I apologize for not writing anything for the past few days (at least I think it was a few days). Lately I've been somewhat of a scatterbrain, forgetting to do this and that, but yeah, here's chapter 6. It's short, but it's an important chapter, since it shows why Sina is who she is, to some degree. I'm open to criticism as always, and thank you to all who have read my story and reviewed.
Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan or any of it's characters except for my own such as Sina, Aki, etc.
Chapter 6
I no longer could fall asleep, not with these thoughts over-whelming my senses. Aki's question had triggered some memories, some which must be kept buried deep within my sub-conscious, but today they seemed like they weren't willing to be held down. Desperately, I refused to sleep, as I knew that these thoughts would travel to my dreams and haunt me.
For the past few hours I remained still and unmoving, on top of my mattress, I laid there. Trying to distract myself I tried and focus on my surroundings. There were about a dozen bunk beds in the girl's dorm. All which were filled with sleeping women, dreaming, and unaware of my presence. Their chests rose and fell as air entered their lungs and then carbon dioxide exited. Some would roll over and mumble to themselves, revealing small clues of what was going on inside their heads at the moment, but unfortunately I could no longer focus on their words. Staring up at the wooden ceiling spots begin to form and and in a split second the roof caved in and I was teleported to a small dark basement. I awaken on top of an old mattress, which was supposed to be my bed, and a large cracked mirror facing me. There were no stairs that lead to the door. It felt like I was trapped inside. Though the room was pitch black I could still make out the shapes of the items inside. Since the cubical like room was so small there was only a narrow pathway from the bed to the doorway, which was too high up for me to reach. As I sat on the bed with my hands hugging over my knees, I saw a faint reflection of myself through the mirror. Though it was somewhat distorted, I could clearly see a tiny ten year old version of myself sitting there.
My hair was a long, black mess that reached my bottom and then spilled over the gray sheets. Tear strains were visible on my cheeks and despite the constant dampness and coolness of the room, the salty tears felt icy cold against my skin. So much time had passed that I could no longer recall the reason of my tears or why I felt so sad. Though the burning lump in my throat hadn't disappeared, it didn't matter to me anymore. Aimlessly I stared up at the mirror and watched myself. I half expected for something to jump out and shatter the glass into a million pieces, while the other half, was simply bored of having only this mirror to entertain herself.
Soon I fell asleep, and was greeted by a dark silent dream, where all that existed was me and the mirror, but that too was interrupted by the sudden swinging of the basement door opening up. Light flushed in and the whole room became illuminated. My eyes began to sting at the sudden brightness, and I quickly wiped of the remaining tears. I straightened my gown and stood up with perfect composure. Looking up I saw my mother standing at the doorway, examining my condition and wondering what to do next. She held these cold eyes, that showed no interest in me, but soon that look in her eyes shifted and was replaced my a sparkle. She turned around and left. After a few minutes of standing there I thought she had just gone off on her own, leaving me there, like she frequently did, but no, she returned. In her thin, bony hands she held a ladder and placed it at the bottom floor of the basement. In a hurry I took hold of one of the ladder rungs and commenced my climbing.
Once I was above ground level and could once again feel the smooth warmth of the sun hit my pale skin, I felt happier. I took in all the details of the room I was now standing in. Every time I came out I tried and engrave the images before me, so I wouldn't feel like I was a stranger in someone else's house, but that didn't work. The room was actually two in one, a small kitchen that consisted of a stove, a sink and a table for two. The other half was merely a large recliner with the springs sticking out through the back. It was only a small portion of things, but it still filled up the room, and no matter how much I tried every time to memorize where everything was, I still felt like I was inside the house of a stranger's. Slowly I turned to look at mother who was now closing the basement door behind me. Quickly she turned and took hold of my arm and pulled me forward towards the sink. She grabbed a pale yellow looking rag from the table and washed it over with water, once it was throughly soaked she squeezed the excess of water out.
"Take off your clothes." I did as commanded and pulled my white night gown over my thin arms. Once I discarded myself of it, I allowed it to fall and falter towards the ground. With cold hands my mother grabbed onto my shoulders and gripped them tightly. "Stand still." Releasing one of my shoulders she took the yellow rag and wiped it across my face, cleaning off my tears in the process. "You shouldn't be crying, it causes your eyes to swell." I silently nodded and raised my hands to give her access to my arms and sides. After a few minutes of being throughly scrubbed my skin burned and had red marks printed on it.
She stood back, creating some distance between us and surveyed her handy work. Her eyes twinkled, and without further explanation she entered her bedroom. As she went inside, I stared at her back as her small, withering figure left my sight. Goosebumps began to form on my white, transparent skin, and I felt exposed just standing there. I begin to fidget and thought about whether or not I should reach down and retrieve my clothes from the ground, but resisted in doing so, if mother had wanted me to wear them she would of told me so.
….
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The silky fabric, was dyed in a vibrate rosy red and a deep mid-night blue. There were countless patterns and shapes engraved into it, and on each end of the sleeves there be a shiny golden button with the initials MK. A sash was carefully tied around my waist, and pulled back, giving the kimono more body and volume. Strands of hair fell off to the side and perfectly straight bangs were combed across my forehead. I looked so unnatural, I felt like someone else. Through the mirror I could see my mother's reflection, it held a pair of black eyes, a thin wide smile, and ashy looking hair. "You look so beautiful!" Her hands were gripping my shoulders again and she just gazed at the mirror, completely lost in her own little world. I stared back at her, but through the glass. I've never been able to understand my mother's obsession over dressing me up, never letting me out of the house, afraid of letting me play with any of the children. She would constantly be watching me, giving me expensive looking clothes even though we barely had money to spare. Father never said anything, he barely was home, but since he never questioned her neither did I.
"Your perfect, your amazing," she wrapped her arms around me, "Once you become older, you'll safe me right? You'll treat me like I've treated you. Give me many things, take me to a palace filled with roses." Her arms squeezed me tightly, her stare scared me. Through the mirror I could see this aloof gaze she had, this maddening glow in her eyes that caused her lips to slightly twitch. I didn't want to see it anymore. Trying to divert my eyes I tried and focus on the background behind her. There was a small dresser, and large bed. On top of that bed laid a porcelain doll with long black hair, navy blue eyes like mine, and a red and blue kimono with golden buttons on the sleeves that held the initials MK. "I love you Marry Kane, I love you so much." Marry Kane, the name of the doll my mother loved so much, the name she called me every time she would dress me up. To mother I was a doll, a possession, I know realized that. "You love back to right?" There was anxiety in her voice as I didn't respond. Her grip on my body tighten, and a deep frown line started to form on her tanned face.
"I do love you." I felt nothing. "I promise I'll save you." I wanted to leave. "I'll give you all the things you've wanted." I wanted her to disappear. I refocused my eyes on my mother's image again as her hands relaxed around me, she smiled, and started to cry. I looked at the doll once again and stared at her marvel eyes, so cold and empty, just like mine.
...
I awoke not in a startled or gasping state, but a in a calm, cool matter by simply allowing my eyes to flutter open. I rested my gaze onto the wooden ceiling and then rose from my mattress. I found myself alone in a wide cabin, where the other girl's beds were all neatly arranged and had folded blankets on top of them. They had left without me. Turning to the clock I watched as it ticked away. It was half pass nine, and I was late for the morning training session.