DISCLAIMERS

1. I DO NOT OWN JURASSIC PARK/WORLD. This is just for fun.

2. This is a femslash story. If you don't like that sort of thing, you won't like this.

PART 25

Lex could not sleep.

How could she, after arguably the worst day of her life?

And that was saying something.

She could not believe how she ever doubted the depths of her feelings for Claire... because if they were not strong, she would not be hurting as much as she was now.

Claire had lied to her. Tricked her. Conned her. Betrayed her. All the negativity Lex felt when she learnt about her job, all the negativity she thought she was getting past, that she felt slipping away as Claire stood before her at her doorstep, begging forgiveness - it was all back.

Lex was on the verge of giving Claire her heart, of letting go of 22 years of fear and pain... but Claire was unworthy. She lied about her job. Lied about caring for her. Lied about being true to her.

Claire had a boyfriend. In her angry, crushed state, Lex could not acknowledge Claire said they only had one date a month ago. All Lex's shattered mind registered was "boyfriend", which translated to "having a boyfriend". How could Claire's feelings for Lex be that strong if she only just ended a previous relationship? People did not jump so quickly from partner to partner... at least not Lex. Claire could not feel as strongly as she said she did. It was impossible. Especially for lowly Lex Murphy.

Lex felt terrible for herself. Being dumped on her birthday was a picnic compared to this. She had never met anyone like Claire; everything about the woman just seemed so right. It almost seemed like they were meant to be together. But it was all just an illusion. Claire's connection to that island made it clear they could not be together. There was no way Lex could ever go back there.

But... seeing Claire on her doorstep, much like she did when they first properly met... it made Lex's shattered heart ache. She wanted to believe her so much, wanted them to work it out more than anything. She wanted to believe Claire did not mean to hurt her, did not mean to take her affection and trample it into the ground. But if she had a boyfriend... how could Lex react any differently? Fidelity still meant something to her, for fuck's sake.

She thought back - as if she could not - at their final moments. Lex felt bad for hitting Claire, apologising for it... but that did not mean she was ready to fully forgive her. Lex moaned now at how weak she was when she admitted she did not want to lose her. But it was the truth: she wanted to be with Clare Dearing more than anything in the world.

More than... staying away from Isla Nublar?

Lex was so overcome with her desire to remain with Claire, her mind was not even fully recognising it when Claire asked the driver to take her bag. That meant she still intended Lex to come back with her. Could she have done? Did she want to be with Claire more than not wanting to go back to the island?

Before Lex could properly process that, of course, the driver dropped the bomb. All of Lex's fury returned after that. All she saw in Claire then was more betrayal, more deceit. Lex remembered, long after their parting, she again looked at the painting she did of the beautiful redhead. She planned to give it to Claire, as a return gift for the necklace. But now, she wanted to destroy it. Rip it apart just as Claire ripped apart her heart.

But in another spell of weakness, Lex could not bring herself to do so. She simply tossed the canvas off the easel, the piece thumping to the floor. That probably did it no favours, but in the back of her mind Lex knew it would not be damaged. Pathetic, really. If Lex had any self-respect, she would take a knife and hack the thing to pieces.

She clearly had no self-respect, though. If she did, Lex would not be in bed now, tears still streaming, her throat raw from sobbing. She should be consoling herself with the cold, hard truth: it was one week. Nothing more. She knew it could not lead to anything, and was a fool for believing it could.

It was just a week. And the week was over. As it always would have been. Lex knew she had to accept that.

But not yet. For now - and for a long time to come - she simply lay in her oh-so-empty bed, trying to cry herself to sleep...

TO BE CONCLUDED