Chapter 5 – Talking is Only Half the Conversation

This chapter is, sadly, a rewrite from what I originally had. Due to me deleting my entire documents folder, much of my time today was spend copying and pasting everything that I had published and desperately trying to get back everything that I didn't have published. There were some serious literary casualties today. As London would say, "Yay Me!"

Disclaimer: I do not own the Suite Life series or any characters from the shows.

Already seated at the table, imported beer in hand, was Kurt, smiling at seeing his son and wife together. As they descended the stairs and took their seats next to him he sipped from the green bottle of stronger-than-American liquid.

Carey seized the time in between her husband's gulps to initiate conversation. "So Zack, you must have a lot of questions."

Zack nodded slowly, having and out-of-body experience.

Another sip. At this point it was clearly obvious to Carey that he was avoiding talking, waiting until he had a well-thought-out statement. Waiting until he was able to delve into the boy's mind and make him expose his secrets – make him want to expose his secrets.

"I suppose you want to know what we're like."

Another sip from Kurt. Another nod from Zack. Like father, like son.

"What questions do you have?"

Zack nearly laughed. "I have a million questions. You may as well start from the beginning."

Kurt decided to speak, "Well, Zack. I'm a psychiatrist as you've already found out. Your mother and I met at a wedding as ironic as that is." He paused to laugh, then continued, "I'm sure your mother would love to tell you all about it."

Carey shot him a sarcastic look and continued, "Well I won't bore you with those details. But, we got married and we had you. And we've been happy ever after."

An awkward paused filled the room, threatening to turn the conversation rancid.

"I'm a regional manager for a large paper company. It's quite the boring job. I'm also the cool parent."

Carey and Kurt engaged in a bout of flirtatious, playful hitting and laughing, filling the room with noise.

Zack unintentionally stopped them with a raise of an eyebrow.

They regained their composure.

"Any other questions?"

Zack sighed, "Yeah, what about me? What am I like? Do I have a girlfriend? Do I get in trouble?"

Carey took that one, noticing Kurt chose to take a swig of his beer. "You're a very good kid Zack. You never get in trouble. And no, you don't have a girlfriend. You were never much concerned with the opposite sex."

She either stopped speaking or he stopped listening, Zack couldn't tell.

How can this be? I'm nothing like that! How am I supposed to live this life. I can't live a lie, I can't pretend to be this person that I'm not. It's like their taking away my identity. I didn't have much to live by but people always knew Zack Martin as the prankster and the ladies' man. Now I'm being stripped of those labels?

Zack wasn't listening as they continued to list off traits, he was hearing. The occasional word or two or three would enter his ear to be hardly processed.

"… good grades… hard working… quick learner…"

Cody, wherever you are, please listen to me. I don't now how to do this. I can't do this. Please, tell me what to do. Whenever I didn't understand something you'd explain it to me. I didn't understand a lot of things, but no matter how complicated they were I could understand them when you explained it. Please tell me what to do. I need you Cody.

"… artist… teachers' favorite student… not into sports…"

This isn't me, Cody. I can't pretend to be this person. They think I'm just suddenly going to change into their perfect son in this perfect little world. I'm me. I'm not… this other me.

"… close friends… problems with bullies… volunteers for charities…"

Cody they're describing you. It's like they're trying to remind me of you, but I don't think they have any idea what they're doing. Wherever you are now Cody, just know that I love you. I love you and please don't be mad at me for anything. I'm sorry for everything.

"… Zack? Zack? Are you listening?"

Zack snapped back to his wretched reality – his vile world – with a jolt.

As Kurt let his wife finish his list of their son's traits he let his mind slip back into the hollows of his consciousness.

He's not even listening. I think we've sent him into shock. All this information must be hard for him to take in. The mind comprehends what it wants to. I don't think Zack wants to comprehend any of what's happening now. He's shutting it out. He's trying to make it seem like he's accepting it, but inside I bet he's crying and screaming. He's got a wall around his brain and every word, every trait, we throw at it is deflected. Somehow, we've got to make him want to try out his life. He's going to have to. He's got some serious catching up to do in school. Of course, Zack never had a problem with school so I doubt that'd be any problem.

But that was the old Zack. Maybe this new Zack isn't as smart. Maybe's he's not as quick. Suddenly it seems like this conversation should be going the other way. It seems like he should be the one telling us who he is.

I can't believe I said the old Zack. It's horrible to think of your own child as two parts. The old Zack and the new Zack are one and the same. There are always two halves to a whole. Maybe, subconsciously his mind separated itself into different qualities, placing the good ones in the front to be acted upon. That leaves the bad qualities. Is that was Zack is now? From what he's said he's not bad at all. If anything he's just scared.

This would make one hell of a psychology case. I wonder what my professors would have said.

Carey, finally relieved that her husband was talking, took advantage of the time to think. Through her confusion, hope, and fear, she slipped into the confines of her mind.

Who is this boy? I don't know him. I don't know him but I love him. It doesn't seem like he's anything like Zack. Maybe they have the same body and same voice, same mannerisms, but their personalities – what really matters – are so different.

The doctors said that this could just be a temporary amnesia, that maybe he'll suddenly remember everything and go back to being normal. But what's normal? It's a façade. At least, it's been a façade for sixteen years. We had the best child in the world. He was the smartest, nicest, best kid ever. Now he's different. From what he's said he's not a quick learner or a respectful listener. From what he's said he's a flirtatious jock. That's no son of mine. That's the kind of boy who picks on my dear Zack.

This whole thing is bizarre. I read somewhere that music is a good way to vent your emotions. Maybe it's time to put my good singing voice to the test. I wonder how hard it is to write a song? Maybe if I can just pass the time, keep myself focused on something else, maybe this will all just fix itself.

"Are you listening Zack?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just a bit overwhelmed. You don't mind if I go to bed do you?

Neither parent could think of a reason to prevent him. Instead they watched with heavy hearts as their amnesiac of a son went back up the steps and into his room.

Inside, Zack threw himself at the warm and cozy and strangely unwelcoming bed. He pressed his eyelids together, desperately wanting to go to sleep. He wasn't tired. Far from it. No doubt the racing thoughts in his mind would keep him up all night. He wanted to go back to sleep because he was being told that's the only place Cody existed. Wherever Cody was, was where Zack wanted to be.

Have I died and gone to hell?