I'm still here and still writing. Just haven't worked out how to control time yet :o)
Hope you enjoy.
A lesson learnt
For most of the cadets the afternoon had been a normal day filled with boring routines and repetitive training, each one quickly carrying out the duties assigned and doing whatever was expected of them to get the job done. Of all the boys though there was one who had not been himself as he'd performed as was expect of him, one lone figure who'd only been half aware of the things he was doing as they were made to run, lift weights and completed whatever task was demanded of them in class.
For Cloud it had been an afternoon of hell as he'd struggled to function properly alongside the other cadet's, his head an emotional mess as everything which had been given a chance to come to the surface refused to go away and leave him in peace. The doctor's words had echoed within his skull just as loudly as the Sergeants orders while they completed laps on the track, the memories of Reno's supporting words at least giving some sense of comfort when the rising tide of feelings threatened to swallow him whole.
The blonde knew that the appointment had been necessary for him to move forward, but as they had completed endless sets with the weights he'd begun to wish he'd never gone. The lowered dosage of medication was a good thing but it had cost him his control over his own emotions, something which had left him vulnerable in front of the others and made him appear weak once more in their eyes. It was evident by the way they had looked at him that some had noticed the change, that their stares were more cruel and calculating as they had watched him, and a cold sense of dread had begun to form in Cloud's gut now that he knew he was no longer simply being ignored.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Eight O'clock that evening came round painfully for the blonde as he lay on his back with the world spinning around him, his only view for the moment being that of the ceiling as it blurred in and out of focus. Each ragged breath he drew in was another stabbing pain to his chest and the cadet was sure he had at least two cracked ribs on one side of his abused body. The taste of blood filled his mouth when his tongue snuck out to lick his parched lips, the shaky desperate breaths he was trying to draw in irritating his dry throat and emphasising his dehydrated state even more.
But Cloud ignored all of these things in favour of regaining his focus again, in pushing past the wobbly world as he struggled back to his feet. Muscles ached as they were made to function past their already strained state, bones and ligaments crying out in protest as they were forced into motion once more. The blonde grunted as he was forced to put weight on his bruised knee to stay upright, knowing it would need to be iced later if he wanted to be able to use it in class tomorrow, a throbbing sensation radiating down one arm reminding him that it wasn't the only place on his body that was going to need medical treatment later that night.
"You give up yet?" A cocky voice called out, the hint of amused pleasure making Cloud's blood boil even more in his veins.
"And why would I do that?" The cadet replied firmly, the determination to not surrender clear in his voice.
It would have sounded great too; if not for the slight slur where his newly split lip had started to swell.
For a few seconds the blonde looked at the man, who had just beaten the shit out of him, and tried to show that he was far from giving up. Yet even as he projected this image of endless strength his body decided that it had had enough and gave out on him, his legs having become like jelly so that he briefly stumbled on the spot before unceremoniously falling back down on the ground again.
Overly amused chuckling could be heard just beyond his peripheral vision and the blonde actually growled in defiance, the humiliation being something that hurt more than the physical pain he was currently feeling.
"Calm down Blondie." The overly confident voice spoke again, this time accompanied by the sound of feet casually making their way towards his sprawled out form. "You told me not to hold back you know." The other reminded him, an unspoken 'I told you so' also coming across in the words.
Cloud muttered something under his breath which the other couldn't hear, though he could probably make a good guess of what it was, and closed his eyes to shut the cocky Turk out. It was undeniable that he had told the red head to give it his all and not hold back, to really challenge him because he needed the release it would give, had wanted to spar just as forcefully as they had done before, but he hadn't expected Reno to actually wipe the floor with him this much.
What he'd wanted was a good, full out, body straining and sweat inducing session with hand to hand combat. Something to help him push past the fluctuating emotions which the doctors appointment had brought up and the afternoon classes had not allowed him to sort through, something that would allow him to really let go of it all and forget about the new fears he was feeling, something that would allow him to physically work the unwanted thoughts out of his system rather than having to think about them more.
Unfortunately, what the blonde hadn't counted on was just how far the young Turk would go.
Never in all his time training with Zack had the soldier actually made him bleed. Well, at least, not on purpose. And they had always stopped straight away if there was an injury so that the raven haired warrior could tend to his wounds and fuss, much to the cadet's frustration. Reno however was being as opposite to Zack's mentoring style as possible, his harsh lessons of 'real life' combat suiting Cloud and his needs just fine at first. That was until they had left him flat on his back and in pain.
A deep sigh filled the air just beside Cloud's head but still the blonde refused to open his eyes, partially because he wasn't ready to see the look on Reno's face but also because he was still trying to rein his anger in. He'd know that it would be a good battle between them based on their last sparing session together, had known it would be a challenge for his skills, but hadn't expected it to be quite like this. The incident involving the other cadets in the gym had made him overconfident almost to the point of being arrogant in his abilities, the swirling storm of emotions raging within his body fooling him into thinking he was indestructible as they were finally let free to be seen.
He cursed himself for thinking that just because he could beat a few grunts he'd be a match for a skilled and highly trained Turk, bit back the anger he was now feeling towards Reno for hurting him and turned it upon himself for being so stupid. The reality of his situation was not a pleasant one to acknowledge and the lesson he'd been taught had been literally beaten into him. Yet Cloud knew that in a twisted way he had needed to learn it. He might have been better than his peers, but he still had a long way to go before he was even equal to a soldier or a Turk. It also told him that Zack's encouraging mentoring technique was flawed, though it was supportive and beneficial, and that the soldier had been soft on him even when pushing him to his limits.
"What you thinking about?"
For a moment Cloud didn't answer and his lips remained sealed in a tight even line, though it was clear to Reno that the blonde was actually thinking about the question rather than simply ignoring him, the slight scrunching up of blonde eyebrows into a frown showing an obvious dislike for the thoughts which were currently being examined within the cadet's head. A moment later and a delicate, if not clearly bruised, jaw worked itself slightly and blood smeared lips parted to allow a soft irritated sigh to escape before words were released.
"I was just trying to work out if I should be thanking you or not." Cloud admitted, unable to stop himself from smiling crookedly as he spoke. A slight edge of something hard still evident in his tone, but the thunderous rage Reno had been dealing with as they had fought thankfully almost gone.
The red head couldn't help himself and laughed out loud in both relief and humour of the cadet's response, the mild joking reply meaning that they were still on speaking terms and the tone showing that the blonde's mood was on the way to improving somewhat. He was of course also thanking the stars that Cloud had finally got the message and given up, the sight of blood on his angelic features and the patches of mottled bruising along visible skin making Reno's stomach knot uncomfortably in regret for what he'd been pushed to do.
"You don't have to thank me." He pointed out still chuckling, his own weary form collapsing happily onto the mats as well. The tone he spoke with trying to keep things light between them. "You clearly needed to let off some steam and so I let you, but I'm not like Zack." He noted a little more seriously. "I won't let you vent on me freely. I don't take hits for no one and if you want to hurt me, or whoever you're imagining I am, then you have to work at it."
For a few seconds neither of them spoke, the sounds of their recovering breaths being the only thing to fill the air as each lay quietly with his own thoughts. For Reno is was focused more on making sure that everything between himself and the cadet was truly alright again, in hoping that because they were now laying side by side and still talking that all his efforts to befriend the blonde hadn't gone up in smoke. For Cloud it was more about focusing on his inner self, in absorbing what the red head had said and realising that he'd been a complete bastard towards his new friend as they had mock-fought. He inwardly cursed himself as he remembered taking out all his pent up aggression on Reno, on making every kick, punch and hit about hurting someone else to get past his own pain and troubles. Only now did he realise that Reno's past, or at least the bits he knew of it, meant that the red head was the last person he should be doing that too.
"I'm sorry." Cloud whispered, the guilt of his actions so evident in his words that the young Turk's head snapped round to look at him fully. "I had no right to take my anger out on you." He explained softly, his eyes remaining closed as he felt Reno's intense look being aimed at him.
"Out of the two of us I think you came off worse." The red head pointed out, his hand instinctively reaching up to touch the cadet's shoulder before he stopped himself. It wasn't that he didn't want to offer the blonde some form of physical comfort or reassurance, but more that he wasn't sure if Cloud was willing to accept any of it right now. Especially from him.
"I guess." The cadet agreed with a faint chuckle, the small show of amusement actually comforting Reno as much as it relieved him. "I think I also learnt a few more lessons." He noted thoughtfully, bright blue orbs finally appearing for the young Turk to see into as the blonde turned his head so that their eyes could meet.
"Really?" Reno asked casually, though his heart had picked up a little in its pace.
"Yeah." Cloud agreed, the word coming out more as an amused but tired sigh as he looked away and back up towards the ceiling again.
"Want to tell me what it was?"
Cloud smiled, sort of. His bruised and partially crimson coated lips curving upwards slightly and making the marbling of colours look even more painful then it probably was.
"Actually I learnt a couple of things." The cadet replied, the tone being confident in what he was saying and for some reason entertained by the knowledge.
"Like ..." Reno probed, because he needed to know what was now going through that head of blonde hair.
"First it's that I shouldn't take my friends for granted." Cloud stated simply, his sapphire spheres flicking towards the red head questioningly for a split second as he spoke. "That I shouldn't take my frustrations out on them."
Reno nodded happily in agreement to the first lesson, smiling at the cadet who had started to become much like a younger brother to him. He also didn't miss how those deep ocean coloured eyes glanced uncertainly at him again as the short silence began to stretch out between them.
"What else?" Reno asked, his soft look giving Cloud the silent reassurances he needed that they were indeed still friends.
"That I might be good at stuff, compared to the other cadet's, but that I still have a long way to go."
"It never pays to be overconfident." Reno agreed, satisfied that the blonde had learnt something else important about himself. "You need to be sure of yourself and your abilities, but never assume that the person you take on can't just as easily kick your arse."
"So, what should I do?"
It was a good question and thankfully Reno had a reasonably good answer. At least, he thought it was a good one.
"At the end of the day you need to be able to detach yourself from your emotions." He admitted with a sigh, the trait being something he knew Zack would not like him encouraging in Cloud. "You need to fight with you head, perhaps even more so than your heart, or you'll end up doing something foolish and getting hurt."
"Zack says that I should fight with my heart." Cloud offered hesitantly, the contradiction not being said in an argumentative way but more confused and in need of clarification.
"Soldier dreams are ..." The red head began, his words faltering slightly and causing intense blue to focus on him once more. "Zack, Angeal, Kunsel, hell all soldiers they ... well ... they have this soldier honour thing."
"Yea, he talks about it a lot." The cadet sighed, the sound being slightly sad as if it were something the blonde still considered to be truly out of his reach.
"Those guys will tell you all about pride and honour; they'll even go on about dreams until you want to bash your brains in. Believe me, I've been there." The young Turk huffed, glad that his mini speech had been interrupted by a quiet sound of amusement from beside him. "But you and I, well we've learnt to deal with stuff they can't even begin to imagine. Or have any hope of truly understanding."
This time when Reno risked a glance at Cloud he wasn't surprised to see the cadet looking away again, or that sapphire orbs had been hidden away. He knew that this talk was dragging up the very things Cloud had just been trying to get out of his head and understood that the emotions the cadet was currently experiencing were not for him to see right now.
"We can still have pride in our work, and honour, but our dreams might not be the same as theirs. You know that Zack wants to be a hero and that Angeal wants there to be peace. Those are things they live for, things their hearts beat for, and it's why they are always telling you about it. I'm not saying you won't have that in time, that once you become a soldier you can't have the same dreams as them, but for now you have to learn to fight with what you have."
"And what's that?" Cloud asked almost fearfully, the unmistakable tremble in his voice warning Reno to be as kind as possible with his honesty.
"You shut down when you fight." The red head began, his words pausing only momentarily as he drew a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. "You cut yourself off from anything and everything else around you and channel all your anger and rage into the battle. It's made you stronger, faster and sharper than most of your opponents so far, but you're acting on instinct alone and that's not always a good thing. What comes from inside of you is fuelled by something dark and slightly ... primal." Reno confessed, his breath now lodged in his throat as Cloud appeared to stiffen beside him. "If you don't learn to control it better then one day you're going to end up in a fight you won't win."
An uncomfortable silence settled around them and Reno forced himself not to speak again, waiting with baited breath for Cloud to either accept what had been said or get up and walk away from him. The seconds slowly passed until they became a minute, then two then three, until the blonde finally spoke. The tone being void of emotion as it asked a question the young Turk hadn't been expecting, one that had an answer which he'd already given to another, one which he'd already discussed with Zack.
"Are you worried I'll hurt him?"
"Shit." Reno swore softly, unable to keep his frustration completely silent as his mind raced to work out what would be the right thing to say.
Clearly however, that one simple word had been enough. Blue eyes appeared once more and this time their depths were filled with a storm that could be anything from mild weather to downright destructive, the darkening heavens swirling in a way that showed a tempest existed within the cadet and that it could easily be given life beyond the flesh covered walls of the blonde's body.
"I admit I was worried about it." The red head confessed, knowing for certain that Cloud would react badly if he lied. "But that was before I knew you properly, before I saw that you ... uuuummm … that you ..."
"It's ok, I get it." Cloud sighed unhappily, his supple body already moving stiffly off the mats they were lying on and rising to stand.
"Cloud." The young Turk called, quickly rising to his own feet and hurrying to catch up with the blonde who was now half way across the room from him. "Cloud man, give me a chance here." He pleaded as firmly as he could, while still keeping his voice gentle. "You want honesty between us but sometimes the truth hurts, ok?" I'm trying to give you what you asked for without hurting you more, do you understand?"
"I have bruise over half my body and I can still taste blood every time I swallow." The cadet growled, the swirling clouds within his eyes appearing to flash like lightening across the angered sky. "You didn't hold back then so don't do it now."
"Physical wounds can be healed, but the verbal ones can't. I ain't gonna let you walk out of here with both those kinda injuries."
"You know what, physical wounds can be healed." Cloud retorted angrily, although suddenly the red head had a feeling the restrained rage wasn't full aimed at him. "But both fucking scar in the end." The blonde snapped, his feet suddenly moving again and carrying him the last few feet to his bag where it lay against the wall.
"Damn it, Cloud." Reno all but shouted, his rising frustration at the situation making his normally controlled emotions break free. "I didn't know you then and Zack is like a brother to me. You expect me to have just accepted you that easily into his life, especially knowing what you did that day when he saved you."
The cadet froze as if someone had cast ice on him, his already tense posture becoming so rigid the young Turk was sure something within the blonde was about to snap.
"You ... you ... know about ... that?" Cloud somehow managed to ask, his voice breathless and filled with badly restrained rising panic.
"Yea, I know." Reno confirmed, his heart aching as pain-filled blue depths finally looked back round to meet his knowing sea-green eyes. "I also get why you did it, how you'd been pushed to your limit like that, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with it." He began to explain, that searching sapphire gaze holding his own so strongly now that it made him feel as if the blonde was searching his very soul as he spoke. "I've found out a lot about you in the last couple of days Cloud, things that I didn't know back then, and it's made me realise that you're stronger than a lot of people I know."
"I do what I have to, to survive." The cadet breathed sombrely, the anger having drained away but the tension still remaining within him.
"I know and believe me I respect that." The red head reassured soothingly, his own shoulders relaxing a little as the blonde's grip on his bag loosened so that the knuckles of his hands were no longer white. "But it's that survival instinct that's also starting to make you a little careless, the part which is starting to make you act before completely thinking about it." The young Turk started to say, his heart beating a faster rhythm within his chest as the words continued to spill uncontrolled from his lips. "I get why you've learnt to shut yourself off in this place, why you chose to bury all the emotional shit from what's been done to you deep down inside, and I can't fault you for that. Not when I've been there and done that myself. But I promise you that you can't learn to depend on it, can't let it be your safety net when you have to fight." Reno tried to explain, hoping, wishing and praying that what he said was really getting through to Cloud. "You can use those bottled up feelings to give you a push but they shouldn't control you, shouldn't take over so that you stop thinking and acting rationally. We've all seen what happened when you snapped in the gym that day, when you fought the other cadets using those darker parts of what's inside you and not your head."
A long pause gave the red head a chance to gather his thoughts again, a moment of silence to refocus his own words before they were let free once more.
"It's a dangerous thing to do Cloud, letting go like that. You might feel strong and act that little bit quicker, but it only works if the guy you're fighting isn't better than you. You can't lose focus when your life depends on it. Or, possibly, someone else's."
"So what are you saying?" Cloud asked softly, hesitantly, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer or not.
"I'm saying that you're right about today's lesson, that you need to be careful who you pick a fight with, but not in the way you meant it just now. You're better than the other cadet's and some of the 3rd class soldiers here, in some areas at least, but that doesn't make you invincible." Reno stated simply, his own emotional rollercoaster of the day having reached its finally stop and leaving him bone weary. "You started off well and then somewhere along the line started to draw on those darker instincts, started to see me as someone to take your frustration and hurt out on for the feelings brought up within you today." The red head managed before sighing heavily, the blonde's closed off expression not quite able to hide the shame and guilt he was clearly feeling now. "It was also a mistake to think I'd let you score hits on me like Zack does, just so you'd feel better."
Blue eyes opened wide in shock at the blatantly spoken statement and a head of blonde haired wiped round to meet the red heads firm expression, the truth being a sting in Cloud's pride and bruising it just as the young Turk had warned it would do.
"Zack doesn't ... he wouldn't ... I mean ..." The cadet mumbled in a steadily weakening protest, the reality of the facts and Reno's open honest expression making it hard for Cloud to argue what had been said with any strength.
But in his mind the blonde also knew that what had been said was true, that Zack's time with him had been used for more than just training and meant that the soldier had probably been handling him with kid gloves from the start. There had never been a time when Cloud had been pushed too far in their sessions together, the lessons always going where they needed to for the blonde to learn and become quicker, stronger, and more skilled. The mock battles and friendly spars had always been uneven, Zack was a soldier after all, and both had silently understood that Zack always held back his true capabilities when they trained. But now the blonde understood that there had been more to it, that the soldier's care and attention had only partially been to help him achieve his dream of being a soldier, that he'd also been doing it to protect both Cloud's body and his already damaged self-confidence.
In truth Zack had been carefully protecting the cadet from the harshness of the world around him the whole time, had been teaching the blonde what he needed to know to survive while also working to make them friends so that Cloud would confide in him once they were more comfortable together. It was also the reason why the cadet had never really been truly hurt by the soldier, not in the way Reno had been doing in the last two hours.
"Zack let me gain the advantage at times to boost my confidence. Didn't he?"
"I guess."
"And he was careful when we fought so that I wouldn't be hurt more?"
"You'd have to ask him about that but yea, I'm pretty sure he did."
"But, back then, I never told him about what was going on. I never spoke about what I was ... dealing with."
"You didn't need to." Reno sighed, the sound coming out just as a heavy heart-felt sympathetic noise. "He just knew you were in need of help and wanted to do what he could, wanted to be there for you in any way that he could."
"I feel like a fool." Cloud whispered sadly, the softly spoken confession barely audible in the very silent room.
"Today's been rough on you, on both of us in a way, and I don't think this is helping." Reno huffed with a mixture of frustration and obvious tiredness of the conversation. After all, it was dragging things up from his own past as well. "Look let's just call it a night here and go get you fixed up." He offered as way of a peace treaty, the end of the discussion sounding like a very good idea to Cloud as it was spoken. "I know where we can get hold of some healing materia that'll fix you up no problem and then we can grab a bite to eat before you hit the sack."
"I thought that cadet's weren't allowed access to that sort of thing." Cloud pointed out, the question being more of a statement even as the uncertainty in asking came across in his voice.
"Normally yea." Reno agreed casually, the change in topic helping him to relax a little more as he slid his suit jacket back on over his shoulders. "Technically it's only reserved for spoiled higher-ups or soldiers when they get seriously hurt."
"Then I don't need it." The blonde stated firmly, that colder look of stubborn pride burning brightly in his eyes once more as they began to make their way out of the training room side by side. "If they didn't use it fully on me while I was recovering after ... after what I did, then these minor injuries don't need it."
Reno couldn't help it, he just had to laugh. The sound coming out in choked snorted sounds as he tried to keep walking beside the clearly pissed off cadet as they excited the main building.
"What's so funny?" The blonde demanded, that barely calmed anger already raising its ugly head again at the young Turk's unacceptable and extremely insulting behaviour.
"The cures not for your benefit Blondie, it's for mine." Reno stated with amusement, his admission making those fiery blue gems flicker in confusion and open a little wider in surprise. "If Zack, Angeal, or hell even Tseng sees you looking like that I'm a dead man." He explained with a smooth masculine chuckle, the sound filling the night air around then with a lighter touch to ease the remaining tension.
"You ... confuse me." Cloud managed evenly, the bewilderment he was feeling now very clear to see on his angelic if not painfully bruised features.
"I've learnt to do what I need to, to survive." Reno replied calmly, the words being almost a repetition of the blonde's from only a short time ago and making Cloud realise that he still had a lot to learn about the people that were slowly becoming a part of his life.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
A short time later and Cloud was back in the soldier's apartment, his stomach full from the quick dinner he and Reno had grabbed before the red head had left for the night. Now the blonde stood alone in the bathroom and striped out of his dirty sweaty uniform and threw it into the washing basket, not caring that only half of it went inside while the rest landed on the floor beside it. A closer inspection of his body in front of the mirror revealed the few bruises he'd chosen to keep as a reminder of the young Turk's lesson, the marbling of red and purple on his upper arm, left hip and right thigh being the only remaining evidence that he'd been taught something painful that day.
Cloud knew that Reno had felt a little bit of guilt over what he'd done, had seen it in the Turk's eyes as they inspected the damage and then healed it for him. But at no point had the red head apologised for his actions and Cloud had been grateful for that, his own softly spoke request to keep a few of the wounds being reluctantly accepted once the cadet had explained that he wanted ... no ... that he needed to feel that pain for a little longer so that he wouldn't forget so easily. Any visible injuries, such as his split lip and bruised jaw, had been treated. The slightly cracked ribs had also been non-debatable as Reno would not have him disadvantaged by it during his classes. The same also counted for his pulled shoulder and twisted knee.
In the end there wasn't much to show for what had been done to him that wouldn't have been gained from a very vigorous session in training, or perhaps another beating from the cadets who had tortured him in the past. But for Cloud the image of himself in this state was enough, the ache he felt as each piece of his damaged body throbbed in protest to movement as a reminder of what had been said. He had taken Reno for granted, just as he'd taken Zack for granted as well. He'd used his negative emotions to fuel his actions and become worse in his technique because of it. His attacks and blocks had indeed become more unfocused as his emotions turned to rage and frustration, so that in the end he was simply lashing out without full consideration for what he was doing.
In the end the red head was right; the moves would have worked with other grunts and inexperienced fighters but not with someone who was highly trained. It reminded him that hitting Sephiroth had been blind luck pure and simple, that had he really fought the man he would have been dead before even blinking or drawing breath.
"Got to get focused." He ordered himself sternly, the refection nodding back at him in silent agreement. "Got to start using what's in your head." He informed the cold reflection firmly, deep piercing blue eyes looking back into his soul as he spoke.
For a moment the blonde simply stared at the image in front of him, unable to truly recognise the person who stood before him. Blonde hair was visible on the man he looked at, the easily distinguishable gravity defying spikes being something very few others could achieve. Paler than normal, but still slightly healthier looking skin covered the lithe form that was presented. The various scrapes, cuts and bruises adding colour and texture to that supple body in ways that showed it had experienced much in its short life time. But what really stole Cloud's breath was his eyes, the cold sapphire orbs being somehow hollow yet filled with something at the same time as they started back at him.
A cold deeper than any Nibelheim winter began to form within the blonde's chest as he felt himself being pulled into those dark ocean coloured depths, his breath slowing to almost nothing as he began to suffocate in the arctic fires which burned there.
"What have you let yourself become?" He asked the man before him, the whispered words holding what could only be described as a fearful sound to them.
The other Cloud did not respond of course, the question disappearing into the air and fading away into nothing. But something within those cobalt spheres flickered and Cloud found himself startled out of his trance like state, the unnerving feeling of no longer knowing himself chilling the blonde to his very core.
After that Cloud showered quickly, the heat setting of the water being a lot higher than normal as the cadet tried to get rid of a cold that seemed to have gone bone deep. He didn't look at the mirror again as he dried himself and brushed his teeth at the sink, the uncomfortable sensation of once again feeling what had already been felt making something within his body tighten into painful knots. It wasn't that he was afraid of change; he'd know it would happen and was needed as he grew up. But ... now ... when he had finally stopped to think about it, he was scared to admit that he was having trouble recognising himself.
No longer was he just the beaten and trodden down boy that had grown up in a place where he was hated, the cadet who had to fight to simply get through the day. He understood that life had not been fair and it had made him resort to drastic measures. But somewhere along the way, as he'd toughened up and become stronger, he'd lost a part of himself as well. That day in the lockers had been a drastic moment of weakness, his final point of breaking beyond repair, and when he'd been saved and rebuilt the pieces had been put back in the wrong place. He wasn't who he'd been before and part of him was glad of that, but now he was something else ... someone else ... and that frightened him.
He'd been strong and determined to make it, willing to make sacrifices and take the beatings from his peers without complaint to get into soldier. The shadows had been his escape back then to find peace amongst the chaos, not because he needed them but because he wanted them in his life. What Cloud had finally seen for himself in that flickering blue flame within his eyes however, were the shadows that had often been his sanctuary. The dark unlit depths no longer just his place of comfort but somehow now truly a part of him in their bleakness.
Cloud shivered as he curled up alone in their bed, the cold sheets offering very little warmth and protection from his own racing thoughts and inner turmoil's. His life was different now; he had Zack and was finally loved for who he was, in a way. He also had people who looked out for him and cared for him, people who wanted to call him friend and support him in any way they could. Yet the cadet couldn't shake the feeling that he was now damaged in a way that could not be fixed, that because of his actions he was forever broken on the inside.
Images of a shattered glass came to Cloud's exhausted mind as he began to slip into a restless and fitful sleep, the pieces having been stuck back together in a way that looked forced and left holes in its previously smooth surface. He couldn't' help but see himself as that crystal like cup as it continued to allow the contents to slowly escape, the crimson coloured liquid being like the blood in his veins and containing the essence of who he was. The gradually lowering level allowing for a dark empty nothingness to replace what had been lost as it all began to spill away.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Far away, curled up on his temporary bed, a soldier found his dreams twisting into something unsettling. His dark raven coloured eyebrows scrunched up in displeasure as the things he saw began to disturb his peaceful sleep, the ache of another's pain and confusion somehow managing to touch his soul so that it also began to hurt. Violet eyes snapped open as Cloud's named escaped into the small single room and the occupant was startled to hear the word echo softly off the walls around him, the choked sound of it making Zack's breath hitch and his heart lurch in his chest as a bad feeling tore through him.
Without even thinking twice the soldier leapt from his bed and scrambled to find his phone, his fingers already dialling a number he knew by heart before he'd even registered what he was doing.
"Damn it Fair. Do you even know what time it is?" A rough voice growled down the phone, the familiar sound being only a small comfort to Zack's frayed nerves.
"Reno, thank Gaia." The soldier gasped, his emotions unsettled to the point where he knew that his eyes were probably glowing mako green in the dark.
"What's wrong?" The red head asked instantly, all evidence of recent slumber gone from his voice as he took in the soldier's distressed state which was audible even across the air waves.
"I ... I was sleeping and ... I mean is Spiky ... is Cloud ... ok?"
The young Turk was silent for a moment as he processed what Zack was saying, his already overly strained mind taking a little bit longer to work out what the soldier was really trying to ask.
"You had a bad dream about Cloud?" Reno questioned cautiously, his lack of teasing about it in fact making Zack feel more on edge than if the red head had simply laughed at him.
"Shit Reno, it was ... it was more than that."
"I can tell."
Again there was a few seconds where neither of them spoke, as the soldier tried to figure out what had caused him to panic like this and the Turk tried to work out how to explain everything that had happened so far. In the end the red head opted for the safest option ... the truth.
"You'd better sit down?" He advised, now sounding physically and emotionally drained.
"I'm sitting." The soldier replied uneasily, the unspoken questions already coming through loud and clear to the red head who rubbed his eyes wearily and began to talk.