look on the cadet's face causing him to worry. "What's wrong?"
"You moved me." Cloud noted evenly, his expression and voice so neutral it made it impossible to guess what he was really thinking or feeling.
"Yes." Zack replied hesitantly, his heart slowly picking up its pace as a result of the eerie calm which seemed to be emanating from the blonde.
"Why?" The cadet asked softly, his head tilting forward so that their eyes were no longer connected.
Not only did the question catch the soldier by surprise as he struggled to find the right answer, but also the flicker of emotion he'd briefly seen in Cloud's sapphire orbs as it was spoken. There had been a look of joy in those beautifully glowing gems, a moment of happiness which shone brighter than the sun, but also fear and uncertainty as if everything he held dear could be taken away from him at any second. And Zack felt his heart miss a beat as it absorbed the hurt that gaze had caused, the organ within his chest taking over control of his body and mind as it fought to make everything alright again.
"Because this is where you belong." The soldier stated firmly, his hand now moving to gently cup the blonde's face and lift it up to look at him again.
This time it was Cloud who didn't know what to say as the words drifted around them, his baby blue spheres glossing over with the beginning of tears as the tiniest of smiles began to form on his lips. Inside his heart was racing at what had been said, the muscle beating happily at the comfort such simple words could bring while at the same time making him feel foolish once more.
"Never doubt that Cloud, never." Zack continued, his expression now one of unconditional love and the need to be believed.
"I'm sorry." The cadet whispered, his eyelids closing as they tried to clear the building dampness away. "I ... I had a really weird day yesterday and then ... and then going to bed in the ... in the ..." The blonde tried to explain, his voice cracking slightly at the memory of where he'd gone to sleep.
"In the wrong room." The soldier finished for him, the comment earning him a slightly brighter smile.
"Yea, the wrong room." Cloud whispered in agreement, a single tear breaking free and rolling down over his soft cheek.
Had Zack not already seen the emotions which swam within the cadet's eyes he would have been afraid of that single drop of moisture, the crystal like bead normally representing pain or sorrow. But because he'd been looking into those deep pools of blue before they closed he'd seen it all, the joy and happiness which Cloud was feeling being clear to see as well as the unexpected relief the words had brought.
This time the soldier was fully awake when his fingers delicately explored the surface they were now connected to, the tips caressing the soft cheek with a feather light touch as they wiped the tear away.
"Cloud." He began, his voice becoming soft and unsure. "Why do I feel like ... like I should be apologising for something."
"I ... I don't know." The blonde replied, the slight waver as he spoke betraying his words.
"Yea, I think you do." Zack corrected, his voice still faint but now with a hint of gentle chiding to it. "It doesn't take a genius to see that this situation, you and me in bed together, is a surprise and a relief to you." He sighed, the tone he used becoming almost a plea as he spoke again. "And I need to know why so I don't do it again, so that I don't give you a reason to doubt where you belong ever again."
"It's noth..." Cloud began, his eyelids snapping open in shock as rough finger tips suddenly pressed down over his lips and silenced the words.
"Don't." The soldier warned almost desperately, his violet eyes begging the cadet to not shut him out. "Tell me the truth, like we agreed." He ordered tenderly, the look in his amethyst orbs softening so they took on the deepest puppy pout the blonde had ever seen.
For a minute neither of them spoke as Zack gave Cloud time to answer, the cadet letting out a slow breath and closing his sky blue spheres once more as he tried to gather his thoughts. In truth there was just too much that the blonde wanted to say, his mind racing over which words would be safe to use and what confessions he wanted the soldier to actually hear right now. But deep within his chest he could feel his heart beating fiercely, the strong muscle pounding out a rhythm which demanded that he at least speak the truth which Zack had asked for.
"We ... we were ... supposed to talk ... last night." Cloud began hesitantly as the soldier's fingers moved away to let him talk, his voice becoming a little strained with the uncertainty of how the explanation might sound. "I was expecting us to ... I didn't think that ... but it's ok, because you have friends and I ..." The cadet began to stammer, the reasons now rushing through his head so fast that he was barely finishing one before speaking the next.
"Oh Gaia Cloud, I'm so sorry." Zack suddenly cut in, the shocked and pained tone as he spoke silencing the blonde instantly. "I swear it was the only thing on my mind all morning but then ..." Here the soldier's words trailed off, as he realised how they sounded.
"It's alright." Cloud sighed, his head turning away slightly even though his eyes were still closed. "Kunsel's your friend and I ... I wanted you to ... and you were happy talking, so it doesn't matter." The cadet murmured, his broken reassurances not helping the soldier to feel any better at all.
"You're right, Kunsel is my friend." Zack began, as he applied a little bit of firm but gentle pressure to the blonde's jaw so that his face would look up again. "But you are more than that and I should have remembered. I had all day with him and the evening was meant to be about us and I'm sorry I forgot."
"It's alright." Cloud breathed for a second time, his sky blue orbs opening to show that he meant what he'd said. "I could have said something, or at least let Kunsel go when he offered to leave, so in a way it's my fault as well."
"Why didn't you?" The soldier asked, his lavender spheres connecting with the shimmering gems in front of him and holding their gaze.
"Because you looked happy and I didn't want to take that away from you." Was the barely whispered reply, the look which accompanied it saying more than words ever could.
Within the cadet's eyes there was a silent request to know that his choice was understood, a need to know that he hadn't made a mistake, that his decision to not force the issue of their planned conversation had been the right one. But what really stole Zack's breath was the unspoken fear which was lurking deep within those watery pools of blue, the blonde's silent and almost desperate plea for forgiveness if he'd been wrong.
"I would have been happy either way Spiky." The soldier replied gently, his voice both comforting but also scolding at the same time. "You don't have to think about my happiness all the time, it's alright to think about yours as well."
"I don't ... I've never ..." Cloud began, his face screwing up as if the words were becoming a bad taste in his mouth. "It's never been about me." The cadet managed to stammer, the explanation almost choking him. "I do what I'm told or what others want because it ... it makes life easier, so that the ... the pain is ... is less." He breathed almost desolately, his eyes closing tightly as if they were trying to shut out the troubling images which now haunted his thoughts.
"Cloud, it's ok to be happy for you." Zack hurried to say, as a strong ache began to build deep with his chest. "I don't want this relationship to always be about me and I'm not going to be comfortable if I'm always wondering whether you're doing something because you want to, or if it's because I suggested we do it." The soldier stated firmly, his words causing the blonde to swallow hard and draw a small stuttering breath. "What makes you happy Cloud?" He asked tenderly, the question barely being spoken before it received an answer.
"You make me happy." The cadet blurted out, his appearance no longer hurt but now anxious as if afraid to both say and not say the words which escaped him. "Seeing you smile makes me feel good inside and hearing you laugh makes me ... makes me feel safe and warm." Cloud rushed to explain, his face becoming flushed as he spoke. "I want you to be happy because it makes me happy too." He finished breathlessly, the rosy tint to his cheeks burning brightly against the pale sheets.
"I feel the same way about you." Zack whispered tenderly, the words clearly being unexpected as the blonde's eyes flew open and he blinked in surprise. "When you smile it's like ... like I'm standing in a ray of sunshine." The soldier continued, his voice a gentle caress against Cloud's nervous heart. "And when you laugh I swear I can hear angels singing." He admitted, the heart-felt confession causing his own cheeks to develop a soft pink blush.
"Really?" The cadet gasped softly, the bright light which suddenly filled his sapphire eyes making them shine with a radiance which had no comparison.
"Yes." Zack replied firmly, his tone once again being a tenderly spoke chastisement of the blonde's doubts. "So while I appreciate what you did to give me an evening with my friend, please promise me you won't do it again."
"What, why?" Cloud choked, his baby blue's widening in surprise.
"Because last night should have been about us and I'm an idiot for forgetting that." The soldier pointed out, his words hesitating for a second before he reluctantly finished what he'd intended to say. "And you're an idiot for letting me, or for even thinking I would choose someone else over you."
If possible the cadet's eyes became even bigger in that second, the stunned azure disks growing to the size of dinner plates and causing Zack's heart to clench tight with instant regret of what he'd just said.
"Cloud I ..." He began, the apology dying in his suddenly dry mouth.
"No, it's ok." The blonde cut in quickly before the soldier could speak again. "You're right ... I think." He managed before his own voice started to become caught in his throat. "I ... I've always done what other people wanted, so it wouldn't cause problems." Cloud explained, his expression softening as he saw the confused and slightly fearful look on Zack's face. "I'm not used to being ... to being able to ..."
"To what?" The soldier found himself asking, as the cadet's voice faltered and his angelic features once again became hunted by things which only he could see.
"To being allowed to do what I want." The blonde finished, his whole body seeming to collapse in on itself as the explanation escaped him. "I know I chose to join the army and that sometimes I ... I go off alone." Cloud started to clarify, his justification for the statement pausing briefly as he took a deep steadying breath. "But when I'm around other people I've learnt that it's ... better ... to do what they want."
"But why?" Zack asked, his mind racing over the implications of the strained admission. "And why would you think that Kunsel and I wouldn't allow it, that we'd be like everyone else, that I'd be like everyone else?" The soldier demanded to know, his heart being crushed in a vice like grip as the words sunk in.
"You're both high ranking soldiers Zack." The cadet pointed out, the reason he gave seeming obvious yet clearly not being an acceptable one. "I'm just a cadet and have no say in what you choose to do." He continued uncertainly, the reaction he got being an unexpected one.
"When we're off duty, and especially here in the apartment, there is no rank." The soldier argued sternly, his handsome features darkening to show his dislike for how the blonde still viewed himself. "I've told you that over a hundred times already and I wish to Gaia you would accept it."
"It's hard to let go of something that's been drilled into me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, since I got here." Cloud countered coolly, his own expression hardening defensively under Zack's stern gaze.
"When you're in class, training or on missions then yea, rank matters." The soldier growled softly, a faint wisp of green floating within his amethyst orbs. "But you're my boyfriend now and in our home we're equals and I won't have you thinking anything less, do you understand?" Zack all but ordered, his firm demands being meet by both silence and owl like eyes that once again blinked in shock.
"Cloud." He probed gentle, his voice instantly softening and becoming concerned as he took in the cadet's stunned appearance.
"You said ... you said ... boyfriend." The blonde mumbled, his icy expression quickly melting to become one of pure joy and happiness.
"Yea." The soldier replied softly as he watched Cloud's cheeks become the colour of rose petals, his own face now feeling a little warm as he realised they hadn't actually used that word in their relationship yet.
"You said boyfriend." The cadet repeated faintly, the delight this one word seemed to bring now vey evident in the blonde's flushed pleasure filled features.
"That's right, I did." Zack confirmed gently, his fingers suddenly remembering where they were still placed and once again stroking the soft skin beneath them in a reassuring caress.
"I wasn't ... I wasn't sure." Cloud breathed, the blue of his eyes now a sea of emotions. "I mean I ... I know what you said, that you lo.. that you care about me." The cadet stammered, his sapphire orbs looking in every direction except the soldier's.
"I care about you because I love you Cloud." Zack interrupted, the affectionate tone he used drawing those watery oceans to him immediately. "I love you." He repeated firmly, his own amethyst spheres now holding the ones which shimmered in front of him so that the declaration would not be doubted.
"I ... I ..." The cadet croaked as a lump rose in his throat and cut off what he was trying to say, the gathering tears breaking free to trial down over his coral toned cheeks.
"This is why last night was important to you, isn't it?" The soldier asked, his head and heart already knowing the answer and once more cursing him softly for forgetting. "Because there are things you wanted ... no, things you needed to talk about."
Still a little choked on his own emotions the blonde could only nod in silent agreement to what had been said, his insides still bubbling with joy at the words which had been spoken. He was loved, he Cloud strife the good for nothing runt from Nibelheim was loved, he the sorry excuse for a cadet and pathetic no hope soldier wannabe was loved. The thought alone quickly became both frightening but also wonderfully scary, like one of those fast rides at an amusement park which make you sick to your stomach yet have you crying out with joy. The idea that someone could actually care about him that deeply and even speak the words was a terrifying pleasure, the thrill it left coursing through his veins as the blonde felt himself being rushed along the winding track. And as Cloud felt the adrenaline surge grow within him he knew there was only one way to show Zack how he felt, his body now experiencing the sensations which always came with the slow climb just before the big fall began.
"Cloud." The soldier called softly with concern, as he noticed how the blonde's breaths had started to catch and his heart rate had increased slightly. "Are you alright?" Zack asked gently, as yet again his fingers moved to erase the silvery tracks left behind drawing the cadet slowly back from wherever his deep thoughts had taken him.
"Yes." Cloud managed after a moment, his distant gaze coming back into focus but now holding a different kind of look within it.
And suddenly the feelings of reassuring comfort they had been sharing changed into something else, the warm glow in the blonde's eyes having become darker and more heated as if his thoughts were suddenly running along a different path entirely.
"What are you thinking about Spiky?" Zack asked carefully, his own voice now a little unsteady and deeper than before.
"About being here with you, like this." The cadet replied softly, his body gradually leaning in towards the soldier's so that their noses were almost touching. "Where I belong." He whispered gently, the same reassurances from earlier now escaping his mouth as a hot breath which ghosted over Zack's skin causing goose-bumps of excitement to rise.
"Cloud I ..." The soldier began before he was cut off, the feel of soft lips pressing down upon his own not only stealing the words he'd been about to say but also his next breath as well.
For a moment Zack was left stunned by the unexpected display of affection, the cadet's open and unreserved actions honestly catching him a little by surprise. But then the moment passed and his brain caught up with his body, the soldier's tongue quickly moving to join in the experience as it teased against the seam of Cloud's mouth in the hopes of deepening the kiss.
It was no surprise that the blonde's lips parted willingly under the silently spoken request, a soft heated moan escaping from the smaller frame only to be devoured by the larger one pressing up against it. Suddenly they were kissing each other passionately, their mouths joining in a way which conveyed all of the emotions being felt yet without a single word needing to be said between them. Their arms moved in almost synchronised timing to embrace the other firmly, one set of strong limbs sliding around a narrow waist to draw it closer while another more delicate set eagerly wound themselves up over broad muscular shoulders. In a matter of heart beats they were holding each other so tightly it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began, their bodies pressing up so closely together that not even air could exist between them. And for a brief moment there was only them and their desire, the love each man felt for the other washing over both, as they fought the need to breath in favour of making the pleasurable experience last longer.
But oxygen is a precious thing to the human body, a vital part of everyday living which cannot be denied or willingly refused, and as the cadet and soldier's hearts continued to race their lungs began to cry out desperately for it. As a result Cloud was the first to break away from the kiss and draw in gasping breaths of air, his face flushed with a lust-filled glow as his sky blue eyes continued to blaze with heated arousal and desire.
"I love you." The blonde panted, as he struggled to say the things which were consuming him from within. "Don't ever leave me, please." He whispered pleadingly, the uneven breaths which escaped him making the words even more powerful as they bore their way into Zack's heart.
"I'll never leave you Cloud, never." The soldier reassured, his arms moving to embrace the cadet and pull him in as securely against his own body as physically possible.
And for a few minutes they simply lay there holding each other as if the rest of the world didn't exist, both happily drawing comfort from the each other in that moment and silently wanting it to last forever.
It was only after a short time had passed that Zack found himself reminded of their need to get up, his body reluctantly pulling away from the cadet so that he could twist around and look at the clock behind him. His small snort and then soft chuckle instantly drew a questioning look from Cloud, the sight of the recently deceased gadget on the beside cabinet being mildly entertaining, if not a little annoying as well, and something the cadet couldn't actually see from where he was lying.
"Guess I need to get a new one of those today." The soldier sighed, his comment encouraging the blonde to raise himself up on one elbow to look past him and see the broken timepiece as well.
"Wow," Cloud gasped softly, the amusement of the situation very evident in his voice. "You really taught it a lesson." He added teasingly, a small giggle escaping his delicate lips before he could stop it.
"Don't blame me, they should make those things soldier proof or something." Zack moaned, as he gave the blonde an affectionate playful squeeze.
"Or maybe they should just make them Zack proof." Cloud joked, his whole body now glowing with pleasure and feeling very much at home within the soldier's arms.
It was at this point that Zack realised the cadet was at his most relaxed, the heightened emotions they had both felt only moment ago now calmer and more tender in nature. He knew that the passionate kiss had become a release for the pent up feelings which both of them had wanted to let out, but also understood that there were still things which needed to be discussed before taking their physical relationship any further. It was with these thoughts that he gently eased the blonde back away from him so that their eyes could meet once more, his desire no longer one of intimacy but to start making up for his previous mistake from the night before.
"Look, I know yesterday didn't go as planned." The soldier began, as he carefully ran his fingers along the blonde's cheek in a gently caress. "But why don't we try and have that talk again tonight over dinner, just the two of us." He suggested, his smile becoming brighter as the cadet lent into the touch and nuzzled his hand affectionately. "I'll cook us dinner here or we could get take out again, whatever you prefer, and we can go over everything that you want to." Zack concluded, as Cloud's sapphire orbs brightened and a wondrous smile appeared on his lips.
"I'd like that." The cadet agreed softly, as he moved in closer to the soldier's body and resettled himself against a firm, well toned chest.
Zack's inside melted like ice-cream on a summers day as he felt the smaller body curl up within his arms, as the soft breaths which escaped Cloud's delicate lips blew gently against his chest, and the feel of the blonde's heart beating alongside his own filled him with joy.
And for a little while they happily forgot about the rest of the world and the things which awaited them that day, the pair simply content to remain holding each other within a loving embrace for as long as possible, or at least until the broken alarm clock tried to tell them it was time to get up again.