Hi
Ok, so I know it's been a while and for that I can only apologise. For those of you who know I was looking for a new job, and now those of you who didn't, one came up on the 4th of January and since then I have been busy busy busy. The jounrey is a lot longer than I used to do and the new timetable and rotas have been fun trying to work out, although now they want to change them so thats a bundle of laughs for me. Not. They also want to rebuild the core structure we're working under and though I'm to be included it's ended up being a lot more work than I thought I was signing up for. I guess it's a good thing I'm at least enjoying being there, even if I am exhasuted by the end of the week.
Anyway, as you can imagine I haven't really had much time to work on any of my stories and what I have done keeps getting interupted so ends up sounding bad. On top of that I've had problems uploading this chapter to document manager and so have come up with the idea of copying and pasting it onto an old file and am hoping to add it that way. Fingers crossed it works and the problem can be sorted out soon.
Thanks to everyone for being so patient and hopefully I won't keep you waiting so long for the next chapter. Enjoy.
It makes you think
After witnessing Cloud's small breakdown, and being there to share the burden of it, it was fair to say that Reno had several justified reasons to be worried about the cadet's mental health that afternoon. His own mind having quickly become a whirlwind of unsettled thoughts, feelings and valid concerns about the blonde who was, right now, heading towards his stamina training session with the other cadet's as if it was just another day. Except, it wasn't just another day and in no way was Cloud ready to deal with the demands which were about to be placed upon him, no matter what he'd said before running off towards the gym.
The morning had already turned out to be one of the hardest for the cadet this week and both were very much aware it, through neither had verbally admitted to such a thing. Not only was Cloud feeling Zack's absence greatly now, something which the red head had managed to see in those very expressive blue eyes, but on top of that the doctor's appointment had raised a lot of issues for the young blonde which really needed to be worked through properly and not pushed aside like they had been.
Oh yes, Reno knew about the need for these classes, understood that Cloud missing them would cause more trouble than it was worth, and accepted that there was nothing he could do to stop the cadet from going where his schedule demanded. But it tore him up inside to know that the emotions which had been shown now had time to be buried again, the remaining tears which had yet to fall finding time to hide, and the words which might have been shared given an opportunity to become silent once more. It was not something he wanted to happen now that they had seemed to find a place where they could be honest with each other, a place where Cloud seemed to trust him enough to start letting him in.
Yet, for all his fears about what the cadet might do, he was also counting his blessings that the blonde had not held back while they spoke. That as they had eaten a slightly hurried lunch Cloud had openly talked to him about some of the things which he'd discussed with the doctor. This wasn't to say that it had been an easy conversation, the soft voice the blonde spoke with wavering at times or clamming up completely at others when he couldn't go on, and the emotions which it had stirred within the young Turks' own body making it a little uncomfortable for him to hear. But overall it had been good for both of them, had giving Reno a chance to understand what was now going through Cloud's head, as well as some relief in knowing that the cadet trusted him with this knowledge. A sense of the bond which was forming between them having become stronger, as he mentally recapped what had been said and realised that the blonde was not the only one to have let his guard down a little while they had spoken.
"Well I'll be dammed." Reno muttered, as he passed through the main lobby doors of the ShinRa building and onto the streets outside. "Kid's got me talking just as much as I've got him doing." He grumbled good-naturedly, his lips curling up into a small smile even as he shook his head in mild disapproval of what had happened. "You know Tseng would kick my ass if he knew that a pair of teary baby blues got me to fess up to that much when normal torture techniques couldn't break me." He admitted to no-one in particular with amused annoyance, the concept of Cloud's 'wounded Chocobo' look as a new form of interrogation tactic making him chuckle slightly as he walked.
For another twenty minutes his thoughts continued to circle around how much similarity there was in their backgrounds, the fact that both of them had suffered while growing up clearly being the foundation for why both of them now found it so hard to trust others. They had both been raised as only children to a single parent, though the prejudice of this had not been beaten into Reno as much as it had Cloud, and both knew what it was like to be betrayed by those who had used the word friend falsely. Unlike the blonde however Reno had not been cursed to live in a small village in the middle of nowhere, the slums being his playground as a child and then his training ground as a teenager, and for that the red head would always be grateful. The dark and seedy places below the plate had taught him how to survive, had provided him with a place to belong, even if it was in an abstract way, and had given him a chance to find his purpose there amongst the dirt.
It had been Tseng who had found him that fateful day, or should he say caught him, as he tried to pick the man's pocket. It had been a stupid attempt really. After all, the 'guy in the dark suit' was rumoured to be a Turk. But still Reno had tried. There had been something about the dark haired stranger which called to him, an unspoken challenge that urged him to take the man's wallet because somehow fate knew that he would win in the end. And win he did, after Tseng had kicked his arse of course.
Even now Reno couldn't help but smirk as he remembered the first time he'd met the head Turk, although at the time Tseng wasn't actually their commander and chief yet, and how their first meeting had ended. He was also pretty sure he still had the bruises from the non-verbal part of their conversation as well, although, bizarrely, they were ones he still cherished in a twisted way for what they had led to. Needless to say the strange man must have seen something positive in Reno as well and instead of beating the living shit out of him, like so many others might have, had decided to give him a chance to change everything. A new life out of the darkness and up in the light, a place above and beyond the sewers of his home, and most importantly of all an opportunity to take all that he was and turn it into something with meaning. It had also led him to Zack, the brother he'd never had but always wanted, and for that the red head would always be grateful to Tseng. The man not only giving him a new life but also a new family as well, a place to belong when there had never really been one before, and most importantly of all a reason to want to live when there had nearly been none at all.
"I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere by now if it wasn't for you." Reno sighed sadly, as his melancholy thoughts drifted towards those of what might have happened if he hadn't taken such a big risk that day. "And I'm pretty sure no one would miss me." He whispered, almost fearfully, as images of all his current friends and colleges drifted through his mind. The people who now meant so much to him in this life that he couldn't imagine one without them, their very presence being the foundation which kept him standing strong whenever the world tried to break him down again.
The sound of barking laughter suddenly filled the air and made the red head flinch, his absentminded footsteps faltering slightly as he was shocked back to his present location. A frantic look around by highly trained senses quickly revealed that there was no threat, sharp observing sea-green eyes instantly finding the source of the sound and dismissing it as just friendly background civilian interaction. But the shock had been enough to make Reno understand the danger of letting his thoughts wander, a deep steadying breath being taken as he forced his battle ready form to relax and cursed quietly as he fought to bring his currently emotional state back under control again. After all, it wouldn't do to have such a skilled and experienced Turk get his arse handed to him because his attention was lost to the past. A past, which he'd left behind long ago.
Two minutes later and the pharmacy which he'd been heading towards came into view and the red head fished around inside his jacket pocket for Cloud's prescription, something which he'd offered to pick up for the cadet while he was in class so that they would have more time for training later. It had actually been quite amusing to watch the blonde's delicate features change as he went through a series of emotions at the offer. The display of surprise, uncertainty and relief had been expected, but the look of guilt and shame in those bright sapphire orbs had not. The brilliant pools of blue showing that while it would be appreciated if the red head could collect the prescription for him, Cloud was still unsure about how things stood between them as well as being embarrassed about needing the despised medication. There had also been mumblings about not wanting to cause Reno any trouble, or making him go out of his way to get them, but the young Turk had been quick to silence those nervously spoken protests. After all, he wasn't going out of his, even though it was technically a slight detour to his schedule, and with some reluctance the blonde had agreed and politely thanked Reno for his help while handing the slip of paper over.
It was only now, as he stood patiently in line waiting to be served, that Reno, being the curious person that he was, found his attention being drawn to the scribbled writing on the paper in his hands.
The familiar name of the medication was not a surprise to him in the slightest, because he'd already been told what it was once before by the blonde himself, but the lowered dosage next to it made him smile happily as he considered what it meant. For the doctor to have halved the strength of the medication it must have meant that Cloud was doing well, that whatever had been said or done behind that closed door had reassured the trained professional that the cadet was getting better. Or at least, he seemed to be.
Reno, however, knew that it took years to really get over the kind of shit Cloud had been through. And even then there would be wounds which would never heal, not properly anyway. Sure the blonde would get tough and find a way to change his life, slowly allowing people into his world once he knew they could be trusted, and in turn find a place where he knew he belonged. Hell, Reno thought, as he absentmindedly handed over the small slip of paper, if I can do it then he sure as hell can too.
Reno smiled at the brown haired girl on the till and felt a friendly, if not flirty, smirk form on his lips as a coy smile greeted him. The sight making it easier to pry his thoughts away from what had been, to what was, as the prescription was processed and passed to the back to be filled in.
"Can I help you with anything else?" The clearly flirting assistant asked, her polite query obviously being one they were trained to ask yet this time being spoken with a slight tone which clearly offered more than the store actually did.
"Nah, I'm good. But thanks for the offer." Reno replied warmly, not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings but also not wanting to lead her on either.
"Are you sure?" She continued, the lack of any other customers behind the red head meaning that she now had more time to give him her full attention. "We have lots of three for two offers at the moment. "She began, the subtlety of her hint being barley legal and making the young Turks' smile turn into a pleased and clearly amused grin. "So, if there's anything you might be looking for…" She trailed off, her voice all sweetness and innocence while her eyes held nothing but sinful promise if he chose to take her up on the offer.
Coughing slightly to clear his throat, and compose himself again, Reno took a moment to meet the young woman's gaze with a look which hopefully showed how tempted he was by the offer but that he wasn't interested right now before he spoke.
"I'm good, but thanks for the offer. I'll consider it next time I'm in the area."
"Of course." The brunette replied just as cheerfully, her light-hearted words sounding as fresh and wholesome as homemade apple pie when the meaning clearly wasn't. "But just remember it's a limited time offer, so don't leave it to long."
And with that the girl had moved away to see to another customer who had only just walked through the shop's door, her instant acknowledgement of the new arrival making Reno realise that his attention had slipped again.
"Great." The red head sighed, as he ambled away from the counter and took a seat in the waiting area. "First I get distracted by a cute blonde and then by a cheeky brunette. Tseng's gonna kill me if he finds out."
Just then his phone rang and the red head couldn't help but roll his eyes when the caller's ID appeared on the display, a softly muttered 'bloody typical' slipping past his lips just before he answered it.
"Yo, Boss, what's up?"
A long sigh could be heard coming down the connection and Reno couldn't help but smile to himself knowing that he still had the ability to make Tseng react in such a way.
"It amazes me that you are still unable to answer your phone in a professional manor." The head Turk replied calmly, although a hint of something resigned and, if either of them was honest, slightly amused could also be heard as he spoke.
"You know you wouldn't have me any other way." The red head countered playfully, one side of his mouth curling up into an amused smirk as a soft chuckle could be heard responding to his words.
"No, I dare say I wouldn't." Tseng agreed warmly, a short pause giving both time to pull themselves back into official mode for when he spoke again. "You haven't reported in regarding your assigned 'visit'. Would you care to explain why?" The authorative voice which commanded all Turks asked firmly, the serious tone letting Reno know that he'd better have a damn good reason for being late even if his old mentor still had an unspoken soft spot for him.
"Yea, it's good. I swear." The red head sighed, instantly weighing up how much he could reveal without damaging Cloud's trust in him.
"I sense a hesitation in you, but not dishonesty." Tseng began calmly, his statement still managing to sound like a question even as it continued to make observations rather than ask for details. "You are not normally one to ignore your duties without a good reason, so I assume you have one."
"I was with Cloud earlier and I'm just picking something up for him before heading down there." The young Turk admitted casually, knowing that the cadet's appointment time and any surveillance footage of them together during that hour window would support his statement if Tseng wanted to check it out.
"You are his temporary mentor, not his parent Reno." Was the slightly annoyed response he got, something which caught the red head off guard considering he had been expecting a different reaction. "You are not supposed to be babying him like Fair does."
"Yea, I am his mentor." The young Turk stated evenly, his own need to defend both his actions and Cloud, for some reason, making him take a stand against his boss. "And I'd be a shit one too if I let the kid suffer through that alone."
There was a very notable pause in their conversation and Reno could practically hear the gears turning in Tseng head as he tried to work out what had been said, Reno's attitude, and the relevance it had to the blonde's situation. A moment later a controlled, but clearly cautious voice came down the line again and the red head was silently relieved to hear a hint of concern in his old mentor's voice.
"Has something happened Reno?"
"Yes and no." The young Turk replied, a deep breath giving him the air he would need to spill everything he could to the head Turk before the next one gave Tseng a chance to interrupt. "He had an appointment with one of the doc's today to evaluate his progress and refill his prescription, I was with him the entire time, well, not with him, but outside just in case he needed me, which he did and …"
"Enough Reno, I understand." Tseng cut in before more flurried words could be thrown at him. "We both know I could easily check on something like that, so it would be foolish of you to make it up as an excuse." He admitted with a sigh, another question already forming on his lips before the red head had a chance to continue. "But why was I not informed of this beforehand?"
Neither of them had to say what he was really thinking, that surely Angeal wouldn't have forgotten to mention something as important as this before he left. But really the answer was obvious and once again Tseng was speaking before Reno had a chance to.
"Strife didn't tell them, did he?"
"Nope, kid wanted it kept quiet so they'd have less to worry about." The red head agreed, nodding to himself as he confirmed the others troubled thoughts.
"And how did the session go?"
Reno wasn't to proud to admit that for the second time in their short conversation he'd been caught by surprise, the genuine concern Tseng was now showing for Cloud being something he'd only ever seen when the man was inquiring about the wellbeing of his fellow Turks.
"It's not that I want to keep stuff from you boss, but he kind of talked to me in confidence and I don't want to ruin that. If you know what I mean." Reno replied wearily, his calm features having crumbled to a worried expression as he spoke. "I think it helped and the doctor lowered the dosage on his prescription so I'm guessing they think things are going ok."
"Where is he now?" Tseng asked calmly, the concerned tone having evened out to one of casual inquiry now that it was clear the blonde wasn't about to have another breakdown. Although personally Reno couldn't be to sure of this after the spiralling emotions he'd seen in the cadet at lunchtime.
"He should be in class with the others, stamina training in the gym." Redon stated confidently, knowing that whatever problems and emotional turmoil might be going on in Cloud's head the blonde wasn't about to skip class because of it. "He ate lunch with me while we talked and then I offered to pick up his new prescription while he was busy so that we'd have more time to focus on his personal training later."
"That was very kind of you." The head Turk noted with a hint of something pleased about this fact in his voice, the little warning bells going off in the young Turks head as he heard the next part be spoken softly. "It seems you are becoming quite efficient in your role as a mentor."
"It's only been two days boss." Reno protested quickly, his heart skipping a beat as he suddenly began to see between the lines and started to work out what he'd been set up for. "And last night I didn't even let him work through his planned session, so I can't be that good at it yo."
"On the contrary." Tseng replied, too smugly as far as the red head was concerned. "Your brief report says he had not eaten properly that day and as a result you decided that it was more important to deal with his malnourishment rather than attempt to maintain his physical exercise regime. Am I correct?"
"Well … yea …" Reno stammered, already trying to find a way out of the trap he knew he was falling into.
"And didn't you use the time to work on his academic studies instead, something which was beneficial without actually taxing his body."
"Yea…" The young Turk responded slowly, hoping to god that Tseng couldn't hear the cringe he was now displaying visually on his face for all the world to see. After all, they hadn't exactly been studying at Zack's place last night. At least, not with the type of schooling that Tseng would have approved of.
"Then you are already showing great potential as a mentor Reno, one I would be proud to see taking on a student of his own." The head Turk continued, no longer seeing the point of hiding his intentions now that the red head had obviously caught on to what was going on.
"Look Boss, Tseng, I know you mean well but …"
"Please Reno, give what you have right now a chance." Tseng began, a softness once again entering his voice that the young Turk was sure he'd not heard in the older man's voice for a long time now. "I know that I often point out how you conduct could be improved and Gaia forgive me for making another suffer by having you as a role model…" He sighed, knowing that the faint sound he'd heard down the phone was Reno trying not to chuckle out loud at such a comment. "…but the truth is you're one of the best at this job and those skills should be passed on to others."
"You saying I'm a good role model?" Reno had to ask, knowing that the head Turk's eyes were probably rolling into his hair line at this point.
"I'm saying that what you have to offer could benefit our newest members greatly and save their lives. For all the … roughness and … crudeness of your character, there is strength and skill in you which I could only hope for in the future generations of Turks who join us."
"Should be boss, you put it there." Reno replied tightly, an unexpected series of emotions welling up within him at his old mentor's sudden show of feelings towards him.
"No Reno," Tseng corrected lightly, a sad yet also accepting tone filling his words. "The world you grew up in put the strength there, I merely provided you with a way to fine tune it into something more."
The words were meant to make a point to Reno, supposed to convince him that he was more than what Tseng had done for him. But hearing them so close to Cloud's little breakdown, and his own personal reflections of the past, it was enough to choke the red head into silence. A lump he was not used to feeling rising up within him and making it almost impossible to speak again.
"I'm taking your silence as your way of saying you'll think about it." Tseng offered almost knowingly, his own voice being tight and carefully controlled now as he spoke.
"Sure." Reno rasped, not trusting himself to say anymore.
"You were a fine student Reno and though I have often been exasperated by your actions over the years I would not change that time for anything. I will not force this decision on you, but, it would … please me … if you gave this week a chance."
"Sure." Reno managed again, his mind reeling as he found himself unable to think past all the things which were suddenly flying around his head.
"Thank you." Tseng replied, those two simple words once again knocking the red head flat on his arse. At least they would have done, if not for the fact he was already sitting down. "I'll expect you to notify me when you've completed your assigned duty." The head Turk continued, the air of leadership which Reno was used to hearing been quickly put back into place and making him feel a bit more secure in himself again. "Have fun with Strife tonight." That calm voice suggested before it disappeared with a click. Tseng having ended the call in a way that had only been reserved for Reno when he'd been a student and his day had been one of the shitest possible, as he'd been on his way out the door to spend the night getting drunk with Zack.
Groaning softly, Reno flipped his phone shut and slipped it back into his jacket pocket, his sea-green eyes closing briefly as he rubbed his hands across his face and tried to clear his head. That conversation had been more than he really needed right now, the things it had brought up only adding to his already fogged up thoughts and feelings. Clearly Cloud was not the only one who needed counselling right now and the red head couldn't help but smirk at his own dry humorous thoughts as he let out a heavy sigh and sat back in the chair, his hands falling wearily down on his lap as they dropped away from his face.
"Here, your prescriptions ready." A gentle voice spoke up, the sound as well as the hesitant hand resting on his shoulder causing the young Turk's eyes to snap open and him to instinctively tense. "I think you might want to take one now, or maybe see your doctor about raising the dose a little." The young girl from behind the counter suggested, with a friendly if not obviously concerned smile, her words making Reno realise that she'd looked at the medication and knew what it was.
"Nah, I'm good." The young Turk replied with a soft chuckle, realising that her offer was probably off the table now, based on how she was looking at him, and that if he looked like he needed some of Cloud's pills then he must look pretty bad.
"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice clearly nervous about suggesting it and her eyes watching him in a way that said she thought he might flip out at any point.
"Just tired." He mumbled, more to himself than for her benefit, as he rose from the chair and accepted the paper bag containing the blonde's prescription. "Just tired." He repeated reassuringly, his thoughts already drifting to other people and places as he stepped through the shop doorway and back onto the busy streets outside.