Autumn/Fall

It was late and it was raining. Big, fat drops of water falling from the dark, heavy clouds that covered the sky over Seattle. A sudden light flash followed by a roll of thunder signalled for a restless night.

The lightning startled me for a split second forcing me to tighten my grip around the steering wheel as I drove down an unfamiliar road. I quickly recovered from the shock yet the girl next to me literally jumped from her seat. I put my right hand on her left thigh as I tenderly caressed it with my thumb trying to calm her a bit. It seemed to have worked because she soon told me to pull up into the driveway of a house on our left. Bringing her old Jeep to a halt in said driveway I turned off the engine and pulled out the key as we continued to sit there in silence. After another lightning we finally moved out of the car. I quickly grabbed my overnight bag I'd packed before coming to Seattle on such a short notice and followed her to the house. She quickly unlocked the door and soon enough we were in the dry, warm house which belonged to her mother.

I continued to follow her silently upstairs through the house as she flicked on the lights in a bedroom that seemed to be hers. There posters of rock stars and actors all over the wall, a bookshelf full of books covered in a layer of dust and then, right above her bed there was a world map with a huge red circle of Edding around Europe. A few pins were sticking out here and there, I recognized Paris and London. She must've always wanted to go to Europe.

Unlike the other things in her room, the bed seemed to be freshly made. Her mother must've assumed that she'd be sleeping here tonight.

She then came out of the bathroom fully changed into her pyjamas and we just stood there looking at each other. I slowly put down my bag and changed quickly as she silently slipped into her bed. I looked up for a moment and for the first time tonight after our visit I really looked at her.

I didn't recognize her anymore.

Her eyes looked dull. Lifeless. The usual 24/7 happiness and giddiness seemed to be covered by a thick layer of regret and guilt. I've never seen this side of Meredith before. Never would I have expected to see such a dark side of her. In the short time we've been dating she was always this happy, bright girl full of love, life and joy. She literally infected people with her optimistic ways. It hurt me to see her in such a state. She seemed to be another person. A person I didn't know at all.

Yet I knew that she wasn't like this. And I knew she wouldn't stay like this. At least I hoped so.

I silently slipped into bed with her when she turned around to face me without touching me. The bed felt cold. I had to talk to her. I had to know.

"Are you okay?", I asked her gently as we looked at each other. Something seemed to shift in her eyes.

"No.", she whispered and tightened her grip around her pillow beneath her head.

"I…do you want to talk about it?", I tried again carefully. I felt so useless. I saw that she was hurting yet I didn't know what to do other than be there. I've never been in such a situation before I must admit so I was completely clueless.

"I don't know", she whispered again yet this time I heard her voice trembling. A tear slid down her delicate cheek as she sniffed. I had to touch her. Feel her warmth. So I gently covered her hand that laid next to her face on the pillow with mine. Her hand was cold.

"I don't know.", she said again, this time not in a whisper anymore and I could detect that she was ready to talk. "I…it's just so unexpected. Such a shock.", she tried to explain. I tried to nod against the pillow.

"It's okay. Nobody was prepared for this. It's okay.", I tried to reassure her as the tears started to flow freely now almost in sync with the pouring rain outside the window.

"I… it's just…I feel so helpless.", she admitted silently as I began to trace small circles on the back of her hand. "There's nothing we can do. I…she will forget me. She' won't know me anymore. She will be all alone because there will be no memories left", she told me and looked me in the eyes and I sensed her frightened eyes. "She…we never got to know each other any better. And now that we have the chance, now that she's actually having to step down as Chief it's because she won't remember."

She was crying, my girlfriend. It hurt me to see her in such a distress the whole situation was doing to her. She looked so sad and broken. Because she now never really got the chance to get to know her mother any better. I gently brushed my thumb over her cheek and then gently cupped it with my hand when she leaned in.

We were silent for a few moments when she suddenly broke out in heavy sobs.

"I…she…She's going to be alone! I…I don't…I can't…she…", she let out in between her sobs as she started hyperventilating.

"Sssh. It's going to be okay.", I said and pulled her against my body and gently spooned her and held her tightly to my chest until I felt her heaving chest relax. "We'll figure it out."

"She will be alone. I don't want her to be alone.", she sighed softly as she calmed down.

"And she won't be alone.", I told her as I continued to hold her tightly and tried to reassure her. "She has Dr. Webber. He knows and he'll be there for her."

It seemed to put her at ease knowing that Ellis Grey had made at least one friend who would be there for her. I felt her shift slightly in my arms and I loosened my grip on her. She slowly backed out so she could turn around and look at me. She looked so much better now. Of course not as good as her usual self with all the giddiness but at least her eyes were alive again and contained some hope. She brought her hand up to my face and gently pressed her soft, full lips onto mine and let it linger for a while. She then pulled back slowly and when I reopened my eyes I saw a small smile on her lips. I couldn't help but smile a little too.

"Thank you", she then whispered to me.

"Anytime", I replied and brushed off the last remains of her tears.

"Can you just hold me?", she asked me and turned around again.

I instantly responded and we went back into the spooning position we were in before, holding her tightly to my chest. I covered her hand in mine as she placed our interlaced fingers over her heart as we drifted off into a peaceful slumber while the world outside continued to spin madly on.

In that night I experienced the dark side of Meredith for the first time. Not the usual "Bright'n'Shiny" Meredith but the "Dark'n'Twisty". And I realised that what we had wasn't just some college crush or a temporary thing. It was real. Of course I was in love with her. I've known that for a long time. But it struck me that in times like these she would turn to me and I would turn to her first. It was a natural thing as if there's never been anyone else. It felt so natural even though I didn't really know what to do. I needed her as much as she needed me. There would be bad days. But as long as we held onto each other, I'm sure we'll get by just fine.

Okay so to be honest this chapter didn't just right out fell into place and it still doesn't feel "right" yet but I've been sitting on this chapter for quite a while now so I thought what the hell...^^

I tried to show a darker side of Meredith in this chapter, one where she's not the happy one but a sad one.

BTW this is not the epilogue. Some people were thinking it because Autumn was the only season left. Just saying, not finished just yet.^^

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