Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Nope and it never will be.

A sharp pain in her neck resulted from sleeping upright caused Lisbon to wake with a start. She groaned as she worked her fingers into her neck massaging roughly. Lisbon sighed sadly as she recalled the events from the previous day: her "talk" with Jane and then his departure. She dropped her head on top the bed beside her chair and let her eyes fall closed.

"Hey," the voice of Cho rang through the vacant room. Her head immediately snapped up. She was just about to fall into fitful slumber when they interrupted, but she had to admit she appreciated the distraction.

"Hey," she responded, straightening her attire and nodding her approval for their entrance. Van Pelt, Cho and Rigsby all filed in. Rigsby carried a box of donuts whilst Cho took up residence on the edge of Jane's bed and Van Pelt leaned on the wall beside Lisbon. "Donut?" Rigsby offered and she smiled warmly before taking one. They all remained relatively still and Lisbon wasn't in the mood to put up a cheery façade for once. "So Boss, where's Jane?" Cho took it to himself to break the awkward silence that had engrossed the team. Lisbon attempted to look anywhere but at her team. Finally she settled to analyzing her hands. "He's um—I—He's— honestly I don't know where he is."

At the confused looks of her team she explained. "He woke up yesterday." At their surprised expressions of relief she sighed sadly. "Well where is he? Is everything alright?" Van Pelt urged her on. Lisbon nodded relieving the worries of her team, if just for a short period. "We uh started talking and he started interrogating me. I didn't know what to say so I initially settled for a vague explanation but it—I shouldn't have told him—but it just came out. Red John, the deaths of his wife and child and by accident I told him I was his wife. He got angry and left, said he needed to think." Lisbon let out a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding since she started her explanation. Nobody said anything at first, they were too busy processing the information their boss had just related to them.

"It's not your fault Boss, he had to find out sometime soon," Rigsby tried comforting her.

"Do you have any idea where he might've gone to?" Cho asked. She nodded slowly, "Yeah, I think he might be at his former house. He doesn't know that he had sold it a year back." She sniffled slightly. Cho jerked his head towards Rigsby. "Ok, we'll go see if we can find him." After Cho and Rigsby left in search of Jane, Van Pelt moved so she sat opposite Lisbon on the bed. "Hey," she said comfortingly, "he'll remember. The doctor says it's just temporary"

Lisbon smiled lightly, "Thanks Grace, but you don't know that—no one knows that—and Dr. Riddly said they hope it's temporary." She was getting angry now. It's what she did best, to cover up her vulnerability. "I'm sorry, I just—I'm pregnant. What if when my baby is born and he still doesn't remember? I can't do it alone Grace."

Grace laid a hand on her shoulder prompting her to look at her. "No matter what happens you'll never be alone. And I don't just mean me, Cho and Rigsby but Jane too. He's still the same Jane. He would never leave you and your baby alone, even if—even if—"

"I know! That's what I don't want. I don't want Jane at our sides because of his morals, and guilt. I couldn't bear if he stayed because he felt he had to meanwhile he's resenting me and my baby inside. I would never put my child up for that hurt."

Van Pelt sighed understandingly. She knew where Lisbon was coming from and she couldn't help but beam with pride internally at her boss's already motherly attitude. She would be a wonderful mother. If only Jane could share the joy with Lisbon that pregnancy brought, but then again no one could really blame him. He was rendered helpless under the current situation. "I know I'm sorry," Van Pelt offered. Lisbon rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. Her head was now throbbing and a headache only made things worst. "You need to get some sleep," concern for her boss lacing Grace's voice. Lisbon nodded and was about to respond when they were interrupted.

"Where is it?" Jane demanded standing in the doorway, his eyes flashing red. Cho and Rigsby could be seen behind him. Cho tried pulling him away by his arm but he brushed him off.

"Where is it Agent Lisbon," he repeated, his voice dripping with distaste. "Where is my home, where are MY stuff?!"

Lisbon was flashing angry. How dare him act as this was all her fault? She rose to her feet, "You sold it last year, your stuff's at my place." When she stood Jane suddenly felt guilty. It wasn't her fault, why was he taking his anger out on her? She was carrying his child, he had to remember that. He knew he would never abandon her, he just needed time. Maybe if he spent more time with her than actually arguing then he would regain bits and pieces of his memory. He didn't want to despise her and his child, but he couldn't help it if he didn't feel that unconditional love one feels for their family. His family. That's what she was now. She and the baby was all he had left and he wasn't going to screw it up. At least he would attempt not to.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and found himself staring at her. She nodded. Van Pelt sensed the awkward atmosphere and slyly slipped out, taking Cho and Rigsby with her.

They remained in that stance for a moment before Lisbon shifted uncomfortably under his excruciating gaze.

"Can you take me?" Jane broke the awkward moment. She nodded understanding what he meant. She walked forward and was passing him when he slipped his fingers between hers. It took Lisbon by surprise but she said nothing.

"Tell me. Tell me about Red John." They were now in Lisbon's vehicle driving to her place. The doctor had discharged Jane under strict conditions that he made frequent visits to a therapist and lots and lots of bed rest. He was also due for a checkup sometime at the end of the month. Jane had grumbled all throughout the ride up until now about how he didn't trust therapists and hated hospitals with stupid doctors. Lisbon had laughed much to his confusion. Some things just never change.

And now their first actual conversation since the ride home began and he was asking about Red John. Lisbon took a deep breath keeping her eyes firmly on the road both out of road safety concerns and also because she couldn't look at Jane. "You already know his history. Well after um the deaths of your wife and child you started helping out the CBI as our consultant. Of course, your main objective was to catch Red John." He had remained silent throughout, taking it in, so she continued, "And then one day, four days ago actually, we got a lead. It was a trap of course and I got caught in it. I was knocked unconscious but there was a fight and you fell."

"And Red John?"

"He, uh, he's dead. Rigsby shot him as he was trying to escape." She glanced at him through her peripheral vision. He nodded. Jane was pleased. Red John was dead, although he didn't get to murder him himself like was thinking he would do, he was still slightly relieved that the murderous bastard was gone. But that didn't change the fact that his family was dead. He looked over at her with her pretending not to notice, she was his family now, and now that Red John was gone he might be able to fully be there for her. Certainly his former self thought so, he'd married her. It puzzled him to no end, what was it about this woman that made him feel loved and like he belonged? Like there was something worth living for? He could only wish he'd regain his memory soon. She deserved that.

A/N: Not my cup of tea but it'll do. Don't forget to drop a review on your way out. Take care, xxx Cordy