Disclaimer: I do not own the Degrassi characters! Just Natalie.
A/N: So sorry for not updating for a couple of days-School is really kicking my butt. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Particularly, the last few who reviewed recently, you really inspired me to finish this up and get this up here...So thanks.
I know you guys have been waiting for this so without further ado, here's Chapter 11 (the longest chapter of this story yet!) Enjoy!
CHAPTER ELEVEN: GRAMS
Neither Eli nor Clare had arrived yet when I got to school the next morning because my mom dropped Drew and me off early for Drew's morning football practice. Degrassi looked like a ghost town on mornings like this, only the football players and other teams with early practices, were here this early.
I sat at Eli, Clare's and my usual bench near the front steps of the school and pulled out a Goon comic Eli had lent me last week, to pass the time until people started showing up.
I had been reading for about forty-five minutes, when a sudden ruckus tore threw the quiet morning air.
"Well, maybe I'll send you back to live with your good-for-nothing father and his skank!" Screamed a woman's voice, her words were slurred and abrupt.
"Mom, that's not fair," said another voice, calmly. This was one I recognized. I looked up from behind my comic book. It was Natalie, standing by the open door of a small, black car talking to the person driving it who's face I couldn't see from the angle I was sitting.
"Yeah, well life isn't fair," spat the disembodied voice.
"I'll see you later," said Natalie, slamming the car door. The car drove off, tires screeching violently.
Natalie turned her back on the car driving away, clutching some books to her chest. She stood there in the street for a minute, blinking a few times to, I assume, hold the tears that were starting to flood her eyes. She breathed deeply, regaining her composure but a single tear escaped. Natalie wiped it away angrily, scoffed to herself as if she was being stupid and walked on towards the school.
I felt like I'd just eavesdropped on a private moment and owed it to her to reveal myself.
"Natalie!" I called, making myself known.
"Adam," she said, suddenly looking embarrassed. I closed my comic and slung my backpack over my shoulder, getting up to join her by the steps.
We stood there in completely silence for a few seconds—It felt like we had the habit of doing this.
Finally, I said, "Are you okay?" I shifted my eyes towards the place where the argument had taken place, to clarify what I was referring to.
Most people would have just said 'Yeah, I'm fine,' and walk away or 'No, I'm miserable,' and break into tears—Natalie did neither of those things. Instead, she seemed to give the question considerable thought before answered.
"Everyone's got a sob story, Adam," She told me, as if what I had just witnessed was no big deal. "It's how we deal with it that sets us apart from each other".
With that, she walked up the stairs and made her way into the school. I stayed at the bottom of the steps, thinking about what Natalie had just said, it occurred to me how very true that was.
I sat back down on the bench, opening my comic book up once more but this time, I couldn't really focus.
^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^
People began to arrive about half an hour later. I kept my eyes peeled for my friends but they seemed to be running later than usual. Finally, I saw Eli walking towards me from the parking lot.
"Hey, dude, how's it hanging?" said Eli, slapping me on the back and jumping over the back of the bend, taking a seat next to me.
"Just finishing up your Goon comic," I told him.
"So I was thinking, I feel really bad about bailing on you in your hour of need, man," Eli told me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him, raising an eyebrow.
"Tonight, the thing with your Grandma," he said. "I know you're bummed about being excluded from the whole dinner thing…"
"Oh," It felt like I'd only just remembered. After that whole incident with Natalie this morning, the whole Grams thing seemed like a distant dream.
"Yeah," continued Eli. "So I was thinking maybe you could join Clare and me…We were just going to get something to eat". I was touched by the gesture, but I knew how much alone time with Clare meant to Eli—I didn't want to ruin it.
"It's cool, man," I assured him. "I don't want to third wheel-it. It's not fair on you and Clare. Besides, I already ordered Pay-Per-View this morning…"
"Adam," said Eli, grabbing me by the shoulder and looking me in the eyes seriously. "You know I'm a full supporter of alone-time fun with pay-per-view…But doing that for a whole evening is unhealthy". He grinned at me impishly. "Your hand is going to get very sore," he added with another evil grin "Trust me".
"Ew. Don't be gross, Eli" I laughed.
"Just speaking from experience, here," he said, "Anyway, wouldn't you much rather hang out with your friends?"
"Fine," I relented, smiling sheepishly. It would be really nice to just hang out with Eli and Clare again, like old times.
"There it is!" said Eli, throwing his hands up and smiling also.
"Where are we going to eat?" I asked.
"Tsk tsk, young grasshopper," said Eli, closing his eyes and doing his his best imitation of a sage voice. "It's not the where but the with whom, that is important".
"I thought we had already 'clarified' with whom," I said, "Pun completely intended". Eli laughed.
"Yes, it'll be you, me and Clare…but wouldn't it be rude not to invite our new friend along as well?"
"Na-Natalie?" I sputtered, getting caught off guard.
"Oh yes," said Eli slowly, giving me a knowing smile.
"She wouldn't be interested…" I began.
"Oh but I think she would," said Eli. "And guess who's going to ask her?"
"Clare?" I asked hopefully.
"Nope…You, Casanova," he told me.
I opened my mouth to argue but the bell rung loudly, drowning out my protest.
"Intellectual stimulation awaits!" declared Eli, standing up and extending one arm dramatically.
"Yeah, yeah..Lead the way, Einstein," I said, following him inside.
^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^
I spent the whole of English staring at the back of Natalie's red-haired head, trying to think of a way to ask her to join Clare, Eli and I afterschool.
Now I know what you're thinking, its just friends hanging out. But how wrong you are…If I come on too strong, she'll think I'm hitting on her and inviting her out on a double date. And I don't want to scare her off so soon…Awkward. Why is this stuff so hard?
The bell rang far too soon, and since I didn't have a strategy yet, I packed up my stuff as fast as I could and bolted out of the classroom.
Remedial gym was just as hard to focus on as English. In case it didn't already occur to you, ping-pong and thinking about how to ask someone to dinner, is a lethal combination. I kept hitting the ping-pong balls right into my partner's face and let's just say, he wasn't too happy about it.
Eventually, I asked the teacher for a hall pass and excused myself to the bathroom. I didn't really have to go but I thought it'd be wise to leave before I killed my partner, or my partner killed me…Either way.
I pulled the handicap—Sorry, I mean 'special needs'-washroom key that Simpson gave me out of my bag and made my way out the classroom. I decided that instead of wondering around and risk getting caught by a teacher, I might as well go and at least wash my hands since I'd been touching those padels (who knows where they've been) and I had nothing better to do.
So I went inside the washroom, taking my time to wash my hands so I didn't have to go back to the class too soon after I'd left. Once I finished, I looked in the mirror, fixing my bangs that poked out from under my beanie.
"Natalie…" I told my reflection. "I—". That sounded stupid already. I stopped abruptly. I backed up out of my reflection. Then I walked back in front of the mirror. Turning, I said,
"Natalie," to my reflection as though I'd just caught of her. "Eli, Clare and I were just go—" I stopped again…that wasn't any better, I thought.
I shifted my beanie, on my head so that it was tilted slightly. "Hey, Natalie," I said in my best imitation of a cool voice, giving my reflection 'the nod'. Yeah, right, I thought. I pulled my beanie off all the way and ruffled up my hair.
"'Sup, Natalie?" I told my reflection. "Look at you, all Machismo", Eli's voice rung in my head and I suddenly felt embarrassed. Abandoning the bathroom mirror, I made out of the bathroom, continuing to rehearse possible ways to talk to Natalie.
"Hi, Natalie," I tried. "Hey, Natalie," I was saying as I came through the door.
"Hey, Adam," came Natalie's voice behind me. I'm sure I jumped about eight feet in the air. With my hand on the back of my neck, I whirled around to see Natalie standing behind me, the girl's bathroom hall pass clutched in her hand. I saw her catch a glimpse of the handicap sign on the washroom door. "What were you doing in the handicap bathroom?" she asked me, puzzled.
"Special needs…" I squeaked nervously under my breath, completely cornered.
"What? I didn't catch that," Natalie told me, apparently thinking I answered her.
"I, uh…" I began. It's now or never!, a voice in my head was shouting at me. "I, uh…I asked if you wanted to grab some early dinner with Clare, Eli and me…tonight".
"Oh," said Natalie, looking pleased. "Absolutely, yeah". And just like that, the reason for my coming out of the handicap washroom suddenly didn't matter anymore than the names of the guys who dance behind Lady Gaga.
"Great," I said happily. I'd done it! And she didn't even seem repulsed. "Meet you in front after school?"
"Will do," said Natalie, smiling. "I'd better go," she added, holding up her hall pass.
"Yeah, me too," I said, shoving my beanie back on my head. I stepped to the right to go around her, just as she did the same to the left. The awkward 'trying to get around' dance ensued until I grabbed her by the shoulders and sort of spun us around, so we were both on the sides we wanted. Natalie laughed.
"See ya later," she said, turning and walking away. I turned also, smiling broadly, very pleased that she'd said yes.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^^^^
"So where are we going?" I asked Eli, afterschool. We were waiting on the front steps for Clare and Natalie.
"I thought we'd grab a little Chinese," he told me. "There's a place on Third Street that's supposed to be really cool". He flashed me one of his mischievous grins, which made me suspicious.
"Why, what's wrong with it?" I asked, my eyes narrowed warily. Knowing Eli, 'cool' was always something dark and creepy. He laughed when he saw the look on my face and gave me an innocent smile.
"Rumor has it, it's haunted," he finally admitted, grinning even more broadly.
"Of course it is," I said, laughing and rolling my eyes.
"You guys ready to go?" said Clare, appearing at my shoulder. Natalie was by her side.
"More than ever," said Eli. He got all googly-eyed whenever he saw Clare, this time being no different. He smiled at her crookedly and she gazed back at him smiling shyly. Oh, brother…
"You two give me the runs," I told them. Clare blushed deeply and everybody chuckled.
^^^^^^^^^^later^^^^^^^^^
The ride to the Third Street Chinese place was a short one. Clare rode with Eli in Morty and Natalie and I took her ancient, blue car. Natalie and I spent the whole ride over debating about the Dead Hand's best song again. Since I'd made her that mix, Natalie had relented and admitted that the early stuff was pretty good but she stuck by 'Take Me Home' being her favorite song.
"How can you like 'Take Me Home' over 'Kill Tony'?" I asked her incredulously, as she pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant and parked behind Morty.
"It's their best work—Listen to the bass line again. Then you'll get what I mean," she told me as we were getting out of the car.
"I play bass," I said. "And I still think 'Kill Tony' has the sickest bass line and drum beat ever written…And the lyrics? They don't get better than 'Kill Tony'".
"I see you two had fun on the way over," said Eli, laughing as he and Clare joined us in front of the restaurant.
"Adam's trying to convince me that 'Kill Tony' is a better song than 'Take Me Home'" Natalie explained, as our group made our way inside the restaurant.
I could see why it was rumored to be haunted, the minute we stepped foot in the place. It was dimly lit and the walls were covered with silk, a blood red color. All the doorways were covered with drapes of various colors and creepy cat faces looked out at us from every corner. This place gave me the creeps, I had to force myself to focus back on the conversation.
"But 'Kill Tony' is the best Dead Hand song," Eli was saying. "Why would anyone need convincing?" Natalie laughed, then opened her mouth to retaliate but was interrupted before she could.
"Table for four?" said a young lady with sleek black hair who had just appeared behind the hostesses table.
"Yes, please," said Clare, always the polite one.
"Five minutes," The lady said, disappearing behind a red curtain hanging in a doorway.
"You can't tell me 'Take Me Home' has a catchier riff than 'Kill Tony'…" I began again, when someone interrupted me.
"Gracie?" If I hadn't been facing the direction of the voice, I probably wouldn't even have thought someone was calling me. I didn't ever think of myself as 'Gracie' anymore. But the face that accompanied it was so familiar to me, that it was impossible to miss. "Gracie, is that you?"
"Grams?" I said, horrified.
"I thought you weren't coming, Gracie" she told me, just as my mother and Drew appeared by her side.
"I—I—I'm not…I…" I didn't know what to say, is what. I was so horrified, so paralyzed.
"Gracie?" Grams asked. I wished she'd stop saying my girl's name. My eyes darted towards Natalie, who was looked at me puzzled. Just then, the hostess with the sleek, black hair reappeared holding four menus.
"Table for four?" she called.
"Come on, Natalie," said Clare quickly, putting her hand on Natalie's shoulder and leading her away. "Let's go save the table". They followed the hostess behind some yellow curtains and were gone. Thank the lord for Clare Edwards, I thought.
"Gracie?" Grams said again, waiting for a response. "I barely recognized you, why are you dressed that way?"
"I—I—" I was still completely speechless.
"Elijah Goldsworthy, ma'am," said Eli, stepping forward. "I'm a friend of…err—Gracie's". He held his hand out to shake.
Grams shook Eli's hand but looked him up and down and looked as though she didn't really approve of the clothes he was wearing or the 'guyliner' on his face.
"It's very nice to meet you, ma'am," said Eli, being as polite as I've ever seen him. "Gracie's told me so much about you…You live in Windsor, she says. Heard the weather is great this time of year…" Eli babbled on expertly.
"Yes…" said Grams, still looking suspicious. My eyes flicked towards my mom's face—She stood there, equally paralyzed with fear.
"Wow, Gracie," said Drew, stepping forward at last. "It's so nice of you to drop by to see Grams even though you're on your way to…" he paused for a moment, then his face lit up. "…A costume party…You're on your way to a costume party with err—Elijah, here".
Grams' face. "Oh, how nice," she said, smiling.
"Wouldn't be caught in these clothes any other way," said Eli, chuckling lightly in a very un-Eli-ish way. "I look like a darn hooligan".
"Yep," I said finally, hoping I was selling it too. "That's…that's why I'm dressed like this" My voice involuntarily getting higher, Grams didn't seem to notice.
"So you've been to Windsor, Elijah?" Grams asked Eli, giving him one of her warm smiles. She seemed to warm up to him much more now that she thought he didn't always dress like this.
"Never been, ma'am, no," said 'Elijah'. "Always wanted to".
"You should come with Gracie and Andrew, next time they come visit," Grams suggested.
"I'd be honored, ma'am," said Eli, bowing slightly like he was talking to the queen or something.
"Well, we should go," said Drew. "Don't want you to miss your train, Grams".
"You're right," Grams agreed.
"Bye, Grams," I said, leaning in and giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"Bye, Gracie," she said, smiling. "It was very nice to meet you, Elijah," she added. "Lovely costumes, both you".
I let out a loud, nervous laugh.
"Thanks," I said but it came out hoarse—my throat probably dry from panic. "Bye, now!" I called, as they made their way outside. Through the open door, I saw my dad bringing the car around, catching sight of my mother's nervous face and shooting her a confused look. The door closed before I could see anything else.
I let out a huge sigh and felt faint—I'm surprised that's all…I honestly thought I might go into cardiac arrest.
"You okay, man?" Eli asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I nodded because I didn't think I had the strength to say anything just yet. "C'mon, let's go," he said, leading me through the yellow curtain with his hand on his shoulder.
When we passed the curtain, the smell of orange chicken and various other dishes wafted through the air, pulling me out of my shock long enough for me to thank Eli.
"Thanks, man," I croacked. "You really saved my butt out there".
"No problem, dude. You would've done the same for me," he said, "And besides, Drew was the real rockstar…Costume party, classic". I knew he was making light of the situation to make me feel better and I couldn't express how much I appreciated it.
"You know she probably thinks you're my boyfriend," I joked, trying to help change the mood. Eli chuckled, ruffling my beanie over my hair.
We found Clare and Natalie cramped in the very back of the dark room, near a door that kept opening every once in a while, hitting the back of Natalie's chair.
"Ah, the best table in the house," said Eli. "They obviously knew you were with me". I laughed, so did Natalie and Clare—Clare a little too much.
"Do you want me to take that seat?" I offered to Natalie.
"Not a chance, said Natalie, laughing. "I would never do that to you". I opened my mouth to tell her I didn't mind but she shot me a 'shut up and take a seat' look that made me close it up. As she did so, the door swung open and knocked her around a bit on her chair.
Dinner passed for the rest of the evening without consequence. I remained silent for a bit in the beginning, still getting over what had happened but by mid-meal, I was back to joking around and laughing along with everybody else.
But even then, I had the looming feeling that some damage was already done.
It was after the meal, when Natalie was driving me back to my house, when she asked me the question—The question I knew was coming. The question I was dreading.
"Why did your grandmother call you 'Gracie'?" she asked me. Her tone wasn't accusatory, it wasn't mean. It was just a casual question—A very 'just wondering' vibe accompanied it.
At that moment, I knew I had a choice. I could tell her my secret, admit to her that I was born in a girl's body, explain it to her and pray that she'd understand.
Or I could keep doing what I was doing—Making up excuses, hiding the truth, lying.
A more sensible, less selfish person, would've chosen the former. But I was just getting to know her, it wouldn't be fair to lose her just yet.
"Funny story," I said, laughing nervously. I thought hard for a moment before coming up with the best thing I could on such short notice. "It's a…It's a family nickname," I said, firmly.
"A family nickname?"
"Yep," I assured her. "When…When I was…young," I was really pulling this out of the air now. "I couldn't say the word 'grandson'…So whenever I was with my grandma, I'd say I was her 'Gracie'…And it just sort of…stuck". I shut my eyes tight, bracing myself as I finished my ridiculous story, knowing she would see right through it.
"Cool," was all she said.
"Really?" I asked, surprised.
"Yeah, why?" she said.
"I dunno," I told her, laughing nervously. "I thought you'd think it was stupid".
"I don't think it's stupid to be close to your family," she told me earnestly. "I think it's nice that you're all so close". One thing I picked up about Natalie is she never liked feeling sorry for herself or playing the victim but something in her voice seemed sad to me even though I could tell she was trying very hard to hide it.
A/N: What did you think? Hope y'all liked it. If you did, review! review! and review! Who knows, you might even get a little sneak peak...
and remember, if you want a sneak peak, don't review anonymously or with a name that doesn't have a link to a profile otherwise I can't PM you the preview...If you don't have an account, then send me your email or something, that way I can still send you a preview. I will send everyone who reviews a sneak peak of the next chapter...I did this time ('cept for the last few people who reviewed...I wrote you guys a chapter instead haha). So, yeah. My point is: Reviews = previews!
xx,
Holly :)