Frodo the dweeb and Gandalf (who secretly smokes pot) heard a sudden rustling from outside Bilbo's fabulous garage window. Gandalf saw this fatty and picked him up with his whimsical walking stick.
"What are thou hath doing a**hole?" Gandalf asked impatiently. He was very, very frustrated with this plump man.
"Hi stoner!" Sam the plump figure replied with glee. "How is the smokin' going?"
Gandalf cursed under his manly breath. "How did you know?"
There was no answer. Frodo interrupted.
"Hey douchebags! Bilbo is gone, f***!"
Gandalf said, "It's all good. Bilbo is off to his magical dreamland of Smaug, his ex-lover. Hey look at that envelope! I wonder what's inside that mysterious envelope. Frodo, look inside that mysterious envelope."
Frodo picked up the envelope and licked it with envy. He was frisky. The envelope opened by itself somehow.
"OOOOOOHHHH LOOK IT'S A RING, GANDALF! LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS RING, GANDALF! GANDALF! GGGGAAAAANNNNNDDDDDAAAALLLLLFFFFF!"
Frodo had to take a sh**. Commercial break!
…
We're back now. Frodo was very influenced by the ring-pop. It peer-pressured him into drugs. Jk, it was just Gandalf.
"Be careful, ya wimp, it could be of utter danger, Frodo!" Gandalf cried out in worry.
"But Gandalf, it's soooooooo pretty," Frodo replied. Gandalf slapped him in the face.
"Get your sh** together, Frodo. This ain't no dolphin flippin' joke!" Gandalf talked.
Sam was just awkwardly on the side-lines watching them with a derp face.
"Sam Gamgee!" Gandalf said loudly. "Throw this ring-pop in the fire of fire-ness."
Sam threw the ring-pop. There was cryptic words on the ring-pop. It scared them. They pooped their panties.
"What is this bs?" Gandalf asked.
Frodo answered, "Your mom."
"Wait a second, this is the ring-pop of Sauron! He has a big eyeball that watches over the world for some reason. Sauron is evil, Frodo. Don't mess with him. But yolo, am I right?"
Sam and Frodo were flabbergasted. They looked at Gandalf with disapproval.
"I don't wanna die?"
"So what? Frodo, you need to take this ring-pop to Walmart, the lowest of the low. It is dangerous, and Sauron's eye lives there."
Frodo and Sam didn't want to do it, but Gandalf peer-pressured them to do it.