Chapter 3

Evolution of (Wo)Man

In a fairy tale world, the strong arms I would have fallen into would have been a handsome, intelligent, avid book reader male who was going to sweep me off my feet and away from this hellhole called my life. But as my life was complete shit – I landed in my father's arms.

It was still surprising that he had reached out to me, though.

The last time my father reached out to hug me was when GamGam, his mother, made us take family portraits. Even at her funeral, it had been me hugging him. I mean, it's not that he was an asshole to me or anything. I know there are possibly thousands of kids out there with really horrible fathers.

Embry never beat me or molested me. He worked a full time job, only drank when we bar-b-qued, and tried to give me Christmas presents. Birthdays were, for obvious reasons, very much off-limits in the house. Fletcher would usually get me a card signed from him and Embry – your father it usually said – but I knew he hadn't actually thought about getting me a birthday card.

December 16th was reserved for reflections of my mother. Maria Hernandez had been a beauty, a Mexican firecracker. When my father met her it had been love at first sight – or imprinting as I knew now – and she had fit right into his life. It was like she was perfectly made to slip right into his life, if only to slip right out and make his world implode in the process.

I was deathly afraid of this imprinting crap, I had gleaned from poking around the pack's mind. The idea that everything I was and what was important to me would take a backburner for this male that would suddenly become the reason for my existence made me want to vomit.

The way I saw it – watching the pack's memories was like my own personal reservation soap opera – if your imprint needed a listener you suddenly found yourself wanting to speak less. If your imprint needed someone who was funny or attentive then you changed gradually. Forget the biological imperative bullshit the elders fed us, about meeting the perfect person who would be most suitable to pass along the wolf gene.

What about free will and honesty? I saw a memory of Quill Atera playing Barbie dolls when Claire was only six for Christ's sake! Claire and Quill played with more grownup things, now-a-days let me tell you. I never in my life want to see that memory again! But these proverbial hoops we force ourselves to jump through are completely ridiculous.

Granted, the guys seemed to be happier for it when their imprinted finally let them in, but what hoop would I have to go through for my imprint to want me?

With that terrifying thought I decided to get out of bed before I stumbled onto more dark theories that only made me want to hurl the first person who pissed me off from the nearest cliff. My new spider senses tingled – yeah, I was a total comic book geek too – and I followed the wonderful, if rare, smell of a breakfast not cooked by me.

Embry stood facing the kitchen doorway, with his usual cup of coffee in his hand. He took it black, no milk or sugar. I had tried drinking it like that one time and had reasoned he must have lost his taste buds, as well as his heart.

"How are you doing?" Yeah, now he was interested in learning how I was doing. I could blame it on fatigue – what I was about to say – but truthfully? I had wanted to say something for years.

"Well, let's see. Last night I turned into a giant fucking Pomeranian, learned my father can now control me whenever he wants, that there are vampires in this world, and that I am now chained to this reservation for the rest of my miserable life!" Ok…I never proclaimed to not be a drama queen.

"Corinne, watch your language." His hard face made my hand start to tremble.

"That's all you have to say to me? How about, Sorry Corinne for lying to you?" I had to turn my face away from his – I didn't want him to see my hurt.

"I don't know what's worse, Dad. That you kept this from me or that you act like you could give two shits for how much it hurt me last night." Christ, I was fucking pathetic. Here was my chance to tell my father everything I thought and to shove it where the sun didn't shine, and my voice was breaking.

My new spider sense could hear his heart beat speed up before slowing down. His hand, always so very warm, now felt normal when it touched my shoulder tentatively.

"I know…I may not be there for you enough. And I can't promise that I can change, but I do care what happens to you Corinne. If you think I'm not very concerned right now it's only because I know what it's like to change, after a few days your body gets used to it and…" OH MY FUCKING GOD.

"You're kidding me right?" I felt hysterical laughter bubbling up. I've always had inappropriate laughter, always at the worst possible moments. It used to piss my high school teachers off.

"I wasn't talking about how much it hurt when I changed!" Though it did hurt like a son of a bitch.

"I was talking about what you think of me…how you see me. Do you even love me, Dad?" The silence was answer enough.

Oh god. Why didn't I just keep my fucking mouth shut? What kind of person doesn't love their child? What kind of person wasn't loved by their parents?

My word vomit was going to have to stop, before I did actually vomit everywhere in this stupid little kitchen. I hated this fucking kitchen. It gave the impression that it was all fun and laughter, that when we sat at the table that was between me and him, we were a normal family. But we weren't a normal family. And I wasn't a normal girl.

Suddenly, I knew I had made a mistake. Before, I could always just tell myself he loved me, but didn't know how to deal with a daughter. Now, I knew the truth. The one person in the world that was supposed to love me actually didn't.

And now he was just standing there, looking at me with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Look…I'm sorry for bringing this up. Just forget about it." Damn. I always had to apologize. I wasn't really sorry about bringing it up, only for the revelations it had caused.

Refusing to cry in front of him, I knew I was going to have to get out of the house. I didn't want him to hear me cry and it wasn't going to be pretty.

His voice stopped me before I was even off the porch.

"Corinne!" What did he want to say at this point? If he lied I would know the next time we shifted…Ugh, which was tonight.

"I'm sorry. It's just…hard for me. The day she died…and then you were there…and you're always here…I can't look at you and not remember." He wasn't making much sense, but I understood perfectly.

"Dad…I know how hard it is for you. Especially now, knowing what an imprint does to you, how they're supposed to be your whole world. But…can you ever learn to love me?"

You've never felt like shit until you ask for someone to try and love you. It was beyond humiliating. It was like stripping yourself bare, in front of a crowd of people. But being rejected when you ask someone to love you…it isn't humiliating. It's degrading. It's agony.

I waited for his answer. And after a few minutes I knew that I had to leave before I either broke down and cried…or tried to kill him.

I've never been a runner, obviously. But I'd have to say today nothing would stop me. After practically begging Embry to care about me, I didn't have the stomach to hang around anymore. I've never really considered myself the type of person to run off crying, but being in this house wasn't an option for me. I was 18 and unlike Fletcher, I had never planned to live at home for the rest of my life anyway.

The change into the wolf came naturally, Thank God. I don't know what I would have done if I had stood there shaking and sweating like an idiot, instead of changing.

On the outer fringes of my mind I could feel the pack reviewing what had been said and more importantly: what hadn't been said.

"Corinne…stop being a baby." I was going to rip Colin's fucking fur out.

"The man does care for you. What do you want? A fucking hug?" Paul seriously fucking got on my nerves. That little…

"Do you want me to meet up with you?"

I had known Seth Clearwater my entire life. He and my dad were almost brothers, and Seth had always been nice to me. So when I saw how concerned he was for me and Embry, I didn't feel the need to shout mental curses in his direction.

"I just need to get away for awhile…by myself." My firm refusal wasn't questioned and he immediately began making his way to my – Embry's house. I could 'see' how he immediately altered his course to head to my house. He was worried for my father. I felt guilt and decided to change back, even though I hadn't even left the reservation yet. I couldn't understand how the other members of the pack didn't go insane from sharing a collective mind link.

As I was changing back I saw the image of my father sitting in his recliner, looking shell shocked. Seth stepped up to the porch and shifted as I did. What right did he have to be hurt and upset? I should have just kept fucking quiet.

Have I mentioned I hate my life?

A/N Sorry for the long time between updates..I'm currently working on two other stories so I'm trying to be fair and divide my time equally. Leave reviews please. I've had over 200 views – but 5 reviews.